The memorial page reminded me that I could nearly had landed myself on that page so I decided to write about what happened. Back in march I became very ill and I landed myself in the hospital,  Zombiecat covered it at the time in a few journals such as here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11099020
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11100604
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11103566
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11112129

I figure I try to write up this shortly what happened since things been quiet since.

In late evening, March 22nd I felt bloated, as I had stomach problems for over at least a year, and I had intermittent issues for a few years (perhaps as early as December 2021). While playing Space Station 13 I adjusted myself sitting down, when I heard a loud pop followed by pain. Turns out that I burst my bowels that been stressed over time (popping IRL basically), but I did not realize this yet and in the pain and confusion I first called my parents, then called 1177, which called in turn 112 (the emergency number in EU). A few hours had passed so it was the early morning, ambulance personal came and I could barely walk, I was stuck to a recliner due to the heavy pain. I remember the travel to the hospital, and the relief I felt when I recognized a landmark that is near said hospital as I knew it would be soon over.

When I came to ER, they took x-rays, told me they suspected cancer, I gave them contact information to my parents, and the last thing I remember before my consciousness disappeared for a week was that I was in a surgery room, just hoping for when I finally pass out as the pain was constant.

My time in ICU was mostly confusing, as I hallucinated heavily from the drugs, I had at least three? dreams about being dead, I thought I was stuck in a VR world for a bit, or that they let a red panda into the ICU room. I meant to write down my dreams during this time, and I might sometime but there is a lot and I still remember a lot of it really well so I probably was just awake but hallucinating. I also accepted that I had a stoma bag at some point so even as I became more coherent it wasn't a surprise, they had disconnected and removed half of my bowels too (you actually don't need much to poop as normal I found out later). I had dream that did feature  nikkyvix and  tarossb for a tiny bit, and a dream that also featured  farorenightclaw in a really odd manner I need to write down about. Most other dreams featured my family vaguely, though there was moments where I was completely disconnected from my real life so I did not remember my job or family which was terrifying.

I also kept hallunicating a little bit even at the earliest when I was awake, I thought my FA got hacked and someone replaced it with a memorial page that was ran by people I didn't want to associate with, so I told  darkmark to lockdown my account down since i knew them personally, but turns out in reality I was just talking to someone else wishing me well wishes, who were utterly confused at my rambling. Also there while there was no hack, I did manage to login to my FA so it probably was some banner i saw that confused me. I also responded to a commission from someone the first thing I did as awake, and I kinda regret doing that cause I came across as slightly incoherent in my response (but I also saw that the note was a week old so I felt some urgency responding).

Recently I did find out that it's not cancer, it was probably a intestinal pocket that caused trouble for years and that part is gone anyway. The hope is that there is gonna be another surgery later that reconnects everything so I get to poop regularly again, but that's expected soonest in January. I am kinda glad they are not rushing a surgery though, cause I am still recovering, I could barely walk when I got out of the ICU, and I'm still recovering the ability to walk properly, I can walk without assistance but it's very wobbly and longer walks is still out of the question.

I was also told that if I came in half a hour later into that first surgery, I wouldn't had survived. This haunts me a lot.

Also another fear I used to have is that if I passed away, my friends wouldn't know. But my sisters knew vaguely who to contact to spread the word about me and I'm thankful for that as well.