i have come to the realization that i simply cannot be allowed to have a happy existence
i have become nothing more than an object of complete objecitfication to be treated as miserably as possible by averyone and anyone i have ever had the belief i could trust in my whole life and i have come to the conclusion that the reason this is is becuase everyone would rather completely destroy someone who has had the worst possible life they could possibly imagine in order to feel better about thier own objectlively smaller scale issues
if i must be driven into insanity or just simple death from mistreatment of everyone around me in order for everyone to be better
i completely accept his after all it seems that its is such a fucking hassle to even bother to remember a damn word i say unless it can be used to deliberatley attack me and make me feel worse about being alive later on
if i have to be be destroyed by my health issues and my trust in those i both actually love and am forced to actually currently live with in order for the universe to seemingly be in order go ahead
i no longer have any desire to resist and i apologize for trying to fight this inevitability
for desperately trying to belive that at the end of all the bullshit i have had to go through in my short life that there would be some way to have my life be something remotely close to something resembling a safe happiness
i have just stopped caring about it
i cannot do anything that will make this better and noone seems to want to put in any sort of effort to help me be able to have any belief that this is not what everyone and the world want to happen to me
so as long as noone will end up feeling sad anymore i will gladly just go insane for everyones lives to feel better