AC was really cool. Sobbing as I write this; being a queer furry in denial for practically my entire life and to finally get to experience the music, the art, the culture that furries made in all my years of being alive in person was such an ethereal experience.

I’ve always liked furry coded media as a child: Lion King, Digimon, Pokémon, etc.. I didn’t know about the furry fandom until I was about 13 and came across Spyro porn on my unrestricted iPad (LMAO). I’ve also known I liked men before then but being born into a immigrant family, the acceptance for being gay was shunned. I wanted to explore and know more about furries but I was so socially anxious it was unbearable for me to interact with other furries. I never got to get that chance to make furry friends, to draw furries, to do what I always wanted to do.

On March 18, 2016; I was watching my rotation of video game youtubers like every teenager does and see that UberHaxorNova posted a video unboxing dildos and other supplies from Bad Dragon, I knew about BD before but I convinced myself that liking those sort of stuff made me a horrible person. Middle of the video, “No Cock Like Horse Cock” by Pepper Coyote was played as they showcased and played around with the mini dildos and lube for fun; without criticizing or making fun of furries (my family does that with unconventional matters). I hummed that song for god knows how long.

Throughout until close to a year from now, the only friends I had were cis non-furries. I always felt out of place within that group throughout my entire life, they were wonderful people but I couldn’t relate to them— I had to put on a façade in order to feel accepted; that took a lot from me. My consumption and influence from furry media have been a core part of who I was and it felt so exhausting having to hide it in fear and anxiety for years on end it made me depressed and confused on who I was and wanted to be.

Fast forward to last year when I heard about Cypress’ passing, I read the stories about him posted from people that were friends or knew him; how he created a furry club in college, welcomed people questioning their furryness, put so much effort into himself and his art, his love for his friends, and so so so much more that can’t be explained by me. I cried so fucking hard for this person I never gotten the chance to meet. All these stories about Cypress made me want to change myself, to be the person I was keeping in all this time instead of burying it deep. To be to be happy for who I am and to create that safe space for others.

For my entire life I anguished over if I had a mental disorder or not since my family taught me that those didn’t exist. Last August, I was able to gather enough courage to admit to my doctor that I had some sort of neurodivergency and I was prescribed meds. I joined a local furry group that September and felt like I was finally able to express myself as a furry, to be proud to be a furry. I was anxious as hell of course, but I knew I had to get out there for myself.

My first ever furry convention was Furpocalypse. I didn’t get the ticket until 10 days before the con because I was still battling my anxiety. My dragon friend that I became friends with the weeks prior said they still had a spot for me. I decided I wanted to go no matter what because I was tired of being afraid. It was unreal. For the first time in my life, I finally felt like I was somewhere I belonged. All senses of anxiety that has been haunting me for my entire life disappeared during that con, it was freeing and I couldn’t believe the person I was during it. I was able to meet furry artists I've been following for most of my internet life (tumblr days) and tell them in person how much I loved their work. IN PERSON!! I couldn’t imagine the person I was a year before being able to do that. To tell them how much their art influenced me.

I’ve made a lot more furry friends during then. My second con was ANE and I was able to meet some friends I’ve only gotten to know online!! One of them brought me to the dance competition held; it allowed me to see how much passion and fun furries put into themselves! I cried during the event.

This is around the time I got to listen to russelbuck’s “RAVEPOP” that they released in September. I never really had an interest in music at all aside from videogame soundtracks but something changed in me when I got to hear their album. A queer furry poured their experiences, their celebrations, emotions, feelings into this album. Like the dance competition, I realized how much passion was put into something that expressed that individual in this specific form. It was eye-opening getting to realize this.

Shortly after ANE, I went to a furry kink rave held near where I lived (@/growlfur.party). It was their first anniversary! How amazing is that?! To have a space like this for furries in a city where the furry scene wasn’t prevalent. It allowed me to start experimenting with kink expression!

This is also around when pentuppup released their “FURFAG” album, a music album about furry specific kinks. To witness something this specific being released was so sick; a celebration of kinks, not a criticism, not something to hide, it’s something fun to express. I listened to “furfag cum pizza” a few months after that, it was really heartfelt despite the name. I don’t think i’ve related to a song like that before that it made me cry the first time hearing it. A mashup of excerpts from an old cringe furry song, a furry kink poem, antler crimes, mutts.

Ravefurrest was like a month after ANE, that’s when I started really enjoy being in the furry rave scene. It was my first time hearing MAILPUP/sixwing, she performed “KISS ME!” and I was hooked!! I replayed that song like over 200 times in a week and drew this!!

This will all come relating to AC soon! I wanted to talk about I’ve Made Too Much Pasta. I’ve known about them for a few years but only got to listen to their music within the last year, their music instantly resonated with me and I watched their previous room/con concerts on youtube/twitter.

I almost didn’t go to AC, but then I remembered Cypress and what he did for me, all the furries I got to meet and have the honor to be friends with (gonna try and name every one of them), all the furries making music, drawing, graffitiing, dancing, dj’ing, celebrating, thriving, living, etc.

Everything that I’ve talked about accumulated to me wanting to go to AC. I got to listen AND TALK TO russelbuck, ive made too much pasta, pentuppup, GABUISLOST, pepper coyote, so much more i’m forgetting but they were all important to me for figuring out who I am. Telling the many artists I’ve been following for so long how much they’ve been an inspiration to me; there was so many at AC that it’s been overwhelming! I’ve gotten to see so many friends. I experienced furry culture celebrated so hugely it would’ve blown me off the planet 10 months ago.

Thank you so much for reading this far. Pittsburgh has furry culture embedded deep in it; through graffiti, friends met, music heard, parties danced, experiences made. Always be proud that you’re a weird funny animal, I definitely learned how to be. There’s family in the furry fandom. DOGDAYS4EVER.