There are only a few things in this life worth waiting for. One of them is undoubtedly death. The other is a love. And no just any kind of love. Sure there is that initial puppy love that everyone feels with there first girlfriend or boyfriend that truly breaks there heart, but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the kind of love that people don't feel right without once they have had it. The kind of love that people would do anything to get back once they had lost it. This is the love that can only be found in what some call a soul mate, others call the one, and I call friend.
Now don't get me wrong I have many friends, male and female. However, when I say friend I mean someone you can truly tell anything to. Someone that even though you have broken there heart on countless occasions still greets you with open arms no matter what. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a friend.
I am indeed lucky enough to have found such a friend in the woman I was "courting" as it were. Keep in mind she is not perfect, but then again who is? And, undoubtedly, we did butt heads from time to time. Mainly over little things that honestly I couldn't have cared one way or the other about. So in essence she was the yin to my yang, the light to my darkness, and the Jack to my Coke at times. Even still, I love her more with every heart beat.
There is one thing I would like to know about this woman though. Why? Why, after ten years of being with someone else, and me breaking her heart, did she still love me uncontrollably. Now, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth by any stretch of the imagination. Especially when that horse has the body of a coke bottle, a heart of gold, and more testicular fortitude then most men have ever had in there entire life. But, I would still like to know why. What is it that I did that made her love me so? I have asked her this before and she said that I was being me. I honestly don't know what that means because I barely know who I am. I am a man I know that but what else am I.
I know I am a pagan. I believe in chivalry and honor, although I will be the first to tell you I do not uphold them as well as I wish I should. I know I put a high standard on other people which in turn generally makes me rather angry, as it were. I know at times I am a lover and a fighter at the same time. Which believe me is extremely hard to accomplish. I also believe I am slightly insane. Then again, maybe I am just slightly sane.
I honestly can't tell you who I am which is probably why this woman confounds me so, and yet, when ever I see her face or hear her voice it gives me strength to carry on. People say that the reason retired people die is because they feel they have nothing to live for. I honestly believe that she was my reason to live. My reason to trudge on. Or as my fellow Marines would put it to "reach down and grab a pair".
Although I do not know who I am this woman does, and she loved me regardless. That's the surprising part honestly. For all my flaws she couldn't wait two hours to see me, and I her. Well I would raise a glass to you my beloved friend but I have no drink in hand. So, here is to you my friend, my oh so beloved friend. May our lives be as intertwined as the roots in the forest. I love you. With all that I am and all I will ever be.
I am, however, sad to say that without you now I can begin my life as I want not as I need to, to have you in it. I can concentrate more on my guitar and art work. I can do the things that are in essence me. I bid you no ill will, and any I had in the past I apologize for. You have your responsibilities to take care of and I applaud you for having the strength to charge head-long into them to solve them. Please keep in mind that I will still be here for you. Regardless of your decisions. You loved me for ten years when I was nothing but an ass. Now I reciprocate that to you ten-fold. I give you my word now as whatever it is you think I am, that I will stand by you for, at the very least, the next 10,000,000,000 years.(That's right I took the time to do the math for this one.) Or until you tell me to leave. Whichever may come first.
Peace be with you my friend and I wish you enough.