After a lot of thinking, I've decided that I would stop art and go private. The many years I've spent in this fandom have been a senseless quest that brought me many more problems and frustrations than positives, and it's time I put an end to this.

After a few years of browsing DeviantArt and FA, I actually created an account on Furaffinity and Discord. The reason I joined the fandom was initially to cure my feeling of loneliness by befriending people with the same niche interests and fetishes as me. The beginning of my art journey kinda started by luck from there. I gotta admit I was lured in the community by all the talks about how friendly and welcoming the community is, and in retrospect, I should have had more common sense, that would have avoided me a bunch of traps from (surely) ill minded individuals, and would have prevented me from making some of those mistakes myself.

This has nothing to do with my reasons behind this decision though. The reason can basically be summarised in that sentence : I failed.

I failed my art improvement, I failed my integration into the community, I failed to deserve the validation I needed. After 7 years, I can of course count on a small number of close friends, but the over exposure to what’s considered a « Furry success », such as having a friend group with tons of friends, positivity and wholesomeness all around, not having to look at coop games with the pain of thinking « I can’t play this game because I don’t have enough friends to play with », not feeling the pain of knowing that I don’t really have any friends to meet in cons, eventually being acknowledged by the people you idolize, nurturing infinite hope for the future... All of this is something that I simply can not achieve, no matter the effort I put into all of my attempts, and this leads into a downward spiral that repeats way too often and contributes to feeling so much more ashamed of the failure that I am.

It doesn’t help that in terms of art, I didn’t reach the level I was hoping to reach after all this time. I didn’t begin art early enough to get to a comfortable level before my life becomes too active to have any time to draw anymore. On top of that, I don’t have the talent necessary to make my art better quick enough, and I don’t know of any community where I could find the motivation to keep going. I can’t get working on non furry or non porn artworks because it will flop and I will feel even worse. For all of these reasons, I give up. It’s been seven years of gambler’s fallacy all around, a failed attempt at finding my worth but only managing to show mediocrity. When I realise that the only reason why I could try to keep going is « At least I could get some comms out of it if I keep going» shows that my passion is gone, and drawing has become a pain rather than a pleasure.

I want to thank everyone who followed my art, and I’m sorry for the disappointment that I am causing. Despite my words, I’ve always given my all into every pic and stories I made. I wish I could say I’m leaving with more good memories of this fandom than bad ones, but it would be lying. I have a lot of unclosed grudges on people and artists I would really like to call out, but it’s okay, I leave with the pride of never having stooped down to these peoples' level of bootlicking, fakeness, nor pettiness, and knowing that my mistakes have never been out of malice. The queer openness of this community is true in my opinion, and I’ve seen a bunch of genuine people here.

So this is a goodbye, probably forever. Though I can’t leave with some words of wisdom because my failure shows that what I have to say would probably be bad advice, I still wish the best to everyone. I’m going to close my bsky, Patreon and Ko-fi in a day or two (I actually don't know if this month's payment has already been made on Patreon, I'll refund this month's patron if yes), but I don’t know what to do of my FA and DA pages yet. On one side, I should probably delete or disable them instead of chickening out, on the other side, maybe people will want to be able to look at my art in the future for whatever reason. Please tell me what I should do about that.