Remember Death by 1,000 Projects? Here's a followup.

I'd gotten a lot better in regards to it, slimming up my schedule for more comms rather than the massive workload of making ANOTHER model from scratch. Then something interesting happened.
I get jealous, sure, but i figured it was because of unreasonable expectations put on myself despite already taking on so much, we already solved that; it's out of my control. I am physically incapable of doing everything. This kind of jealousy I'd gotten was new, fresh yet vile and a deep cut into me as a person.

I met a better me.
Work that surpassed my own in every way. Razor sharp clarity and contrast, expressive faces and poses- and thick, bold lines that pass elegantly through the pose. Shading that's nearing a photographic surface, stretched over the faces and bodies of a silhouette of what could be my future. They knew and talked with my friends and that I think is why it hurts so bad.

This fear of failure had never soaked into me this hard. I love my friends and I want to be their go-to when it comes to art, but I can't compete with someone several years ahead. I'd need to double or triple how long i work on pieces and that would actually kill me.


In other news, commissions are private from now on. I don't know when I'll have them open again but I've got my work cut out for me, so no need to worry about me starving or whatever. I'll pry follow this up when I figure out what to do but feel free to feed me advice. I have to go.