Part 17 was very difficult to write and to read. It's left me in a state of emotional limbo. I have not been able to get a single word down for part 18.

It was originally supposed to be a fun little moment. Some teasy, macro shenanigans, which was what the first section was. It was the only part that survived the rewrite, mostly intact, even. I even had fun with some of the diction and tone differentiation among the three characters in the second section, even if Kevin did almost no talking. But the third section. That path would not move. I felt like it needed to happen. I re-read it multiple times trying to find a different course for it, but nothing felt correct or proper. That's also why it was only 1300 words. I had exhausted my mental and emotional capacity in addition to the section also telling me that it needed to end there.

I put in the content warning because, even 24 hours later, I still feel raw about that last part. I didn't experience anything quite like what's happened to Kevin, but I did have one of my parents not talk to me for months. I don't remember much about that time, but I do remember the incident. There were two, actually. I have ADHD. The RSD is real and, in retrospect, has been a pretty defining factor in my growing up.

I suppose there's a lot there. How something that upsets you is the trigger that leads in to the real problems. The feeling of being unseen. Unrealistic expectations for yourself, and from others. The feeling of not quite fitting in. Not feeling accepted. Willing to do anything to gain the love and respect of the people in your life. Not feeling perfect enough. The suppressed and released expression of anger and frustration. The irony of lashing out at people close to you because you feel safest around them, even though you run the risk of destroying that relationship with the outburst.

I would like to figure out how to expand on this part, but with my current writing skill as it is, I don't feel like I could tackle those kinds of issues and do them justice. Perhaps there is more of me in this third section than I really thought. A cathartic release that I didn't know I needed, or more likely, still need, by channeling these heavy feelings into the boys' situation.

Even though it is still kind of funny to see a 50 foot maned wolf be cowed by an 8 foot snow leopard.