First off, I want to wish everyone who reads this a belated merry christmas and a happy new year, I've not really been active on here much and it's mainly due to the following points I'm going to make.

The first one is this, I honestly think I don't have a passion for drawing these days, I feel like over the months and years I feel like drawing has become too much of a strain on my mental health, yeah I know the old chestnuts of "Draw for yourself" but when I feel like I should hate what I draw because it's not as perfect as others in the same creative output I feel like drawing for myself isn't as helpful as it should be, feeling like I need to look for others opinions for validation, and it's just getting tiring for me, there's just not enough hours in the day for me to draw when I'm so tired from work, I simply don't have the energy to be drawing.

And I might as well admit it, I'm jealous...I'm jealous at the artists who get the freedom to draw whatever they want, whenever they want and producing amazing works in hours which I barely get 10 percent done in a few weeks, I know there's practice and dedication involved but I feel like whenever I do a drawing it's like "You must be perfect in the next 10 seconds or you're not worth the interest also you suck" it probably explains why I'd rather spend hundreds of dollars on commissions and get far better artists to draw my ideas than to do it myself and getting flak for trying too hard...

If anything right now my big interest is going to the gym and working out, I feel happier going to the gym and building muscle on my body than when I do drawing so it feels like I want to do that more as soon as I get my credit payment this week as of writing this journal.

Maybe I'll go back to drawing once I get the means to draw digitally, where I don't need to stress about points of no returns.

Like I know some people will say "Just get good" but it's tough to get good when my mind is screaming at me to get it perfect and even if I try my best it's still not good for me, I tried ok...