Journal: Mood swing on confidence with risking taking and shyness of regret being cocky

I had promised about the welfare check that struggle with confidence, responsibility of my action and trying to message people to improve. I know that it feels like to be abandoned and rejected by society mobs that they see me as unstable villain and then lashed out of me but now I struggling.
I don't do safeguarding because i'm not professionally trained in both theory, practical and drill. I struggle of either I informed the police or approved 3rd party support organisation or not. As an experience abuse victim, I know how it feels to struggle to open up, report and help the safeguarding team because I felt so forgiving my abuser and abuse been normalised that have to suck it up and ain't big of deal. So it's commonly the same for other victims to think they are okay, constant false alarms and having to endure due to illusion of their fault and self doubting except being condemn.
I don't want them to lash out and inflicting pick on me that trigger my trauma and survival instinctively self defense.
I learn that I can't always save everyone on either they died or irredeemable as depend on choice, stubbornness, misfortune, too late, blocked by iron curtain, backstabbed and more. It's the hard truth that bring guilt and that's why some villain are formed but it least i'm not like them as it's parallel between us in different self-fate from our choice as core person.
I don't want someone just like me end up became what mine and their abusers what they want is to repeat the spread of abuse of how the victim became the abuser. This validate and justify the abusers/oppressors of their evil deeds is righteous answer and give the illusion the abusers are not evil but it's actually the victim the "real" villain the whole time.
I learn the most helpful and life saving that prevent martyrdom is: That i'm not responsible for everyone's action, it is their own responsibility but I am responsible for my own action.
If I am "responsible" that I didn't commit in action but it's actually done by misfortune, entrapment and someone else, this is actually: Blame, thus shifting blame on me as false accusation from either or combination of: conspiracy, framed, entrapment, twisting narrative, paranoia, condemn, discipline and unrealistic expectation.
The best way for me to do is just leave helpline in my sensitive artworks like personal vent, dark and fragile topics and more but when reach out in DM or Email may be I should give helplines links.
No one need to always relay on me as police officer and there no need to become piggish vigilante like a corrupt cop on independent vigilantism justice, more sanctimonious faux hero gangsters and mobsters that will eventually get devoured whole. You need to train yourself of how to be appropriately vigilant is by learn from courses and practical experience like First aid, Welfare checks, Mental illness, wellness, safeguarding and more and also additional option of volunteer in emergency services like the police force. It's my suggestion advice of the idea but it depend on available resource, opportunity, budgeting, support, travel, local organisation and complexity.