This has been a crazy year already and it's been three days. I'm still here, letting the people here who don't talk to me one on one know that I am, in fact, alive. Energy has been shot. 2024 and 2025 have both been constant setbacks mentally and physically and I'm just perpetually exhausted. Got to the point for awhile where I couldn't even look at the website at all due to jealousy that other people constantly make things, reestablish themselves, push the envelope and develop their skills. I'm eternally proud of the people I watch and who continue to make, continue to persist, but I also get jealous for being unable to do the same. For a time I uninstalled my writing program and then reinstalling and setting up settings again got me worked up enough to throw up.

Improvement is Sisyphean in any meaningful way. Been trying to move forward and every inch the boulder goes up it falls another foot. Trying to better myself and be a better person, trying to be functioning when I'm disabled in some ways and my patience with myself and others is at an all time low. On the plus side, I started journaling (as of yesterday).

Going to just try to get back on track. Feels like I fell so far back and I really need to just claw my way back to where I was in 2023. Expect at least one or two stories before the end of the year (setting the bar low but hey better than nothing).