This coming week I'm scheduled for a procedure I've wanted done since I was like 18, but it's one of those things typically hard to ask for cause drs go "what if you/your future husband/etc want children????" Basically, I'm getting spayed via tubal ligation. :3

I've never wanted kids. I enjoy being an aunt and I think that kids can be wonderful, but they're not for me. Never really had the "mothering" instinct, albeit I do have a lot of nurturing nature.

By the time I was like.. 14??? I had weird feelings about being considered female and only in my late 20s/into my 30s did I really start expressing myself as non-binary. I used to just go by whatever pronouns or gender people assumed of me online in the 2000s/early 2010s cause I'd just never correct people unless it was required (like maybe we had a conversation about periods or something lmao). I liked being seen as obscure. In real life that felt a lot harder to achieve because I have a heavy chest/hips/I look very female unless I wear baggy clothes.

I naturally grow facial hair (it's like patchy teenager going thru puberty I can't grow a full beard I WISH). I was diagnosed with PCOS around 2015. I remember the first time my dad told me I had to put a shirt on when we were doing yardwork because up until then there was no issue. He and my brother could be shirtless, but being 11 now I was too old for that but never explained WHY directly. I was raised weird. I have kind of always had a somewhat skewed perspective on femininity and womanhood and all that. I didnt' like the expectations put on me because my body didn't quite fit what was "womanly".

I'm actually a lot more comfortable with what I do consider my womanhood and what it would mean to be a woman, but I don't... exactly feel that way? Like in some ways yeah, in others no, and for the most part I think gender roles aren't real and are made up anyway so who cares?

I THINK my insurance covers this or it will be minimal cost... might.. fire up for commissions or something next week if that ends up not being the case tho. >_>;

Otherwise.... Will probably make a journal next week after surgery/whatever happens as well as for LVFC/future con updates. I'm got into FWA thru the waitlist >:3333