the story that i had created for creative writing class in college a couple of years ago. i thought that i would start on it again. but after reading it today i didnt like the way that it was going so i decided to go a whole new route and change it some. i really didnt like how i wrote it the first time.

the orginal:

Lestria was trying to make her way through the crowded town square. The king was holding a town meeting to talk about the war that was going on with one of the neighboring countries that has been waging on for some time now. “I need to find Alistair and quick. He needs to know what my country is going to do before it is too late.” Lestria was from one of the countries that it at war with the country that Alistair was from, and she had some vital information that could destroy both of their countries. As she tries to make her way up to the front of the crowd she spots Alistair, but he is not the only one that has been spotted. One of the kings guards had spotted Lestria and started to make his way to her. He comes up behind her and grabs Lestria’s arm to swing her around so that she is facing him, “who are you? I don’t recognize you from around here?” Alistair had seen that Lestria was in trouble, he ran up behind the guard and with a concerned voice “um… Guard that is my cousin that is here for a visit.” The guard still holding onto Lestria’s arm turned around to face Alistair, noticed who it was, he let go of Lestria’s arm, “I am so sorry for the inconvenience, you two can go now, and please keep out of trouble.” The guard said. Alistair nodded to the guard “you may go now.” Alistair replied.
Alistair and Lestria start to make their way through the crowd, “I need to talk to you there is something that you need to know right away, is there a place that we can go that is more private?” Lestria stated. “Yes I know of a place that we can go that we will not be disturbed.” Alistair replied. He had pointed to a dark alley way that was all the way on the other side of the town square. Lestria and Alistair make their way through the town square that is still crowded with town citizens that still had their fix on the king that was still holding a town meeting. They finally make it to the alley way, they look around to make sure that they are alone. “That was close. If I hadn’t intervened back there and the guard had recognized who you were, you would be in trouble.” Alistair exclaimed. “I do realize that if he had recognized me I could be in serious trouble. But all of that doesn’t matter right now I have something to tell you that is vitally important that you need to know right away.” Lestria stated in a concerned voice. Lestria had explained to Alistair that she had listened into her father’s conversation with one of his guards on what they were going to do with the neighboring countries which is the one that Alistair was from. Her father was planning on doing a night time raid on the Alistair’s country and was planning on taking over the castle and was planning on killing the king. “I need to warn my father right away, he needs to know what they are planning on doing.” Alistair stated as he started to walk to the town square. Lestria grabbed ahold of Alistair’s arm and pulled her towards him, “I will come with you to talk to your father.” Alistair looked into Lestria’s eyes, “you know what he will do to you if he finds out who you are and what you are doing here.” Alistair stated with a concerned look on his face. “It doesn’t matter right now. We have to tell your father, this is a matter of life and death and the fate of both of our countries.”

heres the revision of the story:

Lestria was running through the streets of Astalia. She was in a desperate search for her love Alistair. Lestria needed to warn him and Alistair's father about what was about to happen. Astalia and Terragova had been at war for many years. The worse was about to happen for Astalia. Lestria's father the King of Astalia is making plans to take over the country and kill Alistair's father then take the country for his own. Lestria is making her way through town, when she over heard some of the villagers talking about that there is going to be a town meeting that the King was holding. When she heard this, she quickened her pace thinking that she might be able to make it to the town square before the town meeting started.
In the middle of the town, Alistair's father was holding a meeting with the town and the surrounding areas about the threat of the neighboring country Astalia. Alistair looked all around the court yard where all the villagers were starting to gather. He could see the worried looks on their faces and how tired they were from fighting the long war. While looking around at all the villagers gathering around, he could see a disturbance at the back of the crowd. The guards were surrounding something but Alistair couldn't make out what it was. Alistair went to his father “I will be back, I want to make sure that everything is alright in the back.” Alistair said while pointing to the altercation that was going on the in the back of the crowd. Alistair's father nodded to him, “very well. But please be careful and take a guard with you. You need to be protected.” “I don't need protection, I can protect myself. It won't take me long anyways.” Exclaimed to his father. Alistair made his way to the back of the crowd, pushing his way through. It was making it hard now that everyone from the village was there.
Lestria had made it to the square where everybody had started to gather. Two of the guards that were blocking the entrance to the square “who are you? We haven't seen you around here before.” the guards said to her with an angry look on their face. “Either tell us now or we will have to arrest you.” Lestria realized that now she was in trouble. She knew that if she was arrested, that she wouldn't be able to warn Alistair and his father. “I need to talk to the King. Please let me through.” Both of the guards looked at each other, then looked back at her. “You can't speak to the King. For all we know, you can be a spy with the other country here to kill the King.” Lestria looked at the guards, with a worried expression on her face. “I need to talk to the King. It's important that I talk to him.” Lestria could tell that the guards were starting to get agitated with her. They grabbed her arm exclaiming “like we told you, no one can speak to the King.” the guard stated while leading her away from the square. Lestria struggled against the guards trying to get away. She frantically struggles to look around to see if she could see Alistair. At last she caught a glimpse of Alistair. “ALISTAIR.... Help me...” she shouted as loud as she can to be heard over the crowd.
As Alistair struggled to get to where the altercation is going on, he thought that he could hear someone calling out his name. “Alistair... Help me...” He stopped looked around frantically to see who was calling out to him.


so there is some change to it. i hope that you all like the new changes.