We first need to preface this entry with the fact that these things did happen, regardless of what the perpetrators will claim and lie about. We are not in the habit of spreading false information, as it is detrimental to everyone that consumes, and we have been in a long struggle to find the #validation necessary to begin the proper steps to let go. On this last, we need to also state that people heal at different rates. Time alone will not heal all wounds.
Talking about what had transpired has been avoided because of the #gaslighting community that is #furcadia - and the defenders of the perpetrators that adamantly deny the actions they took against us in such a way that they will lie to get out of blame. We will not be going into details, we will not be using their names or the names used during the events. This is not a witch hunt, this not an attack, do not press for information that we are already not comfortable giving out. We will state that if it feels like this shoe fits -- wear it prince(ss) -- and maybe take a step out of it to get the necessary help you need to stop the cycle. The grass is greener on the other side because you are not there fucking it up. These events have taken place in late 2017-2018, however there are preceding events we will not delve too far into that started the damage in the earlier years of 2008-2014 or so, however these exact years are a little more fuzzy because of #trauma sustained.
We had found ourselves in an abusive marriage during these more unclear years, physical and mentally damaging. On this specific subject, we beg spouses everywhere that if you feel like you are doing it all with only more blame for things being stuck to you, please get professional help. Do not be unhappy with someone that does not care about your mental health. Seek help, and if it means going to a marriage councilor, please make that appointment and get professional help. Do not rely on the advice of "friends" about your marriage or relationships -- you are not dating your friends or family, it is not their business. This was the mistake we made in our early years because it had been perceived and regarded as a sign of weakness -- and we can confidently tell the world that seeking professional insight is in no way weak. It takes immeasurable strength to admit that there is something wrong, and more still to be able to reach out for guidance. Life and Love do not come with instructions or how to manuals, your friends and family may love you - but they are not your spouse. People need to stop consulting people that are not looking out for their long term health, and we know that friends can mean well but friends do not last lifetimes. It is not their job to fix your problems - get professional help. They are trained, schooled, and take years out of their own lives for these exact reasons - they are educated specifically to sort these problems out, and they are required to keep your business private.
Our marriage was doomed from the beginning, we learned this late, but we did learn this. We found comfort in online presences that, in the end, would not matter later. We confided into a person that then felt the need to make an imaginary reprieve for our sake. This is where the #catfishing begins, and holds strong for six and a half years. We suppose the pressure became too much for them, or they became bored, whatever their reasoning had been - this would have been the point to stop. We had admitted our affinities for the real person, unknowing of their baiting, and we had been known for our forgiveness at the time. It was easier for us, then, to look beyond undesirable actions in favour of the person that -- undeniably - is also human prone to err. We have a history of being abused, but we also have a history of looking beyond poor decisions; we can hate the actions - it takes much more for us to hate a person for those actions. Even more so if the person regrets the actions that brought harm, it is easier to forgive a regrettable decision.
This would have been the point to come clean of the #catfish ploy they had been employing for the six and half years it took for us to finally be in a safe place. They did not. They took a path of false-death. This imaginary person is put through some drunk driver accident that became a long drawn out death. They lead us to believe the person was suffering, but loved us to a point of promising marriage. Promising to love and comfort us, regardless of their life outcome. In the end, the news broke that they had succumbed to their grievous injuries and passed away in another country to further muddy the waters. It is late to do so, but again, this would have been another good time to come clean of the #catfishing - and again - they chose not to do so. They continued to let us believe the lie, comforting our mourning and providing further false information about the #bait they created and destroyed.
Here is where we will leave this story to move on to another that further brought irreparable harm. What we did not touch on is that during this #catfish fiasco, is that we had a chance with someone real during the courtship stage of the #baiting - very early into the scheme, we had become close with someone that will reappear shortly. However, the person behind the #bait did not want this happening, and instead of letting us go - they intervened. Interrupting both our lives in a negative way that would see us part ways for several more years.
Fast forward a bit and we have finally reconnected with the real person that we had missed out on because of the #gaslighting of the fiasco before. We immediately reattach, becoming more of an "item" in way of relationship, but the past turmoil has left bitter tastes and tender wounds needing care. This does not deter them, and we are contented in our world... Until a married person decided they are not happy with their marriage -- with a child they no longer want because children require love, attention, care, and a clean environment. We can see these flags, very clearly and enormously, even more so when the married person began demanding all of our companions time, attention, and worse of all ... their love. Unfortunately, our companion hadn't the experience we had lived through, they did not see these enormous #redflags and it was not their fault for not seeing it right away. The married person confides in someone we once called family, as they have been in our life for what felt like ages. We are afraid, we are losing the people we love to someone that did not care about our feelings. We beg and plead with our companion, and for a while - it was very rough going, but we stay strong through it. The married person goes all in, they stop at nothing to make sure our companion is spending all of their time with them. The married person tells their friends and others that they do care, they are thinking of us, yet they will not talk to us directly. Ever. They made zero effort to ever contact us, to ever ask us how we felt about their intervention into our relationships.
It happens. Our companion, exhausted with both us and the married person, has finally made decision to let the married person go - they need to sort out their family life with their spouse they do not love any more and the child they do not want. They are incredibly distraught, the married person, they do not want to face the reality that they need to get help. They blow it up and tell their friends and our "friends" that we forced them out, we ruined their life, and how dare we intervene with our own relationship. They go out of their way to play a victim, we made their experience hell and how dare we force our #dominant to choose us over a married person in denial. We did not force our dominant to make the decision, we kept them informed to the tactics being used to lure and bait -- because we have done it before, too, in the past with no success either. Again. We need to remind and insist. If you are #unhappy in your #marriage -- Get Professional Help. Our dominant made the decision, and the married person lost their collective mind. The married person claims left and right that they were not trying to have an affair with our companion, that this is not why they blew it up and actively tried to push us out. The married person claims they were concerned with our dominants relationship with us, while this married person is also sending their privates to our dominant!! #UNSOLICITED !
Now, they barely get caught. However. The married person goes about the circle of "friends" to #apologize for the actions they took while trying to keep our #dominant. They blame it on the game, the story, and us. They do not take a single moment to recognize what #damage they have done. The person we saw as family? Now is the time they decide to tell us that the six and half years with another person was all a #lie. A #regrettable #lie they only #regret meeting us over - they regretted saving us, being around us, and they were not at all sorry for any of it other than being sorry that they were at all involved with us. They choose the married person that went above and beyond what we could have ever conceived to think of doing to another relationship. Mind, we have been #accused of trying to ruin relationships, however when we discover there is one at all and we risk getting in the way -- we have promptly dropped all contact in favour of not wanting to do this exact thing to someone else.
Side quest regarding; We had been #accused in the past of trying to get between two people we brought together, one has not spoken to us in years and we make no effort to reach out because we made it clear at that time that we had no interest in their partner. To a point we stopped all contact with both -- we simply did not want that blame on us. We did, and do still to this day, apologize to them for making them feel like that was the intention -- we do not want their forgiveness - we want their happiness. This is the (almost) correct way of handling the situation of being perceived as intervening - stop trying to intervene. It is not your business.
These things transpired in #furcadia that has been a hot hub of gaslighters, abusers, and unaddressed mental illness. If you feel like you are any of these people -- Get Help. Seriously.
What the married person did to turn "family" against us is at this point unforgivable. Neither one will apologize. They have employed their friends to keep us muted, seeing us banned in many communities across #patreon and #discord because we struggle to heal from these events. We do not go into details, however because we struggle to heal - we are not allowed to have friends, community, or shared interests. We are ostracized because we have been invalidated and denied the recognition that this did in fact happen, and it did not have to happen the way it did. It does not need to take this long to "get over it" -- if apologies could be made directly for the actions made.
But as one has said; "You would not talk to them even if they did want to anyway," and this is incredibly -- whole heartedly F A L S E. We have been very vocal that we would love to know WHY and if we cannot have a why -- we are accepting of an apology at all. These things matter, especially when it took years from our happiness.
If you think this is you - #apologize to the people you have wounded, especially if you did not do it intentionally -- that is the purpose of an apology. It is to recognize something went wrong, and whether or not it was intentionally - you regret causing that #distress.
Do not apologize to someone if you do not regret hurting them.
These send messages beyond what text could translate.

Again, we are not going to name people.
Do not ask for clarifications.
Do not ask for elaboration.
This is not a witch hunt.
If the shoe fits, take action for yourself to be a better person.
If you are unhappy with your partner/spouse, get professional help.

Your friends are not your therapists.
Take your friends "advice" with many helpings of salt.
You are the only one in your life that has your problems specifically. Go to a professional.