I've never felt so heartbroken about a pet's death. She went on so many adventures with me even when she was such a pouty grump. I miss her pouting already. I'm so sorry pup. I let you die so uncomfortably. I fucked up so bad. You stuck with me through so much. We kept each other warm when we had to sleep in freezing cold weather. She witnessed some of the worst mentally ill fits of mine and still stuck around. She was such a good dog. I miss her so much. I can't have two of the sweetest dogs die in same year. It's not fair. I lived near half my life and I've never had a better and smarter dog. I just want her to see her tap at my water bottle one more asking for a drink. Or for her to ask for up one last time. Or to just see her happily run around after seeing her thoroughly enjoy a hot bath. I really have never had a better dog. I'm fucking devastated. She didn't even get to use her wheel chair. I even took off expensive wheel on my speed skate just to put them on it for her. I fucked up. I killed my dog. I shouldn't have left you for a day and then came back exhausted just to haphazardly take care of you. I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I treated you better in your final hours. I fucked up so hard. You were the only consistent and familiar thing I had left. Everyone I know I love is consistently going and you were the last to leave. It hurts. I miss you so much. I love you. I'm so sorry. I just want to see you run one last time. I just want to see you have a good meal one last time. I can't even eat with a think I need to cut off a slice for you. I can't pass by where your little room was without the feeling of give you a quick check up and pet. You were there for my worst years. I wish I could have just another month with you at the very least. I'm so sorry I wasn't more gentle with you.