So many of you know I'm transgender (for those who didn't, uhh surprise? ) I've known for quite a few years and Briar has known since the 1st day we met. I've been working on my issues and the whole divorce is coming to a end (just more paperwork and hopefully closes out in the next 2-3 months) I've tried to come to terms with everything and he's been nothing but amazing.

I've had a few meltdowns over the last couple days thanks to supposed friend telling me I should get shock therapy to fix me. It made me realize that this is who I am. I've known i was differant since I had my 1st girlfriend in middle school. I've only been holding back because of the social obligation to be someone I'm very clearly not. Society (some therapists, family , 'friends' , religious folks) have tried to force me into this box of, you were born female-ish so you need to act/be like a female.

1. I was born intersex. I didn't GET to choose to be female
2. I would have never developed as I did without my 'mom' choosing to feed me hormones
3 When the hell do I get to have a say on how i live?

I was happy growing up as a boy and i was damned happy with my girlfriend. Everyone else chose to force us a apart.There was nothing wrong with me then and theres nothing wrong with me now. I'm just not happy in the body that was somewhat forced on me.

But this all makes me nervous.. it makes me scared and terrified to move forward. I have a family for once and hell... I wish for everythin in the world, i could just wake up and feel ok in my skin but it isn't like that.

I know essentially , it would be the end of great relationship, but as he's said, we will still be friends and he will support me as best he can through everything. It is a bit nerve wracking that it would also mean I would have to pretty much 'out' myself to those I consider family and thats scary as fuck knowing they could turn on a dime and just hate me.

I know it isn't the end of the world, but it makes me nervous to figure out what will happen over the next year.... I pretty much have to the end of this year to figure out what I want to do. Moving forward with transistion and possibly losing just about all the folks I have as a family or try to get on medication /hope that i can just push everything to the back of my mind and truck on as i have for years.