I am in a very bad place mentally.

Since the traumatic experience of having my gallbladder removed in October, my anxiety has taken over and my personality has completely changed.

I am in chronic pain. Before the surgery, I could eat low-fat food. Now, nearly everything hurts.

I now refuse to eat most food due to fear of vomiting, because they were not able to keep me from dry-heaving after the surgery. I used to love to eat. Now if you place a proper meal in front of me, chances are I'll cry. I'm hungry and I'm weak.

I'm convinced I have a brain tumor because I have most of the symptoms.

All of my senses are heightened, and it's painful. Brushing my teeth now makes me want to gag. I hate needing to poop.

I hate going to sleep because of the nightmares. It's not refreshing.

I'm trying desperately to stay out of in-patient care. I have a therapist, but my parents and I are struggling to find me a psychiatrist. All the places we call either say they can't help, or you leave a message and no one calls back.

All we've managed to do is get a virtual appointment with my doctor's assistant to try to beg for a sedative. But the last time we did this, they refused to give me Ativan, which is the only thing that will calm me at all.

Both my parents work, so I have to spend hours by myself, alone and struggling. When I get like this, I lose interest in most everything. I stare off into space, or just walk around aimlessly outside.

I used to love going out, but now I fear it. I fear I will vomit in public, or get shot, be in a car wreck, or catch an illness. My dad was in a crash this year, and I have been near two shootings.

My parents try to help. But typically we end up yelling. They say I need a psychiatrist, but then in the same breath will say "drugs are not the answer," when pretty much all a psychiatrist does is write scripts.

Dad is especially bad. I'm agnostic, but he will try to get me to talk to a priest or watch Joel Olsteen. He tells me how an uncle was "cured" of some unknown illness after doctors failed him by going to a shrine.

I guess I'm looking for any words of advice I haven't heard already.