It's 4:00 am.

I'm tired.

But I wanted to write something, anything, even though no one would care, on a site I all but left on a string so many years ago.

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It was... 7 years ago?, perhaps even a few more, when I stumbled upon this site. I was only a mere little baboo-bat then (and I wasn't even a bat). I didn't even know what a furry was, but I knew so much earlier that I was one. It was this site that opened my eyes to some wonderful artwork and a community that was (mostly) full of wonderful people. It was this site where I first seriously struggled against my personal flaws and my inabilities, stressed over the expectations of others, and even thought that I could make it as an artist.

I was wrong.

But here, in this delirious state where insomnia won't let me go and the promise of missed assignments threatens me if I slumber for too long, I begin to wonder why I ever left so abruptly. There are no amount of apologies and reparations to be made to those that could possibly remember me, and an infinite number of regrets that claw at my throat whenever I glance at my home page. Perhaps it is guilt or shame, yet the site itself has never done me any injustice. In fact, I still love this site and the entire furry community*, even though I never really fit into it. I perhaps lacked a certain sense of ignorance; but never bereft of the simple wonder and awe at amazing works of art, at complex characters, or well-executed writings. In fact, when the memory of this place slips into my mind as it does now, I feel much remorse for my avoidance of such a community out of irrational conclusions and fears borne of a stressed and tired mind.

If ever I return to continue my existence here, in this account or anew, I must promise myself to go full-force. I may no longer aspire to be an artist, but it is still a favored hobby, and perhaps I'll finally acknowledge artwork into my favorites gallery, even the smut. B'cuz I don't usually put that shit out for public, yo.

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*Give or take a few.