Sorry about my last journal, this year has been extremely taxing on my mental health and I’m not 100% sure what the future holds. Last night I really spiraled because my chronic pain I’ve been feeling this whole summer was almost unbearable. I’ve been very worried about my physical health and my anxiety is getting worse. It doesn’t help everyone I care about is going through a lot too and I feel helpless. Also how the internet and everything feeling like it’s getting worse as censorship is high and I feel worried about creating art that could get me into trouble with corporations and governments that are run by crybaby neckbeards and soccer moms. Beating myself up too because I can never push myself to leave the house and find work/activities. This whole year has been very taxing and I just wish all my stress and the chronic pains ( that no doctor can find the source or cause of after a couple very expensive trips to medical centers) and the worry of my own mortality and fear I’ll die or something will just.. stop. Life is a gift and I want to use my gift and enjoy it but lately it’s so hard to enjoy that gift. Part of my dark thoughts feel everything happening is either a punishment or a test and it just runs with that and feeling like I deserve to suffer.

As for art, or even what I exclaimed the other day about deleting everything and leaving I’m leaving open in the air. I probably won’t do that, but I may delete some of the art that I don’t feel very comfortable about anymore. I may even rebrand with a different sona as this current sona I’m not 100% sure about anymore. And if a payment processor decides to end FA or that it will become harder to create furry content in the United States if they do get their way then I may go to mastodon or some other platform all the other furs go to. I am on Bluesky but I’m feeling a lot less confident about Bluesky after they blended themselves to letting governments spy and censor whatever they want on there and it’ll only get worse.

Will I post here again soon? Maybe. This sounds pathetic but I literally have anxiety trying to post something here because I have a big backlog of things I made and thinks to clean from my notifications that I am unsure where to start and it’s really screwing with me. I may post some things that I did, but as for everything that may not happen. Anyway sorry i probably upset everyone again. Enjoy your summer.