This is probably going to read like a doompost, but I need to get it out.
Lately I’ve felt the urge to host more, to be more present, to show up consistently — maybe because of the state of the world, maybe because I just need something solid to hold onto. But in the middle of all that, I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship, especially the kind you build when you’re young in a niche community like the furry fandom.
And I hate to say it, but I don’t think people talk enough about how fragile those early friendships can be.

When you’re young, it feels permanent. You meet people through art, conventions, shared hyperfixations, late-night chats, and it feels like you’ve found your tribe for life. But as time goes on, something shifts. People drift. They grow out of the niche. They get tired. They rebrand themselves. They disappear without a word. Or worse — they ghost you, or quietly decide you’re inconvenient to keep around because they don’t want to be wrong about something small and meaningless.
I’ve seen it happen not just to me, but across this fandom over and over again. People who were once inseparable now don’t even acknowledge each other. Entire friend groups dissolve. And the older you get, the smaller your circle becomes.

Right now, there are only a few furries I’ve known since the beginning that I still talk to. The first ones. The foundational ones. And even there, my feelings are complicated. It’s not hatred. It’s not even bitterness exactly. It’s just exhaustion. There’s very little energy left to invest the way I used to.
Everyone else I’ve picked up along the way? Most of them are gone. Some drifted. Some ghosted. Some betrayed me in ways that still don’t sit right. Some chose pride over accountability over something so minute it’s almost embarrassing in hindsight.
So what do you do with that?

You start to question whether relying on friends is even realistic long term. You start to wonder if the pool just shrinks every year until you’re standing alone looking back at what feels like wasted time.
And that’s the part that hurts — not just losing people, but wondering if the emotional investment meant anything at all.

I’m not leaving. I don’t plan to “grow out” of this space. If anything, I feel like I’m settling into a different role. Maybe less as someone looking for tight-knit friend groups, and more as a steady presence. A figure. Maybe even a mentor in some way. Someone who’s been around long enough to see the cycles repeat.

But as far as friendship goes? I’m recalibrating my expectations. I’m not going to pretend permanence where there isn’t any.

If you’re reading this and you’re younger in the fandom — just understand that change is inevitable. People drift. That doesn’t automatically make it malicious. But don’t build your entire sense of stability on the idea that everyone you meet now will still be there in ten years.
I’m still going to post. I’m still going to make art. I’m still going to host.
I’m just adjusting how much of my heart I put on the line when I do.
Anyway — I hope everyone’s doing alright. More art soon.