I wanted to just make a journal to vent my feelings and kind of give an update.

I will start with the positives, GSFC and everyone there was wonderful. I think it was a smart choice to surround myself with such loving and caring folks, I really can't thank everyone enough.

Since getting home on Monday I have been off and on with being a complete wreck. It was to be expected but I was hoping that after therapy yesterday things would be slightly better, not like 100% but you know... I am slowly cleaning up and clearing out dog things from spaces, today was my car. I couldn't even fully finish before running inside to have a meltdown. I miss her so much and I just still want to believe she is here. I know the reality, but my god it's killing me... I have been at home during the days alone, and every noise I hear I wish it was her. She was so much more to me than I could ever express in words and I seriously feel like a chunk of me is missing. I just want to be with her again and hug her tightly. I don't want to keep replaying her final moments in my head. Thinking of all the wonderful memories just hurts right now, because I think of those constantly too.

If you read all this, thank you. I will be okay, just not sure when. I am still slowly moving on commissions when I feel like I can handle it.