you know....when i was younger people always asked me what it was like to see the world completely devoid of color, to see only black and white....since they've never heard of it before in humans they'd ask the one person they knew had the condition....i'd tell them "i don't know....it's how we used to think dogs saw the world....and they're happy regardless....so why should i be any different because i can't see the world for what it really is?". Growing up i never really knew the gravity of that statement until i was older....i thought to myself one day when i mastered differentiating colors by shades of grey...."i can't see the world for what it is....i can't percieve it's truth and reality...." and when i finally began to develope color vision....i was alarmed at how different the world was from what i percieved it to be all these years....i knew it wasn't black and white, but that's all i saw....so i was afraid when i started seeing color...."am i accepting the world and it's truths now....?". After my coma and death prior to....i realized....i missed not seeing color....because now i can see just how ugly and fake the world really is....how gaudy and dressed up it is....the world became nothing but lies....lies that hide the truth....when my world began slowing down because my learning dissability became a living dissability due to my brain damage....i finallly was able to see the world for what it is....and since i moved and functioned slower than all the other happy people in the world....i have a full understanding of how everything works....of how things fall into place even when you don't want them to....i began to see....and understand....how fake people were....so i no longer care....i no longer care about fitting into a place i clearly do not belong....filling a niche i clearly do not see a point to fill....this is both a blessing....and a curse, this....understanding of the world and the universe, this....perception of things that noone else understands....i'm different....i'm too different....my curse....has caused me to be rejected by the universe itself....only my will to live has ensured the universe does not erase me forever....i am enemy of the percieved reality that people live like mindless pawns or helpless, aimless sheep....and because of this i am hated by the denizens of this universe....i am pittied by those who take the time to look but not listen....stepped on by those who feel i should not exist....even death doesn't want me as i am....and yet....neither does life....i live in limbo....watching the world around from an outside point of view, from a foreign perspective....my outlook isn't bleak, it's honest....my attitude isn't negative, it's appropriate....my opinion isn't pessimistic....it's contained....i fear for those around who force me to actuallly fit into the universe....i fear for the fools to make me change....because it will almost never....be good....i'm not broken....i'm not defective....i'm working as i should....maybe you should look at the world from my eyes....only then will someone truely understand me....but be careful....once you take a look from my perspective....the weight of the world becomes....infinately heavier....it becomes crushing....i wouldn't wwish this on anyone....