Woke up feeling beyond depressed, hurting more than I can put into words. My life has taken the wrong turn and I'm scared, I'm afraid of myself, I don't know if I can do this for much longer, I cry all the time, andeven when tears aren't rolling down my face I am bawling inside.

I'm being torn apart little by little, every little thing reminds me of you and I don't know if it will go away, I'm trying to be strong, pick myself up and carry on like I always do. The more I force myself to distance the more I hurt. I just want to run away and nevermind look back.

I forced you to stop loving me, I forced you not to care. I can't even eat without my mind falling to memories of you, something is horribly wrong and I can't fix it this time.. we never should have taken that first hit. I never should have latest hands on you, I never should have taken your things. you were the one I love the most, the one that I would have conquered the world for, and now your gone. I destroyed us and I am having a hard time living with the mistakes I've made. I can't live with this monster I've become.

I'm tripping over shadows and chasing distant voices. Crying myself to sleep and screaming in my dreams, best friend is killing himself and there's nothing I can do. I'm so lost without you and nothing's going to change now because you're gone forever, I just want to show you that I can be different. I want to show myself I can be better, I just want a chance to make things right.

a year from now you say we can talk again, but in a year I don't think I will be here, the world around me is slowly killing me, it goes faster every second, nothing can be done at thus point, I know you can save me because you are an angel sent by the heavens to guide me, I tore off your wings and burned them with greed, I just want a light, because shadows are all I see..

I know you'll never see this but when I'm gone, this is all that remains. I love you just not enough to live like this. No one try to save me, because she is the only one that can.. goodnight