before I begin
first off this is going to be rather long.. so its okay to not read it if you want but its me expressing my thoughts and opinions. :)
I know some people are very bored by the topic of religion and some people (like myself) are very very interested in it. and furthermore im not looking for an argument here. if I say anything that offends you then I apologize in advance. that being said I MAY offend SOME people. but I do try to keep an open mind to everything I read religion wise and if you disagree then there would really be no need to say something rude about it. lets keep in mind the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" rule. I am open to criticism and thoughts and opinions and everything you have to offer.

in the beginning
lets start off with the very very beginning. my mom is catholic and my dad is babtist. I live in Tennessee (in the bible belt,obviously) and have a very very religious Christian family, who only days after I was born was taking me to church to have me baptized. I was baptized catholic and had most of my childhood church memories in a catholic church. up until age 5 or 6 or 7 I would go there on occasion.. I would tend to pitch holy tantrums every morning after being told we were going to go and to this day im not a big fan of the place. I felt like it was boring! on top of that I was being told some old story by some old man in some huge building on one of my days off of school! I didn't even listen! most of the time I would sit there and hit my sister or something to get attention.. I never understood anything they were telling me nor did I really ever care.. I just remember that I didn't like it there and that's that XD

later on
as I grew up I started to get somewhat interested in the bible. around age 10. I had this one vacation bible school program that really tried to make it fun for us and despite I wasn't really having "fun" I found myself trying to get into the bible as much as possible. I remember that some nights I would come home crying because I couldn't remember my bible verses as well as the other kids and they made fun of me, and come to think of it, I was made fun of a lot in that church. this was a Baptist by the way. and for a whole year I became one of those "force my religion down your throat" kind of people.. luckily at that point I had no internet access because I have some rather strict parents XD or else I would have been one of those .. idiots on the internet today trying to force religion XD

about a year later I found myself starting to really hating church.. I was being picked on a lot and I was starting to try to rebel to everything.. I was about 11 or 12 and I was tired of being a little kid.. and this is where I became one of the very passive Christians. I didn't know jack shit about the bible and openly admitted that to everyone that asked me about it. and it wasn't long after that that my Christian friends at school outcasted me and the atheist and free thinking kids took me into their group.. I started seeing all these new ideas and started really figuring myself out.

then came a nagging fear
in my last year of that vacation summer school I read all of revelations In the bible. (if you don't know, this is the last chapter and is meant to scare you into believing in a "before its too late" kind of fashion) and I was terrified. what were all these monsters?! what was all this NONSENCE?! up until that point I only read what the teachers wanted me to read! I read only stuff like John 3:16 and.. other lovey dovey stuff that sounded good! and now I was getting a taste of what all was REALLY in the bible.
and every night before bed I would make myself sick to my stomach with "what ifs" ..
"what if there is no heaven?" "what happens when I die?" "what will happen if I leave god?" and etcetera
and then one night I decided that I was going to basically.. believe in it and ignore everything else. I was going to go out of my way to make only this religion the right one and everything else didn't exist. and even then I knew really NOTHING about Christianity! I knew nothing about science! or rational thinking! this period of purposeful ignorance went on for a while..

fast forward a little
I started to realize something about myself.. I didn't like boys. and this really terrified me.. for a long long time I tried to convince myself that I had a problem. I was 12 years old and forcing myself to like boys against.. what I really liked.. and I felt really really bad.. I started to really try my hardest to get a boy to like me back but.. in all truthfulness I wouldn't want any of them to date me or kiss me or anything.. and this went on until about.. a year ago or so,sadly.. I denied my like for girls.. all because a book told me to. and at 14 I sunk into a depression..

leaving god
I started off trying my hardest to get a hold of god again.. I tried for a really long time and I tried very very hard.. but it seemed that the more I tried the more I didn't want to go back.. I decided to try other religions.. and I found out that I had an interest in wicca and things typically considered "evil" to Christians.. I studied wicca for maybe 4 months really thinking that it was for me but then I realized that.. I really couldn't believe in any god-like being(s) or anything like that. the idea of a god just further confused me and despite trying I left wicca too.

falling in love for the first time
hehe.. long story short.. I started dating this wonderful girl named Victoria. and I found out that she was a Satanist. at first I was very shocked and confused. did this mean she worshipped satan?! did this mean that she sacrificed animals and all this crazy stuff I hear about on the news and in books and stuff?!
and she started to explain it to me.. and it really started to click with me better than any religion ever did (other than atheism of course..but they are basically the same thing)

what is Satanism?
Satanism is NOT the worship of satan. instead we use satan as a symbol of being pretty much the opposite of Christian beliefs.
we love human nature. we find things like lust for example to be a sort of beautiful thing because it is human. we rejoice in being human.
and that means that we try our best to love ourselves and live our lives to the fullest! the religion is about bettering yourself.. and not just giving in to some other person.
we take Christian values and basically.. rethink them. like "turn the other cheek" for example.. we would hit the person back harder! that's what my parents have been teaching me all of my life!
and Satanism really helped me to realize that being gay is not wrong nor is it a choice.

my opinions now
this will most likely be the most offensive thing I say but again, it is only my opinion.
I cant deny that inside (despite I don't show it) I am rather militant about my religion.. and I may make another journal on that topic alone..
but I believe that atheists and agnostics and.. those who have already left mainstream religion and given up god should really look into Satanism. its basically the exact same morals that you are living by now.. but now theres a religion for those exact beliefs.. a lot of atheists are Satanists and just don't realize it.. a lot of CHRISTIANS are Satanists and don't realize it..
it really is a religion about bettering yourself as a human being and benefiting to yourself and society. about putting yourself and your family before any other being in the world.. its about valuing yourself and your life enough to not turn to any religion.
and no.. we don't do evil things like you think we do.
those people who you are thinking of (the crazy Satanists who go on killing rampages and such) are theistic Satanists.. and they truthfully have the strangest religion I may have ever heard (second only to Christianity) but nonetheless XD
Satanists don't believe in any god(s).. we don't kill people XD .. we love life.. and we love ourselves.. and we try to better ourselves in safe ways.. I really suggest that you read on it or ask questions about it..because its really not what you may think it is.

in closing
I truthfully think that the best path for me (and not all but an exceptional few others) is Satanism.
you can disagree if you would like.. but those are my thoughts on the whole topic of religion summed up to the best of my ability.
if you read all of this then thanks :D and your awesome.. and stuff ^_^
if its not too much to ask (and it may be) I would ask that you look into Satanism ^_^ who knows, it may be as life changing for you as it was for me ^_^
nonetheless.. thanks for reading and.. hail thyself ^_^ <3