I've been trying to figure myself out recently. There are so many reasons I don't like who I am, yet I also feel like I'm the luckiest guy alive to be surrounded by so many wonderful souls. It's... Polarizing to say the least. It's what makes everything so difficult for me, the constant nagging feeling that nothing I'm doing is right, no matter how much I try not to look for perfection in my art and nothing but.

I wish I could just... Write. I hate not being able to write, being afraid to just put some words on a page and let the ink flow.

I have no way to figure this out, and it feels like I never will with the therapists refusing to see me.

I just.

I'm losing hope in my abilities. All of them. And it's getting worse.

At this point I feel like I can't do anything but watch paint dry, and even then, I'm probably fucking it up somehow.

This isn't a cry for help, don't get me wrong. My problems are solely my problems. This is more of a yell into the void.

If you're reading this, future me, I hope you figured out why you just can't get past this hurdle.

And why you feel like your friends despise you, no matter what they say. (Probably open up to them more, bud. Just a tip.)