Some of my ramblings again, 'cause yeah... some people can just take away your will to live...


It's been 3 weeks since I moved away from my parents house, well technically. I currently live in a homeless shelter and will stay there until I've found my own appartment.

At first I was pretty grateful that my plan actually worked, unlike the two other times where I was forced to go back home to my parents. I remember in the first shelter where I stayed for three days, happier then ever to be finally free from this emotional burden I'd been put through bc of my weight gain and eating.

But now, hmmm

In the second shelter I was moved to, I have to share a room with a drug addict woman, who's 19 years older than me and pretty unpredictable in her behavior. The first red flag and what made me feel unsettled the most were her being concerned about me the first second I came in and trying to control me, offering me to connect my phone with hers to check my location... wtf

Like dude, I'm just a random person who you've never heard of before and I was just telling her about my date with a guy who I've been writing with for 3 months.

And bc he lives 400 kilometers away from me, she called me out for being naive and started listing various horror scenarios about rape, pimping and him being a horny middle-aged man, who would lie about his age of 25.

The reason for that were her own bad experiences with men and life failures... She keeps saying that all men are bastards, but is that so?

Just because something bad happens to person A doesn't mean it has to happen to person B. Usually you'd notice on your first date if the person next to you is someone you'd like to spend time with in future. It's kinda your gut feeling that would tell you, y'know. Besides to get to know a person further and their overall mindset you gotta spend more time with them...and then we can talk about the word "naive"!

How else are relationships supposed to work if you don't even get the chance to know the person just because someone's trying to ruin it for you?


And the hell is that statement " meeting a complete stranger"?! First he wasn't a complete stranger 'cause we were writing for a couple of months and also got to know some stuff about eachother, second, isn't like every date a stranger at the begin?

Same thing for friendships, your friends used to be strangers too when you first meet them... that's how we happen to build any kind of relations. The hell is her logic?

Instead of being excited for my first date, thanks to my roommate, all of my energy went into ignoring her panic-maker stories and not taking her words personally. As someone who's been dealing a lot with emotional abuse and emotional dependency, this was more than mentally exhausting for me. At the end I tried to gain back my trust in my gut feeling and went to my date I had on the 17th of this January!

It was one of the best days in my life and the begin of my new relationship!

The guy I met was pretty shy and nervous, but also really sympathetic and caring! Absolutely the opposite of what she'd been imagining!

Actually I had the feeling that I was the needy one who wanted him in bed as fast as possible XD He infact was pretty careful and aiming forward to gain trust at first.

Last weekend we happened to get a little more physical with cuddling and touching, but even then it was too early for certain stuff, for example kissing. Personally I found myself being ready, but he would need some time to get to know me closer.


Even though I have to admit that I kinda feel impatient I also gotta admit that I absolutely admire his attidude! Like my feeling's telling me that relationships that start to build up slowly and gradually will also happen to be more stable than those with couples who happen to land in bed already the first week... but guess what, I'm still naive! I should listen to a fucking addict who's been for like major part responsible for her own failures!

Should I just throw away the chance to start my first ever relationship just because some 38 years old failure of a human, who never chose to hang up with right people, is telling me "all men are bastards!" ??!

Her logic

dating a guy who lives 400 kilometers away from: he's got something bad in mind

dating a guy nearby: always correct!

Dafuq?


Yeah, sure it's a little tricky with that distance, but it's not impossible to build a relationship, just will take slower than usual relationships. I mean weekend meetings are pretty nice too.

However I found myself planing to move to the same city where he lives in or to a city nearby to get to know him closer and see if our relationship will work in future. Even if it shouldn't work I won't regret to have moved to a different city. In general I'm striving forward to move to a different city because of my love for the long-distance and new. I see the move to an other city as a way to let go of my old life and as a way to completely restart.


I really don't understand what's supposed to be so naive about. Did she get to know him personally or did I get to know him personally? Isn't it too early to judge.

And speaking of, once again, who's she to judge in the first place?!

There are women who've got positive experiences in men and then there are those... Everyone will say something different and surely everyone will have the one or the other advice, but her? Seriously?! An erratic addict, who can't even manage her detox and starts insulting me bc I reported her behavior to the social workers?!

She says that she doesn't do anything, but her talking shit about my relationships speaks otherwise as well as her attempts at trying to control me!


Also, sorry if I've gotten a bit emotional throughout my writing. It's still a huge struggle for me to make myself independent from other people's opinions.


Anyways, I'm kinda curious:

Have some of you ever dealt with people who would speak badly about your relationship because of their own failed past experiences?