Some type of recap or whatever, I used to do these p much every year, have scrubbed most of them however.

but yeah.
Idk, 2025 was not very good one for me. I had to go through some really difficult times and come to terms with a lot.
I'm still very much healing. I am hurting quite a lot. I also lost a close family member this past fall and it's... something that I'm feeling lot of grief but also guilt over. It's been rough, I've been very depressed.

In mid march I was able to move away from toxic/abusive situation, and relocated to Connecticut with my partner.
I've liked it here A LOT, and so far this is my favorite place I've either visited or lived in USA.
Being in better environment has helped me a lot to center and find myself again. I realized that I had completely lost the sight of myself and turned into someone else after years of abuse. It is also nice to live with someone who treats me like a human.
I've been walking a lot all year, at best I'm walking 3miles/day. Pokemon go has been a great boon : )

I lost a lot, pretty much everything I had and had tried to build up to. It's been a very bitter pill to swallow, it has felt unfair since it was me who was wronged and treated like garbage - and I feel like I was left with the most mess and lost so much. All over other people's actions and stupid af choices. I still feel like I'm on a loose noose as there's few more things to be settled/wrapped up with my divorce. In some months everything should be done and I think I'll start feeling bit better.
But these are the cards I've been dealt with, I hope in time I can build up to something better.

The uncertainty of the future has been the scariest thing, and I can't lie, I still don't really know what I'm gonna do. Nowhere feels fully like home anymore, there's lot of things I hate in my life in USA, and there's a lot of things I'd hate in my life back in Finland.
Neither option is perfect and in both options I'm losing a lot. I never intendent to stay here if it were not for my now ex-spouse, but here we are, now. I figure all I can do is just be patient and try and focus in the now, the answers will come in time.

More than anything, if I want to continue to live in the states, I have to find myself a life here. Friends, community, hobbies whatever.
I've been so alone and isolated for nearly a decade, and after everything I've been through, I also cannot stay here just for my partner. It is not sustainable. I've tried to build something up, tried to meet new people but failed kinda miserably at that, then the death in my family happened + some other stuff and I lost all momentum. I've been in bit of a hermit mode for this past fall.

I'm trying to climb up. I hope better things will come to me in 2026.


I want to thank everyone for the support, the continued business and all the generous donations in my very big time of need earlier this year. I was able to get to a better place and start over because of all of that. I cannot thank everyone enough for it. It is the kindness I really needed in an extremely dark time of my life.


I hope everyone has a good new years and I hope 2026 will have something better in store for everyone.