Ok. So y'all know that I love the sound of hearts, heck my name is 'cardiologist' it's pretty obvious. But.... While my husband knows it's a sound that calms me down when I'm stressed, he doesn't know much more than that. Heck, he doesn't even really know much about this dA page other than I draw gryphons and occasionally he sees the rare fanart that I do recieve.

Ive been debating on sending him audio messages with just my heart beating the whole message, but I feel that would be weird. I'd LOVE to send him those, but how do I tell him? I know he'd send heart messages back, no questions there, but how do I go about telling him what heart beats mean to me? What the sound of his heart beat means to me?

Then there's the matter of him showing things off like crazy, nothing's a secret with him. This..... This would HAVE to Be a secret, which is super hard for him. He can keep secrets but he doesn't like it and sometimes slip. He never means to but it does happen. I don't want him showing off the heart recordings to everyone because he likes them p, but at the same time..... I wouldn't mind it. There's something different about streaming my heartbeat to y'all idk what it is. Maybe because to you my facd is a huggable gryphon with blue hair? Idk.

Then em after all that how or do I even, mention that I livestream my heartbeat, that I've been uploading my heartbeat for years before I met him! Heck, my first YouTube channel that I'd upload my heartbeat to had THOUSANDS of views, like its way more popular than this dA and the new YouTube page combined. How do I tell him these things?

We literally have no secrets between each other, and I don't want this to be a secret from him. I want him to share the same feeling I do. I suspect him of feeling the same way as he will spend hours just laying his ear on my chest, listening to my heart beating away in his ear. He's told me how much he loves the sound of my heart, how comforting it is for him. He falls asleep listening to my heartbeat every time we are on the couch watching tv or YouTube or something. Then he lets me do the same. Some nights when I have a hard time sleeping, a panic attack, PTSD or something, he will let me fall asleep to the sound of his heart.

It it seems so easy to talk about my love when it's here online, I'm not sure what's different. Maybe because he's my love and it's something super special? I really have no idea. Maybe I have a hard time telling him because we both already know these things and we just haven't verbalized them?

Im not sure. Maybe I should just send him an audio message of my heartbeating, see where it goes from there.

Id really love some advice please. Y'all have always been there for me when I need help and this is super special.