Hey guys,
It's been a while. I don't tend to use my laptop that much anymore.
That's more or less because I don't tend to be home that much anymore and when I am I'm stoned off my ass or distracting myself with my phone. I wish I was kidding.

I've decided to start blogging again more regularly here. I know journals aren't meant to be the sole use of FA but let's face it, I'm not spectacular at drawing, I can't do digital art, writing isn't as appreciated here as it is in other places and I'm no photographer. I lurk and write journals.

So here's the story:

I am incredibly depressed.
Last year has taken its toll on me in a way I never thought life would. I knew adult life was going to be hard but fuck me this is something completely different. Homelessness, deaths, breakups, working up to 70 hours a week... it's just incredible how much stress a person can take and keep pushing along.

...Then one day you can't anymore.
One day you've made it back up onto your feet and you're in a stable place... that's when it hurts. That's when it hits you like a fucking earthquake and suddenly you have to process it all and that's hard. I've been processing this since September and it's only just now starting to get better.

I've been getting better and better at drag. You can find my drag profile on Facebook as "Jenn DeSwitch" if you're interested. That helps with my confidence because I get to step out of myself for a night, leave all of my problems at home and become this other person. I get to be as outgoing and sassy and flirtatious as I want and it doesn't come back on me like it would in person. I don't want to be that intense person all the time, but it's nice to be able to sometimes. Most people don't have that outlet.

Other than that, though, I find myself increasingly dissatisfied with who I am as a person, what I look like and where my life is at the moment. I feel fat, unattractive, I feel like my life is heading straight to a dead-end desk job with no family and no dog. I desperately want a dog. That kind of companionship would change everything... but this place doesn't allow dogs and I'm in no position to go anywhere.

I'll give a more detailed account of things soon but... for now...
I just want to say out loud that I'm not okay. Even if nobody's reading it.