Hello everyone!

I'd like to apologize for the lack of uploads on both my main and my alt (+18) account. unfortunately I can't promise that this will change any time soon.
I'm at a very strange place with where I want my art to go, IF I even want to continue on drawing.

How did I get to this point?

You see a big dream of mine is/was to make a comic with an original story. It is an idea that I've been working on for at least 4 years but no actual work on the comic was made. I feel like I've made that comic too big and too ambitious of a project for my current skills. And I really wanted to get better at art, but I had to realize that everything in life is pushing me away from reaching that dream. Examples:

1. My current job

I'm currently working a factory job, where workers are being crunched beyond their limists. Just to show how bad things are we have to take on 10 hour shift lasting over midnight for 2 weeks starting mid January, and the company plans to make all Saturdays mandatory workdays. (As if working till midnight wasn't bad enough). All of this for minimal vague btw. Because of this most of my time and enegry is spent on my job, and I barely have neought time just to sit down and play games.

2. I stopped posting my stuff.

Whilst I did manage to make a few pieces I decided not to post them to the web. One of the reason is for my own self esteem. I'm consantly in this cycle of "posting art that I'm proud of, realizing it's actually not that good, seeing that not many people has even seen it let alone leaving comments on them and all that, and then burning out". So to keep myself safe from that cycle I feel like I should stop posting my art on my socials. The other reason is in my next point:

3. This whole AI bullshit.

I cannot escape it and it's keeps getting worse. I keep seeing videos about people abusing the system to screw over other artists, stealing their work, and characters. And I'm tired of questioning any art I see on the internet. (To be fair the fact that that's the only thing in my feed is probably my fault. -.- Maybe I should stop clicking on content like that) And since Twitter introduced a feature where people can use AI to edit any image they see to their liking, lead me to the decision to completely private and abandom my Twitter account. And the other sites I DO want/wanted to upload aren't safe eather. I don't want to risk being a wictim of anything related to gen AI.

4. I'm not happy with my art

I feel like no matter how hard I try I'm stuck. My characters and style always look different every time I draw. I'm having a hard time drawing backgrounds and I've never struggled with coming up with things like poses for a character, or what I even want to dra in the first place.

5. My current mental state.

It has never been good, but now I feel like it's at the lowest point. And I feel like this eversince I started working at my current place. I keep having naps in the middle of the day more frequently and the naps now take longer than ever. I've gotten really lazy, not just art wise but anything in my life, and I have no idea what to do about it. Spending time with my friends and family hasn't realy helped. I do appreciate having them, but my family doesn't believe in mental illness and my friends seemingly suffer from the same issues I'm currently dealing with. Therapists are too expensive in my country and I'm not sure if I can trust them. And even if they want to help me I feel like my mental state is beyond repair at this point.

I'm not writing this as a way for you to say sorry for me. I just want to explain why I was silent for all this time.

So there you have it. To be honest I'm at the edge of giving up. Part of me already has. I really wanted to make that comic a reality but seeing how things are in the world I'm not hopeful. Thing are only getting worse.

If you've read this 1. I'm sorry for the negativity. 2 Thank you for your time!

I hope Christmas went well and have a happy new year!