Hello people.

Not the kind of journal I'd like to make, but I'm really curious as to what others think about this. Whilst what I'll be discussing in there will relate to my writing, this could very well apply to any form of art or creativity in a nutshell. I won't make a habit of posting such journals since, at the end of the day, you don't need to hear about my problems and I'd much rather give an aura of good vibes than looking like I'm seeking attention or something.

Basically, the question I'm asking myself lately is the following: Am I the only one that suddenly go so deep into feeling everything I'm working on is garbage? Here's my reasoning. Whilst this may sounds harsh, in the end, I have a folder of my current work-in-progress, with a third of them still in bulletpoint draft (to not forget about the core idea I had at the moment), the other third is work that has been started, and the final third are actually pieces I've finished and could probably be posted, but each time I think about it and re-read my work, my first thoughts usually are "this is not good enough." Thus, I keep re-editing stuff, trying to fix the "mistakes" and making everything flow smoothly so that there is no ambiguity, fix the typos and/or grammatical errors/sentence structuring, almost as if a mistake would be the end of me.

Then, there's the other part of me that had ideas, but I took so long to write about them that someone else ended up eventually having an idea very close to what I thought of, which then sends me in a "if I post/finish this, people will think i'm just someone who plagiarize others." At one point, I was enjoying writing on CHYOA, adding story paths here and there to the ideas I really liked, to spice them with what I enjoyed myself. Even that died up, though, as I'm now thinking to myself "people must get annoyed that I keep bringing balloons everywhere." So even on that site, I have a bunch of unpublished chapters that are absolutely finished and ready to go, but I can't bring myself to press the big red button to send 'em.

I'm somewhat lost, to be perfectly honest. Albeit a bit stressful whenever it's go time, I enjoyed sharing my art and my creativity here and there. But for some reason, while the ideas are still coming forth, I'm never satisfied of the final product. I don't know what to do about it. No worries to whoever's reading this thinking I will delete all my accounts and try to disappear, I will never do that. As long as CHYOA, FurAffinity and DeviantArt exists (or doesn't ban me), my already publicly available work will stay public, and always will be.

I'm just trying to understand what I'm feeling at the moment. If anyone else feels, or has felt anything similar in the past. I'm looking for advice, I'd love to be back to sharing my craft, maybe try to figure out why is it that I'm so unsatisfied with what I'm writing currently. If you have anything at all to offer, I'm all ears. I beg of y'all.

This will be the only journal I'll make about this. My life belt thrown out at sea. If this helps me, great! If not, it is what it is, I tried. Thank you very much to anyone who has read this whole wall of text, and I am extremely sorry if this bummed you while you had a good day. I'll be reading and responding to anyone who comments, no matter what. Until then, take care!

~ Balloonymous