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Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-MYYYYY CORONAAA! (Update)
Posted 5 years ago All these bitches wearin' masks
They wearin' masks,
Cause they don't wanna catch
MYYY CORONAAAAA
...sorry. ^^;
Well, it's about to be May, and there seems to be no signs of this cockery slowing down, so needless to say cabin fever has been setting in pretty hardcore for me. Boredom and stress fill most of my days, and even though I've been listening to meditation tracks and relaxing nature sounds in my downtime, I find myself getting really cranky and nasty for the smallest reasons.
What really sucks though is my panic attacks seem to be happening even more frequently rhan before, and I started experiencing intrusive thoughts and panic attacks that render me unable to speak properly. It's also made basic everyday tasks very nerve-racking and difficult. I don't wanna say anything before consulting a doctor, but I'm very convinced that my mental health is slowly deteriorating, and I'm afraid that there's gonna be more symptoms that may develop later down the line.
If you saw earlier this month I posted a journal stating that I've been showing signs of PTSD, usually triggered either by certain sounds or sensations, such as being hit or listening to one of my family members yelling out. It doesn't help that my Father continues to abuse alcohol and completely act two-faced to me and my family. It sucks, and being stuck in the same damn house where all these bad memories reside for over a decade? That's just the cherry on top of the shit cake.
I'm doing my best to hold it together and take care of the house and family, but as we continue to deal with the current health crisis, I'm finding new ways to be productive, and hopefully soon I can start focusing on what i love doinh, like writing and drawing again.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with mental health issues and trying to survive a pandemic at the same time in a house full of crazy people. Ain't life wonderful?
They wearin' masks,
Cause they don't wanna catch
MYYY CORONAAAAA
...sorry. ^^;
Well, it's about to be May, and there seems to be no signs of this cockery slowing down, so needless to say cabin fever has been setting in pretty hardcore for me. Boredom and stress fill most of my days, and even though I've been listening to meditation tracks and relaxing nature sounds in my downtime, I find myself getting really cranky and nasty for the smallest reasons.
What really sucks though is my panic attacks seem to be happening even more frequently rhan before, and I started experiencing intrusive thoughts and panic attacks that render me unable to speak properly. It's also made basic everyday tasks very nerve-racking and difficult. I don't wanna say anything before consulting a doctor, but I'm very convinced that my mental health is slowly deteriorating, and I'm afraid that there's gonna be more symptoms that may develop later down the line.
If you saw earlier this month I posted a journal stating that I've been showing signs of PTSD, usually triggered either by certain sounds or sensations, such as being hit or listening to one of my family members yelling out. It doesn't help that my Father continues to abuse alcohol and completely act two-faced to me and my family. It sucks, and being stuck in the same damn house where all these bad memories reside for over a decade? That's just the cherry on top of the shit cake.
I'm doing my best to hold it together and take care of the house and family, but as we continue to deal with the current health crisis, I'm finding new ways to be productive, and hopefully soon I can start focusing on what i love doinh, like writing and drawing again.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with mental health issues and trying to survive a pandemic at the same time in a house full of crazy people. Ain't life wonderful?
Listen, I get prevention and everything, but...
Posted 5 years agoWas standing six feet apart and wearing masks not stopping anything?
Why are aisles at the grocery store suddenly one-way? I literally was halfway down the aisle at my local Publix, PASSED 3 EMPLOYEES WHO SAID NOTHING, and was then told to go the other way.
The produce section was fucking 10 feet away, now I have to go back down the ailse, go to the next ailse, walk all the way down that one, and THEN I can get to the produce I was just right fucking next to.
This is the worst fucking time to be alive.
Why are aisles at the grocery store suddenly one-way? I literally was halfway down the aisle at my local Publix, PASSED 3 EMPLOYEES WHO SAID NOTHING, and was then told to go the other way.
The produce section was fucking 10 feet away, now I have to go back down the ailse, go to the next ailse, walk all the way down that one, and THEN I can get to the produce I was just right fucking next to.
This is the worst fucking time to be alive.
Panic Attacks, Consistent Nightnares? Yeah, I got PTSD...
Posted 5 years agoWoke up multiple times in the middle of the night from horibble dreams about my Dad getting drunk ans getting into a fight with me, and every time I ended up knocking my phone off the side table, and when it happened about 20 minutes ago, I had an intense panic attack.
I've been having panic attacks very consistently, they happen at the most random times over the most random things. Over the past week alone I've had more of them, sometimes multiple times daily. I even took one of my Dad's sedatives the other morning, woke up from a nap, and had two more attacks.
I don't know if it's just cabin fever or what, but the nightmares and my overall feeling of nervousness everywhere I go feels unnatural. I just can't keep living like this, I need to seek out a doctor and find an explanation for what's happening to me.
Granted, I stopped drinking cold turkey earlier this week, but the truth is these nightmares and attacks have been happening for longer than that, maybe over a week at this point.
Either way, I just want you guys to know that I'm gonna seek the help I need before its too late this time. I love you, and stay kind to one another as well as yourselves.
I've been having panic attacks very consistently, they happen at the most random times over the most random things. Over the past week alone I've had more of them, sometimes multiple times daily. I even took one of my Dad's sedatives the other morning, woke up from a nap, and had two more attacks.
I don't know if it's just cabin fever or what, but the nightmares and my overall feeling of nervousness everywhere I go feels unnatural. I just can't keep living like this, I need to seek out a doctor and find an explanation for what's happening to me.
Granted, I stopped drinking cold turkey earlier this week, but the truth is these nightmares and attacks have been happening for longer than that, maybe over a week at this point.
Either way, I just want you guys to know that I'm gonna seek the help I need before its too late this time. I love you, and stay kind to one another as well as yourselves.
Slipped, but Caught Myself
Posted 5 years agoHoo boy, I probably should not be writing a journal right now considering how heavy my eyelids are getting, but hey, why worry now? lol
Anyways, y'all probably remember that 2019 going into 2020 started off pretty bad for me. I became a non-functioning alcoholic and had to be hospitalized for a mental evaluation, upon which i learned I have clinical depression.
Well, three months later and now facing a global panic, I started to slip back into some of my bad habits, such as drinking on the daily, and my asshole friend from my Mom's prior workplace got me back into vaping disposable pod systems. Needless to say I was doing well until he came back into my life.
I woke up around midnight last night, and couldn't go back to sleep because I had heartburn. This was the 5th night in a row this happened, and I tried to take a tums to hold down whatever I had to regurgitate. Needless to say that kept me awake for the rest of the night, and I ended up having 4 violent spasms in my stomach throughout the day.
...and I would say I'm mad at myself for doing this, but I also thank the universe for the doctors I was given.
I'd been taking Wellbutrin for depression, and as it turns out mixing that with booze equals vomiting, which is why doctors recommend it specifically to people recovering from an alcoholic depression.
...I mean, where's Red Foreman when ya need him?
So needless to say I'm 1000% done with the bad habits. I am going to avoid any kind of booze or vape products as much as possible. I will never forget the horrible sickness that befell me earlier today, I actually could have easily died choking on my own stomach acid...
Anyways, hopefully y'all are doing ok. Hope that whatever comes your way will be an easy obstacle.
Anyways, y'all probably remember that 2019 going into 2020 started off pretty bad for me. I became a non-functioning alcoholic and had to be hospitalized for a mental evaluation, upon which i learned I have clinical depression.
Well, three months later and now facing a global panic, I started to slip back into some of my bad habits, such as drinking on the daily, and my asshole friend from my Mom's prior workplace got me back into vaping disposable pod systems. Needless to say I was doing well until he came back into my life.
I woke up around midnight last night, and couldn't go back to sleep because I had heartburn. This was the 5th night in a row this happened, and I tried to take a tums to hold down whatever I had to regurgitate. Needless to say that kept me awake for the rest of the night, and I ended up having 4 violent spasms in my stomach throughout the day.
...and I would say I'm mad at myself for doing this, but I also thank the universe for the doctors I was given.
I'd been taking Wellbutrin for depression, and as it turns out mixing that with booze equals vomiting, which is why doctors recommend it specifically to people recovering from an alcoholic depression.
...I mean, where's Red Foreman when ya need him?
So needless to say I'm 1000% done with the bad habits. I am going to avoid any kind of booze or vape products as much as possible. I will never forget the horrible sickness that befell me earlier today, I actually could have easily died choking on my own stomach acid...
Anyways, hopefully y'all are doing ok. Hope that whatever comes your way will be an easy obstacle.
Update
Posted 5 years agoHey guys, just wanted to check in on y'all and make sure everyone's alright.
My family and I have been hanging in there, Dad thankfully still gets to go to work since his store is considered an essential business. Mom, Granny and I are keeping busy at home, making short and quick grocery store trips every once in a while and taking a lot of the necessary precautions to keep us all healthy.
I just wanted to say I love you guys, and make sure to wash yo' hands! X3
My family and I have been hanging in there, Dad thankfully still gets to go to work since his store is considered an essential business. Mom, Granny and I are keeping busy at home, making short and quick grocery store trips every once in a while and taking a lot of the necessary precautions to keep us all healthy.
I just wanted to say I love you guys, and make sure to wash yo' hands! X3
"Fountain's of Wayne" Cofounder Lost to the 'Rona
Posted 5 years agohttps://variety.com/2020/music/news.....es-1203552130/
Just in case y'all dunno who this guy is, he brought the world Stacy's Mom back in 03.
R.I.P
Just in case y'all dunno who this guy is, he brought the world Stacy's Mom back in 03.
R.I.P
oh noes
Posted 5 years ago*looks at calendar*
Oh no
*instantly distrusts any information gathered for the next 24 hours*
Oh no
*instantly distrusts any information gathered for the next 24 hours*
Coms, Covid, and Channels! Oh my!
Posted 5 years agoY O O
What's happenin fuzzbutts? Dusty here with another update from the new epicenter of the pandemic, Broward County, FL.
As you all have probably guessed by now, I'm healthy and safe in my own home. I don't go out much anymore, other than going to grab groceries and other household essentials, I'm mostly cooped up in our home. As far as I know, there's a "stay-safe-inside" warning out, but most businesses still seem to be open. (Thank god the liquor store's open! lmao!)
Now if you've seen the last few journals, y'all probably know that as of now, I'm pretty much flying solo irl after finally dropping the last of my friends. To tell you the truth, my focus has decreased immensely today, and I find my mind wandering a lot more than it used to. Thoughts of my last friend still pop into my head, and the more I think about it, the happier I am that he's out of my life. After all the crazy situations he got me into, after all the times he embarrassed me in front of everyone, after all the times he bossed me around and told me what to do with my life, I feel as though 15 tons had just been lifted off my shoulders.
Now I can live my life free of judgement, free of scrutiny, free of that lingering presence over my shoulder. I can now focus on the things I truly want to do with my life, and I my thoughts feel more rationalized and clearer. It's amazing how much a single human being - out of a planet populated by 8 billion+ people - can be such a bad influence and such an oppresive force over your life.
As a matter of fact, I just shared a post to Facebook that my adoptive aunt from Jacksonville posted on her timeline the other day, and it read:
"Please think 1000 times before opening up to someone.
This may sound harsh, but suffering alone in silence is way better than telling the wrong people your deepest, darkest secrets and watch them misuse them."
I knew my "friend" was embarrassed to be associated with me. I saw it in his face. He looked as though he only came over out of pity. Though that wouldn't make much sense considering how much he lectured me about pitying myself and blaming other people for the way I think. FYI: I HAVE AUTISM, ADHD, AND CLINICAL DEPRESSION, if you can't handle the fact that I am who I am and you can't change that, then get out of my life.
Can't handle the heat? Get the f*ck out og the kitchen!
But anywho, all I can say is that I love every single one of you, and I can't thank you enough for your endless support. I know I'm not perfect, but the beauty of life is that nothing is. If you think you're perfect, then reconsider your definition.
_____
So! With all that out of my system, I'm starting to once again generate lots of ideas for upcoming stories I want to write, and once I start uploading some examples of commission work and how I write, I'm fairly confident that I will soon finally be able to open for...
STORY COMMISSIONS!!!
Yes, that's right! I'm finally getting that spark of inspiration from my true friends (i.e u guys ;3), and I'm feeling the confidence and freedom to finally begin my path to authorhood! (If that's even a word!)
_____
On one final note, if you haven't seen my previous featured journal lately, I started a brand new Twitch channel where I will be livestreaming all sorts of crazy games, including Fortnite, Minecraft, Dead by Daylight, and pretty much whatever games I can get my claws on!
So what are you waiting for? Come follow my all-new TWITCH CHANNEL for funny commentary, lots of giggles, and plenty of fun!
______
I love you all, take care, stay safe, don't travel, and remember to wash yo hands!
What's happenin fuzzbutts? Dusty here with another update from the new epicenter of the pandemic, Broward County, FL.
As you all have probably guessed by now, I'm healthy and safe in my own home. I don't go out much anymore, other than going to grab groceries and other household essentials, I'm mostly cooped up in our home. As far as I know, there's a "stay-safe-inside" warning out, but most businesses still seem to be open. (Thank god the liquor store's open! lmao!)
Now if you've seen the last few journals, y'all probably know that as of now, I'm pretty much flying solo irl after finally dropping the last of my friends. To tell you the truth, my focus has decreased immensely today, and I find my mind wandering a lot more than it used to. Thoughts of my last friend still pop into my head, and the more I think about it, the happier I am that he's out of my life. After all the crazy situations he got me into, after all the times he embarrassed me in front of everyone, after all the times he bossed me around and told me what to do with my life, I feel as though 15 tons had just been lifted off my shoulders.
Now I can live my life free of judgement, free of scrutiny, free of that lingering presence over my shoulder. I can now focus on the things I truly want to do with my life, and I my thoughts feel more rationalized and clearer. It's amazing how much a single human being - out of a planet populated by 8 billion+ people - can be such a bad influence and such an oppresive force over your life.
As a matter of fact, I just shared a post to Facebook that my adoptive aunt from Jacksonville posted on her timeline the other day, and it read:
"Please think 1000 times before opening up to someone.
This may sound harsh, but suffering alone in silence is way better than telling the wrong people your deepest, darkest secrets and watch them misuse them."
I knew my "friend" was embarrassed to be associated with me. I saw it in his face. He looked as though he only came over out of pity. Though that wouldn't make much sense considering how much he lectured me about pitying myself and blaming other people for the way I think. FYI: I HAVE AUTISM, ADHD, AND CLINICAL DEPRESSION, if you can't handle the fact that I am who I am and you can't change that, then get out of my life.
Can't handle the heat? Get the f*ck out og the kitchen!
But anywho, all I can say is that I love every single one of you, and I can't thank you enough for your endless support. I know I'm not perfect, but the beauty of life is that nothing is. If you think you're perfect, then reconsider your definition.
_____
So! With all that out of my system, I'm starting to once again generate lots of ideas for upcoming stories I want to write, and once I start uploading some examples of commission work and how I write, I'm fairly confident that I will soon finally be able to open for...
STORY COMMISSIONS!!!
Yes, that's right! I'm finally getting that spark of inspiration from my true friends (i.e u guys ;3), and I'm feeling the confidence and freedom to finally begin my path to authorhood! (If that's even a word!)
_____
On one final note, if you haven't seen my previous featured journal lately, I started a brand new Twitch channel where I will be livestreaming all sorts of crazy games, including Fortnite, Minecraft, Dead by Daylight, and pretty much whatever games I can get my claws on!
So what are you waiting for? Come follow my all-new TWITCH CHANNEL for funny commentary, lots of giggles, and plenty of fun!
______
I love you all, take care, stay safe, don't travel, and remember to wash yo hands!
Free from Fake Friends Forever
Posted 5 years agoHeh, that's a hell of an alliteration... ^^;
Anyways, as you all probably saw in yesterday's journal, I was having a lot of self-doubt and kept beating myself up. I mentioned that my "only sincere friend" was ready to cut me out of their lives, and that scared me.
That was until I woke up at 5am to a wall of text that proved to me that he was anything BUT sincere.
For 4 years now I've been hanging out with this dude, and through everything I did and every friend I had, he stuck by me for a long time. However, starting late 2018 early 2019, he started to show a side of him that I'd ignored for so long now, I can hardly believe I was blind to it. Every day it was a new lecture, something that I was doing wrong and something I needed to do. He bossed me around and played with my emotions to get me "motivated," but all it did was add to my depression and make me angrier.
Over the years I told him about me liking furries, anime, certain video games and songs, and he judged me for all of it. I told him I was bisexual and he said, "I don't think you are, I think you just need some pussy." In general he would judge and make fun of me for whatever he thought was "childish" or "stupid." I go to play Spyro, he calls it childish. I play minecraft, it's childish. I cry because someone legitimately hurt my feelings? Childish. Everything I did was wrong in his eyes, and I finally laid all the cards down on the table and told him to fuck off.
The last thing he said to me before I blocked him was this:
"Go watch anime and be a loner, cause you have sooooooo many other friends."
Listen, I know I'm a fucking moron sometimes, all of us can be, but if you're sincerely going to judge me based on my interests and use it against me? Then you aren't a friend, you're a fiend.
No more fake friends, no more following the wrong crowd, I am my own man from now on.
Anyways, as you all probably saw in yesterday's journal, I was having a lot of self-doubt and kept beating myself up. I mentioned that my "only sincere friend" was ready to cut me out of their lives, and that scared me.
That was until I woke up at 5am to a wall of text that proved to me that he was anything BUT sincere.
For 4 years now I've been hanging out with this dude, and through everything I did and every friend I had, he stuck by me for a long time. However, starting late 2018 early 2019, he started to show a side of him that I'd ignored for so long now, I can hardly believe I was blind to it. Every day it was a new lecture, something that I was doing wrong and something I needed to do. He bossed me around and played with my emotions to get me "motivated," but all it did was add to my depression and make me angrier.
Over the years I told him about me liking furries, anime, certain video games and songs, and he judged me for all of it. I told him I was bisexual and he said, "I don't think you are, I think you just need some pussy." In general he would judge and make fun of me for whatever he thought was "childish" or "stupid." I go to play Spyro, he calls it childish. I play minecraft, it's childish. I cry because someone legitimately hurt my feelings? Childish. Everything I did was wrong in his eyes, and I finally laid all the cards down on the table and told him to fuck off.
The last thing he said to me before I blocked him was this:
"Go watch anime and be a loner, cause you have sooooooo many other friends."
Listen, I know I'm a fucking moron sometimes, all of us can be, but if you're sincerely going to judge me based on my interests and use it against me? Then you aren't a friend, you're a fiend.
No more fake friends, no more following the wrong crowd, I am my own man from now on.
help...
Posted 5 years agoI'm not a winner. Never was, never will be.
All my friends left me because of their own selfish nature, and now my only sincere friend left is talking about dropping me from their lives.
I have so many hopes
So many aspirations
But they're all trivial and stupid, like my existence
...I hate myself more than anything else in this universe, and I wish i knew how to change...
I want to be normal, I want to be human
But no one seems to want anything to do with me
Only my furry friends understand me now
All I can say is thank you, and I'm sorry...
All my friends left me because of their own selfish nature, and now my only sincere friend left is talking about dropping me from their lives.
I have so many hopes
So many aspirations
But they're all trivial and stupid, like my existence
...I hate myself more than anything else in this universe, and I wish i knew how to change...
I want to be normal, I want to be human
But no one seems to want anything to do with me
Only my furry friends understand me now
All I can say is thank you, and I'm sorry...
NEW Twitch Gaming Channel!
Posted 5 years agoHey everybody, you got plans for tonight? Well, you just might soon, 'cause I'm gearing up to start a gaming live stream where I play Fortnite with my normie friend on my ALL NEW TWITCH CHANNEL!
www.twitch.tv/ingutstice
Be sure to follow me for daily gaming content! This is a huge new project for me, and all the support would be fantastic!
Stay tuned, cause I'm going to be streaming Fortnite soon!
www.twitch.tv/ingutstice
Be sure to follow me for daily gaming content! This is a huge new project for me, and all the support would be fantastic!
Stay tuned, cause I'm going to be streaming Fortnite soon!
The "C" Word
Posted 5 years agoYou know exactly what I mean. The media won't shut up about it, the human race is panicking, and suddenly the word of the CDC is golden.
Listen, this disease is real, and it is in fact killing people, but for everyone in america to be so greedy that they literally fight over basic resources they don't need really makes me wonder what our species' future is going to be. I can't even go shopping for breakfast anymore without being trampled and having random people snap on me for no reason.
All I can say is wash your hands, keep your Vitamin C up, and don't eat ass for the next, like, 3 months. Stay healthy, y'all.
Listen, this disease is real, and it is in fact killing people, but for everyone in america to be so greedy that they literally fight over basic resources they don't need really makes me wonder what our species' future is going to be. I can't even go shopping for breakfast anymore without being trampled and having random people snap on me for no reason.
All I can say is wash your hands, keep your Vitamin C up, and don't eat ass for the next, like, 3 months. Stay healthy, y'all.
Mom's Got a New Hip!
Posted 5 years agoSo I'm sure I've told quite a few folks on Telegram over the past few weeks, but for whatever reason I never posted a journal about it here, so I figure now that everything's starting to come together, I have a moment to talk about it here.
About 4 or 5 years ago my Mom's right hip began to bother her after she lifted something incorrectly at her workplace. Ever since then the socket has been deteriorating, and it got to a point where she was in excruciating pain 24/7 and heard a crunching noise with each step, as bone rubbed against bone.
Finally, about a month ago, I convinced her to finally make the call to set up an appointment. Thankfully her previous doctor recommended a very good joint replacement specialist, and as of yesterday, she now has a shiny new metal hip.
The operation took about two and a half hours, and the doctor said it turned out to be a pretty big operation. Her hip was so bad they sent it off to pathology to find out why it deteriorated so fast. The doctors described it as being "like fitting a square peg into a round hole." They had no idea how Mom's been walking on it for so long.
So obviously yesterday was pretty stressful, combined with the fact that my Grandma's behavior at home is getting worse again, and I had a bunch of running around to do with my friends. Getting food for Mom, Dad, ourselves, having to make pit stops and help people fix up their cars, it was nuts, and I even ended up having an outburst under all the stress, but thankfully I didn't make too much of an ass out of myself. X3
Mom'a gonna have nurses come to the house for the next month or so to help get her back on her feet and get her up and moving. So in the meantime I'm going to try and work on art and stories and whatnot, and maybe even open for commissions later on down the line.
Oh, and don't be afraid to leave a comment and lemme know what you're interested in seeing me draw! I'm open for suggestions~
Take care everyone, ans have a blessed day!
About 4 or 5 years ago my Mom's right hip began to bother her after she lifted something incorrectly at her workplace. Ever since then the socket has been deteriorating, and it got to a point where she was in excruciating pain 24/7 and heard a crunching noise with each step, as bone rubbed against bone.
Finally, about a month ago, I convinced her to finally make the call to set up an appointment. Thankfully her previous doctor recommended a very good joint replacement specialist, and as of yesterday, she now has a shiny new metal hip.
The operation took about two and a half hours, and the doctor said it turned out to be a pretty big operation. Her hip was so bad they sent it off to pathology to find out why it deteriorated so fast. The doctors described it as being "like fitting a square peg into a round hole." They had no idea how Mom's been walking on it for so long.
So obviously yesterday was pretty stressful, combined with the fact that my Grandma's behavior at home is getting worse again, and I had a bunch of running around to do with my friends. Getting food for Mom, Dad, ourselves, having to make pit stops and help people fix up their cars, it was nuts, and I even ended up having an outburst under all the stress, but thankfully I didn't make too much of an ass out of myself. X3
Mom'a gonna have nurses come to the house for the next month or so to help get her back on her feet and get her up and moving. So in the meantime I'm going to try and work on art and stories and whatnot, and maybe even open for commissions later on down the line.
Oh, and don't be afraid to leave a comment and lemme know what you're interested in seeing me draw! I'm open for suggestions~
Take care everyone, ans have a blessed day!
Looking for an older inflation story!
Posted 5 years agoHey guys, what's good?
So, I went looking for this really good inflation story here on FA I read a while back, but I can't seem to find it.
I don't remember the name of it, but I do remember it being about a taur dude who drank some kind of potion and inflated 'til he was too big for the alchemy shop, busting down the walls, and just as he thinks he's about to burst, he deflates and gets sent flying through the air.
That's about all i remember from it, but I remember it being really hot >///<
If anyone could help me find this story I'd really appreciate it!
So, I went looking for this really good inflation story here on FA I read a while back, but I can't seem to find it.
I don't remember the name of it, but I do remember it being about a taur dude who drank some kind of potion and inflated 'til he was too big for the alchemy shop, busting down the walls, and just as he thinks he's about to burst, he deflates and gets sent flying through the air.
That's about all i remember from it, but I remember it being really hot >///<
If anyone could help me find this story I'd really appreciate it!
These are horrid times...
Posted 5 years agoWell, January 2020 came and went, as did the Superbowl, and in that time period my outlook on the world and life itself grows more bleak and hopeless.
Therapy sessions are getting repetitive and less helpful as the weeks move on, I don't like my fellow group members, and I especially dislike the woman who runs the 3-day program.
My Father's drinking habits get worse, and my Mom doesn't know how to help me anymore.
My Grandma went to the hospital for the 2nd time in 3 months, the events leading up to that moment leaving my Mother traumatized and scarred for the rest of her life.
I just....feel like there's no point in talking anymore. Every time I open my mouth I open myself and others to a world of pain. Everything I say either hurts or upsets other people, and I feel as though I have no voice, like my feelings don't matter.
...and the way things look right now, nothing in life matters in the grand scale of the universe.
No one seems to listen or care about what I say, save for a small group of people on the internet...and no matter how many times I try to reach out to others, I'm either given a "tough shit/tough love" response or an "I told you so" statement.
Forgive me for my silence, but the way things are right now, maybe I should keep to myself and stay silent.
Therapy sessions are getting repetitive and less helpful as the weeks move on, I don't like my fellow group members, and I especially dislike the woman who runs the 3-day program.
My Father's drinking habits get worse, and my Mom doesn't know how to help me anymore.
My Grandma went to the hospital for the 2nd time in 3 months, the events leading up to that moment leaving my Mother traumatized and scarred for the rest of her life.
I just....feel like there's no point in talking anymore. Every time I open my mouth I open myself and others to a world of pain. Everything I say either hurts or upsets other people, and I feel as though I have no voice, like my feelings don't matter.
...and the way things look right now, nothing in life matters in the grand scale of the universe.
No one seems to listen or care about what I say, save for a small group of people on the internet...and no matter how many times I try to reach out to others, I'm either given a "tough shit/tough love" response or an "I told you so" statement.
Forgive me for my silence, but the way things are right now, maybe I should keep to myself and stay silent.
Sorry for being so silent...
Posted 5 years agoHey everyone, I know I've been really inactive on a lot of sites these days, but it's for reasons that I'm kind of embarrassed to admit.
I got sent to a mental health facility last weekend, after having devolved into a deep depression and even alcoholism. I'd spent the past month downing half a bottle of rum a day and lazing around doing nothing. Making no attempts to socialize or go anywhere. I was in a really dark place for a while there.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm on the road to recovery, and I'm going to group therapy sessions every weekday to help me out. I'm learning a lot from this program, and I'm thinking I'll be back to my normal self in no time.
I'll also try to do art and writing more regularly. I just feel like I lost touch with you guys and I wanna reconnect.
All I can say is I love you all. Hope you're having a better new year
I got sent to a mental health facility last weekend, after having devolved into a deep depression and even alcoholism. I'd spent the past month downing half a bottle of rum a day and lazing around doing nothing. Making no attempts to socialize or go anywhere. I was in a really dark place for a while there.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm on the road to recovery, and I'm going to group therapy sessions every weekday to help me out. I'm learning a lot from this program, and I'm thinking I'll be back to my normal self in no time.
I'll also try to do art and writing more regularly. I just feel like I lost touch with you guys and I wanna reconnect.
All I can say is I love you all. Hope you're having a better new year
A Whole New Decade
Posted 5 years agoHey guys, I know it's been a long time since I've made any kind of update to my FurAffinity account (let alone all my social media accounts), but to tell you the truth I've been through absolute hell in the past 2 months.
For about two weeks in December, I held a job at a call center where I was selling shoes from the parent company that owns the brand UGG. You know, the sheepskin boots that all the ladies in New York wear? Yeah, those shoes. It was absolute hell for me, and didn't last too long there. Granted, the paycheck I earned was great, but now I'm starting a whole new decade jobless for the 3rd time.
On top of which, my beloved pet - the last of all the beautiful creatures I owned in my entire life - Indiana, passed away December 23rd of this year. Two days before Christmas I had to put my dog down, and it absolutely destroyed me inside.
On this eve of a new decade, I spend my time sad, alone, and wishing for a better life. My only IRL friend can't visit me because of family health issues, and the only people I have with me are my parents and Grandma, who are all going through their own sort of hell.
TL;DR; This holiday season was the worst in my entire life, and I could use a lot of support from my furry family.
All I have to say here is I love every single one of you with every ounce of my soul. and stay beautiful into the new decade. God bless, have a happy new year.
For about two weeks in December, I held a job at a call center where I was selling shoes from the parent company that owns the brand UGG. You know, the sheepskin boots that all the ladies in New York wear? Yeah, those shoes. It was absolute hell for me, and didn't last too long there. Granted, the paycheck I earned was great, but now I'm starting a whole new decade jobless for the 3rd time.
On top of which, my beloved pet - the last of all the beautiful creatures I owned in my entire life - Indiana, passed away December 23rd of this year. Two days before Christmas I had to put my dog down, and it absolutely destroyed me inside.
On this eve of a new decade, I spend my time sad, alone, and wishing for a better life. My only IRL friend can't visit me because of family health issues, and the only people I have with me are my parents and Grandma, who are all going through their own sort of hell.
TL;DR; This holiday season was the worst in my entire life, and I could use a lot of support from my furry family.
All I have to say here is I love every single one of you with every ounce of my soul. and stay beautiful into the new decade. God bless, have a happy new year.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Posted 6 years agoOk so I forgot to update y'all on this but...
My many months of unemployment has finally come to an end. Yes, your resident lizardloon is a call center representative now! I'm so excited to start~
On another note, I figured I'd wish y'all a happy thanksgiving. Be sure to stuff yourselves to the brim!
My many months of unemployment has finally come to an end. Yes, your resident lizardloon is a call center representative now! I'm so excited to start~
On another note, I figured I'd wish y'all a happy thanksgiving. Be sure to stuff yourselves to the brim!
It's the holiday season...
Posted 6 years ago...and I want to just disappear
Happy halloween!
Posted 6 years ago..and remember, if you haven't eaten candy until you got a big bulging belly, then yer doin it wrong. ;D
"Playful Blimping" reaching 2k views
Posted 6 years agoHoly shit you guys really like my inflation audio don't cha? XD
You know what my fave thing about inflation is?
Posted 6 years ago...liftoff!
Inactivity [+] Suggestion Box
Posted 6 years agoHey, guys.
I know it's been a long time since I've really been on anything these days. I've just been kinda lurking around social media and F.A, and I feel really bad knowing I haven't been able to provide you guys with any content.
I'm trying to get back into drawing, but I find it hard to get any inspiration to do much of anything anymore. My depression's been dragging me down, and not having a job for all this time doesn't help.
So I'm gonna open a suggestion box right here in the comments. Comment what you want me to draw (within reason of course), and who knows? Perhaps I'll draw it!
Thank you guys for sticking by me no matter what.
I love the fandom, and I love you all.
Have a blessed day.
I know it's been a long time since I've really been on anything these days. I've just been kinda lurking around social media and F.A, and I feel really bad knowing I haven't been able to provide you guys with any content.
I'm trying to get back into drawing, but I find it hard to get any inspiration to do much of anything anymore. My depression's been dragging me down, and not having a job for all this time doesn't help.
So I'm gonna open a suggestion box right here in the comments. Comment what you want me to draw (within reason of course), and who knows? Perhaps I'll draw it!
Thank you guys for sticking by me no matter what.
I love the fandom, and I love you all.
Have a blessed day.
Where have you been, Dust?
Posted 6 years agoI’m sure those of you who have been waiting for me to get on Telegram and discord are probably wondering where tf I’ve been, and to be honest, I’ve really been doing not all that much with my life.
Job searching is just as difficult as ever, and no matter how many interviews I land I never seem to follow through with anything. Which is really getting me down and putting a strain on my mental health.
On top of which I feel like everybody in my family and friend circle is spending all this momey on me only for me to laze around and do nothing but house chores and basic shit.
Sure I’m taking care of Granny who can’t support herself. Sure I keep the house clean, but what good is that when you can’t provide for the family?
On top of which I’ve been spending a lot of time with my irl best friend lately, and that’s been distracting me from all social networks like Telegram and whatnot.
...so, to those of you who have been trying to contact me, I’m sorry. I’m going through too much right now and I don’t want to bring you down with me is all.
Special shoutout to a certain vulpine who I’ve neglected to talk to and I feel terrible for leaving alone. I love you baby.
Job searching is just as difficult as ever, and no matter how many interviews I land I never seem to follow through with anything. Which is really getting me down and putting a strain on my mental health.
On top of which I feel like everybody in my family and friend circle is spending all this momey on me only for me to laze around and do nothing but house chores and basic shit.
Sure I’m taking care of Granny who can’t support herself. Sure I keep the house clean, but what good is that when you can’t provide for the family?
On top of which I’ve been spending a lot of time with my irl best friend lately, and that’s been distracting me from all social networks like Telegram and whatnot.
...so, to those of you who have been trying to contact me, I’m sorry. I’m going through too much right now and I don’t want to bring you down with me is all.
Special shoutout to a certain vulpine who I’ve neglected to talk to and I feel terrible for leaving alone. I love you baby.
Today!
Posted 6 years agoIs my birfday :3
