Hey y'all, just wanted to drop this little journal here and wish those of you who are celebrating currently or going to be celebrating a super happy new year! I don't have any wild parties to attend, nor will I really be going out much of anywhere (except for dinner with a friend), so for those of you who are going to party, party hard and stay safe! Have a drink for me, if you will!

Now, I have plenty of resolutions for this New Year coming up, and the first of which being to draw a lot more often! I've been doing some practice drawings for scenery - which I will definitely post when the time comes - and they've been coming out quite nicely! Trying new techniques with pencils, so I'll definitely be experimenting more often. I'll also have plenty of deliciously puffy and sexy stuff to share soon enough! I just need to break out my ol' drawing book so I can sketch naughty things in peace (hopefully)!

I'm also planning on writing a whole lot more this year, I've been jotting down my thoughts in a personal thoughts journal to help put some of my thoughts out of my head and onto paper; a lot more constructive than putting my emotions on Fur Affinity for people to take advantage of (you know who you are). I do my best to make sure I keep my negativity off of the internet so I'm not "harassing" people for attention.

Another resolution is to get back into socializing with those of you who really care about me a lot. I've been cluttering my Telegram account with groups I never talk in, people who don't like talking to me (or anyone for that matter), and I just need a fresh start. The New Year should bring in plenty of fresh starts for me. I'm quite confident this year will be a whole lot better.

LMFAO

really guys

i mean rule 34 is awesome but c'mon

there's got to be a threshold for when we should maybe stop

at the same time it's hilarious so...on second thought, don't stop xD

(is currently listening to the Bamboos' "I Don't Wanna Stop"

To all the artists, writers, and composers out there, Merry Christmas. Every piece of work you cultivate is golden and appreciated, and all your love and support is even more appreciated. God bless all of you on this holy night.

I said I'd do a thing for Christmas but it was a rushed sketch so I guess it's not quite a thing.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25841857/

Still is a thing though!

I really do want to apologize for my lack of activity online as of late. I've been trying my hardest to get myself better mentally, and I'm on my way for sure! I just need time to focus on my real life. A lack of privacy also doesn't quite help, but I need all the attention from my family that I can get. Things have been tough on all of us.

Thank you all for your patience and love, and I'm sorry to whomever I may have pushed away in my time of desperation.

I am so hype for christmas my dudes

talk about the happiest time of year

All these feels coming over me yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'm gonna do some christmas arts methinks

First and foremost, I wanted to thank the staff at Fur Affinity for all their love and support in my time of crisis. They suspended my account for 3 days but on good terms; the message on the homescreen showed just how concerned they were for me and that immensely helps make me feel better about being on that site.

With that said, I have to apologize to absolutely everyone for my childish, attention-seeking behavior on the internet. I'm going to refrain from speaking too much online out of fear that I may upset somebody or trigger another incident like the one that happened earlier this week (not gonna go into details).

I don't want to be ousted by this community; I'm not a toxic personality, I just have suffered for so long I went insane.

I promise to seek professional help and get better, as well as post more artwork.

I love you all, those of you who've stuck with me through all these years, and I apologize once again for my childishness and stupidity.

As if I didn’t feel left out enough my Twitter feed is full of nothing but MFF people.

Gfdi

I’ll just upload some stories I guess.

When I get the chance, that is.

I’m gonna become a writer!

People like stories!
I like writing stories!

Who’s ready for story time with D. Ray?

Was to be a part of something

Furries are some of the only people who understand my fetishes

Now they push me away one person at a time

I’m done. I give up.

I’m done feeling left out. I’m done feeling disliked.

Everyone else gets free art ‘cause people like their characters

People get popular even though they just joined

This sinus infection is kicking my ass. I feel like shit my face is warm, and I’m so dizzy I can’t move. every time I get up I get motion sick, and it’s horrible because I just want to do stuff but you know, whatever I guess.

I never get what I want anyway.

...

...in a mental hospital.

I’m not in the mood to go into details.
Let’s just say I learned some life lessons...

...and saw some shit that may or may not have traumatized me.

Would anybody care?

I mean seriously why should I even bother putting up art anymore?

I’m so irrelevant to this whole world
Like if I disappeared no one would miss me

Hey...

...it’s been real lonely around here lately.

Hope you all are doing alright.

Really starting to feel all sorts of irrelevant in this fandom.

I hope you giys didn’t give up on me :(

Hey y’all, so I know I was super ambitious in my last journal regarding art but - if I’m gonna be honest with you - with how fucked up everything is, I’m amazed that I can find joy in anything anymore.

My Grandmother has driven my entire family to the breaking point; my parents have become functioning alcoholics (which is an odd phrase to say seeing as alcohol is literally satan’s piss), I’m having nightmares about my domestic problems at home every night when I go to sleep, and I can’t shake that nagging pain in the back of my mind that comes from knowing just how fucked up everything is. It hurts even when I’m happy; I can feel it like a lump in my chest. If there was a way I could put this kind of thinking into words, I would probably be in a much better place than I am now, but hey, i can’t sleep at night and this autism ain’t gonna fix itself so hey let’s all smoke a doobie and ignore the crushing weight of the world pressing down upon our souls.

Honestly I’m starting to think people ignore me on every social media site because of depressing rants like this. It’s not attractive.

Hey y’all! Hope you’ve been doing well! Been thinkin’ a lot about what I wanna draw next and I wanna hear some of your feedback on these ideas. ^.=.^

So, I wanna definitely do a sequence of some sort in the near future, most likely involving a particular lizard blimping up wide enough to fill the street and being humiliated and all nude and horny and squeaky. Because, y’know, that’s not, like, my fetish or anything! XD

There’s a lot of people I wanna draw gifts for, mostly for their loyalty and patience, but also for their love and kindness.

Here’s a big shout-out to:

 mook
 haystack
 lashdragon
 davidc090103
 thecaptainfoxx
 Shiron91
 zitaiblackdragon

and of course to all of you lovely folks who have supported me over the years and put up with my bull$@&! XD (just kidding of course :P)

So aside from gift pics, I also have plans on drawing more images with my other characters, specifically focusing on Titan since I’ve developed him a lot since I last drew him.

I also have to draw Nana Joy, my fursona’s mama (based on the late and great Joyce)

aaaand...well that’s about it for now i think.

I also gotta finish that astral lion sketch.

...anywho! Love y’all! Have a lovely day!

I think that’s what’s the most humiliating thing about me.

Everybody’s like “It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them”

That’s the problem
I never learn from my mistakes
I’m officially insane

...

I don’t think anybody or anything can help me anymore.

I hope I can find you

I know I’m a fuck up
I know I’m retarded

I pushed all of my best friends away
and now I’m all alone
I cry because it’s the only thing I’m good at
If there’s one thing I can say it’s that there isn’t a single fucking person on this planet ho would ever want to marry me I mean who would want to be in a lifelong committment with someone as fucking stupid as me?

I just don’t want to hurt anybody anymore
I’ve been such a pain in the ass
For everyone around me
And now that I’m here im the depths of my deptrddion
I’m all alone
Nobody to cry to
Nobody’s shoulder to lean on
Nobody’s dick to suck
No attention to be given
Not thag anyone would wanna give me attention anyway

...
954-604-1949

Okay

Simple fucking request

If I’m threatening suicide

Don’t fucking give me the “That’s against the rules of the group” bullshit.

Show some decency for human life.

...

Hey.
First of all, if you clicked on this journal. Thank you. Right off the bat you’re already giving me a reason to smile and feel like everything’s alright.

I’ve been fighting depression really, really hard ever since I started on Prozac a couple of months ago. After an issue arose in which I couldn’t get my prozac for 3 days, I ended up resetting my clock and having to start over (it takes two weeks to get into your system, bear in mind, and it’s even slower if you’re a stoner like me). Ultimately I’ve ended up getting worse depression than ever before, and after an incident last night confirmed all my fears and suspicions, I’ve come to the conclusion that I officially will never be able to live by myself out of sheer fear that my clumsiness and incompetence will somehow kill my by accident.

I can’t keep track of anything anymore. Days, weeks, momths, time, my sunglasses, my paraphernalia, how am I supposed to keep track of personal finances? Kids? My wife/husband? Who would want to live with someone like that? A total scatterbrain and raging bull?

At the age of 20 I continue to struggle with some of the most basic basics of mentality and life, and understanding the brain of a normal human being. My autism and depression and ADHD has led me to become a complete and total fucking tool. I don’t understand anything as far as socialization is concerned, and save for my stupid Clock Tower trivia and useless facts about music groups from 5 generations ago, I’m utterly useless.

My desire to create and do art has skyrocketed over the past few weeks out of sheer wanting to feel like I can do something other than fester about how shitty my life has been. Nobody wants to hire me because I have no work experience, and seeing as an internship would only lead me to breaking down out of fear of the workforce, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.

I have to take it easy on myself, I need to slow down.
I need to get the help I require.


...anyway, thank you, if you clicked on this and read this all the way up to this point...
God bless you. I can’t thank you enough for your support and love.

It's been a while since I did one of these


Let's have 'em!

HOLY SHIT
I've been without wifi since September 9th
I just got it back

I'm crying I'm so happy

AT&T is working as slowly as possible on recovering my internet

Until then all I can do is sit alone and suffer

I'm so lonely
I hope you all are okay
I miss you all so much

Hey guys, I'm not dead. Irma didn't kill me.

These past several weeks have been beyond traumatizing for me and my entire family. I've been without wifi for weeks on end, thankfully our power was restored within 3 days.

I'm sitting at a Denny's now so I won't have wifi for long.

I just wanted to tell you all just how much I love you, and how much you mean to me.