I was somehow able to download split fiction on steam, but I can't find any gift messages in my email.
I am just asking here to see if I either ordered ahead of time and forgot, or if someone is being very nice.

either is fine, but I just want to check ^^

On June 1st, 2025, actor and voice actor Jonathan Joss was shot.
He was shot for being gay and had reported to the police for years and they let it happen.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-new.....ing-rcna210437

This was after his house was burned down, and after their dogs where killed, with the skull of one of the dogs displayed for the couple to see as a warning.

and while grieving, he pushed his husband out of the way to take the bullet.

https://x.com/funkeekatt/status/192.....09299?ref_url=

I am bringing this up because this is already being sanitized by the news just as it happened. The why and what went down has been whitewashed to not offend republicans.

If we don't get louder, and finally stop worrying about offending others who are already offended that queer people exist, then this WILL be us soon. Us. Our friends, partners, and children.

Our pets and homes and very existences will. and I mean WILL, be erased. This is not hyperbole or sensationalism. And I don't care if I am annoying or offending anyone, because I don't want people I love, spent time with, and have known for years to end up murdered.

I don't want to find myself in Jail because I wrote about gay characters. I don't want my trans friends to end up raped and assaulted. And I don't want a world that will whine at me for having a heart.

It needs to be made clear that we exist, are not going anywhere, and that it is very wrong to murder and harass us.

All queer people need to make sure those who hate us are afraid. and not try to separate any group, trans, bi, asexual, because to be alone is to die alone and miserable.

There can be no half measures, as the hateful cowards need to understand that they are the ones that have no place here.

This Pride month, lets make the transphobic, homophobic, just phobic scum be the ones afraid. Be open and out, make it clear that we are not going anywhere.

And to those who this angers: I am glad I am that important to you, and that I live rent free in your head. Because if you hurt me or anyone else I care about, that means I will live there forever.

(note: I understand not all of us can get involved, as we have to protect ourselves and others, but for those who can or accept the risk, we all need to work on making our voices louder. No matter how afraid we are and no matter how much we are feeling despair.)

Make sure everyone you love and care about knows they are important, and that you are important as well.

it is working for now.

I am still working on fixing my internet, but here is a free visual novel I found on steam and itch.io

No more furtuer is about someone uploaded into an android body, and the struggle to find your identity, whether you are that person, or an ai pretending to be them, with even you yourself unsure about it.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/.....o_More_Future/

https://sedgelord.itch.io/nomorefuture

the fires in canada have messed with my wi-fi connection for now.

until it is fixed, I will not be able to talk or do much with others, I am not ignoring everyone if it seems like that. its literally disconecting every few minutes.

I read this and last journal, and was glad to hear from so many people. It is always fun to see everyone, and I am resting better now.
I am sorry for the drama and such.

I am tired of having to go about my day, only for my mom to keep shouting the n-word whenever she is annoyed at black people, and claiming they'd burn down cleveland if one of them was killed, but saying no one would protest white people being killed.

Its an entirely different context where someone is killed by the police or group actively saying its because of their race, than just some random killing or accident, and they never want to hear what I have to say.

Like do you know how stressful it is having to grow up with parents saying "if you go into a black neighborhood, they are just going to kill you, but they are allowed to walk around in ours"? or when my mom always sees someone of a race she does not like and says "oh god, they are so ugly, you'd not go with that, would you?" and then tries to backtrack and say "oh no, there are pretty black people, its just rare."

I don't want to wake up one day and find that my parents are part of a hate group or something. I try so hard to counter everything, but there is only so much I can do.

Its better than it used to be when my mom did not even want my sister dating asian people. and they have not thrown me out for being queer, but progress is so slow.
its even worse because my mom is tri-racial probaly and talks like this.

I am not trying to make the right-wingers here upset, but I get uncomfortable with having to live in trump country and the thought people are rolling their eyes if I say I am worried about what could happen if anything about me gets revealed.

I am having trouble with life right now, and need a little break from furry things, or maybe longer.
I am fine with friends and other things, but for now, I will take it more easily.

my laptop with all my commission work has a broken power adapter, and I am ordering a new one. until then, there is going to be a longer delay on commissions I have been working on.

I am really sorry for how long I have taken so far also.

I can do at least one or two story commissions, and since I need some money fast, I can do, just this once, and that's it, $5 per 1k (aka 1,000), with a max of 3k (aka 3,000).
That is 0.05 us cent per word.

1.  borusa-ryalam
2.  idgcaptainrussia94
3.  forth
4. possibly taken?

yes:
vore
mud/sinking/quicksand/etc
m/m
f/m
f/f
not really concerned about gender identity at all.
bondage
feet/paw stuff.

NO:
humans
anything under 18
gore
bodily functions
extremely graphic digestion

my discord is zavvnao#5711
my telegram is zavvnao

I am fine. I did get a fever from the second vaccine, but it passed.

it is nice that I am now fully vaccinated, as I can handle it better if I get it.

my parents are also vaccinated fully.


(joking)
too bad the nanobots from microsoft did not turn me into one of those lizard-like synths you see on fa.

I am okay if others do not rp anymore or do not do so, but I have had a lot of bad luck this and last year in meeting people only a month or even a few weeks or days after they say they are giving up rping. X3

It just tends to feel really awkward at most, because the thing I was interested in seeing them about suddenly vanishes, and leaves me looking obtuse or pushy.

Though yes, part of it is me being too shy in the past and waiting too long, but it gets a little funny when it is this consistent.

does anyone else have very strange coincidences in the fandom? Because I am sure we each have recurring events others don't have as often, that shape how we feel about here.

Covid is real.
Covid is deadly.
The oompa loompa lost.

I am in the middle of the ohio countryside, and it feels like a lot of effort to drive and mail a ballot.

I have not written in months and nothing I do is making me write more.

I am sorry you had to see that last one.

I have noticed a trend where "fantasy" is being replaced by "realism" except when it comes to rps, stories, games, and so on.

Sort of like this:
1. Person 1 and 2 both like kink A.
2. Person 1 only likes a softer version of kink A, or kink Av1, and Person 2 likes Kink Av2, which is darker and closer to what they consider reality.
3. Person 1 expresses that they are uncomfortable with Av2 and gets retaliatoey remarks from Person 2 and their like-minded friends.
4. Person 2 claims "Av1 is unrealistic and you should not care about characters that are not real" despite how Person 1 enjoys immersing themselves in Av1 when time and energy allows, feeling uncomfortable at having to cater to Av2 or be seen as "weak" or "unrealistic" or m or "bullying people who like Av2" because they expressed their own opinion and want to see more ov av1.
5. Av2 has its own unrealistic elements that will never be addressed due to but is more popular and accepted as realistic.

Yes I am talking about the fight between Endosoma and digestion for me. And yes, people who draw digestion may feel pressure from those who don't, which I am sorry about. But I am uncomfortable with digestion at times, and it feels like people look at me weirdly for it.

Another example is how fantasy has to have more and more explained to the point that contradictions are inevitable or until it is scifi.

You can't have magic any more as "fantasy is unrealistic" is an accepted double standard. It has to be alien technology, living in a computer, advanced science, and so on. Maybe I am generalizing though.


I hope I do not sound crazy or lose friends, and may be wording things wrong, but please, can anyone understand me?

I am burnt out doing things I don't like for people that I do, and I feel like they are being dismissive when I express my discomfort, or blow it off as if there is something wrong with me. It probably is not like that, but I feel that way.

But after writing this out, I understand the point of giving up fantasy better
now if I can avoid this drama and attachment. I am the one going out of my way for people I like, and that is my fault.

I am sorry about getting these doubts, but I keep having fears about if there is no afterlife, and I do not mean the specific, christian-only idea of it.

As truth-seeking as I am, I just want there to be something beyond death other than eternal oblivion. I am not talking about christianity or any one particular religion. I might delete this journal latter when I calm down.

I am not sure if this is the right place or not for this, but a lot of people here have different viewpoints and/or are very smart.

Is there an argument for free will that is not:

1. religious in nature

2. going to get into the semantics of it to dismiss my worries.

3. going to say there is no point to this as it does not matter.


The issue is one that has bothered me for years. Yes, a lot of articles bring up one or two studies claiming free will is not real, but it is the news on the internet, that once tried to claim that being fat is healthy to get more clicks. And while yes, the one thing that seems constant is that we are always wrong and find new things, it is just one little hope spot.

I am tired of arguments that are religious or written poorly. I am tired of feeling depressed, and the lack of free will is something I think would make some very dark decisions not so dark for me, like I'd be less afraid of doing one thing than the thought of living without free will.

If you are fine without free will, I am glad you are happy, but I am not you. But I am not going to turn away from the truth even if it hurts.

I need a little bit of sleep for now.

I am not going to stop talking, but I need to focus if I want to get any more out online, either on here or on writing forums I like to visit. I am a little too tired today and for how knows how long.

I am not saying people should stop rping with me or asking, but I may not reach out till I get some writing done or just really want to see someone.

I hope you can all stay well *hugs*

to everyone I sent a note and did not reply over the years, I am sorry for not keeping up with that.

just sending you all a message here if you all want to say something <3

Why was I born only to end up afraid of death, where you go from fully self-aware to being dead for evert? is it an eternao blackness? just nothing for eternity?

I miss grammie and want her back. I don't want to suddenly die and there to be nothing.

And fuck no, I am not going to accept that statement of "I did not exist in the past and didn't mind it and won't mind it once I am dead" as that is demeaning, trivializing reductionism. I want to last as,long as I can. I do not want to just fade into nothing.

My grandma was one of the few people who believed I could act withouth needing help. That I could be independent. She helped raise me amd taught me how to use the scientific method. How to think for myself.

She supposedly passed away in her sleep, but either I am upset and grieving, or there is more to this. I need to learn more, but I have to sleep.

I am sorry to anyone who heard me say it before, but I am not sure howto let you all know at once how I will act or behave for some time.

Thank you though, everyone who is still here. I am sorry.

Sorry about the drama stuff, everyone. I am starting to feel great again.