I promised I'd do this, and now I'm several weeks late.. bad wuffy!

This is just a plug for  mpony 's set that he did at one of the Furnal Equinox dances. If you love classic 1980s music and want to hear a well-assembled hour of it, head on over to http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2171686/ and follow the link within it (and leave some feedback, once you are done.)

Definitely brings back a lot of memories when I listen to it now... was an awesome evening. :)

I was finishing up in the the shower this morning and stepped out like normal... unfortunately, I misjudged the distance because I couldn't see down properly - resulting in me stepping on my cat, who ran away, taking my footing with hir. I fell face-first into the floor and cracked the muzzle in thirds (and put a nasty dent in the tiles, to boot.) Ripped out a few claws from the paws as well on the way down, as I was grabbing onto whatever was nearby to try and stop myself (and BOY did he scream when I did that!)

What am I gonna do now????????? *sob*

So I ended up renting 2 animated movies over the weekend on DVD, and they couldn't have been more polar opposites to themselves: "The Secret of Kells" and "Alpha and Omega."

If you haven't heard of The Secret of Kells, and enjoy animated movies, I can't recommend it enough. It was nominated for an Academy Award, and I can see why: the movie is set in Ireland, around when the Vikings were an unstoppable horde. The colours are absolutely vibrant, the music hauntingly beautiful and authentic, the principal characters show real complexity, development and emotions, time passes for everyone and everyone ages as the story nears its end to a very satisfying dénouement. It entranced me early on with its Gaelic stylings from the start and though it's only an hour long, it was worth every second. Truly a work of art. And the wolves in it act real - wild animals, behaving as they do, for neither good nor bad (until the 'owner' of the forest intercedes... but no spoilers there. Even then, they remain wild and a threat.) For the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMPhHTtKZ8Q

Thankfully, I saw this movie 2nd. It helped to erase the memory of most of the first one: Alpha & Omega. For most of you, just saying the title will be enough to impact understanding as to what that one was like.

I love movie trailers, and I'm a pretty good judge of quality from them. It's a bad sign when 2 lines of dialogue from one can instantly tell me just how horrid the movie will be. And boy was I right. I would warn for spoilers, but why bother? Read this, and learn why you shouldn't watch it.

I won't retread a lot of ground that many other furs have already criticized, but I will vent my own personal gripes:
- Wolves that act like ninjas. Wolves. That. Act. Like. Ninjas.
- Wolves that can read conveniently-placed English signs.
- Wolves that *know* what a cupcake is and that one is located in a foil-wrapped bagm despite never having had contact with humans. It could be argued that he smelled it, however....
- Wolves that CANNOT SMELL A HUMAN THAT HAS BEEN IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT AS THE WOLF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO. An after-video extra made note of how strong a wolf's sense of smell is. You wouldn't know it from the movie. They didn't smell the humans. Or their clothes. Or their tranq guns. Or their steel cages. Or their motor vehicles. Or their cigarettes (oops, sorry, that was me to help me make it through this.)
- Hiker's excellent notation: Traintracks that conveniently don't exist until the plot says they need to, and then lead right to the scene of the big fight at the end. But that also shift distance when we need to stall the main male lead's 'departure.'
- A main character, who apparently was dropped into existence several years into life, given that he knows what he is but knows NOTHING ABOUT BEING A WOLF.
- Splitting a pack into simple duality. My friend tried to argue that the other "good hunter" wolves were betas, but given that the leader clearly says "Send out the alphas" early in the movie, I find this unlikely.

I'm going to stop because I really, really, *really* don't want to keep going. I know I could, but I won't. I haven't even touched on the script, or the 'animation' or the 'characters' or the....ARGH!!!! *chews on own tail to stop the madness*

TL;DR - Secret of Kells - Award Worthy and Worth It. A&O - DOA. See the first one, and pray you are never made to watch the second.

Originally, I was supposed to spend the night with some friends in Kingston on Thursday and then drive to Toronto on Friday. When said friends called me Wednesday saying they were really sick, I made a quick change of plans and decided to show up at the hotel a day early. I managed to leave Ottawa by 3, and got to Toronto around 8.

In the pitch dark. In a heavy downpour. With transport trucks all around. (Thankfully, I made it safely, and the rest of the con was history.)

You would think that would be the last road adventure for this trip. If only...

Sunday, I decided to stop by Kingston on my way home. Though it was REALLY hard to leave the hotel, I still managed to get back on the road by roughly 3pm. Plenty of time for a 2-1/2 drive up the highway.

The weather was fine. It being Sunday meant traffic wasn't too bad either.

At least, until Belleville.

There was a detour. A sign, "Highway closed, 8 km ahead". I tried the 'information radio station' - dead air. O.O I stopped for some gas, since I had the feeling I'd need it.

2km before this 'detour', I ran into traffic. Stupidly, I stayed in the slow lane for a while. I think I was even passed by another car with furries in it - either that, or some woman was wearing a fur hat inside her car. Changing lanes, I managed to gain some ground until finally reaching the off-ramp. That took about an hour.

It took at least another 45 minutes to find out how to get back on. They had shut down the highway, BUT DIDN'T PUT UP ANY SIGNS ON WHERE TO GO. I don't know Belleville! I just tried following other cars... which I knew ouldn't work when I looked and saw that no one was following me. O.O

I drove through Belleville, spying ONLY one sign saying that the 401 was straight ahead. Finally I found another one saying go left now. It was either this, or keep driving to Kingston on this weird backroad that I've never been on which would have taken at least another hour.

Eventually, I made it back to the highway. I didn't get to my friend's place until about 8:15pm.

The drive on Monday wasn't quite so eventful, but just as stressful. I needed to be back around 3:00 to sign some papers related to selling my house. A mix-up at the end, though, meant that I didn't leave until 1:30 - and it's a two-hour drive minimum. *sigh* Thankfully, the realtor called me on the road and said she was late too. I barrelled as fast as I could, and managed to get there just before 4. :)

All is well, and I'm SOOOOO glad I bought my new car a few months ago (since my old SUV would have eaten up a ton of gas with all this extra driving.) All things considered, I'm glad for the experience - but next time I might bring a friggin' GPS. :P

2 days have now passed since Furnal Equinox 2011 finished. March 10 to 13, 2011.

Is that all? It seems like a lifetime ago. In some ways, it was. Tomorrow, I return to what is 'normal life.'

Is it fair to say I don't really want to go back? :)

This weekend has to be one of the most amazing, defining moments of my life - at least, it was an easily recognized one.

Though I have been a furry since the mid-90s, I have never really attended a con before. I went to Feral! in
2002 and had a lot of fun - but was still very much in my shell then, so didn't let go as much as I could have. I went to C-ACE in the mid-2000s (can't remember when) but that was with some other friends and was only for a couple of hours and almost a waste of time. (Not the con's fault, but more my own.)

What The Fur? last year likely planted the seeds at last. I attended all day Saturday - got to see the fursuit parade, attend a couple of panels, saw the skits, made a new friend and saw a few old ones. It gave me a taste of what I had been missing. Sadly, I couldn't stay, though I wanted to...

I almost didn't attend FE this year. I knew I was planning to go to AnthroCon, and thought "2 might be pushing it." Thankfully, a solid clue-by-four smacked some sense into me and I changed my mind. Hell, I even ended up driving down Thursday afternoon (in the pouring rain) just so that I could spend the night quietly in my room, resting, that I might be ready for whatever the next day would bring.

...

I apologize for the pause in my writing. As with so many others, the memories of this weekend wash back over me like the softest of silken sheets, like the warm kiss of a familiar lover, like the bliss of fur against fur. Memories to forever be cherished. Not a single regret amongst them, other than not having more time to spend with everyone.

I could really go on and on about so much, but here are a few big-time highlights that really stand out when I think back:

- Meeting so many new furs in person, especially Fionnadh, Wynderkind, Moisha, Gummy_sweet, Fiery and Thor (whose stories of Detroit have now convinced me just how safe Canada is for the rest of my life.)

- Meeting up with some local furs who've never seen me out of my suit like Feather, Lycus, Zets, ShadowKat, Nereza (whose parents shocked me when I ran into them in the lobby - and have known them for years before meeting her,) DerangedSpazz and Kesslan.

- Seeing some good old friends like Felinaeus, ArcticWolf, FireBreath, MAnny, Niall, and likely many others that I can't recall right now.

- Having a chance to help out, even when not asked to. Coupled with this was answering questions of regular hotel guests about just what Furnal Equinox was about. (Happened about 4 times total.) Made me feel good that I could do this, since I didn't actively sign up to volunteer but love to help out whenever possible (it makes me feel productive.)

- Playing the 1971 antique pinball machine and getting a score around 49k once. XD
- Acting like Pavlov's wolfdog whenever I heard its bells calling to me.

- It took me 2 hours to muster up the courage to wear my fursuit the first day after deciding I was going to do it. I knew people would like it, but I still was unsure of what the reactions would be. By Sunday, I kept looking for excuses to get back into it. I did more fursuiting in those 3 days than ever before, and I understand so much more now. Practice makes perfect. :)

- Attending the Feral! room party and joining in for one of the "campfire" songs. :) (Picking up one of their shirts later on as well for Feral the 13th, which I know I won't be attending sadly.)

- Being asked to dance by Moisha for the 80s set (she's great on her feet, but what do you expect from a cat? :).

- Dancing in fursuit to the music with Moisha, Wynderkind, her Worgen-headed friend (whose name escapes me right now,) Okwaho, Hiker, and all the others around me... was transcendant. I felt so alive...

- I ended up singing (in a manner of speaking) "Strange Animal" to Wynderkind (who felt like she was was "Dancing with Wolves" as she so elegantly put it ^.^), and just let myself go. She was a great dancer too :)

- Going out to dinner with Fionnadh and his roommates to Jack Astors... only to discover that one of them was a very old friend that I haven't talked to since 1995. That blew my mind. I mean - what are the odds, even in this fandom?

- Being able to fulfill someone's dream without doing anything other than being myself: giving someone who loves Clockwork Creature fursuits a chance to see them up close and personal. (Though this likely applies to several furs who may or may not have approached me LOL)

- Wynderkind and I, both in our wolf suits, stalking our prey-sheep in the dealer's den on the last day. <3 :-9

To wrap this up... here are some last quick items in bullet form:

Being in the (dis)organized furry games... being a part of the parade... howling with every other wolf in the room after it... just sitting and talking with so many... winning a con badge by Sandy Schreiber (who also
commented on my fursuit before I realized who she was)... getting some professional photos of Okwaho and myself... Talking Doctor Who with some real fans... being freaked out by the fact that the hotel was in a landing pattern for the nearby international airport O.O Remembering to constantly keep myself hydrated when in suit (and keeping a long straw in my back pocket at all times...)

The blend of all of it was perfect. I have never felt more a part of this community than right now. Shell? What's that? That's something I think I left behind long ago and just never realized it.

I have forever lead a life mostly compressed, holding tightly to the reins. This weekend, I let the reins go, and Ran with the Wind. :)

I thank everyone who attended the con and made it as amazing as it was, at least from my point of view.

Is it 2012 yet? I don't want this magic to end. And I don't intend to let it.

TL;DR Furnal Equinox 2011 could not have been any better in any possible way and I wish it the best for the coming years as leading the way to being one of the most successful Canadian cons. Looking forward to What The Fur? in June now. ^,^

I saw many versions of this from the female P.O.V. - was wondering when the male version would start doing the rounds. ^.^

1.Do you sleep naked?
I have since I was 15. I find it very difficult to sleep with anything on any more.

2. Do you sleep with socks on?
Hell no! (it would need to be super-cold for me to want to do that)

3. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?
I love having someone in bed with me, but I find it hard to fall asleep cuddling... so a bit of both.

4. Do you enjoy drama?
Pfft. No.

5. Are you a manly man?
Ummm...pass? I have no idea how to measure this.

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
My mom :)

7. Small or large package?
Large

8. Are you short?
Nope. Pretty much average.

9. Do you like somebody?
Without question, I like many people. XD

10.Does your Facebook password have to do with a girl?
Yes, because I'm a moron. (No, of course it doesn't!)

11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Not overly, but I dislike it if they are wet.

12. Do you think you’re conceited?
Not particularly.

13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
I've only started doing that the past couple of years... Will likely continue going forward.

14. Are you double jointed?
Nope. Never have been.

15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Recently: inside a BDSM club after hours (was looking over the place for the owner, who forgot to leave me the key. I stayed until morning when I knew they'd be up and no one would break in.)

16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
Regretably no. >>

17. Is there any type of rumour going around about you?
Rumours don't generally announce themselves to their intended targets, but I doubt it.

(of course, after #15, who knows? ^.^)

18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
Yes, but mostly at work.

19. How many girls will read this just because it says "Boy Confessions"?
Who cares?

[ ] I wear make up.
[X] I have cried in a movie theater.
[ ] I can brush my teeth without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous.
[X] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[ ] JUDE LAW FAG
[X] I love to laugh.
[ ] I like death/grind/black metal.
[ ] I like rap.
[X] I like techno.
[ ] I like country.
[ ] I carry a purse. (It's called a man-bag!)
[ ] I'd be lost without my computer.
[ ] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[ ] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[ ] I own a boy band CD.
[X] I get bored watching football.
[X] I've never been called a spoiled brat.
[X] Girls are confusing. (HUMANS! are confusing.)
[ ] I've been called a bad influence
[ ] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.


Come on fellas, be truthful!

1. What color is your underwear?
Right now? What underwear? ^.^

2. Do you prefer light or dark haired girls?
Mmmm... probably dark, but not that fussy.

3. Are you currently frustrated with a girl?
Constantly.

4. What's one thing a girl can do to make you like them?
Don't talk down to me, and have a good sense of humour.

5. Do you have a best friend?
Yes, several.

6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yep, but I've always been able to move on.

7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
Never.

8. Do you like your life?
You betcha!

10. Has one of your friends ever stolen a girlfriend from you?
Not exactly, as he wasn't a friend at the time. Myself and this couple have since reconciled, so all is well.

11. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
I don't like to swim, so no.

12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
I'll go with yes for this, though I've always found it easier to speak with girls than boys.

14. Have you ever slapped anybody in the face?
Yes, but it wasn't out of anger.

15. What are your biggest fears?
Being forgotten. Clowns still freak me out (though not as much as when I was a kid.)

16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
Not that I can recall.

17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
Of course!

18. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater?"
I believe in the saying, but also believe in giving said person another chance.

19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
I hope no one ever answers no to this. :) Yes.

20. Do you ever wish you were famous?
Not in the way this means.

21. Are you currently missing someone?
Yes, a little.


THIS GIRL OR THAT GIRL? PICK ONE:

Cowgirl or Gangster?
Cowgirl (comes with ropes! :D )

Preppy or Punk?
Either, if they have a good personality.

Face or Body?
Mmmm, probably face.

Good cook or take you out a lot?
Cook, without question. :-9

Sweet or sexy?
Why can't they be both?

Armani or Abercrombie?
Uhhh...pass. Could be Walmart, if it still looks nice on them.

Contacts or glasses?
Two eyes! ^.^ (what's covering them doesn't matter, if they are looking at me)

So I don't generally have a lot of physical creative talent.... I'm horrible at artwork, can't sculpt for a mound of dirt, and have no general crafting skill.

But you ever have those moments of inspiration that take you beyond your normal self, and don't let go until you've finished them (or at least tried your best?) I've had one of those with me for a few years, and today decided it was time to pick it back up.

A long time ago, I found a 'natural' walking stick in the Gatineau Hills. It's a sturdy staff (about 3-1/2 feet long) with a natural handle. I was actually able to lace a leather thread and stone into it at one point, giving it a more mystical appearance. The problem is that it's literally deadfall - I've whittled off most of the bark, but never got around to properly treating it/protecting it from the elements and time.

With my first major conventions coming up this year, I figure it's time to finish what was started a while ago. Hopefully, by the end of the week, I'll have a nice® staff to show off ^.^

Here's to Hope.

I celebrated Yule the other day, but just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone all the best in the new year and a Merry Christmas to all! Looking forward to all new adventures in 2011.

(Sadly, it was cloudy here Monday night, so I didn't get to witness the lunar eclipse - but no matter. I knew, and that was enough. ^^ )

(NOTE: this is a spoiler-free opinion on the movie - if you haven't seen it, you can still read this. :)

I just came back from watching TRON: Legacy on the IMAX here. I had to be out of the house for a couple of hours anyways, and given that I've loved TRON itself since I was a kid (perhaps the 2nd movie outside of Star Wars that I could say I had any attachment to) I had been looking forward to this for some time. ^.^ Plus, it was a beautiful day here in Ottawa - so what better way to spend it than in a movie theatre? ^.^

I will admit, I have nostalgic memories of TRON - which means they are coloured blue to begin with. :) I rewatched it a few years ago with more mature eyes; it was still enjoyable, but I could better judge the actual performances. Of course, acting isn't really why people watched that movie in the first place - it was the dazzling (and fun!) technical side and its concept of the digital 'world'.

TRON: Legacy lives up to just that - its legacy. The acting and script aren't great, and a few of the twists I figured out early on. The last time this really happened was with Shrek 2, when I figured out the king's secret; it kinda muffed up the rest of the film for me. Not so here, but it just meant I was anticipating certain things. No matter. The cast still did a fairly good performance in general for the script they were given. Not a lot of humour in the movie, but that's kinda good - it means few puns or low-brow stuff that I loathe. I'll take fewer jokes over many bad ones any day.

The visuals are incredible, as you would hope. No longer flat colours, but with more hues to what is already there. Some of the action sequences, especially early on, really had me on the edge of my seat. I knew how they would end, but I was enjoying the ride too much to care. The 3D side wasn't quite as noticeable as in Avatar, but then they didn't have Cameron's budget I'm sure. It works and that's all I will say there.

The trailers had me hyped for the soundtrack, and gods - did that ever live up to my expectations! The music is absolutely perfect for the movie - even better than the visuals, IMO. It went just right with the scenes and kept the movie going with force. With lesser music, it might have made some of the movie weaker - but as it was, it matched the grandiose scale and kept it there. 11/10 to Daft Punk for pulling this off.

Would I see it again? Yes, although I'm not going to race out for my second viewing. It didn't leave me as breathless as Avatar did - but that's actually not a bad thing. Avatar overwhelmed my senses - here, I was kept at a more level playing field which meant I could enjoy it more. It was the legacy of reliving old memories and appending new ones to match. I dunno if it will make enough for the Mouse to field another sequel, but I'm satisfied with what they did here. Definitely worth my time.

So about a week ago, a local furry decided to organize a meet at the Canadian Museum of Nature (which is in an old castle, but whose insides were recently renovated to modernize it from the old 1960s/1970s look I grew up with LOL.) It was free after 5, and he's 'suited there before so knew we'd be ok. I left work a little early to make sure I wasn't late - which didn't happen, since there was no traffic and it only took 5 minutes to drive there. I was a bit nervous leading up to this... probably because the only other 2 times I've been out in public, it's been to semi-private functions. This one was somewhere that anyone could be at. Plus, I haven't hung around with locals in so long... it was like a clear start. And that, in the end, is how I took it.

The three of us who were in fursuits were the hyper-energetic Zets, Prefectionist (the organizer) and myself. I've said it elsewhere but it bears repeating - I've never had so many pictures of myself taken before. LOL it was crazy, but everyone seemed to love it.

From exploring the mammal dioramas (including the wolves, of course ;) to seeing what a fursuit looks like on an infra-red camera (with relaying monitor to show you your 'hotspots') to the various other patrons of the museum who took pleasure in seeing us and/or requesting photos.

When we first went in, the staff at the ticket counter wanted to remind us to not try and pass ourselves off as museum staff.... or something like that. Mostly, I think they just didn't want us to bother the other patrons, but it was never a concern. We were having too much fun on our own. The security staff, from what I observed, was a mixed bag - some of them were smiling and didn't seem to mind us; others were more 'business', shall we say, and stone-faced - to each their own.

I met some great people, and look forward to the next time we can hang out. It was a ton of fun... this is what I had been missing all along. If I'd be honest to myself years ago, maybe I wouldn't have held back behind a shield of shyness. But no matter - and no time like the present to keep going up.

Lifting my head to the moon, which was rising over the castle as we left... Goodnight, all.

Well, as of tomorrow my house will be on the market again... 3 years after I bought it, more with hopes and dreams than sense and observation. This isn't a dream house, by far, but there are a lot of things here that I like - a lot of things that I wish I could have done more with, but never had the money or motivation.

The sign is already on my lawn, and tomorrow the MLS listing goes up. Part of me just wants to break down and cry, but I'm not entirely sure why - there are almost too many reasons. Because the stress this place has caused is coming to an end. Because now the hard part begins, and I have to be firm and try to get the most I can....

Because it's just one more thing I always hoped for that I have to let go of because everyone else helped to fuck it up.

My sights will return to the future and what it may hold soon enough.

But for tonight, I just wish my wolf-lover was here so that I could hold her in my arms and let it all out.

I admit to enjoy many of the Whitest Kids U Know skits on Youtube... but this one has a very amusing furry twist that definitely needs to be shared with this community. Spread the laughter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvjgIxuVdo4

...and the reality is more than I ever dreamed for. Initial, self-taken images being posted now.... stunning work done by http://www.clockworkcreature.com/ who did me justice more than I expected.

I'll post more details and impressions later on... for now, I'm just going to sleep soundly like never before.

I am happy. :D

Been keeping track of things online with the USPS and Canada Post... my parcel has cleared Customs and is now a scant 2 hours away in a Montreal facility. (It's so close, I could drive down to pick it up in person LOL!)

I'm anticipating a notice tomorrow and delivery on Friday; if the gods are truly kind, it'll be a pickup tomorrow ^^

I can't believe it's almost here... a dream I didn't remember I had about to be realized for the first time.

I must prepare.

I have reason to believe that a very special parcel is making its way to my home town....

Watch for a new me very soon on this very site. ^.^

I managed to get into  Qarrezel 's fursuit queue for July.... not only that, I also have all the funds secured now for what I'm looking for from her. Her work is breathtaking IMNSHO and, if the timing works out, I may have it for a very special event here in Ottawa in late August...

I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl :D This will be my first fursuit (at least, of my own), and while I'm only getting a partial one done (mask, gloves, tail) it was definitely the right way to do it. It'll give me more flexibility with what I want to wear overall - and once I have enough saved up, I will work on completing the body portion of the suit. I don't know why I've had this drive to wear one when for years I've never given it a second thought... Maybe because it is something new, and something personal, and something that will also give me an amount of freedom of expression.... I don't know, but I will see.

Having no real visual references of my furry self, I've left the design of it in her hands to see what it shall be (aside from being a wolf, but that's about it LOL.) My feelings are telling me not to worry. I've come this far in this new journey and I'm not about to turn back now.

A dream I didn't even know I had is slowly coming true.

Where it will go from here, no one can tell.

1998 + 12.

To paraphrase those immortals words uttered in Ghostbusters....


I GOT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(more to the point - I managed to get into Qarrezel's queue for a partial fursuit.... I'm so excited right now eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I am approaching a crossroads. I can see it, I can feel it, but I know only of it. I do not know where it will take me. I can not tell what is about to happen.

I face the Unknown in a way I have never before.

Progress is about to happen in a most radical way. I am the balance point and I know the scales are about to tip.

The only question is which way. And I control it all.

All.

Cause and effect govern all.

My choices over the next month will set the tone for the months, the years to follow.

In just over a month I turn 35.

I have spent the better part of my adult years helping, saving, being there for others.

Only this year have I finally started to realize just how little I have been there for myself.

I have taken steps to change this, but one does not take big steps and keep their balance on unfamiliar ground.

I have always done what I can to stay balanced, even at the cost of others happiness or satisfaction. My mental stability was forever being propped up by interceding for another's desires - over and over and over again.

I have been sick. I have been tired. I have been neglectful of the one most in need of helping, of saving.

Me.

I have my new dream. A dream to wear fur before the end of this year, either fully or only to see through new eyes.

I honestly feel like I don't care about anything else. It is something I want to do for me to make me happy.

My interest in games is waning, and i am ok with that. They are not as enjoyable as they once were and there are very few that pique my curiousity any more. The stories are not what they once were.

My own stories are starting to grow stronger. My muse's voice is warming up again.

Things are changing, in a big way.

By the Gods, I hope I choose right.

All I know for certain is if I get my chance in July for a fursuit commission and it falls from me because of the actions of another, there will be Hell to pay.

My one dream, my own desire.

If I do not make it because of blind chance, then there is no fault. It is still a lottery and I will not deny that.

If my chance comes up, however, but everyone else thinks they deserve everything first, then it will be all over... and I will know the answer to the question, "When will I rage?" :)

All I know for certain is that change is coming.

And that I'm scared to death that I'm going to lose everything all over again.

But that, for once, I feel like I have a chance to actually be the one to call the shot.

I just have to remember that I'll also be the one to live with the consequences of doing it.

Though I am at a loss to explain it, I suddenly seem to have developed the urge to invest in a fursuit. I don't know why... I've only got one instance of 'suiting in my entire past (and that was for work, in a rented-and-sweaty-from-others bear costume for somesuch reason).

I've seen a few sites, and think I have one or 2 that I will hit up. Maybe it's just something new for me to explore in this wonderful fandom of ours. :) A nice, realistic wolf-style outfit...yesssss.... that's the ticket.


On another note, I think I'll start to use this journal more for personal thoughts, given how remote it is... certain people won't be as likely to read it (since they aren't furs :)

While I've never posted anything to this journal before, I feel this soundtrack one deserved it...

MY LIFE AS A MOVIE SOUNDTRACK

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...just type it in


Opening Credits: Breathe - Abney Park (('Wish I could breathe...' how apropos))

Waking up: Summer Overture (Requiem for a Dream) - Mozart ((Fitting))

First Day of School: All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow ((Fun at school?))

Falling in Love: qfg5-14 - Quest for Glory 5 Soundtrack ((meh... not a lot to this one, so one fail))

Fight Song: FF02Invasion of the Empire (Freedom Fighters Soundtrack) ((Invasion = Fight = Win))

Break Up: Episticus - Batman Begins Soundtrack ((Sad music, so again a good match))

Prom: Pagan Drums - Native American (generic music, but good to dance to))

Life: 05-Stats, Quest for Glory 2 VGA soundtrack ((ironic, given that it's to show your life bars)

Mental Breakdown: Redemption Theme - Vampire the Masquerade: Redemption soundtrack ((brooding midieval music...figures))

Driving: Radio2 - Red Alert Soundtrack ((love to drive to this one, so awesomeness!))

Flashback: Virginia Woolf - Indigo Girls live version ((Ha! Oh yeah :) ))

Wedding: The Demise of the Zephyr - Arcanum soundtrack ((Eep! My airship! ))

Birth of a Child: Words of Fire Deeds of Blood - Robbie Robertson, Music for the Native Americans ((now that's ominous))

Death Scene: Medley: Tetris - Video Games Live ((rousing piano piece?? guess I'll be having a lively death then lol))

Credits: Firestarter - Prodigy ((Kick ass old school!))

Title of this Journal: Temporary Alliance - Warcraft 3 soundtrack