It's finally here! Go soak in the mood of the early 20th century, bask in black and white capers, tune that radio dial and play As Time Goes By! (Or any other favorite tune from the 10s to the 40s, eh?) Shine those shoes, get your hats on snug, and step out into the Urban Jungle!

http://www.drivethrurpg.com/product.....-Noir-RolePlay

Don't forget to say hello to the lady on page 156, you may regret it if you don't. ;)

Some words from the author here: https://tmblr.co/ZFhQSo23vBchV

And the Kickstarter here: https://www.kickstarter.com/project.....horn-and-ivory

Ironclaw is a traditional tabletop RPG, with a bit more flexibility baked into it and a lot more love for history and low(er) fantasy than your average D&D-alike. It's a great time and I love talking about it so if you have questions, throw them at me!

http://www.nerdandtie.com/2016/02/1.....sh-con-hotels/

Wise words. Don't be a fuckwad and screw things up for other people.

So I hear there's this thing going on where I'm in a demo session of the Ironclaw RPG right NOW.

http://www.livestream.com/rafferty

So, on January 1st of this year, I told myself I would find the time and inclination to write something again in longform (as opposed to something shorter like poetry or random song lyrics or freewrites). That has pretty much not happened at all, mostly because of grad school, and partly because I spent most of the year absorbing stories other people wrote. While doing so has given me plenty of set pieces to use in my own work, that doesn't help the fact that I haven't written the pieces I said I would.

While I know I never made that proclamation here on FA, I kinda feel like I want to live up to my idea anyway, since whatever I wrote likely would have ended up here along with wherever else it went. Given the timeframe I have before January 1st, 2012, that's not likely to happen in any realistic sense...but I'm trying to carve out some space and time to make something shorter that might serve as a sizzle reel of sorts to what I hope to be working on soon.

If I can ever get over my own feelings of underwhelmed-ness (ok seriously fuck English as a language, can't express any ideas properly with it anymore) toward my own ideas. Part of that has to come from exposure though. I tend to automatically mark everything I write as the rantings of a damaged mind that SUCK. HARD. CORE. until someone else comes along and tells me they think "X" idea is cool and hey you should maybe continue working with that, see what comes out of it.

So...I guess this is where I tell you something's coming. I have no idea what it is, but I'll figure that out when I can.

My grandfather died this morning. About an hour passed between the first time I knew this could be a possibility and when the final news got to me. I made no attempt to go see him before it happened this morning, though as it turns out the distance I live from the rest of my family would have precluded my getting there on time anyway.

How do I tell my family that the reason I didn't get up and drive so many miles, unwashed and on three hours sleep at most, to see that man is because I haven't felt any sort of emotional connection to him since I was six? After our big move in 1993 he just sort of became this ornery, unlikable old bastard to everyone he knew unless they were of his own generation. I have no idea what prompted the change of behavior, but after that if I didn't share his interests I was essentially dead to him, unless it came time for important life decisions.

He almost never approved of a single decision I made, or when he did it was half-hearted at best and he never bothered to show that support to the rest of the family, though I'm sure he knew that if he did they would have weighed that opinion heavily. I guess they respected him. Nobody every really told me why that was though, and after ten years I stopped asking. Always it was just "You should get a career that'll make you some money" or "what the hell do you need all that school for" or "why ya spend so damn much time readin' books?" My education and desire to better myself never meant anything to him until the more forward looking family members badgered him into...well, if not supporting me than at least not degrading my attempts at education.

Other than that, the last three or four years have been...well, bad to say the least. He finally got old and infirm like he was always afraid of, but instead of doing anything to help his health, he just lashed out at everyone around him. Going home to help other more centered family members with something became a neverending cavalcade of arguments that devolved into brainless shouting matches and screaming and tears on the parts of most people involved. Nothing was good enough anymore, nothing satisfied, nothing mattered unless it was done the only way he remembered, which was pre-1960 at best, and around 1932 at worst. I'd been the "official" explainer-of-things to him for a long time, but after he started going off at every little thing I couldn't say two words to him before I became the enemy to him.

I think the real kicker though is that he hated me, even if he never knew it specifically. A preface: only one person in my family knows I'm bisexual, my mother. She's the most open-minded one of the bunch, and even she took a loooooong time to come to terms with that (she, um, things gay people are wrong somehow). I never told the rest of my family because one day I walked in on ol' grandpa watching the evening news. I don't really remember what was on it specifically, only that it involved Fred Phelps somehow and that my grandfather was nodding in agreement and mumbling about how we needed to round up all the deviants and shoot them all. When I asked him to clarify, he told me that Phelps had the right idea, and we needed to get rid of all the gays.

Somewhat disturbing and inflexible for a man who helped liberate a concentration camp near WW2's end. Why should I go to the deathbed of a man who spent most of my life belittling my aspirations, and who hated a group of people that I'm part of so much he wanted to kill them?

The worst part is I still feel like I can't tell the rest of my family, even if they might understand my decision then. They can paint me as the bad guy as much as they want though, I can take it. I'm not compromising what I feel is right for them or anyone. And if my grandfather is reading this somehow from the beyond, go suck an egg you old bastard. I'm not sorry that you aren't there to degrade me anymore.





I know that probably no-one will read this, but thanks for listening, as it were. It felt good to finally get this off my chest, even if only to the empty air.

Holy crap. I started this thing over a year ago so I could watch my favorite artists do cool things, and then made a resolution to actually write in longform again and post some shit here, but it seems I've failed to do that...Hmmm. I do have most of a month left in the year after my grad term is over, maybe I can get something done before January 1st and keep that New Year's resolution.

I will warn any of you actually watching this non-space though, it'll be full of crap, because I haven't had time or inclination to really sit down and WRITE for a looooooooooooong time.