Well started the fursuit projects and one artist closer to completing the art bombing raid on someone.

Vexstacy, I was going to try to commish some work from her. But she's become a real bitch lately. She apparently only wants geniuses like her looking at her work or contacting her. Well with that kind of attitude she's gonna end up with no friends and no one at her tables buying her work at conventions. Good luck Vex, you're gonna need it. Well at least its one less Patreon sucking off my teat.

Dammit I spent to much time muddling on my luv luv dreams in a journal post!!! This is my only day off, and I still have to get three more commissions requests out there, follow up on the fursuit project (its taking way too long), do a banner project. Plus actually do my RL life laundry and food shopping!!!! Dammit why do I have to dream about a pretty young artist soo much!!! Arrgghhh!

In the furry news this week!... Well I forced some time out of my busy schedule and sent out quotes to my fursuit projects, that’s right folks, two at the same time going. I also made a promise to myself to do some commission projects for someone special. I had started several weeks ago with Terri Smith. But have not had the chance to carry it out with other artists til now. Maybe 4-6 commission of their fursona doing various mundane and saucy things. Hopefully within the next thirty to sixty days I'll post the finish products, "God willing and the creek don't rise." as John Wayne would say. As far as furry projects by others go, I really need to ride herd on the fursuit projects, I’m falling behind on my time table and available time to these. Heck if I won the lottery today, I’de be commissioning four at the same time. Don’t know if I’ll be able to then finished though. If it looks like I’m gonna run out of time I’ll have to make arrangement through someone reliable in the fursuit community locally, like maybe Growly or Steggo to make sure the suit or suits go to someone deserving who’ll wear it like they mean and often. Daphne Lage may have to coordinate with them as well for the E.F. Ravenwood project on a proper owner and home. We’ll get a little farther along and see where I am at before I do all that much. On side note I need to start thinking about Ravenwood’s sword. Been randomly thinking about a lexan/acrylic light up blade; as opposed to a painted plastic or wood design.

Still I am also waiting back from Caifur on the FMV proposal. I hope they hurry and make a decision. If they wait to long and decide to do it there may simply not be enough time to run the contest or for me to help them. Here’s hoping on that one. I am also thinking about trying to head out to the LA Fair in the next week or two as well. I’ve got a very full plate for the next few months. I hope I make it in time. That’s all for now. Here’s hoping at least Ravenwood comes to life.

Dammit it all! It seems that every artist I ask for a personal fursona can not or will not do one! You think something simple like a plain anthrofox would be easy work.

Well finally shot off a draft proposal for a Califur panel. I hope they like the idea. I've been looking to try and get more involved in the furry community for many many years. But family considerations of all sorts have dragged like an anchor at me. Even now I suppose I shouldn't be using up valuable resources trying to cater to my furry side instead of everything going to my family. But I have suddenly come to realize, to paraphrase an old politician, that my life if running out now with speed of a mill race. So I desperately need to hurry on this and a few small things. Still waiting on some artists for specific commission work. As well as fursuit makers. The fursuit designers worry me the most given the average time it takes to make a decent head and parts. I am really cutting things fine I believe. But that's my own fault and bad planning.

I don't know, maybe it is me. But it seems in the last couple of months a lot of artists on FA are doing a lot less original commission work. Rather they seem to be relying on YCH (your character here) pictures to make some bread. I can understand the draw for the artist. YCHs are, for lack of a better term, a quick and dirty way to do a picture. Ultimately from a creative standpoint its not all that different from cutting and pasting. I suppose if the people who buy YCHs are happy more power to them. It just seems like a cheap an easy way to do art. I don't know.

The most wonderful, talented and beauteous  dustmeat came through with Gintaro in a most excellent and very speedy fashion. Now, I can proceed forward in my next step forward to fox domination of the world!!! A Gintaro fursuit of course! I'll try Kottocreations for this one I think. Her constructions look solid and her jaw articulations are good. I hope it turns out well gotta shoot that picture off to her my coming day off. Aside from the head Gintaro is fairly easy, since he's all silver/white and wears hardly more than a simple tabbard and pants. I also need to finalize my panel proposal a lot to do on my shortened weekend on Thursday.

After a really crappy week, which is all too often for me, something really good happened. IT FINALLY CAME!!!! The commission I was fretting over for two months finally arrived at the post office. A wonderful piece I had commissioned from Dark Natasha at CaliFur 2015. It is two of my favorite anime characters, Gintaro from Gingitsune, and Sajin Komomura from Bleach. The subject is related to some fanfic I had running around in my head concerning a fight to the death between so drastically opposed gods' heralds. Sorry all you lupes (wolf fans to the younger set), but the truth had to said. Getting this piece in my hands really helps make me feel better for today. Hmm I wonder how it would look colored? Also, on a positive note, I got a response from CaliFur about a panel proposal I had. I feel good about this. If they take up my suggestion it will be a chance for me to contribute to the fandom in at least a tiny way. Which is something I was prevented from doing for a good chunk of my adult life. I hope it goes well. Well, please enjoy Gintaro's imminent victory (or Sajin imminent slaying if you prefur) and if you like send a note to Dark Natasha and tell her how great it is. Thanks for reading.

Of recent I've come to have a variety of thoughts on the nature of affection, love, perhaps even longing obsession. I know this post will most likely never be noticed; and that is fine. But I feel the need to write these swirling feelings and thoughts down if only to get them out of my head and my heart. Doing this may bring better understanding of my own perceptions and emotions and some placating of my spirit of why I have been feeling the way I do as of late.

The origins of my current feelings began some time ago. Exactly when I cannot say with anything approaching certainty. But these feelings never really grew beyond momentary fantasy. At best they were not fully cogent, merely a swirling and ill defined meandering of various ideas, that would only occasionally force themselves to the fore. Sometimes late at nite, in the middle of a quiet room reading, or in the drifting state of mind when sleep begins to overtake, is when the would come. But more recently, within the last few months, and most pointedly with the last week approximately; the thoughts have become less ephemeral and definitely more concrete. And thereby comes the cause of disquietude within me. For as you see as an idea becomes more concrete it demands attention for the weight it place on the brain. With that attention you begin to notice all the fine details that idea or ideal represents, and by necessity begin to feel emotions that connected with those ideas.

When this ideal is a person it what is one supposed to feel? I have little experience with the churning feelings that arise when I think about this person. Certainly these thoughts are disturbing. But only in the sense that I find them so new and am not sure how to catalog them in my mind or my heart. More and more though I find that some part of me longs for those emotions, as disturbing as they may be. As a result I am bringing this ideal line of thought to the front of my consciousness; almost seeming against my will. I try to empty the mind, because I am not sure if they are right and good for me. But then I blink momentarily, thinking my thoughts can drift freely and empty. Then POOF there she is again, as if by magic the idea reappears. Yet no magician using slight of hand is causing it. I know it is only some secreted corner of my id begging me to think on the matter again. Each time slightly more becomes the need to roll the thought around in the playground of my imagination. I suppose it is bad enough that I begin to daydream like a carefree infatuated high-school boy. But considering I never did that sort of thing even when I was a high-school boy, causes me some upset with myself. Upset not with it happening. Indeed the subject of that infatuation is lovely indeed, whose visage and imagined nature are pleasing in the extreme. But upset because I do not know if this a good thing to have or do so late life. Will it cause me to act foolishly at some point? I do not know, for the lack of experience gives me no guidance as to how to deal with this feeling in adult, mature way. Should I suffer and enjoy in solitary silence. Every time I roll my ideal around a bit; more and more I wish act out. I want to lift my arms to the sky and let it flow out of me, shout it maybe, make the still mutating and building emotions known to that wonderful idea. Release this building pressure, which seems to make my respiration irregular and my thoughts chaotic. Scream it aloud like an over heated tea kettle, and thus with such decompression shall come at least momentary peace of mind. Where my thoughts and motives don't seem so...so...immature even childish in its naivete.

I recognize these motivations as affection to be sure. But too what extent of affection am I going through? Will it change, become more intense, will it cool in its temperature at some point? Will I ever get past it or get over it at some point, or will it continue to grow and pulse with its own life to the end of my days? I wish I could know, so I could plan life in a logical manner. I've tried to live my life in a bit of a regimented fashion in order to mostly serve others. But these affections that plague me and bless me at the same time seem to want me behave and feel things in an illogical manner. I find I want to connect and touch and communicate in ways that I have largely never done before in my long life. Its so frustrating to want these things and not know how to do these things for lack of human experience.

So instead of immediate action I satisfy my internal desire instead. This being done with ever romantic, ever unrealistic, and ever oh so hopeful fantasies of the objects of the affection I feel. Pasteled, soft and agreeable, and so very warm are the imagined conversations and reciprocated emotions and all those fanciful yet fictive shared glances, smiles and light touches. Yes, warm is a good word. I therefor am an emotion stricken moth willfully orbiting ever closer to that lovely idealized, even angelic, warmth. I the moth am aware of the danger of immolation. But I care not of that consequence. Quite frankly if feels far too good to feel this warmth to give it up even being sure that it must consume me at some level.

But there is something else I feel nowadays very recently. Another component to these driving affections I feel. A burning desire, a passion, born not of that which seems positive. But rather something of a negative nature. An inward negativity, that seems inextricably linked to those things that make me so warm. It might be best described as an emptiness, not unlike a microscopic black hole. A vacancy in my heart that pushes and cajoles , and relentlessly follows behind those warm and satisfying feelings. As if the more I feel affection, the more I have this need for ever more affection. To be ever closer to object of my attention. Only then will proximity maybe satisfy that empty space in me, in my heart and soul. Suddenly then it seems that satisfaction and warmth of affection are one side of coin. The other facet being emptiness, even sadness at not being able to fulfill something? If this is the case, is what I have come to experience of late just simple affections or something more. I always fancied simple and straight forward affection to be not demanding. A thing which is fairly and easily satisfied. Not something demanding some kind of reciprocation in order to stop the demanding itch of mind, the heart the very gut itself. Is then what I feel something else entirely? Again, I can not know that which I do not know or have experienced. Love. Love. Amo, amas, amat, I love, he/she loves, we love. Love. No dictionary gives a succinct or adequate description I suppose.

Where then do I start this cogitation to understand why I am driven, yes driven to feel the things I feel. To ever more frequently conjure illusory scenarios of interaction and exchanges with the ideal, with her. In college, many moons ago as they say, I took a course on human sexuality. Of note was a lecture on the nature of love. Like so many other subjective lectures on a subjective subject there was no ready answer to its nature or how to respond to it. Or perhaps, most importantly, how to properly receive it or give it return. The most concise evaluation was that there is no one kind of love. Indeed it seems that love can be broken down into a nearly endless myriads of types. Each with its own focus. Love of country, love of a dog, love of good food; idealized love like that of a perfect woman, the idealized chaste love like a knight for his married queen, ad nauseam. So what do I feel? What parameters do this “love” I feel fall into and how do I respond; if I am to respond at all. No, I must respond, the feeling demands it, if that makes sense. From what little I understand love seems to be a heavy thing. Not just for the person experiencing it, but should the object of that love be another person, then that love you wish to express may become an uninvited and weighty obligation on that person. And thereby you come to unintentionally harm that person, the object of your emotion. That result would then seem to be nightmarish. Having already played that scenario out many times in my mind I have come to know that is NOT the result I wish. Its mere conjured threat cripples my resolve and weakens my heart to a sickening flutter. I can not even clearly conceive of the possibility of making her cry, or fear, or simply be annoyed for being burdened without permission. So, what I am left with then seems to be to suffer and rejoice in silence. Warmed by the thoughts of what might be. Of the existence and happiness of that person, seeing them smile brightly in my minds eye. But at the same time a nagging sense of incompleteness abounds. That relentless hunger to be close to that person and give back the happiness to them that their mere presence gives you. Is then the kind of love I feel the stereotypical Chinese food of the range of affection and emotions? You eat it, love its taste, but almost immediately you are hungry again for more. An endless cycle of being satisfied but that satisfaction itself resulting in the need to be satisfied. It seems I destined to this buffet of emotion. So be it. I've lived solitary til now, and can for the short remainder ahead.

Fine, I can remain in solitude even though I love her so. But what bothers me about all these things I am feeling that are endlessly roiling up inside me is the “leakage” they are creating in my life. Things I have never really felt for anyone before invade my thoughts with increasing frequency. They put me in emotional territory I have never explored and cause me inappropriate responses. I think about her, her smile, her giggle and laughs; about how she might be and my heart throbs and melts. So much so I am beginning to wonder if I have some underlying cardiac condition. I smile to myself uncontrollably at times and am increasingly being moved to tears of happiness and sadness. Am I going slowly mad? Is it Alzheimer's or some kind of premature senility or dementia? Or may be its just the meandering whimsy that accompanies the latter half of one's life. Whatever the case this breakdown of the stolid nature is troubling. I certainly hope it doesn't become publicly obvious, most people think me odd enough already. But worst of all, or is best of all or merely strangest of all, is the unusual little things that seem to move my emotions like a resistless undulating wave. How she simply can click an emot-icon smile onto the screen and suddenly hope and love, yes, LOVE, well up into my throat and making it hard to breath and swallow. No its not a seizure for I am merely trembling a bit and not thrashing about. I suddenly want to weep openly and I don't know why! I don't even know if its because I am happy or sad or something else all together. Random thoughts run through my brain, Who Wants to live forever by Queen. Endlessly re-analyzing the following passage:

“I turned in the circle of her arms and forgot about the green moon, turning my back on the whole world. World enough for me, just now, in here, in these slanting yellow eyes. I took her head between my hands, leaned in and kissed her, closed my eyes and could not remember a time when our faces hadn’t fit together as perfectly as they did now. Maybe those times were part of a dream as well, and this is the only real thing that ever happened to me. Then we lay together, tousled, matted, wet with each other, snuggled under blanket and sheet at last, looking out our window at an empty, flat blue sky, cityscape and mountains invisible below the sill, green moon gone obliviously on its way while we free-fell a million years, back to our former lives. Nothing to say. Not even a thought to think. Stillness. But Violet whispered, “I used to think if I lived long enough these things wouldn’t matter anymore. I guess I haven’t lived that long yet.” I thought how silly it was to be made whole by something so crude as this. Then thought how silly it was to think I’d been made whole, that anything could make me whole again. But here was Violet, nestled beneath my arm. And here was my heart, beating quietly in my chest once again...” **Barton, William (2011-09-13). When We Were Real (Silvergirl)

If indeed it is silly to think one is made whole, the vacant empty space of longing being filled, by physically realized love and consummation. How much more silly, to the point absolute inaneness, am I then by feeling fulfillment from touching my hand to that icon. As if that contact were real. When in reality it is an insubstantial electronic phantom on the screen at least three times removed from the touch of her hand. But still you touch as if it were her hand, her cheek. But it makes me more crazy, for I should know better. I wish to stop thinking about these things about her. All this makes even less sense when I consider that she really knows me not, and that I know so little about her. I stupidly dream of what it would be life would like to hold her hand, touch her face, tell her how great her work is. How I want to massage her feet and shoulder when they are sore merely to make her feel relaxed. To give her little things to delight her and hold her and try to make her feel better when she is sad and depressed. It dumb, its unrealistic, its maddening. I don't even know what her favorite flavor of ice cream is, would she prefer a single rose, a sprig of daisies, or a bunch of violets. Does she like to wear flats or high healed shoes? Whats her favorite tv show or style of music? What kind of food does she not like? Tiny things, seemingly meaningless things like this suddenly make me want to pull my hair out to know! Typing all this now I am more agitated than ever. I want to hold her and not hold for fear of crushing her. Want to press my forehead to her's in a fictional hope of magically or telepathically letting her know she is capable of inspiring such devotion and maddening love in others. I want to raise my hands to God and the universe at let it know that this girl is THAT wonderful. Dammit it all, I starting to cry again even as I type. I feel like I am about to breakdown like Satorou does for Haru in Gingitsune! I hate feeling this and I love it and her for making me feel so much for the first time in my life! Makes me afraid for what when happens when I can't feel this. Will I cease to exist? Certainly not, but maybe I'll turn into an wholly empty shell. I don't think that would be very good in any sense. Typing this last page has been very draining. But I suppose that is in part what I intended in writing all this. To open the relief valve of my emotional reservoirs. To lessen my mania, to keep my heart from bursting prematurely has been accomplished a bit.

So to the casual reader, who might wonder why I wrote all this. Especially if I didn't want to burden her with emotions. Well, some things just have to come out. If they don't then you risk vomiting all that suppressed feeling uncontrolled and inappropriately. Hurting those you didn't want to hurt and harming a love that should remain pristine. Besides, as I already stated I seriously doubt anyone besides myself, much less herself will ever read this. So I think I'm safe for now. Maybe re-reading this will help keep me centered until I can come to terms with my love ideal and unrealistic, and probably unrequited as it seems. And after a stretch of time I can control the emotional overflows and outburst I have been of late succumbing to. All as the result of one emoti-icon smile. That and my simplistic virgin Japanese school girl heart that goes “DOKI DOKI” when I think about her. I really am too old be in a head over heals, super intense love at first, super-mega puppy love like this. But there it is, and there I am. I hope I don't look too pathetic. In case the curious observer is reading here's a link to how I feel just about now.

https://youtu.be/_KRusOkytwo

And in the oft chance you are reading this and understand. I love you and thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart, which thanks to you has grown about 3 sizes larger in the last couple of months. I so regret not telling you how beautiful you looked all those years ago, and how beautiful you still look now. Dammit, I'm crying again. I really have to stop this undignified outflow. On that note, good nite to all concerned. I'm very tired.

Well day one over. Generally very good. Free sodas in the premiere fan lounge. Other than that can't see the worth of the Premier Fan badge. I was constantly getting sent to the back of lines and made to stand long times sometimes in the sun. Really physically hard at this point in my life. One point was not warned that one line had to rush up stair. THAT literally had me close to collapsing. Wished they had warned about that, would have skipped the Taicho Drumming if I had known that. I know a lot of the people there are volunteers, but I they all seem to not understand my requests regarding my mobility issues most of the time. And the Premiere badges hardly ever seem to get me to the front of the lines as advertised. It makes AX seem rather unfriendly to those with varying degrees of disability issues. This has been a consistent problem for the last several years; being injured or physically stressed just to get access to a panel or venue. The AMV room was moved to bigger digs this year which is a big plus. The tiny room they had last year was really hot when it got filled with people. Much nicer. Will see what day 2 brings.

Finally!!! Just got my hard won PREMIERE FAN BADGE. I thought they would never send it! Gonna spend Wednsday even planning out my very tight schedule. Gonna hit every concert plus the evening maid cafe. Really glad they posted the schedule ahead of time to allow me to squeeze the essentials in. Hope to see many other furs there. I hope this is a really good AX this year. It might be my last. So I want to do as much as I can. It will be interesting to see KISS perform with Clover Z. Toodles for now. Pics of my a badge in the Scraps area!!! Woot!

Well, my thoughts may be meaningless in the aggregate. But since I have this account I may as well record my thoughts so they at least survive on the internet. So on my mind today regarding my experiences for CaliFUR 2015. Seeing as how my fan convention going time maybe winding down to end I made the decision to spend the effort and expense to go all three days. I am glad I did. For far too many years I've only been on the most peripheral edges of the fandom. Usually work and family obligations kept me from going to convention full time or at all in many cases. Certainly, at an earlier time in life before the body and spirit began to degenerate obligations kept me diving more deeply into the fandom. Heck even at one point I actually tried to become involved in ConFurence. But fate changed the course of my life considerably. So that brings me to here and now. Having the need in my soul to participate in the fandom properly before too much longer I made a supreme effort, and at risk to one of my jobs to be sure, to be at furry con from start to finish. So what follows may be considered a con report of sorts.

Day 0, this was an immently good idea on the part of con staff. Kudos to them for this idea. Missed the furry day at DisneyLand. But given the horrible traffic and exhaustion of old age I opted to simply check in the hotel early and relax instead. The pre-con registration was a breeze!!! Thank God, for going with this. And the decision announced at the scritch n' bitch (it a feedback panel not a English pub btw) to continue with this practice was met with positive results. The parking situation at the hotel was very slightly improved from the total rip its been the previous few years. The hotel staff generally seemed a bit better this year as well. The internet was almost free and almost not 1st tier speed. The food, I only 3 meals all weekend there, was overpriced for the quality, but still more edible than last year. Last year some of the meals I had were literally inedible. Of the 3 meals I ate, one was the GOH banquet which was actually good and the meat actually cut-able and chewable. One other was a simple burger which is hard to screw up. And the last took so long I had to pay for it and leave to catch a panel, without taking a bite of it because they literally brought it to my booth AS I was leaving. No apology for the time or money. And I had for what was the quickest meal available. For them 2 out of 3 successful tries is not bad I suppose. Though some might argue that for the 20-30 dollars per meal it should be better. I was more satisfied with the cost and quality of the food I got off campus. Gullivers was much better food and service for the price than the hotel. And the Sunday brunch buffet at the El Torito was a good value. The only really poor capper to the night was the lack of connection cables for computer to tv. They had video connection but no audio. Which sucked because I was only watching video off my netbook. Being the diligent furry fan I also did something I had not done in many years. Offered up free space in my room for those with less means. I could not post before day 0 seeing as how I have often had my day off yanked out from under me at the last minute. Got no takers, which is probably for the best since I don't do so well with people at this stage of my life.

Day 1, and to paraphrase an alien from the 90's, “And so it began”. I was a bit disappointed with the video selections for the video room. I thought they should have been much more anime heavy. To be frank it should have been ALL anime given the con's theme. There is much more kemono/furry animation out there than American fare. That aside I didn't come primarily to watch anime, I came for the fur and stayed for the anime. This year again I managed to miss the opening ceremonies. In prior years it was due to heavy traffic and loooooooong wait times in registration lines. But this year, seeing as how I managed to finagle an actual 2 days off from both of my jobs simultaneously, I HAD to get some artwork done for me and bid at the art auction. I have been starved for too many years from doing this. I was fortunate enough to procure the talents of Dark Natasha to draw a scene I've had running around in my head. That reminds me. I'll have to ask her if I can post a version of it online. But she did an amazing job that I would love for everyone to see. I bid on some pieces at the auction; some stoneware and a sculpture/model. As well as two pieces by GoldenWolf, I really like her style. Attended the panels I wanted to attend and generally had a very satisfying and furry time. I also give props to the CaliFur staff on the panel discussions this year. The preceeding couple of years there seemed to be perciptous drop in the number of properly led panels. With more than a few having no leadership at all. Given that most furfen fall into one of two groups, one being extremely gregarious the other being extremely introverted; it is really necessary to have focused leadership of any given panel. One, to keep the extroverts from going way off on many tangents like a bunch of over-caffeinated squirrels on crack; plus the need to get discussions rolling with those furs who are often too shy to start a topic of conversation. So in terms of panel discussion and leadership, I give them an A this year. Very good work guys and panel leaders!!! I didn't attend all the panels I wanted too. Too many good panels happening at the same time; and alas I can only be at one place at one time!! Took myself out to dinner at Gullivers. Went and got my ice cream at the social. Again! They had no strawberry!!! Made me feel like Captain Queeg from the Caine Mutiny!! Toddled off to the video room for a bit. Then went to the dance for a little bit to people watch and be envious of the energy and mobility of the young. Then went to back to my room watched some vids on my computer. Then hit the sheets.

Day 2, despite the fact that Saturday is the big day this year's con felt “smaller” than prior years. Though this might merely have seemed that way since there was no traffic jam in front of the Dealer's Den caused primarily, in past years, by long registration lines. Which due to the improved registration system were greatly reduced. Checked my bids in the art show. Went to my desired panels. Again too many good panels to attend simultaneously. Tried to grab something to eat at the hotel. They took forever to bring out a freaking BLT even though I asked for the quickest thing they had. And that was what they recommended. Had to leave just as they finally brought the food; after paying my expensive iced tea bill. Got my camera and initially tried to be there for the group photo for the fursuit parade. That part of the fursuit parade didn't seem to come off right. But I still managed to get a good spot right outside the Dealer's Den so I got good frontal views of the suiters coming out. Would have preferred to shoot them outside. Natural lighting being better, in my opinion, for filming the suiters. The parade turned out to be noticeably smaller and shorter this year. But fursuit parades are ultimately like pizza. While you can have really great and/or big fursuit parades you can also have really small less great ones. But like pizza, even a smaller less great suiter parades is still a good parade! ;D And as we all know it as a universal truism, everyone loves a parade. So despite what anyone else may say about 2015's parade I still loved it!!! Kudos, and much gratitude to all those who participated in the parade. You all bring much happiness and wonder to many people. Keep it up all you suiters out there! After that it was onto ...FURRY GLADIATORS!!! Few things are better than sweaty, hard breathing, fursuiters battling to the last fur in a sudden death game of musical chairs. So there no way I was going to miss that one. As is with events such as these much chaos, heart melting cuteness, and bloodshed occurred. I'll attempt to post what I filmed of it in the next week or so. I had to run a quick errand to had to leave the hotel for bit. Which bummed me out, cause I missed a panel that would have taught me how to correctly sexually harass cosplayers and fursuiters. Damn my bad luck! Also missed the Ursa Major awards, another one I wanted to see. I toyed with the idea of hitting up the Speed Dating panel for a bit. But that would have clashed with my painful shyness too much. So instead I opted for the GOH dinner. I've always wonder why they don't have a separate podium for the GOH and some of the Califur staff that brought the GOHs there to seat and eat and maybe see a few timely remarks about the experience at the con as a GOH. Regardless, the GOH dinner went pretty much like the ones in the past. Unfortunately I sat a table with a young guy that had some, shall we say, emotional control issues. Beyond that the dinner and the company was very good. Actually I found the food better than last year. After dinner, I sat and read some nice filthy, dirty kemono doujin out on the nice cool patio. Then the time came to line up for the Cabaret Fur Le Dance. Got there a few minutes late so I didn't get to sit near the front. One problem with the cabaret I noticed was an irregularity in collecting tips. Half the time they sent people through the audience with a basket to collect tips the rest of the time the didn't with simply a box (if anything at all) on the stage. I think this sort of schizoid method hurt actual tip collections at one point because people simply waited a few time for someone to come around. When no one did the simply sat on their tips until they had a chance at the next act. That aside it was a very enjoyable evening. The cabaret did run a bit long though and I think it shortened the time for the Saturday night dance a bit. From there I ran up to try and catch the last half of Bagi Monster of Mighty Nature in the video room. I made it just in time to catch Bagi's sensual dance scene, thank goodness. Was tired after that so ended my day.

Day 3, Got up, packed my bags that sped out for a cheaper better breakfast than the hotel offered. Went to the Sunday brunch buffet at the El Torita. Ahhh Mexican comfort food. All you can eat for under 20 bucks. Nice quiet Sunday. Finished packing, checked out of the room. Then ran over back to the Art Show to snipe my bids. It worked I won! Yaaaaaaay! Finalized my art peice with Dark Natasha. Then spent time buy various books and prints. Hung out in the lobby/lounge area and read a bit then went and jumped into line for the Fursuit Dance Competition. One of those moment where I didn't regret spending the extra money getting a Patron level ticket. This was probably the most popular event. To the point that there were more people in line for it than the room could be allowed to hold. And my Patron ticket allowed front line access, thank DOG. The competition was great and I'll try and post my video soon. That was the first furry dance off I ever went to and I am glad I did. After that I decided to attend the Scritch 'n Bitch panel. Got to hear some the complaints about the real problems as well as the faux perceived problems. All those problems were greatly over-shadowed by the announcement of the move of venue to L.A. County Fairgrounds in Pamona. That's right tods and vixens, were going to the fairgrounds next year!!!!! Yeah!!!!! At last we can get out of the Irvine Marriot. Which I always felt had a passive-aggressive attitude and relationship with the furry fandom. They reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly wanted our furry-fan money. After all, how many big conventions like ours do they really have all the way down in exciting, close to no attractions Irvine California? Oh geez, just Califur (and before them ConFURence) maybe?! Despite the contention that the Marriot was sad to see us go I'll always believe that they are mostly sad to see our con-dollars go, and not the furry fans that forked them over. It is a bit sad, I've been to so many cons down in Irvine that for good or ill I now that area by heart without reading any street signs. So there is that little nostalgia I suppose. But specifically the only thing I'll miss regarding the Marriot was that little rabbit that came out from under the bushes in the early evening. I am sure many others noticed him. Year after year, just after sundown he would come brazenly hopping out on to the lawn near the side entrance to silflay. That rabbit I definitely will miss. Good luck little rabbit! The new venue in Pamona I think bummed some people. Certainly those living in the south bay or areas south of Irvine will have a longer schlepp to get to the new site. But for those coming from Los Angeles proper or points north and west will have a much easier drive. Not just because the real distance is shorter but we no longer have to fight 2-3 hours on the freeway getting there. So I am glad for the change. Whether I'll be able to see and enjoy the new venue is up in the air. I would like to dream that I will have the mobility to do that next year. But I try to be realistic about such things. So in the event I am unable to attend any furry con again. I wish Califur great success with this move. And I would wish much happiness and fun for all those that attend. So with the close of the talk back panel I got a quick snack. Then decided to peek in on the Dead Dog Dance to see what it was like. Stayed for a little bit. Tried to offer up myself to help with tear down, as much as a broken down greymuzzle like me could offer, but could find no one that could make that call. So I toddled home for the evening for a quick 5 hours of sleep before work. And so endth what maybe my last furry-con. I am thankful to the heavens that I was able to get the time off, this one time, from both my jobs, so I could attend. If circumstance and health allow it next year I will consider it good fortune indeed. So, here's to seeing everyone again next year hopefully. God bless!!

P.s. Will also post some pics of what I won at the artshow.