Well we'll try this again. The Irish fight fox opus piece I wanted. The previous artist turned out to be a no go due to time constraints. But Johis will give it a shot. I really like his real type designs. We'll see how it goes 3-5 months from now it should be done. Crossing my fingers.

Well one week ago I attended CaliFur. As expected it was physically harder than the previous year. While after last year I pondered whether I would do it this year; I truly doubt, any medical miracle pending, that I will be able to physically attend CaliFur in 2018. For the first and probably the last time I attended from start to finish. I was glad I made the effort. Due to the year's rescheduling it was a much smaller con then last year. Better for me getting around with smaller crowds, but made things less exciting overall. I wish I had the free time to volunteer, but until very recently I worked two jobs. So that on top of my decreasing physical condition has really limited my life. So the best I could to help the convention was spend some time and money by making some decorations for the con to use as this years convention and for years into the future.

Unfortunately, due to poor coordination, those items I donated did not get utilzed properly or not at all :( That was such a disappointment. I feel bad for asking some of the artists to do rush jobs on artwork for the con. They never had their hard work seen or appreciated. I was hoping to at least post some photos of them in use. But I don't even have those. I don't know if its worth trying to do that again. I really wish I knew if the attempt was appreciated or CaliFur was simply stringing me along with no intention to use those items. If they had simply declined my offer I simply would have accepted that fact and moved on. But I felt bad after complaints that 2016's con didn't have enough decorations, so I thought I could help this year. Well, I tried, I know that I tried. I don't know whether I'll do anything like that again. I'll have to think on it.

There were many other small but forgiveable problems with a small fan con like CaliFur. There more this year than previous years. But those were largely due to the loss of one of the heads of the con just 4 months befor the conventions as well as the date change. So I trust those are not permanent problems.

One a very hopeful note. I had invited BlackLight-Tiger to her first furry con. She is a closet furry I met through work. She is a young woman with many years of convention going ahead of her. She was a long time anime otaku attending AX many years. Even doing taicho drumming at conventions. Despite that, she had never been to any furry convention. In fact she had never really considered herself a furry fan. Or rather was afraid to consider herself on. But she has numerous sketch books filled with furry characters, not manga characters. She has spent the last few years also making fursuits for friends. Yet she never embraced it, because she was afraid she wouldn't be accepted. She was bit of a velcro roomie on day 1 but despite that fact her experience was so positive that by the late afternoon she was doing things on her own without a hitch. What really made her con was meeting Raven. Raven having quite the bit of fan fame at AX she was totally blown away to find that he was a regular with CaliFur. She had her picture taken with him. I think that helped put her totally over the top about fitting into the furry fandom. Asking her at the end of con what she thought. She was not hesitant to state that she was going to attend CaliFur every year, especially after she moves down to Pomoma to attend veterinary school. And so a new hardcore furry fan is born! :D It worked out as I had wished. I saw her as a protoge and specifically as my replacement in the fandom (since due to decling health I don't see myself doing furry things for very much longer). To help keep it all going. In that I have been very successful. I hope she sticks with the fandom for decades to come.

Overall I had a carefree time though. which is good because the Tuesday prior to con I was rather unceremoniously fired from my part time job via e-mail. If it seems I am not too upset its because I have seen this coming for quite some time. VCA had demanded that I be fired immediately after they aquired my part time job last year. Much to their credit my night job resisted for as long as they could, slowyly cutting my hours, then cutting my days as well. A week ago Tuesday the final shoe dropped on that one. So I hold no antipathy toward my former night job. They did the best they could by me. In truth I made a mistake, I should have quit the day job and stuck with the night job. The day job while the grudingly increased my pay rate, never gave me the full time employment I asked for. The night job would have employed me fully and was a closer drive to my house on top of that. But I stupidly felt sorry for the day job; and for my loyalty I've never got what was promissed and in fact may soon find myself fired from there as well. My day job is now workinig hard under pressure from VCA corporate to fire me for cause due to my decreasing physical condition. My loyalty, working off the clock, taking no breaks, sacrificing my lunches, working ALL holidays, not taking monetary benefits that I am supposed to get, buying supplies on my own dime; all that abject loyalty is worthless nowadays it seems. They would rather have inexperienced kids who work for minimum wage and have no personal loyalty. To the casual reader, don't get into the Veterinary technician field, but if you do, don't work for VCA.

Well I was able to make the Fall 2016 Fur B Que at Irvine Regional Park this time out. The last Fur B Que I attended was over eight years ago. I am really glad I went, probably for the last time. I tried to bring as much as I could, but I admit I could have, and should have brought a lot more, food stuff as well as another shade tent. But in my own defense, I am so low energy these days, I could barely muster up the physical effort to go out and buy the things I did at the last minute. Despite that I think everything went very very well. There was tons of all kinds of food, even some meats left uncooked. Not enough salads or veggies, I shouldn't haven't fogotten that stuff. I should brought more fruit and veggies for grilling. Everyone was very cool and friendly. Admittedly I did not socialize much. Quite frankly I was not raised to socialize, and as such I really don't know how. I do envy people that can do so easily its so hard and scary to try.

The weather was perfect, warm and dry without being to warm or windy. Great for fursuiters! I oh so wish my fursuits had come through. A pox on Radioactimals for stealing from me. Its less the money and more the wasting of my very limited time on this planet. I am now too depleted to wear one I fear. I had wanted one for so many years, then to have the opportunity stolen from me. Oh well, maybe in the next life.

Back to the Fur B Que. I greatly appreciate all the tremendously hard work Steggo and his mate put into it all. I wish I was able to physically help more than I did. They and the other grillers all did an absolutely Trojan effort. They cooked and served non stop from 7am to 7pm. You are everyone's hero guys!!

I wanted to go to the zoo, but didn't, I fell asleep in the afternoon instead. I got to catch up and read the collected Thieves Quest by Daphne Lage. Now her comics are real comics, which is why Patreon her. She draws, not just talks about it. I didn't do any hiking of course, damn legs won't work for that kinda nonsense. Listened to my media player. In retrospect I shoulda brought some drawing supplies.

One thing I noticed, versus my last Fur B Que, was the average age of the attendees. So many of the local SoCal furry fandom was NOT there this time. The vast majority were young face who I had never seen before. A bit sad realizing the fandom that I am part of (not the degree I wish I could have been though) is growing old now. With respect to that segment of the population when I jumped into it. Overall though this is a good thing. It means our fandom is vibrant and growing and will go on for a long time. And that to me is a very good thing indeed. I am glad I could contribute to the Fur B Que to help make the fandoms' social events pleasant for the new generation.

I will post the very few pics I took in a day or so. My ultimate take away from this Fur-B-Que...FURRIES SURE CAN EAT!! :P

I just got through reading a Kindle version of a Jack Salem novelette "Monster". Its an excellent and very engaging read, and I recommend anyone who sees it on Amazon to buy it. That aside, I kept getting the deja vu feeling as I read it. Then somewhere about 90% through the story I suddenly realized that I had read this before, in actual physical book form. I remembered I had bought it, read it, and it now sits in a storage bin in Glendale. I bought the same book twice!!! It was still good reading the story again after so long! Boom, ya got me twice Roz!! :P

Why am I doing this? I wish I knew, I really wish I knew. I KNOW the relevant furson's to this question don't watch me. Which is a good thing I suppose. But can someone, anyone, tell me the approximate cost of putting a comic book/art book together? How many pages, the printing, yada yada yada? Could it even be completed in time for sale at a convention like CaliFur? The artist doesn't produce much art anymore. I wish to help, but my "help" in the past I believe made things worse. Heck I don't think they want my help; thinking is must come with some imaginary price. When in reality my help is simply help. Would restarting any banner ads help? I can not discern that anyone noticed them at all or they resulted in help to the artist. I would if I thought they would help. Aaargh!! This who situation makes me want to pull my hair out!!! Which is something I have not done since I was care-taking my mother many years ago. But the worry, not quite crying out for help, but asking for it none the less. Sure that their Patreon must be false; is it really? Can someone, ANYONE, give me a monetary amount of the costs so I can at least explore helping in a significant way?!!

Okay folks the fall Fur-B-Que is only about a month away. All kinds of things are needed. So if you are planning on attending and want to bring some food or other supplies Well see what everyone can bring and list below by section.

1: Utensils, plates, Que supplies etc. (extra mini ques, charcoal, fuel, forks knives, cups, tongs, meat forks, tarps table cloths, nonedible requirement for a picnic)

2: Bread based food (buns of all kinds, rolls, muffins loaf bread etc)

3: Fruits veggies salads (potato salad, slaws, fresh and cooked veggie dishes, fresh fruit and fruit salads etc)

4: meat things *(raw meat of all kinds, processed meats like sausages and cold cuts, pre cooked things like ribs that can be que warmed etc)

5: drinking stuffs (all kinds of soft drinks or mixes for there off [there's nothing wrong with Kool Aid] hard drinks? [Sssssh keep it under your hat])

6: Ice chests with ice (dry ice can be included in this)

7: Deserts and sweets (pies, cakes parfaits, ice cream etc)

8: Sporty equipment and tenting supplies (tents and other free standing covered awning things, blankets, sports equip of any kind)

9: Any other things anyone can think of

*sigh* I make comment here regarding how others patron artists. I try to do what needs to be done regarding those I patron. But watching things go up and down up and down! It makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes. Be loyal, at least for awhile! Wanting to be loyal it makes it hard to do necessary things. I want to prevent disillusionment though. So I keep on going... Dammit all and the weakness of some others!

Dammit not again!! Why are people so fickle?! If your gonna pledge to a Patreon, stick with it at least one month. Don't be a jerk by making a pledge, d/l the art and then not paying!!! The patreon "looked" like it was finally doing good and solid and I could worry and work less. Then "boom" significant support magically withdrawn overnight! Some people can really suck!!! :(

Dang I it dropped back again overnight!! I hate to see when that happens. Can not some people simply commit for awhile and not just patron long enough to look at all the art? Besides everything is posted to their free gallery anyway

At last significant movement and improvement to a Patreon account. Now I can begin to do what needs be done. I can do it knowing I will not be missed. There still may be blowback as before. But I know that a goal has been reached even without my help regardless. So the future is more secure. And they will feel safer I am sure. I good end to the evening. Will start on the banner projects first thing in the morning.

I feel compelled at this time to comment on the last couple of uploads I did of scans of traditional media art done for me by Daphne Lage. Its hard to believe at long last the project I had contemplated 6 months ago is finally at an end. There were two pieces that never occurred for various reasons but overall I think the images I had commissioned spoke well to the various things I felt at the time. Those were various forms of love and affections and hopeful, wishful interaction with someone. An idealized love and relationship that was never meant to be or even could be. One in which my elated and fanciful emotion crashed into a pathetic reality that resulted in much pain on both sides. I accept all blame for that. I thought, perhaps foolishly so, that you can change first impressions people have about you. I know better now. That's wrong, I actually knew that before. I simply let feeling of heart throbbing love blind me to my logic and experience. So I had art made trying embody my affection, to try and show that I was not crass or shallow or retarded of intellect. But in my attempts to do so, where words failed me, I sought to try and make my meaning better understood through my inner imagination, fleshed out in the form of all the works I had commissioned. Hence my gallery being filled with so many similar character studies and scenes. Beautiful in their renderings of the object of passion. They belie the emotional toll that I realize this has taken on me.

When I got a hold of the physical prints of the final scene today, I felt both elated and tired. That which I had started I finished for practical purposes. My worry about not seeing this thing through is at an end. Even if the original purpose became a moot exercise some time ago. I also feel some sense of resigned relief that I can go to some final rest in the future knowing I had a part in creating a lasting beauty. A beauty which I think many people will delight in and appreciate even if they do not understand the motivations behind their creation or the hopes they embodied. That gives my spirit some small comfort, and I've had precious little comfort in my life.

Having completed the project is my misdirected love and affection expiated? To some degree perhaps, but the heart still aches at times. I dream about her less, but still worry about her future well being. So perhaps there is no real sense of closure to my emotions, with the closure of my project of love. I can live with that at least a short time. I still try to bring closure in other ways, some of them very painful to me, perhaps painful to her in the abstract. As beautiful as the portraits turned out, they were sadly misguided. I doubt forgiveness can ever come. Because forgiveness requires understanding, of which I was incapable of engendering. Time heals all wounds on both sides hopefully, including those inflicted by me on another, and those I inflicted upon myself. So even as I look at the art and in some cases hold it in my hands I will always be hit by the dualistic emotions or regret and joy they make me feel.

So much for projects born of love. On to the next phase of life.

Woohoo! The wonderful dancing wolf Kotto comes through with dance commission two! She even sings to the song; which is Die Young by Kesha. Here is the youtube link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTYXiNg6zeQ

Everyone hit it up and enjoy! Also let Kotto know how much you dig her furry wolf moves! YIP!!

Hooray for Kottowolf! She's finished the first of the re-assigned dance commissions. It turned out great. Two more dances coming though. I am very pleased with the speed of her knocking this out and her very great dancing. Here's the link to the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_l.....ature=youtu.be

Enjoy everyone!

Yeah I know, a lot of artist despise e621. But at least they are coming through with putting up their ad banners quickly. I can start to rest a little easier now. Here's the proof link:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18232432/

In all its technicolor glory. The actual animated gif is also in my gallery. Now please god let FA come through at some point!

Progress, maybe, on the costuming front. I was FINALLY contacted by Radioactimals regarding my paid suits. I was worried from their lack of response, remarks or reports on their Trello page. I still don't trust them entirely I know. I may just invest in a 3rd suit by another party just too make sure Ravenwood gets done. I'll think on that for a few days. I am really worried that I am running out of time to see them done. Que Sera Sera, on the results though, not much I can do about it I think. Just waiting now on the last of the Daphne Lage pics. I've given up hope on original picnic scene though. I know the artist's family are having significant personal problems. So I don't really care to ask for a refund at this point. It was ironic the first artist I actually commissioned in the disasterous Art-Love Bomb project never made it at all for the project. Maybe it was a sign that I should not have gone through with the rest. I doubt it would have made a difference. I was never gonna change anyone's mind about me. I would have just liked to see her interpretation of the Picnic scene idea. The one Lapres did was a bit rushed and ad-hoc to replace the one Terri Smith was supposed to do. Well, we'll see going forward. Milkcrown was supposed to do one as well. But that was altered at any rate. So I lost interest in that one. Many will say I was flushing money down a toilet. I don't necessarily think so. I always felt that going in, furry artist had about 1/3 to 1/2 failure rate on getting what you ask for, or getting anything at all. But still that's been way better than my experience with manga type artists. They typically have had a 75%+ failure rate. So I always new I was going to lose some money on that project, regardless of the success or failure of its intent. Maybe she should have just let me buy her the dang Copics?! Well thats it for now. Hoping for better follow through from Radioactimals going forward.

Important update here. FINALLY got a banner ad paid for and up in a day or two on e621 for MG. Its bigger but not as good as the one  Rgibson collaborated with me on. But I wanted at this point to get up something, even if its quick and dirty. Hopefully it will get some response for the girl. I still hold out the seemingly vain hope of being able to get ad space on FA. I still believe FA has a better hope of turning results for improved Patreon performance. But this being a first attempt; maybe is like the failure of the first picnic picture I tried in the Love Bomb project? Will this be destined to wither and die in miserable failure; like the love that originally inspired it? Not being able to get an ad on FA would certainly mirror the pathetic success of my "childish crush"; which was abject failure and disgrace. COME ON FA!!! JUST TAKE MY MONEY ALREADY!! Curse the fact that DA doesn't have similar artist banner ads!

Well I just posted ANOTHER banner ad. I made this one for e621, because FA won't respond to my requests to place a banner ad. Why is it so incredibly hard for some furries to accept money?! I want to give FA money, but I can't if they don't respond!!! *SIGH* I made this thing in a single day. Its not as nice as the one I did for FA. But it should get the job done. Of course e621 uses a completely different format for their banner ads so I had to do everything from scratch! I couldn't use any of the previous material from the FA banner. Well I can one say thing for sure, its getting to the point where I can whip out animated gif banners faster each time! Which is NOT a good thing. I just gotta do something to help some girl, who doesn't even ....forget it, get her patreon going better before my life and my Patreon support comes to an end in a few months. When it does, if her site isn't doing a lot better, she's gonna be real disappointed. And no doubt I'll have a lot of ire thrown my way by some people as a result of that support going away. So I am getting a bit desperate to get this ad thing off the ground and quick! I don't want to make her cry DOG Dammit! *SIGH*I hope e621 comes through quicker at least. At least my guilt level is down a bit since I released her from her commission obligations. So I can at least stop worrying about those and how they were weighing on/obligating her (perhaps unfairly) so much. Cripes! The things we, no, the things I do for love!!! Even when that love is unrequited and broken and drying up on the ground, truly makes me realize how stupid I am and must seem to others. Well at least I can look at myself in the mirror and know I didn't quit until I was finished. I really need to sleep. I've been really weak since my little brain thing 3 weeks ago.

At last, the final piece in a long project is being completed!! Daphne Lage has agreed to do the last piece in my originally envisioned artwork love project. The whole rigmarole cost me upwards of $1500(probably more). But I promised myself to do this and I followed through. Even though the intended result was hyooge failure, I am still happy to get money into the hands of a lot of artists. I am also happy with the artistic results mostly, though I may have one redone at some point. Even though I had my fursona chopped out of one piece and the remaining characters randomized for effective purposes, I still and satisified with how it all turned out, no regrets for me for the artwork that came out of it. Except that maybe the fox never got his long hair and pony tail!! I'll post a prelim sketch by Sensei Lage of "THE FINAL SCENE!!!"

Well, dealt with some old pending commissions by others. But now I have start a whole new project, a banner ad for e621. Why you say? Simply because FA won't acknowledge any of my email or notes regarding placing a banner ad!!! Its so hard to get furries to take money sometimes!

Dagnabbit, I thought I wasn't going to do it. But I've gone this far so... Looking for an artist to do the last piece in the aborted series. Appropriately adjusted for character sensitivity of course. THEN maybe I'll be satisfied.

FINALLY!! I completed the banner ad project a currently injured artist that is in pain. Well see if FA accepts it as it is. I was only able to accomplish this with the tremendous help of  rgibson . Thank you Roz Gibson!!!! Well see if it helps with someone's Patreon, cause I ain't gonna be around forever to pump it up! Now if I can only get an update from Radioactimals on the fursuit progress, cause time and life are running at the speed of a mill race.

Well all early stage commissions stopped or altered. One or two, like Imanika's are still going to trickle through, that shouldn't be too much or a problem. I will be able to redirect monetary resources elsewhere now. I was going a bit crazy with that. If I had any remaining talent I would have done it all myself. But alas, old age. OOh one more!!

For various reasons all 2-D commission project are on permanent hiatus. However some good news. Both E.F. Ravenwood and Gintaro-sama fursuits are paid in full and work is going forward. Hopefully by YIFFmas or New Years I will make some time at my double jobs to show them off at some fursuit gathering somewhere. Or perhaps a Prancing Skiltaire party. Its been years since I've been to one of those. I hope they turn out great, I'm even having them made with LEDs for eyes and claws. I've really wanted to see Ravenwood to come to life for many years, and Daphne Lage seems happy with the project. In a few weeks we may start to see pictures on her site of construction process. I want to see and wear them once or twice while I am still able. Crossing my fingers!

Bomb's away!!! Mission 7/8 and a bit steamy at that!!!! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17833499/

And also one for the mission planner. Sortie 6/8 also completed explosively!! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17833941/

...and BOMBS AWAY!!! Great work Lapres! It was worth the wait!! :) http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17780172/

Well Ive been planning and funding a little project for the last several weeks. It might be likened to a military air campaign I supposes; where you bring many resources and talents together from many places to strike at an intended target for maximum affect(ion)! Til now I have not named said plan, but now I will. I will call this plan Operation Dust-Balloon! The objective, to carpet bomb, a specific target with different scenes and re-imaginings of her character having different kinds of fun in different places. Hopefully the swath cut by the rain of colorful artwork will open a broad path to her heart and mind, and put at least a bit of a beautiful smile on her angelic face.

Unfortunately its seems that this operation, like many other great and large scale military operations, is plagued by attempting to manage so many numerous details all at once. In my attempt to coordinate all artists to deliver their payload very nearly all at once, it seems I forgot to mention to some artists to withhold some of their luv-luv art bomb works until most or all artists could assemble and rendezvous to begin the main bomb run. Oh well, I'll just have to file away that experience for future reference. So for now I'll just have to consider a few of the initial sorties to be preliminary, softening up endeavors. As of now I still hope I can pull of the main striking run so everyone, or nearly so, will be on time and on target. If all goes will this will be as devastating and effective as the 8th Army Air Corps was over Dresden in 1942; or the United States Navy was against the Nihon Kaigun at Midway. Pray for success everyone I stake everything on this!