I wish this had never happened. It seemed that the reason fate had postponed this trip was because it knew. It wanted to postpone the horrible pain that I was going to go through. Now I wish I'd never gone on this trip and could have just remained happy. But it's too late now. Remmus has left me and I'm heartbroken. I've never cried so much in my life and to happen on my birthday makes it even worse. 3':

He says that while the online talks were really nice, when we finally met in person, there just wasn't any spark and it just wasn't going to work.

It's all my fault really. I pushed the conversation in this direction, I just had to ask, instead of just being satisfied with what I had and shutting my big mouth. But I don't blame him, who could love me? I'm ugly and stupid and a loser. It's better that he left me, I'm worthless.

I don't think I can come back here. This gallery if full of images of us together. It only hurts further.

There are some commissions I was waiting on, to the artists, you can keep the money. It won't do me any good any more.

I'm just thinking of ways to end my life. We'll see if I pull through. I'm trying.

I've finally gotten the opportunity to go visit my bear over at New York! I'm so excited and happy! I will be gone for 10 days so I wanted to let anyone know who keeps in contact with me. ^.^ <3

*Squees with joy*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gMjJNGg9Z8 Watch this, view the whole video first and then go back to click on the "Skip ad" button (Allow ad-blocker to open it) and mess around the website it takes you to for some fun. Click into the house in the back several times and continue clicking for something weird. X3

This dream scares me and I worry about what would come of it. I don't desire to go over what it was about but just say that it left me in tears and I was unable to sleep properly. It's 3 in the morning and I came here to try to release some of that stress.

I fear that I may not be able to get together with my mate. No matter how much I work, suffer, or struggle through adversity. Slowly I let that fear build and it eats away at me and I start to sink. Do you think I'm just wasting my time or will it all be worth it in the end? If the army were worth it, I would go through any hell and put up with it if it were, but the longer I'm in, the more I see that it's not. They don't even allow me time to go to school. So I've decided to go into the reserves so I can at least have a job but be able to go back to school. What do you think?

It's a nice little improvement from the previous game, but it has a whole lot of things I really don't like about it. And thinking about having to wait until an entire new generation of consoles until the next one is too much of a pain to wait for.

I hate how many characters were removed (Although Wolf was cheap so I'm not upset about that.) So they removed the Ice Climbers, Lucas, Wolf, Snake, Squirtle, and Ivysaur (My favorite of them all). Now, you may argue that the Ice climbers had a cheat that would allow them to grab infinitely, but the update has removed that option, and you could say that Lucas was a clone character, but then explain why Lucina is in the sequel? She's the biggest Marth clone I've ever seen! At least Roy had a bigger difference. And then there's Dark Pit, he's slightly different, but not by much. So why? Someone tell me why.

I'm just really pissed off that Charizard is in, but Squirtle and Ivysaur were cut. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7i-f1kO8n8 Look at this video and tell me that it wouldn't have worked! Especially since that prick Jigglypuff has been in every single game!

Please don't laugh when you hear it.

I had a dream where I just born a baby bear cub. I was proud happy mother bear. Showing off the cub to all my friends and loving her very much. I gotta say this dream made me very happy, it was so wonderful. Even though this may never come true I continue to wish for it. It is my deepest desire. ^.^ <3



Anyway that is all. I'll be back home soon. See ya.

Once again, I got a thing that needs to be done. I'll try to stay in contact with you if you need me for anything but expect delays.

My reaction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6z8WUPTLka4













Cause? This: http://youtu.be/2hyrnOAWNXU?t=34s


BEST. FINAL. SMASH. EVER. *Dead* X_X

I can't say for what but I'll be back next weekend. If you need to get in contact with me, I'll get back to you then.

I've got Pokémon X and I'm dying to have a Kangaskhan. If anyone is willing to trade me a low level Kangaskhan I'll be willing to draw something for you with priority. X3

My friend code is: 2208-4505-7492

So yeah, I've finally got myself a tablet so I can return to drawing again. I'm not the best artist out there and I've not drawn since a long time so I hope you can bear with me as I get back into practicing. Hopefully I can get better with time. =3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-LMwog2mVk

Having grown up with the movies as a cub, I'm a long time fan of Robocop and still am. I own toy models of the characters and such. :P

My biggest gripe is that the new Robocop seems to keep his human right hand. I'm only hoping that won't be focused on as a weakness. Let's hope they can do good with this remake and not ruin it. If it goes go bad, at least we still have the other 3 classics. I'm really excited for this. :3

Well, not that anybody noticed, but I was without internet for a little while, why? Because I hadn't paid it. :P

But anyway, I'm back now and now for the point I want to make. It seems like I'm always getting broke. My pockets always being emptied. Now it's not too surprising that this should happen, afterall it happens to everybody, and a lot of this has been my own fault for taking on so many commissions, but it seems lately that I just can't seem to catch a break. For nearly 10 years I've wanted to buy myself a tablet to finally really get into drawing, hopefully open commissions so I can gain a little more money than the measly 500$ I'm getting as a PFC in the army (I know, right? Something's wrong here.) So I'm really starting to see why everyone was telling me that the army probably wasn't the right choice in a career. I'm starting to think I'm not going to be able to achieve any of my dreams for a future. Is my life just leading nowhere? Am I forever cursed to failure and torture no matter how hard I work? Serves me right, I'm just a moron anyway.

I've been a fan of them for a very long time. I'm trying to remain faithful even though they're really screwing up during these past ten years what with the Wii and the Wii U being useless. But now I'm just absolutely pissed. My old Wii is about 10 years old already, the fan doesn't work so it overheats, and the disc reader barely works anymore. So I try to save up (I'm a little broke because I took too many commissions) and buy one. So now that I bought one and hook it up, I try loading up my Gamecube games (They were more better than the Wii games) onto it, but it kept spitting it back out. WTF?! I look through the manual, try ripping off the top where the GC controls are supposed to go, nearly breaking it, but it was welded shut! I was clueless! So I look online for some clues and I find out that they removed the backwards compatibility from their new Wii's! What the fuck?! Why?! Is it supposed to slim it up? Save space? Not that I can tell! So I just threw away 130$ bucks down the drain!! I only have 5 Wii games worth playing! Fuck!!!

My last journal was a bit sad, so I'm doing this for fun cause I saw my bro wolf  xxx-midnight-xxx do it. X3



Male side:
[] You love hoodies.
[] You love jeans.
[] Dogs are better than cats.
[] It's hilarious when people get hurt.
[] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own an X-Box.
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[ ] You watch sports on TV. (Hockey, Cricket, and Olympics)
[] Gory movies are cool.
[x] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own, like, a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to football games. (Not really to watch though, just hang out with people)
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[x] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[] It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. (All the above)
[] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth.
[] Wear boxers.
Male Points Total = 6


Female side:
[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[x] You love to shop
[ ] You wear eyeliner.
[] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[x] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[ ] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[x] You smile a lot more than you should.
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[] You care about what you look like.
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[ ] You wear girl underwear.
[] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Female Total Points = 7

Dang! I didn't think it would balance out like that! X3

I've got a job (Sure, it's not the best and the pay seems to be kinda small), I've got a place to stay, I've got some online family and friends and I've got my boyfriend waiting for me. So why am I feeling so stressed and depressed? Why do I sometimes feel like life still isn't worth it? I feel lonely and sad and even bored. What am I going to do if I can't get over this? What can help? I couldn't sleep thinking about this and struggling with depression.

I thought I was the only one, but I now notice that others are having similar issues. Paypal is currently updating their security issues since December 29th, so you may have problems trying to send money. I highly advise that you don't conduct any transactions until the issue is resolved. Me and other people have their accounts limited and can't send money. If I owe any money to you, I will send a money order instead.

I'm on Holiday Block Leave for a bit for Christmas. I'm happy to say that I survived Basic Training and I'm doing well. I'll be active in FA again in just a few more months when I can purchase my new tablet. =3

I was accepted into the army a while ago and I been training rigorously for it. I will be shipping out on August 27th and be sent to South Carolina. I don't know when I'll be able to come back so for any body I own some art to it will have to wait for when I return. See you.