I did a clean up of my contacts tonight on both steam and skype. If you feel like I shouldn't have removed you, you are more then welcome to re-add me back onto your contacts.

If you were removed, its because we haven't talked since around when I started my new job or even longer then that, I felt like we didn't click well compared to some others I talk more frequently to or any other kind of mix of things.

I left some others I don't talk to often because I feel like I haven't been fair to you or haven't made the time to speak with you on a more regular basis then I do, either because of time differences, scheduling conflicts or anything like that.


I will also not be on skype anywhere near as much as I used to any more. I will still be contactable through steam or hangouts (Trauron@gmail.com) but I will not be on skype very much any more. I need to focus on myself a lot more instead of spreading myself so thin and giving too much of myself to people who really couldn't give a rat's ass how I felt about them or anything.

I'm really starting to feel like I need to focus on some of my future now for the first time in my life and my life is starting to finally have some perspective to it for me.

Aka: I need more time by myself, for myself, instead of sitting here stressing out about being lonely.


If I am around on skype, I VERY MUCH PREFER TO VOICE. I hate typing small talk to people since I'm not good at talking in text any more. When I have something focused like this to talk about its perfectly fine but for just general conversation and hanging out I very much prefer to use my voice instead of being silent.


Anyway, that is about all I had to say.

Time to work 8 days in a row.

 zega10

Cause I say so.

Yep.

All mine. :U

He has no say in it.

I didn't even ask.

I stole him

He doesn't even know.





(This is a joke to cheer him up)

Just been a while since I've done an update or anything so I figured I'd go ahead and do that.
I'm really feeling it. That I needed to do an update I mean. :U

Work:

I'm still working at Tim Hortons at 5 1/2 months strong, though I am still waiting on my benefits and haven't received my first 0.25$ raise yet (I'd rather get it as a lump sum down the line anyway). I'm sure the benefits will show up soon enough.
Still wish my home store treated me better though. I'm usually surrounded by all women so they treat me not so nice sometimes since I'm a guy. I find when I work at another store that I work at, that people are a lot nicer there.

My work schedule is still incredibly busy, especially since I usually get dragged from my home restaurant to another one in town all the time now since they are usually short staffed. They will in total have me over there 5 days this week, including a shift that was thrown onto one of my days off. So I'm only getting a single day off for my two day weekend.
They would keep me there on a more permanent basis if I were able to actually drive instead of having to get a taxi.

Driving and Saving:

Speaking of being able to drive, I've finally gotten a driver's licence. So I can finally drive now. I have to have someone in the passenger's seat next to me in order to though. For the time being I am going to be saving up for a vehicle so that I can both learn to drive without using someone else's car and so that I can have my own vehicle to get around with once I do get my full licence in a year. I expect to be saving up for about 5 months or so.

So I'll be cutting down on a lot of my commissioning and spending for quite a while, or will be trying my best to anyway. Emergencies happen.


Something else I've been wanting to address is my lack of presence online. I do tend to prefer voice chats as I can go about my business when I am not at work and still spend time with people. I find typing conversations can be rather trying for me these days as I can't express myself properly with it.
The unfortunate side of it though is people usually take it the wrong way and I usually am left in silence anyway as I can never find someone who wants to talk. So it translates to me being quiet in text and seeming like I am not interested/defeatist/depressed, all this other stuff.

There are a lot of people I want to talk to and I wish I could hold a conversation but I'm just not very good at it.
I really hope that anyone who reads this that knows me on skype will be more willing to talk and voice with me since I really do feel it represents me better then my typing style of just typing a few words at a time.


Work Schedule:

I've explained it in the past but people still seem to be confused by my work schedule so I am going to try and explain it in more depth;

Basically I work a 3 week rotation of 14 work days and 7 days off. Every shift I work is an 8 hour shift (If I don't pick up a shift and they don't schedule me on my day off or move days off around)

I'll make a little diagram of what my schedule usually looks like every 3 weeks.
X is when I work
O is when I don't

S M T W T F S
O O O X X X X
X X X O O X X
X X X X X O O

After this it loops back to the start of the diagram. So I work from Thursday until Tuesday, get 2 days off, work friday till wednesday, then get 5 days off.

Hopefully that simplifies people understanding my work schedule.


Art/Characters:

I've started to use many of the characters I said I had retired again as I said I might. So you may see more Dragon and Bearwolf, Yena and other such things floating around in my gallery soon.

I have not gotten much use out of my new tablet I bought a few months ago and I feel bad about it and wish I could push myself to draw but I don't see it happening any time soon especially with how busy I am.
I hope I can change this sometime soon.


Conclusion:

Don't have much else to comment on unfortunately, I'm hoping I am getting my life in the right direction now with getting/working towards a vehicle and being able to drive and all that. It'll open up a lot of freedom I didn't have before and I hope in the end it will be worth it, since its going to be a year wait before I can drive on my own.

Don't think I ever shared it so I figured I'd get around to doing it finally.


3883 7394 5354

Leave me yours and I'll add you.

I want to draw some faces for practice but no one on twitter wants me to draw their mug horribly.

No guarantee I'll draw you, but leave me a ref and we'll see what I end up getting to do.

I can't help her myself at the moment but please help out  Evillabrat here:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6119356/

23

Not sure what to do for it though. I work on the day of my birthday, but I am off for 5 days after my birthday so I have time to make plans to do something but again, no idea what.

I hope I manage to figure something out, I don't want it to feel like a gigantic waste or something like that.

I am going to be 23.

Hopefully work this week isn't too horrible or anything.

I don't know why I made this journal to be honest. Its kind of pointless, but I guess most journals tend to be, or something.

I'm just in a weird mind set tonight or something.

Posted a bunch of gryphon pictures I had saved up.

Also BURD icon.


I really like my otter, but I also really really like my gryphon.

I can't help but have multiple characters, I like too many things. :V

Still just Otter and CAW though, no dragon/yena/bearwolf/etc. They're still retired.



Don't be surprised if all you see for a while is my CAW.



CAWCAWCAW.

I think the new job has been going alright, I've been moved to working full time in the drive thru now since we lost a bunch of people and I was the only front cashier strong enough to be moved over (even though they give me a hard time for not being super human enough in terms of speed).

Still working my crazy 7days on, 2 off, 7 on, 5 off schedule. Though I had one week where I worked 8 and was off for 4.

I feel financially secure now, though my room mate has no job at the moment which is troubling.

Today a parade passed by my work, and it was incredibly busy. The day went alright though.



With how much I work now it also means that I am a lot more tired. I tend not to poke people as much as I used to since I am not usually around much before or after work.

There are a lot of people I have fallen out of contact with that I miss, because of when I work and when I sleep now and I'm sorry to those people.

If you want to talk to me, just feel free to give me a poke on skype or steam or whatever you might have me on. I might not always seem receptive but that is just because I am tired. I also respond a lot better to voice calls if anyone would be up for doing a call with me at any time when I'm free.



Also, I have a gryphon character on top of my Otter that I plan to keep alive, he was one I made a few months ago and was not made to reflect me at all (like all the other characters I had retired).
I really like birds so I just want to keep him around, because birds.


Anyway, nothing else to report really.

They scheduled me to work straight until next thursday. So I will end up working 11 days in a row straight including my previous job by the time I hit thursday. Going to be so god damn tired.


As of this journal I've been up 28 hours, I worked 3pm-11pm yesterday, didn't sleep at all last night, went into my new job at 6am to do computer training, then didn't get home until 4:30 this evening and that is after deciding to brave the thunderstorm outside right now.

Fucking exhausted.

I just got hired at Tim Horton's as of around 10:30am this morning. My first shift is at 8am on sunday.

It'll be a rough weekend for me, I work from 7pm until 3am on saturday, and only have 5 hours befoer I start my first shift.

I only work that saturday shift, wednesday, and thursday and that's all my shifts for Burger King before I am out of there.


I'm going to be full time right off the bat and I'll get benefits after a few months of working there.

I don't know what my wage or anything is yet but I'm sure I'll find that out sunday.

 evert
 midekai
 fetho-os-riedo
 thenran

You've done a lot for me during a rough time, thank you.

Its a pretty big number, its surprising how many views my page has gotten. I wonder how high it would have gone if I had started posting more of the not posted stuff I've been holding onto for the past two years that will never get posted here any more. *Shrugs*

Was just kind of neat and just wanted to make a journal about it.

It took some help from a few friends of mine (Not sure if I should give names or not)

but I was finally able to pay off my credit card and recover from all those medical bills and prescriptions and medical needs I had to put on my credit card when I was sick with that swollen lymph node a month ago.

I only have like $50 to my name right now, but that is money I actually have, and thats after paying all of my bills so compared to before I'm in a better spot.

Also picked up a shift tomorrow at work so that will help me with my next pay.


I did get a $140 bill thrown at me by taxes but I think I will be able to handle that by myself cause of what I am likely going to get next pay.

Lots and lots of them.

I need them, every last one of them.~

For many months now I have been having a rather large identity crisis with myself. Always changing characters, never the same thing for more then a few days sometimes character wise. My characters all just stopped feeling like me and I just kept switching to try to find something that would stick again.

Which never came.

I've always come off as this somewhat dominant guy, but its really not what I am like at all. I just want to be my little cuddly, shy, wiggly real self. I haven't felt like I have been me as any of my characters in a long time. Even looking at Trauron right now having made my new character, he feels like hes a completely different person and not me.


I decided it was time to go clean slate with everything and start over from the beginning. So I designed a character completely based off my real life looks and build.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13458209/


In the mean time, I've also retired every single other character and form of mine. No dragon, yena, or bearwolf or any other alternate versions of them any more. I might recede this in the future but for the time being I won't commission or role play or anything like that of anything but my new main sona.


This won't stop me from getting buff art or anything else kinky like I always have but regardless. My new sona is here to stay and hes not going anywhere anytime soon.


If you have any questions, just let me know and I'll answer as best as I can.

Still couldn't find anyone. Oh well. :V

Just figured I'd let you guys know, for those I don't talk to regularly that my mouth is all better now and I'm back to working the few shifts that I actually do get. I'm waiting to hear from another employer but as time goes on waiting (they said to wait and not call them), I'm starting to wonder if they will.

I'm still in financial trouble, but I worked on Easter weekend so I was able to make enough extra that I'm 40 dollars short of zeroing back out and not being in debt from all the medication and medical needs I had to buy while I was sick. It's a relief compared to owing like 180 but still leaves me with no money for food or anything so I will still have to rely on my room mate for that unfortunately, since he's the one with the job now.

I really don't want to ask for handouts still, and PayPal would just take a few weeks to transfer even if I did anyway. I'll figure something out.

The new medication has started working and brought down my swelling and I haven't been in pain since two days ago, though I still can't open my mouth at all.

I'm still in a mess financially though because of all the expenses I had to go through with getting this treatment. I don't know how I am going to go about fixing that right now outside of trying to find work like I already was doing. x3;


I don't really want to ask for money or donation from anyone either, even if its just my pride keeping me from doing something like that.

Sorry, its a bit of a read.



Its more of a situation update then an update on my mouth, I am still waiting for my medication to start working (it can take about 48 hours, I'm being reassessed on saturday afternoon)

I'm being fucked out of hours and money since I'm not covered for prescriptions. I don't have any income and I am having to buy medical supplies like my meal replacements and yogurt (I'm physically not able to open my mouth enough to eat or chew anything, yogurt is for after each of my antibiotic doses to get bacteria back into my system, I was told I -need- to have it) and other medications.

Anyway, they forced me to take time off from work in order to be treated. I essentially can't work anyway because of the Percocet

To give some context to people who don't know what that is, its Oxycodone (a narcodic) and Acetaminophen (pain killer).

One of its major side affects is extreme wooziness and drowsiness. Its pretty much like being high or drunk without losing your mental faculties.

It makes me very drowsy, and very slow to respond to most things, especially soon after taking it. It makes me go cross eyed and makes my vision blurry, it also makes me feel weak and makes it hard for me to get up and move around sometimes without losing my balance, this was with taking one, I've now had to start taking two since my system is getting used to it so its not as strong.

Essentially, as long as I am taking these pain killers, I am not able to work at all, so the sooner I heal the sooner I can start working again.


Problem is, work doesn't care that I am sick and have further cut my hours down from what they were a already. I just lost 16 hours this week cause of my medical leave, so even if I can work both of my shifts next week that's still on 16 hours, and then I only have 14 hours right after that. I'm barely making part time.

My restaurant being the cover its ass and save every penny type of restaurant it is, is a bit of an ass about the way they let people go too. I used to be a manager there so I know for a -FACT- that anyone they cut all the hours from is someone they don't want working there any more and wants them to leave to find another job. No one has been fired from this restaurant since I started working here nearly exactly a year ago.
This is to cover their ass so that if someone gets fired, they can't be fought and lose money fighting the employee and also prevents them from getting Employment Insurance.

I can't get EI because they don't want to just let me go.

I'm also probably not going to be unable to work for weeks, and do not have a family doctor to get the forms I need to get Medical EI either. I need to not be able to work for an extended period in order to be eligible for that. I don't have an alberta health ID (I'm still in the process of getting it, it causes some issues at the hospital sometimes too), which is why I can't get a family doctor.


I also tried to look into Welfare/Income Assistance, but I was flat out told no that I don't apply for any of it at all despite what my room mate was told on the phone yesterday. I would have to be in the danger of being evicted before they would be able to help me out apparently, and even then because I got my tax return recently even if the previous reason wasn't a roadblock, I would be completely ineligible. I already used the rest of my tax return in order to pay for medication, my meal replacements and things like that.


So yay, its fun to be screwed around with at every twist or turn. I can't get any assistance at all, I don't have any work hours, and I can't even go look for work right now because of my pain killers and the fact there is an IV needle sticking out of my hand.

I've been looking online for opportunities for months and have done online applications for jobs that are in my reach in town but nothing is getting me anywhere.

I am beyond stressed out and its not making me any better being stressed out.

I just want to get better.

Woke up earlier with the taste of mucus in my mouth.

The doctor I saw today while getting my dose was the first doctor who sat down and listened to me and took me seriously instead of just treating me like an object, I almost started crying because of it.

They also let me take out my IV for tonight so I can shower and clean up since I haven't been able to do anything besides wash my hair for most of the week.

He mentioned that the taste of mucus might be me draining so that it was a good sign. Also mentioned that if this does happen to be dental in the end (its impossible for them to tell right now cause I can't open my mouth so we're all just assuming its just my lymph node being swollen), that it can't be looked at until after I'm not swollen anyway.

He also put an order on my hospital chart to let me get pain killers without having to see a doctor now so that he doesn't have to throw an expensive prescription at me and so that I'm able to take 2 pain killer pills at a time (since just one has stopped working).

Also made sure I wasn't working at all since in my condition I really can't be moving around a lot since I was struggling to move quickly or think straight as it is, he was very patient with me getting my words out since I'm on so much percocet.


I'll be applying for financial aid in the morning to help me through not being able to work, not getting any pay and not getting any hours, as well as for any other prescriptions I might need to take, and might be able to get reimbursed for my crazy $60 prescription of 7 pills.


I'll post another journal if I start recovering but otherwise I'll slow down with my posts.

Was ultra sounded this morning, it's not abscessed so they don't have to cut it. They finally realize those antibiotics haven't been helping though.

They have me on Moxifloxacin once a day and Metronidazole as my three times a day iv, hopefully the double antibiotics will make a difference. I'm writing this from the hospital while getting my iv.

There is a kid who has been walking around crying for like an hour now just to get attention, so I hope I'm out quick.

I'm getting a few more pain killers once I'm done getting my iv, then I'll be back in a few hours for another dose.


Edit: The Moxifloxacin cost me $60 for 7 pills so I'm pretty much broke now, since they also cut me off from working until at least next week and I already don't have any work hours as it is.
I hate everything right now.


Edit 2: I am going to apply for income assistance (it will come with prescription health benefits as well and I might be able to get my money back from my prescription today). Room mate said I should be able to be eligible for it, especially with how cut out of hours I am going to be this up coming pay.

Last Two Updates in case you've missed them:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5688750/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5697033/


They looked at me for a few seconds, felt me for less then a second, claimed it had gotten smaller (I've been checking all day to make sure it hasn't gotten bigger and its spread a little), and its more painful then it was yesterday.

I'm still being kept on Clindamycin

I will have another ultrasound tomorrow, hopefully they find something this time and stop shrugging me off constantly.

I've been on antibiotics for a month now (4 days on IV antibiotics) and it has not gotten anywhere near better, its gotten harder/firmer too.


I'll keep everyone posted.


This is what I am living on: http://twitter.com/Trauron/status/4.....152833/photo/1

I've pretty much not been at home besides to sleep since yesterday morning so I figured now that I have time to do this that I would do it.

I'm not sure how many people saw my last journal concerning my mouth but they did an Ultrasound and found out that it was a swollen lymph node rather then a tooth abscess or something like that, so its not a dental issue that I am going through now.

So far the antibiotics haven't been helping me at all, and I'm still taking percocet, as well as advil (anti-inflammatory) to keep the pain down.

I ran out of percocet monday night so I didn't get any until last night, so yesterday was a painful experience. I was at the hospital from 2:30 until 8:30 and came back an hour and a half later before leaving at 12am.

I'll post another journal if I don't end up getting better from continuing the antibiotics today.


Edit:

Copy and paste of what happened tuesday:

"Basically two nights ago was the last percocet I had since they only gave me 6 pills, so yesterday morning I had to take 800mg of ibuprofen to keep the pain down for my morning dose, so I come home and try to game for a bit but the ibuprofen ran out so I started being in a ton of pain so I slept until my next dose.
After my dose at 3:30 I got told to sign back in at the ER (instead of them handing my charts to the people at ambulatory care), and ended up waiting 4 1/2 hours in the ER while in excruitiating pain
The doctor that saw me after that pumped me with morphine, gravol and fluids (gravol so I didn't get sick from being pumped with the fluids which they were using to 'feed' me since I had not ate or drank all the day cause of the pain) and then gave me more percocet.
By then it was 8:30, so I had to come back in an hour and a half anyway
so I came back after coming home for a bit at around 10, and got to leave again at 12:30.
Most fun day ever. :B"