Passed away today at 93... known to furries as the voice of Mufasa in The Lion King and Darth Vader in Star Wars. He Also starred several other well known films and will never be replaced. RIP

Hi guys,
I am gonna put this out there for everyone to consider. Most of you know i'm a trucker and am usually driving around paying attention to traffic and my surroundings. Sometimes i'll happen across someone who knows me or recognizes that i'm a furry from my raccoon stickers.... they're very subtle btw... But they'll honk and wave.

Most of the time i'm not able to recognize who it is because I may not remember them, or simply don't know them. Either way, don't get upset if I won't pull over or anything... i'm working and have a job to do and I have to do it safely. I carry over 40000 lbs of hazardous chemicals on any given load and can't just stop on a whim. I have to stay safe for myself and everyone around me.

Someone today seemed to get really mad because they were trying so hard to get my attention and I wouldn't stop for them. I dunno who they were as I was in a construction zone and was more intent on not hitting anything than figuring out who was waving at me like a crazy person. But the paws on the bumper and all over the back of the car kinda told me they were furs from somewhere.

If that was any of you i'm sorry and it's not personal, but I have a job to do and can't take chances of getting into a wreck to be friendly. I'll wave back but thats about all I can do. sorry guys!

This year has problebly been one of the worst i've had to deal with in my entire life.

Financial woes have my stress levels at an all time high. Driving my truck has been able to keep my investment plausible, but it's been really hard. I got sick and couldn't drive for a month, plus random and sudden repairs have made it feel like i'm running a gaunlet every day. I'm trying to keep up with everything, but personal finances have really tumbled out of control and plummetted like a barrel over niagra falls. It's really impossible to know when this will all come to a head and even out, but i'm not sure if it ever will.

All this has really taken an emotional toll on me lately and to be honest i've been feeling myself giving up on things and losing my will to keep fighting. I'm TRYING soooo hard, but every day SOMETHING hits me and knocks me backwards into the ropes. How much can someone really take?

I've tried calling my doctors but they are so damn ignorant to things that really don't fall within their scope of practice or just plain old ignorance. There was a time when a Dr would be there for support and assistance in anything, today the lawyers have made it so you can't even TALK to your Dr anymore. Just try it... call your Dr up for something random and see what happens. I bet you get caught by the receptionist and never get the actual dr.

Yeah I know times make changes happen, but I sure don't have to like it.

Hi Guys...

I have to tell ya, i'm not a very happy raccoon lately. i've been fighting deep depression for a long time now. Many different types of medications and many changes make things feel OK for a little while, but they get influenced by a lot of things in my life and tend to put me right back where I started.

Most of you know I started a business and bought a truck, in an effort to live a lifelong dream of mine and become successful for once. It's been hard but i'm still treading water. Seems like everytime I start to get ahead something happens and repairs are necesarry in order to keep going, which are VERY expensive. I have to bite the bullet though and get through the storms but it really is taking a toll on me emotionally.

I Don't want to fail again, I want to do something to secure my financial future and keep me from living in a cardboard box. Our wonderful government seems to have other ideas lately and prices on everything have rizen over 30% in the last two years, making it almost impossible to know what will happen when i'm able to retire. IF I can retire.

The economy, wars all over the world, immigrant issues making the economy tumble into a free fall. It's been making me feel really worthless and beside myself all over again. Not having anyone ( ie: mate )to really confide in has been forcing me to keep things bottled up and it's getting to a boiling point.

All I can do is keep trudging along and hope you guys will try and stick with me through all this.

Thanks guys

You know, i've been involved in this fandom for over 20 years officially, and maybe even longer than that before I realized that there were others that felt as I did. Just as many others felt when they found the fandom and felt that connection.

I've seen peiople come and go just as quickly, they realize that some aspect of the fandom just didn't fit their ideals or comfort levels, or whatever their reasons they just left, never to be heard from again. Along the way there have been more and more of these "fly by nighters" who have come into the scene and dedicated themselves to causing as much anarchy as possible. Spreading hatred and disdain amongst themselves and trying to spread their hatred to anyone who will listen, even going so far as to bend the obvious truth to make their ideals seem rightous. These people are called narsisists and are in plain english a proverbial bully.

They hide behind social media screen names and use the available platforms to beat up others that they target for whatever reason they seem justified to. THere are always going to be the followers in the fandom, who either don't know any better, or fear being targeted themselves for bullying. I have seen this more and more over the years and usually don't say much about it because I know it will go away soon. But i'm tired of it all.

We are all involved in this fandom for comrodery, companionship and doing things that generally make us happy. Every one of us feels like we have never truly belonged anywhere before, all through growing up amongst peers and being treated differently and even so much as being the black sheep in the family. We found this happy little community to feel love and respect, not to be bullied and disrespected by people who look at us as an easy target. There people will be gone before you know it, but that dosen't mean we need to sit by and idly watch others around us being hurt.

It's time we ALL stood up and spoke out for one another. Speak up and help prevent lies and deciet from ruining people's lives. Speak up and support one another, even if it's just to support someone who is most likely dealing with something that could be a catylist to suffering and pain all alone. Don't let others feel alone. Stand up and support one another and be a hero in someone's life.

I found out this weekend that my best and longest friend has a massive tumor on his liver and lung. They will need to do more tests and treatment before they will even know what it is, but he was a 9/11 survivor and was trapped in the rubble for some time. All that smoke and toxic air has been slowly taking us all from the inside out. i'm literally beside myself, upset to no end at the thought of losing my best friend. It's really gotten me thinking also about my own health woes. My health has been deteriorating steadily for the last couple of years now, and I really don't know what to do about it. Theres a safety slogan at work..... list 5 things to be safe for today. I can't even list 3.

Some days I really don't want to wake up and face the perils of life anymore. It'll happen one day... who knows when... but when it does.... :(

Last night I had a terrible dream that made me wake up in tears.

I was on an island, as my raccoon sona, with many of my friends as their sonas as well. We were happy and having fun , living our lives. Then someone decided that they needed to move to another island, no idea why tbh. So the birds flew away, the aquatics swam away, and the rest built a small boat to sail away. I was not invited on to the boat and they sailed away, leaving me all alone on the island. I sat on the beach and watched all of my friends leave me behind. They continued being happy and even seemed to be excited for new adventures but I was all by myself and I started crying which turned into bawling. Then I woke up and it took a bit to realize where I was but I was so upset and afraid for a long time.

Dreams are odd but I have no idea what this one could mean :(

I spent the last week at home in bed under the covers with covid. It was NOT fun. Hit be so fast it made my head spin. In the course of 3 hours I went from feeling normal to having a fever of 101 deg and shivvering in bed with three blankets on even though I was sweating so bad I could have used a towel to soak up all the sweat.

After two full days of that, it started to go away. Got to the dr and they confirmed the diagnosis and gave me the paperwork I needed for work. The govt says after 5 days you can return to work... I say bullshit... i'm on day 7 now and I still am coughing and sluggish from exhaustion but I am improving.

I should be OK in a couple more days but i'm not rushing it.

I wish I had good feelings for the holiday but I do not. Between the mess this past year has become and being robbed yesterday, I have completely lost all faith in humanity and am just tired of feeling like the only one who gives a damn about others. I don't know what to do anymore.

Went into a truck stop this morning before hitting the road to make my delivery and got my phone stolen. I thought maybe I dropped it and didn't notice but I looked everywhere it could have been. nothing. Asked the clerk, not turned in. used the find my iphone app on my ipad and it was powered off. Someone took it out of my pocket, no other explanation. Stopped by verizon on the way home and had to get the phone shut off and order a replacement phone thru the insurance. Still cost me $300 I don't have.

People really suck.... i'm just miserable

Well I just got the results from the mandatory inspection on my house and it failed big time. The roof is completely shot and will not pass inspection without a complete replacement, which I had already priced at $5k. I know my house isn't perfect but I can't afford to but another $5k into it for just ONE project when there are already so many other things it needs.

I don't know what to do... I have so much invested already into this place and I feel like i'd be putting more money into something that won't give any return.

I could sell the place for scrap and move but to where? and with what money would I be able to move with? Housing costs are so high now it's so far out of my range to make it feasible.

I don't know what to do... I really don't

just a couple of thoughts....

I can't believe that I actually wrote 7 whole chapters of my fan fic and I'm incredibly pleased with that.
I experimented a bit with some moods and surprises.
But mainly I wrote them because I really enjoyed the original story and wanted to express them in a different way, in my own style and tastes.
I enjoy writing again... and this makes me feel good.

I'm curious as to what YOU guys think
Did you read the stories?
Did you like/dislike them?
would you have done something differently?

Let me know i'm really curious

Hi Guys.....

I just wanted to say this...

The stories I am writing about Waterways have been done as an experiment to try and relieve some emotional stress that was brought up from parts of the story being mirrored with my own real life growing up. It hit me really hard and made me face some ghosts I had deeply hidden in my mind for many years. It really wasn't easy at all. I LOVED the book.. the story was so amazing and I honestly fell in love with the characters. I KNOW it's a fictional story..... but man it really makes me wish they were real more than anything else I've dealt with in my entire life.

I have a MAJOR respect for the story, the characters, and the author. The stories I wrote were representative of events in my real life, my imagination, and my personal feelings. I know I've written some really crappy events happening with the characters but it's not an attempt to me malicious or a need to kill off characters. It's just a naturally occurring storyline that my mixed up mind came up with. It was honestly something that really made me feel better writing. It gave the characters a much broader life in my mind and in all honesty it just feels like I'm able to bring up some events that people have or will deal with in their real lives..... and I hope it helps anyone dealing with these kind of issues feel and know there's hope.... yes hope... hope that life, even though it has a LOT of rough patches in it, there's a glimmer of hope to hold on to... even if it just lets someone try and seek out help.

I'm sorry if anyone felt otherwise... All I ask is if anyone has any issues or uncertainty, feel free to message me.

I just wanted to greet you all and ask for a small favor.

I posted a story here and really wanted to get some opinions of it. I've always liked writing but may be a bit rusty since it's been so many years, my skills may need some pointers or critique to better myself.

I know some can't see the story due to the adult rating on there but I put that rating due to the sensitive nature of the storyline involving the death of a character. I felt it was better to be safe than sorry if someone decided the mature rating wasn't strong enough. I apologize for that but if you want to read it anyway I can always send you the file directly. Just ask

Thanks guys!

Hi Guys

In the last few days I re-listened to the book and paid more attention to the timeline and other missed details and got a much more rounded version of the story. I loved the story so much and love it even more now. I really hope that there is going to be a continuation of the story to see what happens to the main characters after being college freshmen, as well as the rest of the characters. My imagination has already thought up some plotlines but some may consider them to be a bit dark.

As far as the emotional battles I found myself having last week, I was fortunate enough to be able to talk things out with some very close friends and it made me feel much better as my friends were able to open my eyes and guide me into a calmer frame of mind. I feel amazing now and things seem a lot clearer now even though I still have a couple of issues I need to work out in my head but this will take some time. I have received so many calls, IM's and messages from people who care about me and it makes me feel so lucky to have such caring friends. This is what keeps me going and I thank you all more than words can express.

I also found out that so many more people who have read this story feel the exact same way as I do, meaning i'm not alone in searching through the feeling in my head. It feels good to know that i'm not the crazy person I thought I was.

Hi Guys.....

It seems that many of you were very concerned about me and it's actually nice to know that you guys care. Yes I was really upset by the story but I don't think I was able to convey how it made me feel properly. In the story Waterways by Kyell Gold... it's an amazing story about (SPOILER ALERT) an otter who meets a fox and becomes fast friends with him. The otter starts to develop feelings for his new friend but it very confused about these feelings, insisting to himself he isn't gay but eventually falls in love with the fox, not only because he is physically handsome but they just clicked with each other and they care about one another very much. Eventually the otter gives in to his desires and falls in love with the fox head over tail. The only real issue in the story is his mother is VERY over protective and uses religion as a crutch for everything in their lives. The otter eventually in a fit of rage comes out to his mother and gets kicked out of the house after being threatened to be sent off to a gay camp to fix his problems. The otter and the fox remain a couple throughout the story, having disagreements and make ups until the end of the story.

Now, like I said... this story is AMAZING to read. you can't help but feel for one or all of the characters in the story, even the minor characters have a huge part in the otter's life and decision making, but that's not what made me feel it to a personal level.... mind you.. anyone that knows me for any length of time knows that I never really identified myself as gay or straight completely.. I honestly consider myself to be bisexual or maybe even asexual. In all honesty i'm really not totally sure, but there have been times that i've wondered and thought that if I found someone who I clicked with, would I be willing to go the distance one way or the other? This is a question i've been asking myself for almost 20 years now and simply cannot come up with an honest answer. The fact that the otter in the story faces the same situation and follows his heart really pulls on the emotions in me and makes me think about if I was in HIS place would it work out too.

the biggest thing that hit me the hardest though was the similarity to the otter's mom and my own. The whole religion as a crutch thing was something I had to deal with my entire life growing up, maybe not to the extremes in the story, but the similarities were very close to my own life and this really opened my eyes, making me understand that all those years growing up with my mom (dad wasn't around), while I KNOW she loved me and wanted the best for me, at the same time she relied on god to cure everything that ailed us while I was growing up, to the point she felt that her religious beliefs were the only salvation for us, regardless of any mortal needs or assistance that was available to us. This made growing up very hard to the point it could almost be considered abusive by today's standards. I loved my mom as much as anyone else could, but there were many times that the things she did just made no sense to me, why couldn't she ask for assistance that was rightfully owed to us? So many people take advantage of assistance whether they are rightfully entitled to it or not. Mom outright refused to ask for anything regardless of how much sense it made. I had no health care, very little in the way of possessions, even things like clothes and glasses were very hard to come by and there were many things I simply did without.

I know that I rebelled against her as I reached my teens and we fought and I honestly am not proud of getting into fights with my mom... some were real doozies too.. I have many many regrets about this to this day, and while I never was close to my family because of what my mother would tell them... making me out to be a wild child that didn't show any respect to her (yes she told the whole family this) I still think I was able to overcome a lot and try and make a decent life out of it... even though even today I have lasting issues with emotions and a few ruined relationships that I can honestly say that were caused by my upbringing. It's even possible that my own personal feelings of my life are connected to these issues as well, but I can't be certain either since i'm an adult and am responsible for myself.

There are sooooooo many things I wish I was able to change now that I see myself growing up, and knowing better today I hope that I can only change and make myself a better person for understanding., but it may be too late for me since i'm really not a youngster anymore and I don't know that I could ever be in any kind of relationship worth a damn with anyone.

I'm really sorry for blabbering on here... but I just wanted you guys to understand and also maybe help myself understand too.

Hi Guys.

You all know i've been running hard the last several weeks.... many hours driving and not much time home. I've been trying out some furry audio books and I have to say they are really good to listen to while driving or relaxing. I know my imagination is a bit more active than most but a very well written story has the ability to pull me into the story right along with the rest of the characters. The only thing here is that i've found myself being pulled so deep into some of the story that it's actually gotten me emotionally upset at some of the things happening to the characters and I don't mean upset like " oh my that was terrible, lets see what happens in the next chapter", but so upset that i've found myself bawling really hard. I just seem to have been able to get some kind of emotional attachment to aspects of the story, found in some instances that there's a parallel to the story and things that have really happened to me in my own life. Bringing back some of those memories is really hard on me, it just really seems to hit me so deep that I just cannot control myself, literally curling up into a ball in my bed and sobbing so hard.

Look I KNOW it's JUST a story, but my life really hasn't been the greatest, with so many things that have happened that make me upset when I remember them, even though i've tried to bury them deep inside me. Things that not another living soul knows about, things that really strike a nerve inside me and make me almost relive those events in my mind, feeling those terrible feelings once again, putting that extreme doubt into the forefront of my thoughts once again. It really hurts to think about, but some of these stories have me pulling those emotions out again... ripping them from my soul and shoving them into my face to make me see them again....

and I don't know how to deal with them... or if I even should.

I love stories that really pull you into them, but sometimes there's just a bit too much reality in them and I guess I wasn't expecting that.

on 4/22/91 I crossed the threshold of the NYC EMS academy to begin a career in street medicine on the streets of NYC. I lot has changed since then... both good and bad.. many friends I made are gone now and others remain closer than ever. I don't know if this could be listed as a positive thing or not.. a LOT has happened and a LOT has changed me from who I was before!

After a whole month im home at last!

*flops*

Well it’s been a long trip but I made it back into Georgia safe and sound and the weather here is beautiful. Not that I minded the long trip it was actually well worth it and I learned a few things about myself that I didn’t realize such as I can actually drive these long trips and enjoy them. Who knows, maybe I will be able to take another long trip sometime soon and maybe be able to see people which would be very nice

Well I made it out of Dallas today and headed up to Memphis, where I am sitting for the night. I also recieved my brand new 2022 Freightliner and I have to say, i'm rather impressed with it so far. There are soooo many electronics in this truck i'd be afraid to get it wet lol. I should be able to get another load tomorrow and head back towards home again. Will keep you informed :)

and not Corbin...

I'm in Dallas TX for the first time ever. Dropping off a truck and picking up a new one to bring back east. It took two days to get here and will most likely take two days to return. Well i'll just make the best of it even though I doubt i'll be able to see anything interesting outside of the terminal.

Hi guys,,,

I came as close as you can get to outright quitting my job today and getting a uhaul to get my stuff home.

I swear if I was able to GET a uhaul truck or even a rental car big enough to get my stuff home i'd have actually done it.

I'm extremely flustered and frustrated because for the fourth time in a month my truck broke down. Same issue as last time too.. weird electrical glitch where everything EXCEPT the engine shuts itself down while running down the road. Dash cluster... Air Conditioning.. Wipers.. headlights... all randomly shutting off on it's own after getting a high battery voltage warning.

It's been in the shop several times already and each time they change a part and send it back out again.... hoping that fixed it.

i've had it though... I can't make any money sitting in a hotel waiting for the truck to be "fixed" over and over again. My managers have been fantastic with me and helping me out as much as they are able to... but company policy and procedures have been the killer. I suppose i'll have to see what happens this time.. maybe someone will understand whats been happening and take a proper course of action.

Hi Guys, as I type this i'm sitting in a reast area in the super deep south and heading even deeper... key west!

You can't get any further south in north america and stay dry! unfortunately I ran out of time to be able to make it there tonight, my driving time if short by a mere 40 minutes. I looked all along the pathway and once you get onto hwy 1 there is no place to park a semi for the night. I chose the rest area here as it's the last one on the FL Tpk and pretty much the last haven before heading out in the morning. I'm still about 3 hours away from my destination and I really wish I had time to look around since i've never been to the keys before, but at least I can experience it through the windshield. Perhaps next time i'll have enough time to make it to the store and be able to park and look around. I would have made it if I didn't have a load going back to the DC from last night, then I could have made up that time I needed.

Hi guys, I know it's been a while since I posted anything but i'm still alive and well :).... Work has been very steady and i've been racking up a lot of miles every week so i'm doing really well on that front, the only down side to all that driving is that it's taking a toll on my knees, causing me some discomfort/pain from sitting and the vibration of the road. Someone suggested buying a padded seat cover for the truck seat and that may help give some extra support. I will need to look for one that is affordable as the truck stops are really pricey.

Some really good news is that all my hard work has been noticed by my bosses and I was asked to transfer to a brand new distribution center that will open in a few weeks at a MUCH higher pay rate PLUS additional miles, meaning I could potentially DOUBLE my pay! This is GREAT news for me but I do have some concerns about the additional driving time in and around the Atlanta area. One suggestion made to me was to stay at a hotel on my days off if I was too far from home to make it in the allotted time. This may work out if I need to, but theres really no place like home to relax.

On that note I was thinking of selling my house and moving further north to be closer to the GA line, making it somewhat easier to make it back home, but this will depend on if the new work crew will be able to dispatch me with a "home load" ... one that brings me into an area closer to home so I can simply go home after dropping off the outgoing load. This will have to be seen once I get to the new place to see how the operation works out. I know selling my house would be a real pain in the butt with the way things are going today, but it's in the back of my mind now, and even finding a new place could put some crazy burdens on me that I don't really need or want. All thoughts running thru my head.

I really DO miss hanging out with friends and all, but with covid still roaming around it may be best to let things stay apart for a while longer, just to see what happens. At least theres online so it'll help :)

I hope everyone is well and staying safe. miss you guys!