i got my tax return, and it looks pleasant. very pleasant. pleasant enough that i am now gonna make a goal to go to the con this year. so, anyone got an open room? i am willing to pay part of course. prefer to stay with friends this year..and not a room full of 11 girls getting into a pillow fight in bra and panties. ugh, not again anyway. ( not kidding)

remember how i said i might get a new job soon and was so excited. well after calling them every week because they refused to call me for some reason i finally was told i will not be getting the job because i live too far away from everything. this is after being told for over a month that i am ideal and they wanted me, i got shot down..worse they were not going to tell me, they were going to leave it to HR. the guy said " didn't HR call you. oh geez".

am i upset...a little. mostly disappointed. but i am going to try and deal with it and move on. in these last few months i have experienced too many things to upset me from break up too friend loss. all i can do is move forward. i am tired, but i am a big boy. anywho, i am back on the search for new jobs, so if anyone knows of any, lemme know

i gotta do a pic for honey and liz. i gotta do a wrestling pic between a couple of furrs and a space pic with eljah rayne. i am going to redo my reference pic with the new skills i learned. still open to more stuff. gonna make sure i work on some of it next week during my off days. just want people to know its on the list. just needed to game for a bit

sorry i have not said much in a bit...kinda dissapointed about something and trying to sort thru it. have not forgot the free arts i said i would do, and i will be back, just need some time to get things moving. feel free to drop a line any time thou. sometimes i just need a line to pull me out of myself you know

I am still working on the free arts I said I would do, and they are coming nicely, just slowly. Still have room for epic fights and porn, if anyone's interested.

really, go find any of the many ways to oppose the damn bill and do it. while i agree the we need some way to limit the amount we can steal from artists, for gods sake, this law would take it all away. GO NOW, PROTEST NOW

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3093180/

i posted this yesterday, figured i would repost in case others missed. i do not mean to be a pain about it, i just need the practice you know.

I am feeling like challenging myself so i am opening myself up to a limited amount of free art under three categories

Sex, Something with a unique background, Fighting

but i have some rules that i have to put down for each one

If you want a sex pic, it can be between you and another fur, or human, or plant, but i do not want to be sexing anyone in a picture right now. nothing personal, i just do not feel like that right now. whoring myself out is not a good option at the moment. and i have limits to kinks, but you can be nice how you ask, and i will consider. no death, guro, hardvore, or piss or scat. if you have some kink that you are not sure about, note me

If you want unique background, I want to draw something that will push my skills out for scenery, so i am willing to do something like a city or space, or something that will force me to work with angles and etc. I can draw multiple characters, but if you want a giant group, my hand will cramp before the end of it. so you have a better shot with a realistic amount of people

If you want to fight, i want to draw some epic battles. anime styles or actual fighting styles are welcome, and i very much so will fight with you in the picture, ( YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME). This is all to push myself so the more interesting the better chances you have

This is not exactly a contest, because i want to pick and choose a bit to avoid doing something that will drive me insane. But i will do three of each of these categories, and if you want to get it done, you do have to be watching me. It would HELP, or BE NICE, if you advertised for me to get the word out, but you do not have to. but remember

only 3 from each category

also I intend to get them done before the end of the year, but beyond that i cannot promise any dates. and i am open to commisions, and i can negotiate about prices for anything anyone wants. just note me

no art in awhile i know, but i have been working on practice, because i wanna improve more. mostly working on colors. the anatomy is improving a bit on it's own, but god help be i feel like i am lacking no matter how many muscles i see, i do not know the muscles as well as alot of people. i see muscle artists and realize they have an understanding of muscles i simply do not have. i am drawing muscles from a mixture of what i see, what i know, and after that it is just adjustments based on what looks right. its like i am drawing images in my head but my hand lacks the ability to put it fully on paper, so i am relearning what i already see in my head ...its complicated but i wish i had better understanding of anatomy..maybe i should get grays anatomy or something..

also working on a comic idea...

anywho, i will try to get some art up soon. doing a ref for a friend

I wrote a journal earlier today that a few people saw..and it was mean..and it was truthful. i was pissed. i found out my ex threatened to burn my stuff that i sent him. the stuff that meant the world to me. old pics i drew and memorabilia...and i made a threat that i meant very much so..and then i realized something. nothing would come of hurting him. revenge never made me feel better. i feel good when others feel good. when others feel bad i feel horrible..so i made a new decision. i told him he can burn it. i hope he does..because then i am free. it hurts a little but you know what, so what. life hurts, life sucks, and It will always suck and hurt. but i got better things to do then dwell on it. alot of things to do. i am going to be alone for awhile and i am going to use that time too make my life better and make ME better. and i am doing this for me and only me. so...that is my answer. i lose some shit and gain some self respect. good trade i would say.

and as far as he is concerned. i never had a relationship. i just had some delusion that i am free of now. and seeing life thru unclouded eyes, i got alot of work ahead of me.

and to all a good fight :: puts on the punching gloves:: BRING IT ON

So i finally have found a new job. here is the lowdown

will be working for keepez ( http://www.keepeez.com/ ) and doing demos at stores, demonstrating how it works and doing little mini shows offering the stuff. it is a great opportunity, and could make me more..or less..its a jump/leap of faith on my part. if i sell well thou i could make 5 times what i make now. the job will make me go somewhere for 11 days, sell at a store in some part of NC for that time, then i get 3 days off...what this means...well i will be traveling around north carolina, with hotel fees paid. which means if you are a furry and in NC, well maybe i can come visit ya. or you come visit mwah. it also means that on my days off i can pretty much go anywhere i want. i will live with my parents a bit longer...but if they end up leaving NC like i fear might happen, i will at least have a job that lets me travel around and all i need is a place to put my stuff the time i spend at home. it comes down to, i will be a wandering nomad of sorts, and this could be alot of fun. their is alot of danger, i know, so i do not need any negatives...just some support, and maybe some fun ideas of what to do while i wander NC. could be seeing alot more of me after all.

i dont start till january, but i wanted to post this now and kinda force myself to face it as a reality. kinda in disbelief about the job still...scared shitless really..but it is here, i have to see it, and thats all their is too it

( will resume drawing soon. hopefully this or next week. Dotter, and Ren Tsune are first on my list, along with my secret santa drawing)

So i have decided to lose weight. the good news is i am doing this for me, and not for someone else. It has been a hard decision to make, surprisingly, and one that has wrought me with alot of cursewords. I saw myself in too many pictures where i felt akward because i was bulbous. so to change, i started a small regiment that i can fit into my everyday life. i do situps and crunches every morning, and i have been trying to change my diet up, but the key for me so far is, i am not doing anything drastic. none of that, lose weight in 1 month bullshit. you never keep off crazy dieting and exercise weight. you just lose it long enough to look nice and it comes back. sucky thing is, you see NO changes for awhile. you can feel a few, but the pants fit just as tight. I am trying to fit new things in weekly. walks, maybe racquetball, and other stuff. stuff i can enjoy, not bullshit that i hate with a passion. it is not easy, and i nearly break into tears when i see a good cookie ( i miss you red velvet cookie). still, i am trying, and doing, despite my utter hatred for it.

moral support is welcome ( PLEASE WUV ME). i type this because i want to have soem written thing on it that people can reference and guilt me with. poke me and say, well you said you are trying to change. and then i will come up with a justification that works for the situation, such as, yes im eating this huge fucking sandwich, because i worked out this morning, or i will work out tonight to work it off..dont look at me like that..okay fine i will save half for later. also, i type this because, all of you, YES ALL OF YOU can do the same. i find its easier to do when you make a pact of sorts with someone. so anyone else who needs a reason to change, i will keep trying to change as long as you do. jump on my lovely bandwagon, and we shall all venture forth into getting better at our lives.

but yes, support me PLEASEEEEEE

I really felt great about how life was going for me. still kinda do..but now i got this big piece of information to chew on...i live in wilmington because i moved here after college to move in with parents, and just stayed because of the job market...and now my mom ( for reasons i cannot disclose) may end up moving if things go badly..and that means my choices are slim if it goes that way. we may stay here, but i may end up moving to a different state, unless i move out before then..my time period is pretty short on this..i wanted to move out by next year anyway..but now its come too, or else...i really dont wanna leave. i have friends again, and places to visit..for gods sake i finally have a life.

i will survive whatever happens...but i do have a preference of a sequence of events..i really wanna stay in NC. I hope i can figure something out...

also, im not gonna try for animazement since i may need that kinda money for moving out.

last night i was invited to go see a female friend of mine go do drag at a gay bar. i have never really gone to a gay bar, as i tend to not go to bars in general, but i had alot of fun. i found an alcoholic drink i liked alot (Madras) and i got to just hang out and enjoy a little time outside of my usual comfort zone. was a little akward at times, but it is something i will have to repeat. also, queens are fabulous!

dear lord, i have not laughed that hard at innocent comedy forever. if you are debating seeing it, here is the answer. go see it. it takes a few minutes toa adjust mentally which is strange, because it starts off in that classic musical fashion, with gaudy, over the top singing and happy people, which leaves the teens and people with angst a bit uncomfy...but then you remember, this is the muppets..its supposed to be like this. you slowly adjust, and within 15 minutes you remember how you used to love this stuff..and you love it again. dear lord, i could not stop laughing at points. it had that classic humor from the original muppets, and they hardly had to change a thing. and the stars that showed up were al over the place. i give it a good review, and no one has a reason not too see it. totally worth swallowing whatever kinda adult pride you have to go spend a few minutes reliving the happyness you had to see the muppets.

nothing too major going on atm, but i am distracted to high hell. what with Skyrim, getting into wow, and even getting a ps3 (thank you black friday =D) i am utterly distracted. but i will be doing art again soon. Just give me a few more minutes (weeks) and i will do my work

If I was to apply for jobs in that area would anyone put me up for awhile while I hunted for apartments? I do not want to apply without reason

their are alot of furries in the armies of the world believe it or not. my bro, Dodger is one of em. to all out armed forces veterans, thank you. Thank you for defending us, protecting us, and doing the things few people have the bravery to do.

God bless you all

Well on my list is a major pic i wanna do for some roos, and a birthday picture for a good otter friend.

after these, i would like to draw more things, but i am open to suggestions from people. animals, characters, sexy moments, give me some ideas or suggestions. maybe i should hold a contest. thoughts and opinions

does anyone know how to make red fur look really nice :: cries

if you noticed any pictured you faved gone, its because i decided to delete all the pics i drew of my ex. forgot how many i had of him. I intend to fill up my list with better things thou. things that are happier

and if by some random chance he reads this, kiss my ass, you had the world and you dumped it.

if you have not seen, i am about to get rid of my old msn messenger address for a new one. this is the last night to make the switch. message me if you are on msn messenger and have not been given the new address.

this is only if you want to stay on my list mind you, i dont need to have everyone stay, just those who want to stay

I spend alot of time complaining. i feel justified in doing so sometimes..however i have to say, alot of good things came in and i feel good

1. I am in chapel hill, the town i was born in.
2. I had dinner with  digeri and  WallyWolf at PF Changs, then drove over to  liztail and  honeypup to go see a movie.
3: I got to wander around the unc campus, where, when i was young, my mom went to college, and i found old landmarks and places i remember from a time i could barely talk. plus most people thought i was a student, so it was nice just blending in with passerbys and exploring. got some comics, and some costume parts at a thrift shop for a pirate costume.
4: I got an AWWEEESOMME :: cries with joy:: picture done by  wolfiecanem for a contest i entered and i am super happy about it cause GODDAMN it looks awesome.
5: i finished up a pic i put alot of effort into, and i feel confident about it
6: I got to do a great performance in Blue Sky ( which if you have not seen it yet, http://www.madgeek.co.uk/ GO ALREADY)
7: other things

so i just feel happy and cool for a bit. gotta keep it going you know.

Also the world is ending tomorrow, according to that crazy bastard who said the rapture was coming in may. so everyone leave your clothes out in rapture positions tomorrow, and watch some people go, OH CRAP

i have a chance to go too chapel hill for three days next week. wednesday, thursday, and friday. if i was to go, would anyone want to hang out at all?