Well, not really a new decade, more like a decade-and-a-quarter.

So, it's me again. I have something to admit, more-so to myself than anyone here. I don't feel like myself when I come back to this account, and I haven't felt like myself for a while now. One of the reasons I haven't been active anywhere is primarily because I still feel like the 18, 19-year-old upstart that got into a bunch of stuff with high-profile creators. I know why I went scorched earth, too, and it's going to be a surprise -- or not -- to many of you whom have stuck around this long.

I was deeply jealous.

I was deeply jealous of the artists that have carved out a path for themselves long before I even picked up a pen, including having a partner and being able to balance their personal and professional lives in a way that, while I find it questionable at worst nowadays, I find respectable on some level. But it was because of this jealousy that I've entered into relationships that were rushed and rocky (21st birthday not withstanding), and eventually found myself staring down the barrel of some prominent names that I've once respected, and still do to this day, which is rich coming from the same guy that labelled many of them as having big egos. Yeah, I cringe about those old journals I posted on DeviantArt all those years ago under a since-deleted account because they never needed to exist. The fact that I did allow it to happen, and that it lives rent free in my head so many years later still hurts me on a fundamental level.

I created these accounts in 2015 to pursue a dream. And then, for one reason or another unrelated one, I squandered that because I couldn't keep from posting those scathing journals I once viewed as "doing everyone a favor". And I've suffered for it, never reconciling with myself for it after all this time.

The biggest reason for me making this is so I can finally find that spark I once had to just start drawing for the sake of it again, and the only way I can think of to begin that process is by attacking the rot at the source.

By writing this entry out, I'm making a declaration that I am no longer ThatAnthroGamer from a decade ago. This is a new chapter in my life, and a new chapter begins with a new name -- JustMyke. My hope is that I can finally get right back to it again, and that many of you will be along for the ride.

I deleted my original Discord. I've done this a week ago.

Hey guys. So, on Dec. 27th, at approx. 2:00 noon EST, my account fell subject to a hack. This hack was of a inquiry to playtest a game.

"How did you fall for that trick?"
I don't get approached by hackers very often, likely due to my keeping of my small pool of close friends. I let my guard down, compounded by getting the message from a friend I hardly talked to. I pride myself on not letting hackers obtain my Discord, and other information (which the hacker unfortunately gained access to). I don't give them more than a moment of my attention if needed, and I keep a close eye on anything that's immediately off, and I call them out almost immediately, which usually results in them either moving on or blocking me.

Well, this seems to have been the exception.

Needless to say, if you get messages from me inquiring you about a playtest for a project I'm supposedly doing, if it's for a class or otherwise, DO NOT BELIEVE IT. I don't need to tell those who are experienced in weeding them out. This is more for anyone who is more susceptible to it.

Spread as much word as you can (which I'm sure people have already), and stay safe.

I'd gotten an email from Discord a day ago, and they said they have escalated my ticket and will act as soon as possible.

Remember when I said I wasn't going to do this anymore? Well, funny that...

So, when I made my last entry, I was going through stuff that heavily affected my mental health. That resulted in a major art block, and I was just ready to give it all up.

Around a week later, that flame would spark again, and now I'm sitting here slightly embarrassed that I let my emotions get the better of me.

So, I'm not quitting, even though I planned to. I just needed a small break. You know, time to myself while I recouped. I am trying to get back in the swing of things now. Commissions will be limited heavily, so if you're not a close friend and you were at least interested, I'm sorry. I started this whole thing with the wrong mindset after all. I am doing what I can to curb it.

I also have a couple pieces in the works, and they have to do with my fursona... again. I have plans for the one I uploaded recently.

I'm sorry this happened. I'll try to not let it happen again.

Cheers,
Anthro (Mike)

I aspired to be an artist once upon a time. I was young and naive. I thought I could do it. I convinced myself I could. Seven years down the line, I now face a dead end.

The reality is I went into this whole thing for all the wrong reasons. My heart and my mind were never in it to begin with, and any attempt to rekindle that spark I once thought I had has faultered.

I kept slacking, every new piece start would most likely never see the light of day, I'd brush off advice subconsciously, I'd have ocassional bursts of inspiration, the list goes on. I'm not having fun, and I never did.

Maybe one day I'll return to do it again. Maybe. But right now, as I see it, I highly fucking doubt that I will.

For as long as I've been drawing digital, I've struggled between two different styles. And, I'm getting the feeling that because I'm struggling with that, and constantly implementing the polar opposites, I've struggled the most trying to push anything out reliably, and consistently.

So now I propose a question to my followers:

Should I keep up with the anime-ish style I've gone with for the past few drawings, or should I go the more cartoony route, more akin to VivziePop, etc.?

To do this, I threw together a quick poll to more easily communicate in an orderly fashion: https://forms.gle/1vHce9sH2USZXBdn8

I honestly don't know what you guys want, so I need your guys's help to point me in the right direction.

I recently passed my driver's test and got my license, finally. And, yesterday, I drove myself for the first time. Even though I kept it within the neighborhood, it felt so liberating to be able to hop into a car and just drive around for a bit. I should have gotten my license when I was 16, but hey... better late than never, I suppose.

Last month, my family secured a house for us to move into. So long as there isn't any hitch along the way, we'll be there in around a week or two.

On May 30, I turned 25. I was dating someone a month or more prior -- a non-furry. Unfortunately, it ended last month when she figured it wasn't going to work out. I freaked out after she said "goodbye" to me, unprovoked, without giving me any context. She came back later that night and I asked her where she went. We both said our sorries and we did our own things. I only found out a few days later that she removed me from her contacts, when I wanted to talk to her about something important and my message didn't send. Maybe it was something I did, who knows. I'll never know. She probably hates me. She was probably dating someone else this whole time, which I wouldn't be surprised if it was true.

Well, that's about it. That last one depressed me again, so until next time...

Now that I've had time to recuperate with my mental health, commissions are back on track. I just need to push through the handful I have and we're golden. I cannot stress how thankful I am to those who have exercised their patience while I took some time off for myself, y'all make commissions worth doing.

I don't think I've communicated what my goal is with these commissions, so I'll make it abundantly clear here -- I want the people who commission my work to leave happy with their product. And as I continue to draw, as I continue to take commissions, I hope that my dream of pursuing art as my career and passion will come to pass. I put all of my heart into my drawings, whether personal or commercial. You are seeing me in those drawings, in every line, and in all those tiny details that only I (as far as I know) would notice.

My hands tremble as I type this out. It's a happy trembling.

From humble beginnings and the cringy journals that needlessly called out the people I've idolized before, thank you for your continued support of over 5 years of ThatAnthroGamer -- my brand and my dream. I hope to see y'all five years down the line.

My humbled thanks
~ThatAnthroGamer

Due to personal factors, health or otherwise, commissions are closed until further notice. I apologize for any inconveniences I may have caused for those waiting for theirs.

Do you know of any good Zootopia servers? I'm looking for one that mainly revolves around writing stories in the Zootopia universe. Suggestions and invites are very much welcome, and I thank anyone in advance who interact with this journal. ^^

I got my wisdom teeth done yesterday, I'm in a lot of pain today. I am very sad, but I'll survive.

I did not know I was going to be fighting with my tablet until yesterday... Ooh, technology! What will you do next?

But I didn't write this journal to bitch like usual, I'm updating y'all on your commissions. Since my tablet's been giving me a hard time, I'm afraid I won't make on those commissions until this problem gets solved. This also means that I won't be able to finish the one commission I was wrapping up with.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience, and please be patient while I do my damnedest to iron this out.

Thank you,
Ya boi, Anthro

I'm usually not one to make a big deal about my birthday, but... hey, it's my 24th birthday today y'all!

It's no secret that I am primarily an airbag fetishist. Hell, my gallery is filled to the brim with the stuff. And understandably, not a lot of people are into it.

It wasn't until recently, when I got involved with a certain group, when I started thinking that maybe I should actually branch out into other stuff. Sure, I get my rocks off on drawing airbag inflation fairly easily, but I also can't be that strict with what I do all my life. The circle I'm in have been very encouraging, even lending some helpful feedback every now and again. I've been funneled into doing more than just airbags and the occasional quicksand drawing, and it's actually fun.

So, here's my proposal for myself: I'll post less airbag in favor of drawing other things.

I'll still draw airbag stuff, for sure. That don't mean I'll upload the finished ones every time I finish. The rest of 2020 is going to be one helluva ride.

Hey. You guys are aware that commissions are still open, right? I don't do just airbag stuff. I include that stuff in the information because I come from the airbag community, which is in fact pretty niche. So please, check out https://thatanthrogamer.github.io/ and consider hitting me up for one.

Another beaut come and gone from my life... Now, why did I start off by saying this?

On March 16th, toward the end of my shift at our local museum, I came into contact with a beautiful woman I rang up at my register. She wore a pair of thick-rimmed glasses and had straightened blonde hair. I start off with a "hi" and the usual question that I ask everyone; how are you doing today? She starts talking and her accent was sort of unfamiliar to me. I ask her where she's from and she replies that she is from Czechoslovakia. I was taken aback. Idiotically, I remark "The Czech Republic? That's pretty dang far." She giggle-laughs. It was right then and there that I was just taken by her. It was very quick, I know. I wish I could help it, honestly. Anyway, I then bring up the 15-or-so postcards she brought to my register. They were all going to her family back in Europe -- where she said she was from. The ensuing conversation revealed that she was really nice and that she had a good sense of humor. She was hitting all the marks in what I looked for in a girl and I was enjoying every second we talked. My heart passively went aflutter. A beautiful woman inside and out. Dare I say, I was even close to asking her out or something.

Unfortunately, I know it wasn't meant to be. 'cause she was travelling and, get this, I don't know very much about her. So her stay in the state, let alone the city I reside, was fleeting. Moments after I realized this, I put her postcards in a small bag, print out her receipt and sent her off. We exchanged prior that Czechoslovakia was much like the state and that I should go there someday. I remark "You know what? I will, as soon as I get over my fear of being in an airplane." She replied that it's like being on a train and I respond with "Well, yeah, if the train could fly high in the air." And it was met with a giggle-laugh.

And just like that, my shift rounded off with a bright light as I smiled from ear to ear. She really did light my day up, you have no idea. I was having a bit of a shitty day. Yet she was the light at the end of my tunnel. In reality, she was only an illusion of a light and the tunnel just proceeded after it.

To counter this feeling of rejection one day later, I reason with myself that she's like got an SO back home, is married, or is a lesbian and I deal with the depression for the rest of the day. After all was said and done however, I wish she was the one. And so the search to quench my thirst continues...

I also wish I didn't have this mindset to begin with.
---

So, our country was issued to stay inside, limit interactions, and close any and all public facilities. My job is closed until the 31st and I have a less-than-ideal pay coming in a couple days. So, I'm opening commissions indefinitely. If you're at all interested, please browse my gallery, visit my standalone webpage located in my description, and send me a note!

Yuh. How's everyone doing? I'm doing great, with a minor case of the cold and all that jazz. Despite that, I'm diligently crunching at these projects I have been working on recently, because I'm just that kind of a guy. I love you. But don't take that to heart, ya asshole.

And don't say it's the corona virus... It's not, 'kay? The family caught something and they've all got out of it.

I'll catch you guys later, maybe when I finally put something out.

My head has not been on my shoulders straight for the past handful of nights now. I want to chalk it up to it being the changing of the seasons currently, but I'm not entirely sure. Trying to strong-arm through it is getting progressively harder each day that passes.

To top it all off, I had to stop seeing my therapist some time ago because we were just not meeting half-way, mostly because I was not disclosing any of the important stuff to her, like my thoughts at the time etc.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually want to be helped. I already think I'm a burden to anyone I talk to, despite how well I've gotten to know them. Sure, I joke around a lot and throw in a sexual innuendo here and there and I'll leave it at that.

Do I want to keep breathing? The answer will always be an emboldened "yes". My will to live is far too strong. I just get the feeling nobody actually cares.

HEY HEY HEY! It's AnthroGamer!!! And I come bearing news.

Anyone that knows me understands that I crave interactions. I enjoy them very much, even if there's not much to talk about. So, I figured I'd make a couple Discord servers and link them on my profile for those who want to join them. I even have a Patreon. Nothing will be gated off by prices, it's pretty much just a glorified tip jar. It's for those who don't want to commission me but still want to support me in any way they can. Joining the $5/month tier is the best way you guys can do so. Though you can still commission me, even if you're giving $5 USD a month.

I'll leave it all up to you to decide what you want to do. Whatever choice you make, I'll be right there.

Hello everyone! Hope everyone's having a great 2020 so far, because I have some good news.

So recently, my first job let me go. It kind of sucked, but I was only working seasonal anyway, so I wasn't really doing as much as I would have liked. Just last month, I was brought on for another job! This time, it's a part time, so I'm actually doing more and making more money along the way. Not only that, I'm also working alongside some really great people that I can relate to and that I can actually rely on, which is freaking awesome.

The trade-off right now is art performance. I cannot finish my projects currently because of this change. I'm getting easily overwhelmed and I hate my art twice as much at the moment. So, until I can adapt to this life-changing experience, I won't be as productive as I'd like to be. That means commissions will also take a little longer than I'd anticipated, which kinda sucks, but hey, this is only my second job, which I am loving so far.

I'm sorry for those waiting for their commissions. Unfortunately, life is gonna have to come first for the time being.

On the plus side, I am adulting! :D

Doom Eternal launches on March 20th, and to say I'm excited about it would be an understatement (let my pre-order speak for itself).

Now, we all know that microtransactions have a bad rep for being implemented distastefully (ie. games being made grind-y so players have no choice but to buy boosters, randomized loot boxes, etc). Hugo Martin, the creative director for Doom, in light of the micro-transactions scare has gone on record in saying that there will be no micro-transactions in Doom Eternal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bw65h8yeXI

Now, I'm not saying Hugo "Fucking" Martin is a liar. In fact, I firmly believe that he believes in what he's doing and that he means well. He has not proven to be untrustworthy. It's just, well, the brutal truth is that game companies need all the money they can get to survive in this environment, and the developers have very little power over their publishers.

We applaud developers when they go against the status quo. And while I myself find it commendable, they unfortunately can't speak for their own games unless they are the publisher. For that matter, we all know that Bethesda publishes id Software's games. With all this added together, it inherently does not look good. And I get it; games that have micro-transactions 70% of the time are grindy to the point of boredom, and they often have randomized loot box-like systems to keep the player invested. On top of that, they often include items that alter the game in a small, but major way.

Hear me out: what I just explained are distasteful ways of implementing micro-transactions. There is in fact a more tasteful way of implementing them, and it doesn't have to alter the game! Case and point, cosmetics. A lot of us enjoy tweaking things to our liking, right? I get that some of us don't, but there is a larger group of people that do. That's an easy way of making extra money without irking your players, imo. Or, instead of implementing micro-transactions, put some time into developing DLC that adds to the story of your game.

I know I sound like I'm trying to justify micro-transactions in big, full-priced AAA games. After I had an enlightening conversation with someone in the game industry, I just don't know what to believe in anymore. The bottom line is if you want your favorite franchise to march on and potentially get better, and if you have no problem spending a little extra cash, just shell out some more money to them. Just don't forget to critique a game where you see fit, because they're going to need all the feedback they can get.

Randomized loot box systems and game-altering micro-transactions can still go to hell.

Seems like everyone in this fucking community wants to know everything that goes on behind the scenes, when they should keep their nose out of it all. Well fine, I'll indulge in your niche fetish.

I had to break up with someone today because I felt like it wasn't working out between us. Half a year spent, and most of that time was spent not with each other. She also hardly replied to my messages and she kept bringing up her ex when we were alone together (I dislike when that happens strongly). This wasn't done lightly. I spent this whole time evaluating if it was worth keeping up with. When a conclusion was met, it was very hard to make the call. But I sucked it up and just told her that it wasn't working out. I was tired of the radio silence and the 'ex's burning grave' charade. She wound up meeting most of the things I looked for in a girl without actually meeting them. That's gotta be a record and a half...

And thus marks the fifth failed date, online at that. And you know what? I'm sick of it these dead-ends, so here's a comprehensive list of what qualities I'm looking for in a woman! She has to at least:

- Like to play video games (horror, shooters, platformers, etc.)
- Be a metal-head (Slipknot, Linkin Park, Metallica, Killswitch Engage, etc.)
- Like cuddling
- Be horny, like yours truly
- Not be obese or over-weighed
- Like foxes of any kind
- Be the nurturing type (I fight with insecurities often)
- Be understanding
- Be into the same kinks as me (balloons and quicksand/tar/mud to start off) or respect them
- Be able to devote time to me
- Be truthful
- Enjoy history
- Enjoy science
- Be into comedy (minus random. I hate that kind of comedy)
- Fun to be around
- Be cute
- Respect boundaries

That's it. That's about all I can think of off the top of my head. And consider this my dating application if you'd like. Fuck it. If you know of a woman who meets at least most of these, including #5, and she's single, send her this journal. I'm sure she'll be really thankful for the opportunity. I'm only looking for a closed relationship.

I'd rather just wrap up in a blanket and play video games or watch videos when Winter rolls around. Aside from the depression, nothing saps my will to draw like perpetually freezing hands or just being plain cold in general. No amount of layers can prevent me from being chilled to the bone.

What, I hate Winter now? It's supposed to be beautiful, not loathsome...

Given the new Half-Life announcement trailer and recent activity of every Valve employee in the social media, it looks like they are, and I'm overjoyed right now.

I hope it's not for nothing.

Have you wanted to support my work, but didn't want to invest in a commission? Then please, consider visiting my "https://www.patreon.com/thatanthrogamer". You can then join the $5-or-more tier if you'd like.

I repeat; if you want a way to support my work without paying for a commission, consider joining the Minimum tier on my Patreon page! If you don't want to, no worries; It's not mandatory!