A close friend of mine,  Montii, the artist behind one of my gift arts I received from them is currently going through a rough time. I'm posting this to help spread the word around.

Here's their Bluesky post explaining things.

And here's their Ko-Fi page.

First off, will admit I got so carried away with VRC as of late that I've neglected art in general. So easy to get carried away especially as I've been regularly attending a macro meet in it that honestly is one best I've attended (admittedly the only one currently ^^) with making so many new friends from it and definitely not because of one particular yeen model. Seriously though am glad to have made friends as both derg and yeen.

Speaking of the yeen. As you may have seen on my Bluesky if you're following, am thinking of having her as a second sona as a playfully destructive counterpart to my gentle giant derg. Since getting the model it just spawned so many potential art ideas of both the derg and yeen interacting with each other. Though I don't want to be diving into having two sonas anytime soon as need to give the derg some much overdue love, so the derg will remain a priority for a bit. Don't want to be putting the derg that means so much to me aside so soon, especially with the lack of recent artwork.

Which leads me into once again reminding myself that yes, need to sort more art of my derg. Doing it myself or commissioning (when finances allow) more. I know you're probably sick of my whining but at least it keeps it in mind.

Happy new year from me! ^^.

No lofty goals 'ere. I want to say more derg art, more game dev, more everything! Knowing me though, good luck getting me to get stuck in. c: Or something out of my control will likely prevent me from committing to anything...as usual. Still going to try though. Will say, want this year to be where I'm a bit more social too. Was a bit of a worryingly lonesome year, especially in the latter half.

Not much else to say other than hope this year I can get myself to do more with the derg and hope you reading have a lovely year too.

It'd be a my birthday once again. That is all.

(And I feel like apologising for the lack of art.)

I really don't want to make these and come off as another "oh pity me, the lazy wannabe creative" but I might as well get it off my chest. After all, better to let it out than to keep it and boil over into something even more mentally taxing. Don't have to keep reading if your first thought is "OH BOY, another sob story", don't blame you at all. So yeah, half a year and finding the mood has been (for a lack of a better description) lazily non-existent. Mostly from looking for some form of income to help support the endeavour and hearing back from an internship program that had left me in the dark since applying last December to getting back to me just a week or two ago.

Even that was panic-inducing as right when I get the mood to have a go at art, I get an email saying the program had failed to find anything for me while at the same time there was a placement offered but only had two days to respond. So you can imagine the panic of not knowing if it was still valid, having to ask the program, wait until they respond and then register interest. (Turned out it was valid and the "failed to find anything" email was sent to me by mistake.)

So for the next three months or so, after I get the paperwork sorted, that's something to help keep me afloat while I try and get back into the creative routine in the spare time in between. I just worry because I left it so long, I'm going to be complete garbage at it and few people would give it a look/support because of how long ago since I've had a stab at it. Believe me, I want to stop dragging myself down to the point of making these posts. Maybe I just need to find some way to motivate me otherwise, I have always found myself in a creative mood when I streamed myself having a go at art. Perhaps I should just one day boot up Twitch or Pictaro and just bloody do it.

It's not just derg art I have been neglecting too though, I call myself a game dev but what have I admittedly done outside of college/uni work. Got the ideas but just the drive and motivation that needs fixing, which isn't helped that while I'd love to be a one-man show. My problem is also the fact I'm a one-man show and don't really know a lot of people to trust in sharing my ideas with. I'm not saying I don't work well with other people; on the contrary, I usually have some difficulty at first but after a while of getting to know and working with other people I feel more comfortable working in a team. I just wish I knew more people who love the Unreal Engine as much as I do, especially with the usage of Blueprints.

Doesn't also help I was hit with a real slap in the face with what was one of my ideas appearing on Steam shortly after graduating from a masters degree that stretched me thin 'cause of the pandemic. In which seeing that killed my mood severely for a while because of immense hatred, that I still have to this day. Having to avoid the game completely for my mental health. Only recently I've been regaining the mood for game dev after realising that game is that much of a one-trick pony, as in you just need to take one good look and you've experienced everything it has to offer without even playing it once, plus spite-driven motivation can be powerful thing meaning I can still make it better. Though maybe I'll do one of my other ideas first, after all I still have some resentment that poisons the idea enough to still bring the mood down.

(Pretty much what I posted on Twitter summarised into one post.)

I'll admit, 2023. Pretty uneventful year. With trying to figure out what to do now that I've graduated, two internships to get a career background to help towards that and just feeling so burned out.

Burned out that I can only describe as almost losing my passion to do anything creative. I'm hoping I can kickstart it all again next year, fittingly so since it'll apparently be the Year of the Dragon ^^, I just hope I haven't lost too much of my creative ability.

There will still be the case of what I'm I going to do. Keep trying for a job and/or push myself to be able to take commissions. Either way, I definitely need to get back into the Unreal Engine.

And on another note, I highly appreciate each and everyone who still supports my art (despite the lack of it) and everyone who considers me a friend. I thank you all. 💜

It's cakeday for me once again!

I'll admit I'm a bit sad that haven't delivered much art or any creative endeavour this year. Then again, my year so far was pretty much occupied with two internships that left me too drained to work on anything at the end of the day. Now it's a case of either hearing back from the graduate internship scheme for another internship or it'll be trying to seek out a job myself. Both of which only add to the uncertainty but that's life I suppose.

I want to say I that's going to change but knowing me I'll probably fall back on that promise. I have been thinking of just going ahead and stream every little attempt, even if it is just a simple sketch that'll go nowhere in the end, 'cause maybe it's that I don't like being alone when I try. Or that my inner critic won't shut up for five minutes just to let me get something down.

This has been your semi-annual "I'm sad and need to let it out to not bottle it up into something worse" post and I highly appreciate you reading it.

One Wednesday night I was just minding my own business then I notice my PC was running at 100% disk usage, then restarted itself and only to find PIN login has completely failed. Tried using the least destructive system restore options but they were locked behind a password. A password that was valid but not being accepted, so I had to resort to a full reset.

Meaning personal files had to go to save it. Luckily I still had my old pc so I was able to recover a majority however the files that I could not recover still upsets me. I have got data recovery software to as an attempt to recover the missing files, as there can still be remnants of deleted files held deep within, and so far it has been hit and miss. Hit being I've found them again, miss being they were found but got corrupted. It's not all doom and gloom, I've spread my stuff across multiple drives so I haven't lost everything, everything but still. It's upsetting to be blindsided by an event like this.

So, I'm going to be an emotional wreck for a couple of weeks.

Happy New Year! Originally posted this on my Tumblr but posting it here too, adapted of course to not sound too out of place. Just a personal message about my year if you care about reading such a thing.

The last year for me has been a high and a low. The lows of being put under stress finishing a Masters degree remotely in lockdown, friends falling out with each other and genuinely scared of “what am I doing to do now?” as I come to the end of education.

But that brings onto the high of being able to complete my degree in such a challenging time and secure a career in games to begin this year. It’s a small, unknown start but it’s a start. A start that should hopefully bleed some knowledge and skills into indie game dev that College/University won’t teach you.

While I am still mentally weighed down by the lack of art or personal projects. I aim to try and express myself more, especially with my derg that I am not going to let three years of conceptualisation go to complete waste, in the realms of; art, 3D work and game dev. Something that should crop up more now that I don’t have to worry about three deadlines to meet in three months however I understand it’ll now consist of keeping the house and the lights on order to so.

As for methods of attempting to regain the creative mood, I’m still figuring out what will work for me. So far I’ve come to one conclusion that I hate being alone as I try but am too embarrassed to share my attempts, probably ‘cause of my sona along with the usual “it’s not good enough for your standards” anxiety. Yet somehow my longest stints came from being in a voice call while screen sharing my work.

And the little fallout that occurred had made me think a bit. Namely that as much as I want to help, I am not a miracle worker that can magically turn things around for the better. All I can do is be there and support my friends through what they’re going through. I hope all my friends reading this, even those I haven’t talked to in a while who lurk every now and then (that I will also make a priority for the new year to ensure to at least check up on everyone who considers me as a friend/acquaintance), know that I’m here if you need someone to talk to or just sit in a voice chat to give you company if you need it. (Though I should probably disclaim that I am NOT a therapist.)

As cheesy as it is to write such a long, semi-serious message on FA of all sites where I want to do/get more art of a gentle 200ft tall dragon to post on it. I felt a need to get it all off my chest and have a sort of master post, if you will, explaining the slowdown of activity (when you don’t count Favourites and all that). Yeah most of my issues are probably trivial and I either dramatised them for myself or it’s just blatant procrastination speaking.

If you did decide to take the time and read through all of this. I greatly appreciate it and as the title of this post says. I wish you a Happy New Year and I hope you too can also work toward and achieve your own new year ambitions and creative endeavours.

I will admit that I have not been good to my own derg with the lack of art this year. Though that's mostly because of how mentally taxing this year had been. First half finishing up a Masters degree and the latter half on trying to get a source of income sorted. Yeah I had an entire summer in between but if you've ever been that stressed out where you resort to your tried and tested method of calming down, it's hard to give something else a try.

Birthday arrives once again for me. This time making me funnier than 24.

Just posted a few pics in Scraps I've done that aren't related to the derg that had been mainly for me to see where or what works best for me. I've posted these in scraps mostly because I am a bit unsure about posting these regularly for now but I may reconsider depending on the reception.

Of course, getting art of the derg done is still a high creative priority of mine. Just thought doing these might help not getting put off from doing so when I get an idea.

Like the previous journal, yeah I'm still having a go at creating art of the dragon. Just bogged down with uni and not being satisfied with what I want to do with said art. Fun Fact: I originally intended my current pic in the works to just be a sketch, then I thought "oh I'll make it a flat colour" and finally just saying "screw it, go all in detailed". Needless to say, it's taking a while 'cause of my indecisiveness and inability to accept something simple. When I'm not in the mood for simple that is.

I love that I've gotten side tracked but then again, it's a lovely side track. Especially when it's a quick and cute pic inspired by a friend playing a mutually (and obviously) favourite game. Other than that, can't decide on what settings to draw the derg with. Got a couple in mind but it's always a question of "Can I really do it or is it worth trying to get it commissioned?".

Just a rambling post, feel free to ignore.

Heyo, not much to say other than getting on with life and boosting a bud's raffle,  neminecro going on. ^^
If you're interested in raffles, the rules are on their journal here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9862076/

After finishing my dragon's ref sheet after three years. Got far too many ideas, both in giant scenarios and just regular headshots/fullbody and the like, but too little motivation and will power to do it myself or get commissioned at the moment. Hopefully though the more do manage to get done, confidence in both DIY and commissions should grow. And yes I also mean that in a macro sense. lol

Also, already thinking about the next sona in line but I can put them on hold until the dragon's established a bit. That and I need to brainstorm them a bit more.