https://fxbsky.app/profile/softfoxx...../3mahrn2mnkc2m
https://fxbsky.app/profile/softfoxx...../3mgqxrcczos22

 Soft Foxxo

It's that bad.

She really needs help, comm her or even donate or something.

She basically never has to go this far for it and I'm doing everything I can to help on top of my own comming of her.

Please.

And thank you.

making it quick before work so don't expect formatting



recently, with help from my headmate, i've begun to tap into my therian identity

I am so, so very fox. So Vixen.

But with that comes the fact I don't 'own' my identity as much as I feel I should

Which comes from me trying too hard to separate myself from Pokemon, which yes sounds counterproductive but

Nine!

In pokemon settings, I am a Ninetales

Everywhere else, I am a Kitsune

There is no difference

It's just an easier way to describe myself to the locals.

Wraow!

I am also working on fox noise stimming

It helps me not want as much art to satisfy my therian brain xd

Mraf! Hraf!

Wraow!

Niiiiine!

So here we are now

I am the best of both worlds

i'm 29 now uwu

i said it everywhere else but may as well here for those interested

borfday in two days

i turn 29

20th of dec

i can't fully think straight but i'll kjeep it simple

Back to being two foxes in one brain

i know how to be myself more now, not afraid like i was before

but i love being a fox more than anything

this fox

me

aaaaa

I'm still trying to work everything out but I may as well make it a bit more official uh

Hi, my name is Amelia-

Emberflame is who you all usually know me as, and she's still around! There is no way my beloved sune is going anywhere.

But I uh, recently had some feelings i suppressed come out of the box about my Shadekin and people were super encouraging to me and aaaaa

so i'm experimenting with being 'myself' instead of 'Emberflame' as Amelia. Which would also be my... transition name. Y'know, I said before I'm trans-

Doesn't mean its a plurality of three- Flame has taken the name fully, and I the usual fronter am now... Amelia!

It's all still experimental but its looking more likely to stick than not so... hi...! yeah!

This is me! Not just me trying my best to be my other self!

You can ask to speak to either of us whenever-

Aaaaa

Mar!

So uh, assuming you read the last journal.

I kinda sorta figured out the identity thing with my headmate and thanks to my beloved special foxxo  Soft Foxxo we've gotten something down

I, the usual talker and main front and all, will just go by Ember

The other, the vixen you see in art usually, will take Flame

Together we are, literally, Emberflame 'w'

My brain hurts trying to process everything but we're both happy

Always have each other now...

But yes, I'll talk as normal and if my headmate is speaking she'll make it known 'w'

... god its weird being a simp for my own headmate

not that she doesn't enjoy and exploit it-

after grappling with it for the past

24 hours or so

I think its safe to conclude that I do in fact have a plurality with Emberflame-

Except we both use and coalesce around that identity

its very confusing please bear with me

yes i know this happened before but now i think i understand it is a plurality/split personality/etc rather than whatever else i said

its confusing and weird but

also comforting

always having someone to talk to...

I can't believe they made a sequel to Spam...

this is the rest of what i mentioned coming up

:3

there will be more later!

Fa finally added support for writers in the new update

For some reason this isn't considered a big deal to them given it wasn't highlighted beyond being added

uwu

A lot of stuff in my mind has changed

and genuinely i feel comfortable going back to being all fours again with Emberflame

...

it feels comfy uvu

it feels right...

Hi, had one of the worst weeks of my life recently.

Some of it is personal and will not be gone into. But the personal stuff was a desperately needed reality check and made me realize, damn I really did become a narcissist. It sucks. I thought I was better than that. (hah.)

Thankfully some of my closest friends came through to help me, one got me a few books to read which I have, and I've been practicing being better at empathy, communicating, and some other stuff. Still very much a WIP for me though. It's gonna take a long time. But people say its been getting better, so there's that.

Got into a car accident. Some jackass decided to reverse into me despite me blaring my horn and having stopped well behind them. Thankfully it happened at my condo so the cameras got it all and insurance says i ain't liable

Insurance still went up because new car is actually worth something, 2024 kia forte, thanks in part to my grandmother bless her heart.

Money is on fire p-much. July was full of bills and then this shit. Don't expect too much art rn. real life takes precedence.

I'd ask for help but I can pay for shit, just out of my savings, which i'd rather not but I don't want to get money from people when i don't 'need' it. Especially with how much others need help rn that don't have the money.

Shit sucks. But life goes on. I will keep going.

I will do better.

Still living the afterglow of finding my true self, but I already have so much to share!

lewd! yeah!

---

So like, its a lot.

I spent a lot of last night crying without understanding why, so many repressed emotions came flooding out.

But my mind, my spirit, my soul... is free.

Mental barriers keep falling around me as I understand things I never did before.

My aversion to like, penis, feels like its practically gone.

I'm proud to feel just... slutty! Ahahaha.

I want to be called mommy. I want people to know and remember me as a big soft fluffy vixen that stole their heart with love and fun.

I am proud of myself. No longer tied down by mental woes and worries.

My body may be human, and my physical gender male.

But... I am free where it matters.

I know who and what I am

I never want to lose myself again

There's no putting this back in the box. I'm even more unleashed, wild, and kinky than ever baby!~

im just gonna copy paste what i said from discord tl;dr at the bottom


it is time to make something public

For years I've introspected, dissecting my brain and mind to learn how I tick.

We all know this, but very recently a possibility I never gave much credence to, might actually be the truth

I am, testing? finding out? trying???

The idea i'm trans and therian

I always considered such, for me personally, to be delusions.

I am human. I'm a guy.

But now, its not so clear.

My spirit is a vixen. Wild, free, caring, tricky.

While I care not what my genitals are, there is something irrepressible now about me that I can't deny.

Maybe I've simply reincarnated? If you believe in such.

Perhaps once I was what I feel I am

While my physical self is what it is, is that truly me, in spirit?

One could argue, "Ember you've been using a female kitsune as a sona for years"

But it never hit the same way it is right now, y'know.

I worry i'll be just another lusty vixen, another common practicioner of such.

But is that really wrong even if it doescome true? To deny oneself for the sake of not being even partially a stereotype?

"Ember why are you telling everyone"

Cause otherwise its gonna not be well-known and i'll keep having people asking me what happen months later LMAO

Also i'm just loud, i like being loud, loudness is my truth

For all the changing I do, I always sought the truth of my being

And now i am confronted with the strongest revelation yet. One that I dismissed so many times, not wanting to find out I was wrong and make an even bigger fuss than usual for nothing.

But now it feels so certain. So undeniable.

My physical self may be human, but my spirit is undeniably fox.

So I choose to believe in it. Even if it may come off as a delusion to some.

The truth is uncaring all the same. It simply is.

so yes, call me a girl

Call me a vixen even

---

tl;dr

Therian and Trans.

so i played PMC Promiscuity, great game btw, probably can't link it here but just go find it on steam its a VN

first VN i've ever played properly btw, and i only knew about it because of a certain GABRIEL ULTRAKILL and his appearance there, based af btw



Anyways

I now understand mommy kink far better than I ever thought I would and I can never go back

Ember my beloved, sorry Aio.

I made mine myself-

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11155655/

Hey the foxxo that is soft that I love to bits needs some monetary assistance

plus you get to see chubby dragon

like best deal ever!

blblbl Emberflame stuff

---

Rather than give the usual schpeal i'll just get to the point

Rather than continuing to be forever mercurial with Emberflame, I've made a list of sorts of her consistent traits from all the changes, added a couple simple ones, and bam done

It's also occurred to me that she really is pretty simple overall and trying to make her more complicated only makes my issues worse, so- yeah

Simple fox with surprisingly normal goals xd

Kitsune
6'3''
Tiara, scarf, blue shirt
Fire magic
Overall appearance
Nine tails
Family members
Empath
Contact-based magic
Hammerspace
Using fat stores as extra mana
Personality
Mage/ghost hands
Druid magic
Able to talk to animals
Shapeshifting

copy pasting from deescord server

Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:34 PM
she can speak with animals, some shapeshifting, a druidic pyromancer
Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:34 PM
she's got a big heart, a bigger gut, she doesn't really fight
Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:35 PM
she has some wanderlust
Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:36 PM
obviously voracious
Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:37 PM
i like to imagine she's like, surprisingly normal outside of her social ettiquette

she's not some grand hero or evil villain or anything

She's just herself
Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:39 PM
ohj right uh
her robes are formal wear, her shirt is casual
Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:42 PM
uhma
she wears her scarf under her neck fluff
best of both worlds
Emberflame Foxheart — Yesterday at 6:44 PM
oh right uh
i like to imagine of her quirks is the whole pretend queen thing

usually whatever her current fixation is

something something queen of [verb] [noun]

or just noun or just verb




blblbl

so yeah, gonna try to settle with this instead of constantly reinventing the wheel 'w'

lmao upload time

It has been so many years that I've lost count, but my identity both irl and online are finally whole again.

This changes basically nothing for most people, but for my mentality it is a much needed relief.

I am Ember, Ember is I. This ain't no persona shit.

It is simply me with yin and yang.

---

For those who need to know more.

I have embraced the fact I'm cringe and a self-insert.

While also finally ending a bunch of mental gymnastics about how Emberflame isn't me entirely.

She is the Yang to my Yin. We are two halves of the same coin.

I am whole again.

It seems that after 7 years or so of dormancy, Emberflame has re-manifested as a Tulpa in my brain

My friends insist this is objectively a good thing

But now i have her as a voice in my brain council oh lord

snrk

You remember that lore stuff I posted recently

no you don't

insert gif of Mr Krabs using a remote to suck the tv memories out

I am REINSTALLING THE LORE

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

mostly because while its fun to theorize all kinds of grand scale stuff

writing it fucking sucks and considering the way i'm taking my cast now i'll be making it more mundane while keeping some magic and such

Anything possibly mentioning previous lore that doesn't exist except this journal doesn't exist.

got it? ok awesome

i also heavily updated Ember's bio so that's there too

"Ember you change this shit all the time."

lookwritingishardman

Silly AI joke aside.

I did some soul searching lately with the help of and due to some friends.

I've worked on Emberflame more, culled some of the outlying stuff I only kept around because its either always been there or was just added because of a mood

I guess the best way to put it, as my friend Emu put it

"Emberflame is on ADHD meds now."

(not literally but the point is she's a lot calmer and more thoughtful as the most important point. It's a pretty major difference from the tons of energy impulsive fox.)_

that someone is being a sussy baka and using a all but the same design of a Ninetales like Emberflame

which is neat tbh xd

although i dunno how people mistake them for me considering they're wearing a crown on their ear and i wear a proper tiara and have different coloring lol

just makin' people aware, i haven't changed my fashion sense l3

So after reading a few porn comics my gf  Soft Foxxo recommended and doing some soul searching with her.

I kinda understand the appeal of lewds now, which is to say, I overthink everything lmao.

For those who share my painful amount of overthinking/not understanding.

It's emotions. Just letting go and not thinking. The mind is a plaything of the body. etc.

If anything, sex and kinks in general can bring about great self-discovery as things go on. Perhaps even finding out things about yourself you never knew before and never would've suspected.

But yes, anyways.

Turns out I might in fact be a wild card of sorts kink-wise. Since all I want is passion and affection. The means to it don't matter as much, moreso when I let go of previous stigmas and concerns considering its all fantasy.

Doesn't mean I'll do anything, but previously I only did things I personally enjoyed for the most part because if I don't feel anything, it will show.

But I was reminded that even just the other side having fun can be all that I need. If they mean something to me.

Which is to say, yeah I'm probably a slut at heart. xd Not a whore, there is a difference lmao.

And now finally I am letting all these thoughts come out to try and find my true self even more.

Doesn't mean anyone can just come up to me and ask. I'm a luxury. I'm also horribly picky at times.

I am like, the perfect cuddlefuck. Tons of soft, squish, and comfort.

I also kinda believe in what person said that I'm like, negative genderfluid. Which at its core means.

I don't care what gender I am, because my gender has essentially been distilled into Emberflame herself. I could be a girl and feel nothing. But being her, ahh~

My friends can ask me about what I'd with them, but they know who they are. I'm not interested in the slightest in randos.

Every sensation has to be meaningful. Bliss should be the only outcome.

I am Emberflame Foxheart.

And I'm the cuddliest fucker ever-