So... last night, I had a decent run making some deliveries.

Unfortunately, I found a freaking pothole, and it knocked out my front drivers-side tire, costing me $100 for Roadside Assistance because this happened at night, when I couldn't see what I needed to do.

And with bills approaching, I need to do what I hate most... ask for help.

If anyone would like to assist...
https://ko-fi.com/tank50us
Drop a few bucks there.

A new year, and I'm still clawing through life.

I had to fight an eviction in 2023, and despite winning that fight, I ended up losing my job a couple months into 2024. Searching for a new job took almost all year, but I finally landed with American Security.

Even better, I'm back to the art scene, as well as the writing scene. No doubt ya'll have noticed an uptick in uploads here, so, I want to clarify that yes, I am open for commissions.

I've even created a Trello to help keep track of everything. From concept to completion, I'll be using it to keep you guys informed on my progress. Even better, for those that have commissioned me in the past, and are still waiting... well... this is good news for you: If you let me know that I owe you something, and send me a note with the details, it will go in the que, and it will be done in that order. No more "I'll get to it later" from me. As long as I'm working, I'll be making progress.

I also have to brace myself for a new fight to come. Things with my apartment haven't been smooth. New ownership, and the delays in getting a job put me a month and change behind, and they're preparing for eviction. I'm confident that I can beat it again (or at least get assistance from the state), but it'll be a slog. Trying to get my job to get me more hours, and mix that with my art work could possibly pull it off.

This year I'll also be trying to work on my restoration projects, as well as looking forward to sharing my art progress with you all.

If you haven't seen my new advert, you can check it out here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59588554/

Anyway, Here's to another year.

Tank out.

So, 2024 is here, and things aren't going how I'd hope.... but that's largely because of how things went during the second half of 2023.

As some of you noticed, I wasn't very active for about half of last year. Except for a couple comments and favs here and there, I didn't do much. The reason why is... well... I'll go through the list...

First, I first nearly lost my car. That caused me to really focus my efforts on getting it back. This led to two more problems

Second is that I lost my DCS Squadron, the 145th PMC Group. Basically, the people I trusted to help run it used some smaller stuff that happened prior to it used my car getting repo'd to fully remove me from my leadership position. This resulted in my full departure from the unit.

The other thing that resulted from me getting my car back was me fighting to keep my apartment. This required me to spend every waking minute working. Either at my normal job, or delivering for UberEats. It cost me a lot of personal time, and my car a lot of miles, but I managed to keep my home.

While this was going on, I got dealt another blow... my main Discord got hacked. This cost me quite a bit in time to get back. So, I had to create a new one. If you want to join that Discord, just head to this link: https://discord.gg/YVn33aWSug

Now that my home life is somewhat stable again, I'm finally back to uploading images that I've made. Either for others, or myself.

I've also created a new DCS Group, called "The War in the North". Details for which will be in one of the new posts coming up.

So, I know I've been quiet all year, but there's been a few good reasons for that.

For starters, my job, which ended this past Thursday sadly, had me fairly busy, and my emotional and physical state hasn't left much left for art. As for why it ended... well... my boss and I had a difference of opinion about how dangerous road conditions were. They then terminated me for "Insubordination", even though in their own training they state that if the outside conditions are poor, guards can skip patrols.

Second, and most importantly, my DCS Squadron has been taking off.. almost literally. Our squadron has grown significantly, even after a purge of completely inactive members. The 145th is now set to begin it's second annual Operation Santa Savior, where our unit has been 'contracted' to protect a workshop near Krymsk. If anyone wants to join our unit, or just hang out with us, just use this link: https://discord.gg/9UeV7m4aTK

The final reason, is that I've been working more on my traditional artwork. I've posted a couple from my time when my job sent me to Florida, but I've been working on more ever since. And thanks to being let go, I've decided that I am going to open these up for commissions if anyone wants them. For the time being, I'm going to stick to Reptiles, Dinosaurs, and Dragons as these are the types of characters I'm most comfortable with. My normal TOS still applies, but if you'd like some artwork done, just head to this link: https://forms.gle/matSxB1YB115rwiQ6 to fill out the order form, and I'll get back to you with a quoted price (in USD) that will include shipping if necessary.

Hopefully things work out for the best in 2023, and I hope you all have a safe, and happy, new year.

First. Yes. I'm still alive.

Second, I'm nearly 36 years old... FFS when does it end!?

Now... For those wondering how I've been... well... I'll sum it up: Not great.

I was able to move into a new apartment, and truth be told.... it kinda sucks. It's a decent place, don't get me wrong... but it's a studio that's not in the greatest part of Minneapolis, and I'm paying way too much for what I'm getting it. This is a lease that will not be renewed.

The job is going ok, I'm still with the same company, Allied Universal, and it's been a bit of a ride there. From getting removed from a site for "Appearance Issues" (let's just say the manager had a particular.... preference for her guards, and I didn't quite fit), to nearly getting my skull caved in by a homeless guy who I caught in the employee restroom of my site. It's been one hell of a ride.

But probably one of the most important things that's happened.... is the restarting of a friendship. During the 2020 Election, I was trying to calm some people down in a group, and unfortunately, they didn't take things to well, and I was removed from the group. Naturally, I wasn't happy, and I lashed out... things were said, and paths split off. And things remained that way until last week when I discovered that this individual was going to be at Furry Migration this year. Now, prior to that, I had been a bit on the fence about going (since I didn't really agree with their COVID policy), and I was already leaning towards going in order to give Wooper a helping hand, and hang out with her for the weekend (get your minds out of the gutter you perves!).

When I discovered this bit of news, I decided to go. Unlike some people I've known. I can recognize when I was in the wrong, and I'm not about to just leave a scorch mark on the ground where a good friendship used to be. Now, some already know who I'm talking about, but in these journals, I'm not going to reveal anything. The reason is for the same reason I can't come back to their Discord or Patreon chats yet: Too many feel I don't belong, and given the current state of things... I can understand how my sudden reappearance would probably go about as well as a sudden fission reaction over Nagasaki. So for now, I'll just keep things where they are, and maybe, one day, things will return to the state they were once at... but that will require some more healing... for everyone.

Now... if you made it this far, and are wondering what to do for the big 3-6... well... I have a wishlist, but I certainly won't say no to gift cards. Right now... I'm just glad that I'm still around at this point. I just wish things were a bit better.

Anyway. Expect to see some images in the coming weeks. I've got some cool stuff to share with ya's.

Tank Out.

So... 2022 is here. And the world is still spinning while people are coughing. And so far... 2022 can go for a swim in a magma pit for all I care.

It started on December 23rd. A few days prior, I received a call from my landlord about a couple checks being deposited several weeks after I had given them the checks, and after several bills had been paid, which meant that the checks would not go through. They demanded that I pay them in full then and there or they'd file for eviction. After some negotiation, I thought the matter was resolved, until the 23rd when I received a "Notice to Vacate" from the companies lawyers. Furious, I called the landlord and demanded to know why he lied to me. He then told me to take all communication to the Lawyers, for he would not talk to me any further. I attempted to contact the Mosquitos with Briefcases, but got no response. So now I have to find a new place to live.

Unfortunately, this is only the start of the issue. Yes, I could've fought the decision, and likely won (who the heck tells someone to get out two days before Christmas?), but this company has already shown they can't be trusted with anything, so I've decided to move out. However the actual search for an apartment has not gone very smoothly. Most of the places I've looked at have either turned me down outright (some with no explanation I might add), or are so expensive up front as to make it impractical to even attempt it. There's some that are affordable, and will take me no matter what... but they're also in dahood, and I'm not interested in getting mugged or worse because my occupation (Security) makes me look like a cop at a glance.

To this end, while my search continues, I've created a GoFundMe to help gather the funds necessary to cover the costs of moving. The link for which can be found here: https://gofund.me/3aca1763

For those who want to help, but want something in return. Please let me know, and we can work something out.

As far as everything else is concerned at the moment, my job is going ok, but I had a "Mission Failed Successfully" moment earlier last week when the manager of my previous site decided she didn't want me on that site any more, and had me transferred out.... to a site that actually pays more. And future sites will also pay more according to the district manager. So there's that.

And if all that wasn't enough, despite being vaccinated and taking the precautions, I got a short bout with COVID. For me it was more of inconvenience than an actual threat, but it still cost me most of a weeks worth of wages.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing better. And for those that help with the GoFundMe, I will be eternally grateful.

Tank out.

Some of you who know my address, and follow the news of my area may know of recent events and are likely concerned, but I'm ok. For those that don't, here's what happened:

At 1900 US Central, while I was making dinner, I heard what I thought was someone hammering on one of those floor radiators. Athena didn't head for the hills, and I didn't hear anything else while I was making dinner, so I didn't think much of it... until the police showed up.

It turned out that 'banging', was likely a .38 or .22 being unloaded into one of the tenants of my building, and someone else. The Tenant was killed, and judging from what I saw of the crime scene (after the CSCs cleaned up the mess and the Coroner long removed the body), it looked like it was a rapidly running gun battle up the stairs, with the 'victor' putting two kill-shots into the deceased. The 'victor' was also hit, and transported to a local hospital, and by the sounds of things, may be in Police Custody.

I should state that none of what I say is 100% fact, just my speculation based on what I saw, heard, and read. Naturally the people who live here are shaken up, and I imagine some are considering moving out ASAP (as am I once the lease expires). The company that owns the building however has been very mute on the subject, as they were when my neighbor had his unit broken into last year, and this time they haven't even bothered to repair the damage. This was one of those things that my gut was screaming was going to happen... because the company that owns the building took zero precautions to prevent this from happening.

So... what now? Well, hopefully, I'll be able to move on from this, but I'm pretty shaken, but also kicking myself. If I had recognized the shots as such sooner, maybe the person who died might still be alive, or at the very least wouldn't have been alone when he died. But then again, it could've resulted in me getting shot as well if the perp had still been in the building at the time. As I said earlier, I am thinking of moving on to someplace better, or maybe getting my own place that I can own, rather than rent. This area's going to hell pretty quick, and sadly, with the way the current political landscape is, there doesn't seem to be much chance that it'll change... not when public officials are putting immutable characteristics ahead of public safety.

Yes, bad cops exist, but so do evil people. But if you make it impossible for the good cops to enforce the law, and then make it nearly impossible for the average person to use lethal force to protect themselves if necessary, then crime will get out of control. While what I just said sounds super conservative (and, frankly, it is), I do also believe that there is room for improvement across the board. For example, I do think that the the Prison system needs an overhaul, as does the rules regarding narcotics.

Think I should run for Congress?

I'm ok though.

Tank out.

Here we are, another trip around the big burning ball of hydrogen in the sky, my 35th to be exact.

This last year has been filled with a great amount of heart aches, rises, falls, and so on. But I'm still alive an kicking, and I'm hoping things start turning around for the better.

Drucara and Athena are doing ok, and I'm holding things together albeit barely in some case. The new job is going well, and I'm moving up through it, but I've had a few brushes that've made me feel a bit uncomfortable, and wondering if I should invest in personal body armor.

The last several months have also seen me just unable to bring myself to draw. I don't know why, and I've been trying to figure out why. So, as a result, I've decided that effective October 4th, unless something changes, I'm going to close commissions, so that I can focus on what I have at hand. I don't know if I'll reopen, or when, but for the moment, I just need to rediscover my love for the craft.

Those of you who want to do something for my Birthday, here's my Wish-list for Steam:
https://store.steampowered.com/wish.....us/#sort=order
and Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/.....?ref_=wl_share

If you wanna do something close to my heart, I'm doing a donation drive for the Mid Atlantic Air Museum, the site of the worlds (soon to be) only flying P-61 Black Widow:
https://www.facebook.com/donate/379.....6155414417443/

For anything else, just shoot me a DM.

Here's to another level, and hopefully many many more.

My apologies for my long absence from the journals, but, there's just been a lot going on lately, and I just haven't been the most artistic dragon around as a result. So, in no particular order, I'll list off what's going on.

The very first thing I want to talk about, is a recent passing of FlyingFire's aunt. I didn't know her, but I can tell by how FlyingFire talked about her that she was very close. I've been trying to help her cope, but, it's not an easy thing to do when the state we live in still requires people to meet up wearing HAZMAT gear thanks to COVID. We did however have a great time at a local casino, and I'm just glad that I was able to help, even by a small amount. If at all possible, I would really like you guys to go send her some well-wishes, she could really use the support.

Second thing I want to talk about is my recent hiring at G4S Security. I may only be keeping an eye on an office building at night, but it's a decent job, and has allowed me to continue writing. The job is fairly simple, but sadly, pretty stressful, as I have to deal with the general public, and so many people can't even figure out how to operate a flipping door... when we're giving verbal instructions.

Now onto some fun things.

As some of you know, I play Digital Combat Simulator World (DCS World), and have been enjoying it. So much so that I've created a group called the "145th Private Military Contractor Group", and what we do is run storied campaigns in DCS, and we tend to have quite a bit of fun doing so. Right now we have about 85 people in our Discord, and we're getting ready to start a new campaign sometime late this month, or early next as a new map should be coming available from the developers, as well as some new toys to play with which includes the Mi24P Hind. If you'd like to learn more, or join up, just leave a comment below, and I'll answer any questions you might have.

I've also been trying to get back into drawing and 3D work. Obviously the nature of my job means that I can't do anything at work, but I'm trying to do what I can while I'm at home and unwound, some of which you've all already seen, with some more things on the way.

Well, this is about as much as I want to get into at the moment publicly. So until then, I'll talk to you all later.

Tank out.

This... has not been that great a year. Sure, when certain things happened, things were great. It looked like I would be fine until this pandemic BS ended. Well, that was back in July, when I figured that over 500 grown adults would have been able to figure out how to fix the problems they created, but then... they didn't. They let things lapse until it screwed everyone over, and now, I'm one of those people that just lost all of their unemployment benefits until Congress figures something out.

But that's not the only thing I've lost this year.

Thanks in no small part to the extreme polarization of our political system, I've been ostracized from not one, but two groups because I don't toe 'certain' party lines and ideals. One of which had the person who ran the group, someone I considered a friend, actually tell me that their "Friendship was not for sale". Later on, someone else went "Good! You deserve this for who you voted for in 2016!"

This recent setback has completely destroyed my desire to draw. These days I feel like even art I do for myself goes completely unappreciated, and just no one cares any longer. And as a result, since the election, picking up my stylus to even attempt to draw something has been nigh-on impossible. I just don't have the will any more to draw anything. For myself, or for anyone. So, for those that are waiting on art... I'm sorry. I really am. I just don't have it in me any more. It's gone. I used to see my art as something at least decent, worthy of praise, and something to bring joy to peoples lives... now... it's a sad reminder of something that shatters my soul every time I think about it.

A friendship that lasted over a decade... ended in one night... over a difference in political opinion that wasn't dangerous or evil. Just a message of "keep calm". And that made enough people feel 'uncomfortable' to the point I was kicked out, and told to leave everything else. The works I've done for this person? They're all gone. They no longer exist in my galleries. And this is why I feel the way I do about my art now: If this person who said they appreciated my art to that point was so willing to reject everything about me over something revolving around the current political landscape... why should I continue? Why should I continue to make art when it's now clear that it just won't be appreciated?

The number of times I've done something for someone, posted, and showed them and only got a "cool" or "thanks" comment from them in private or public... it really came into the light of just how much it's been done, and also how many times I'd do a piece for someone, only to hear nothing from that person ever again after the piece was posted. Not a word.

I don't know when, or if, I'll be able to draw anything again at this point. So many people have just... have just hurt me in the last few months that I just can't bare the idea of risking more pain. I'm sorry to everyone I owe art to. I really am. I don't know what to do at this time, but maybe it'll come back... I don't know. And this couldn't have come at a worse time either.

As I said at the start, the dolts in DC are still bickering over the next stimulus, and have been doing so since July. I won't go into all the details of that, but thanks to their inaction, I'm wondering whether I'll have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, or even internet to communicate with. And with me not in the greatest mood to even attempt to draw anything, I don't feel comfortable asking for help, because that will just result in more people waiting for me to find the will to draw again... and I can't do that to anyone else. So yeah, again, I'm sorry.

I just hope you all can forgive me.

As some of you know, I've been dealing with a hellish art block that's made it very difficult to draw anything lately. I do think it might be because of COVID (no, I don't have it), as well as the circus show that is our upcoming Presidential Election. For those wondering, no, I'm not going to make my support public, I'll explain why, but... geeze... some things have gotten out of hand and it's downright depressing as hell.

For starters, I don't care who you are, who you support, or what other people support: Executing someone in the fucking streets because they might have a different political opinion to yours is not ok. The only thing that does put more people out there with CCPs, and itchy trigger fingers because they have a legit reason to fear for their lives.

"But he was a..." no. Stop it. It's not right, and pursuing such a thing will lead this country into a Civil War that will make Syria look like a Playground squable. No one should ever have to feel like their personal or public opinion is deserving of a bullet to the back of the head. No one. Period. And it's things like this that have me depressed. Hell, I am actually losing sleep at the moment wondering if I'm going to get ambushed walking to my polling place on Election Day, and have my life threatoned because of what someone might think, with no basis on reality or fact. And it's things like this that are slaughtering my desire to draw anything.

One thing that has actually gotten some of that back however, is Warhammer 40k. Some of you may be aware of this, but I am getting back into the hobby, and am currently working to build an Imperial Guard army (and no, I'm not calling it "Astro Militarum", becuase A: I'm old-school, and B: the new name just sounds stupid. I will be streaming the building and painting of these minis every Wed. on my Twitch Channel at 1800hrs US Central Time in a new segment I'm calling "Warhammer Wednesday". How long these streams go will be dependant on my eyes, but they will go for a couple hours at least.

I'll also be doing other streams as well. The schedule is as follows (All times are US Central, and in 24hr format) effective November 1st:

Every Monday at 1800hrs: Commission Art that's SFW (If I have none, these streams will not happen)
Every Tuesday and Friday from 1300-1500hrs I'll be streaming my adventures with TFA
Every Wednesday at 1800hrs: Warhammer 40k Minis
Every Thursday at 1800hrs: Commission Art that's SFW
Every Saturday at 1800hrs: A random game stream

Special Streams will be announced ahead of time, these may be for charity, nostalgia, or gift streams, but the details will be announced well in advance. If you want to follow my Twitch Channel, just follow this link: https://www.twitch.tv/tank50us and click that follow button, and you'll be given an alert any time I go live. You can even drop tips to me through the respective panels, and this will ultimately help me in the long run.

As for what's going on... well... my unemployment may be coming to an end soon, and thanks to the dunderheads in DC, there's no telling if they'll even get things fixed this century, let alone in the next couple weeks. Hopefully, I'll get an extension through to the end of the year, but we'll see. I almost had a job, but some contract shenanigans killed that job dead before I could even get a start date. I was even hired and immediately lost the job as a result.

Hopefully, this COVID business will end soon, and I'll be able to go back to working regular full-time gigs, but, time will tell.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing ok in these trying times. Stay safe out there.

Tank out.

Posted using PostyBirb

Another year, another level of life reached. It just doesn't stop does it?

I will admit, that this particular year hasn't had me feeling that great, and the reasons are simple: COVID evaporated my job prospects at a time when I needed work, and with BLM and AntiFa literally destroying the very city I live in, along with several others... it's hard to feel good about.... well.... anything really.

I have to admit, this depressive state has put me at a point where my desire to draw anything is at absolute zero. I see something that gives me some inspiration, I fire up Sai to draw it.... and it's gone that fast. I don't know if it's just the depressing thoughts of my homeland, which I swore to protect twice, is tearing itself apart because no one wants to work as a team in DC, or if it's because with COVID still running rampant, the chances of me getting a job soon are still very low. But it's not all doom and gloom....

As many of you know, I got a Bearded Dragon recently. He's doing quite well, and is currently about 14in long tip to tip. Athena's jealous of him, but has been getting a bit better about that to the point she no longer cares when I go to pet Drucara, after all, she's been getting more walks lately. So... win?

There are two bits of things to note however, and long-time followers may remember these things from way back. For one, I'm getting back into Airsoft, and two, I'm getting back into Warhammer 40,000.

On the Airsoft front, I've acquired two Airsoft rifles and a Gas Blow-back pistol, a full kit of tactical gear, and plenty of magazines, ammo, and even camping gear for prolonged events. I'm not sure how I'll get pictures of these events, but if you guys want to see them, comment below, and I'll figure something out.

On the 40K front, I'm finally getting back into it after decades of being on hiatus. I'll be overhauling my Dark Angels Space Marine army to be in line with the current codex, and I'll be building a tough Imperial Guard Army that's mostly mechanized. If you guys would like, I might even livestream the building and painting of these minis. I've also got a backlog of models to build, and I may stream that as well.

Due to the lack of work on commissions, I'll be keeping my commissions closed through to the end of October unless I get on a roll and knock them out.

Anyway, as usual, if you guys want a list of what I'd like, leave a comment or shoot me a note.

Hopefully things turn around for us all soon. Be safe out there guys.

Tank out.

Five years ago yesterday, I completed a trip that would change my life for the better, forever. And it's hard to believe it's already been five years.

Prior to that, I was just a lowly horse slave, no hope for the future, and constantly being put down or blamed for things outside my control. Now? Well, things have improved greatly. I have my own place, I have friends, a pseudo social life, and much, much more than i could've bargained for just over 5yrs ago.

With that comes a pre-announcement. I recently had my unemployment handled, and I am now on full unemployment benefits. I won't go into details on how much I'm getting, since I know there's people who are gonna start holding their hands out asking for money. But I will say this, once what I'm back-owed comes in, I will be closing commissions for at least a couple of months while I finish out existing commissions. I won't be doing it as a hard stop though. I'll offer a grace period so that if someone does want something from me, they have the chance, but after that date, no more commissions will be taken from the general public. I may still remain open to Patrons, but I haven't figured that out yet, so, we'll see what happens. If you've got ideas, please feel free to share in the comments.

Other than that, I hope everyone is having a decent day.

Tank out.

Something I've been wanting to talk about, but usually don't, is the internal issues I struggle with the most, and some information about me I think people need to know, and I think this is probably a good a time as any to get it out there.

This is going to be a long journal, there's a lot to cover, and it's going to take a bit for me to get it all out, but I will try to break it up as best I can. Ready? Got a cup of tea ready? Here we go...

My past

I was born in California, on Travis Air Force Base to be exact. My father was a sono-tech in the Navy, and my mother was a ICmen, and the two met while they were in tech school. They eventually got married, and I was the solo result. Their marriage wasn't to last, and my mom left when I was just 2yrs old (nearly 3). Shortly after that, my father left the Navy, moved back to Pennsylvania, and was left to raise me by himself for a while, as well as my grandparents.

School was hell. Pure and simple. Nearly every day resulted in me getting harassed, which got worse and worse as time went on. Things at home weren't much better, as my dad re-married, and my step-mother saw me as a threat to her kids, even though they were still related to me through my father, and the two would make seven siblings. It eventually got to the point where I couldn't even stay in the house any more, as my step-mother wanted me out any time I wasn't in school.

Eventually, my mother came back into the picture, and after some correspondence, it was decided that I would move to Arkansas to live there. The reasons were simple. The harassment and at school, and abuse at home were getting worse and worse, and there was no end in sight.

The Army

While my time with the military was short (just two and a half years), it was quite fun. The original plan was to enter the army reserves, go to basic, return to finish my senior year of high school, head back for MOS training. That plan went up the second I arrived in Arkansas, as the Reserves wanted to ship me, but the school I was in, didn't want to let me finish if I did so. This should've been a red flag, as my mom then pushed me to want to become more interested in things she was, like she wanted me to live her life dreams, and not my own.

Before I finally shipped off for Basic, she met my step-father, and the plans to marry were well in place, and I was already living in a place where I didn't want to be, and I needed to get moving to Basic. Once there, things were kinda fun, minus the yelling, but unfortunately, my time with the Army was not to be, and I was eventually discharged under chapter 5-17 "Failure to Adapt". At the time, I thought I could return, but it turns out that that's an impossibility.

This is the point where many of you start to know me.

Arkansas

If there was a state in the union that could be described as living in another time period, it's Arkansas. It's biggest export used to be Bauxite, but now it's Rice, and as such, it's often seen as a farming state by many tech companies, and no one wants to touch it with a stick. This made things all the more interesting with my choosing to go to ITT Tech under the assumption I'd learn to create video games. This turned out to be a massive lie that I'm now well in debt for.

After graduating ITT Tech, I decided to try my luck of job seeking in PA, which didn't work out, and I was eventually tricked into returning to AR after a few months. My step-grandmother was the real piece of work here. She constantly thought I had anger issues, when she was the one pushing the buttons, and when it came to my art, she was heavily paranoid of anyone who commissioned me, wondering what they were going to do with the art I did, and thought that everyone I talked to was somehow a member of the Taliban or something.

My step father hated computers, and it took a long time for him to accept my art as a legitimate business, and even then he saw it more second fiddle to anything he wanted me to do. His brother on the other hand was such a useless sack of shit, that even the Army couldn't break him of it. Nothing would ever get that 'man' to do anything, except busting out the cigs. Beyond that, good luck.

After almost a decade, on July 15th, 2015, I left Arkansas for Minnesota, and vowed to never return to that state.

Love life

I've had very little luck on this front. I've had three girlfriends that lasted longer than a week, and the way things went with each ending largely unexpectedly.

My first was while I was in Middle School, and things were pretty good with her, but you wouldn't have known it had you been a bug on the wall. She decided to date me after her Boyfriend at the time turned out to be a scumbag, and decided to leave her. However, our relationship was not to last, as at the time I was very much on the idea of "Marriage First" when it came to sex, and she decided to leave me for someone who would have sex with her.

My second was an odd ball. Her parents loved me, and were very hopeful. Her dad especially was impressed with how I acted towards his daughter, as well as my ambitions at the time to enlist in the Army. We went to my prom, my JROTC Ball, and her JROTC ball. And we were a little more physical, but still never did anything. However, as this was also the first Mothers Day where my mom was in the picture, it slipped my mind to do anything for my mom that day, and as a result, this girl decided to leave me, citing that. However after her father passed away from cancer, she turned into a full-blown Marxist, so maybe I dodged a bullet? I don't know.

My third and final was a long-distance relationship, so there isn't much to say about it. The reason it ended was ultimately because the lack of communication made us drift apart, and I decided that it probably wasn't going to work. I don't know what's happened to her since though. We've talked a few times since that, but the last time we talked she was calling me a liar when I asked if FlyingFire had made contact with her since they were going to the same convention, and I asked why she actively avoided her.

Since then, I've been largely single, with a few people that I've been interested in, but unfortunately, nothing has materialized from those instances, much to my own disappointment. I know I have some issues, namely that I'm quick to attach, even in cases when I realistically shouldn't. I also tend to lean on the pervy side quite often, and I've been trying to curb it, but it's not exactly an easy thing to do.

Single Life

I guess that last one segways nicely here. Put simply, I'm the kind of person that doesn't particularly like being single that much. I don't really know where this comes from, but to me, being single has always left me feeling unaccomplished. Even when I have a great success at something, it always feels as if that one little thing is missing from that success, and part of me thinks that it's the feeling of sharing that success with someone special.

Many people I've talked to over the years keep trying to tell me that "being single isn't a bad thing" and that I "should enjoy single life to the fullest". But the thing is... that's not who I am. I'm not the partying type, I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, and I find it hard to get into certain, already established social groups. It's not made any easier by my own social awkwardness that few people ever seem to want to look past. Some of which is due to having nearly lived in a virtual prison for the better part of a decade (Arkansas), the rest is due to a possibly un-diagnosed case of Asperger's Syndrome (a high-functioning form of Autism).

Those two things combined obviously don't excuse my social awkwardness, and I've been trying to fix it. However I've found that the only real way to fix it is through experience, and when few people want you around, that experience becomes hard to come by. Many are quick to judge me on those two things alone, and immediately ask that I not be around them. Bonus points when my "Centrist Right" political views come out, and then anyone with more left-leaning ideologies seem to want nothing to do with me, and yes, I have lost friendships because I dared say what my thoughts on a particular subject were. I've even had people come after me in PM over those subjects, and have been run out of Discord groups for daring to speak against the 'accepted' narrative.

All of these things, and likely many more that I can't think of, all impact my social life, and with it, my love life. People have told me "Just stop looking, and you'll find someone!", but truth be told, that's like telling water not to be wet, or Trump to not send a tweet. My brain just doesn't work that way. Heck, my criteria isn't even that bad, it's actually quite simple even. I just want a woman who's over 21, has a healthy mind and body, was born female, is open to the idea of having children, and at the very least, can appreciate the arts, or is an artist. I don't care for race, religion (although Judaeo-Christian leaning is certainly preferable), or any of that, I just want someone I can be happy with. And yet, I can never seem to find someone willing to take a chance. And every year that goes by without that changing, just makes me think more and more that it won't ever happen.

Job Life

This is a semi-touchy subject as anyone who knows me well enough is aware of. I want to work, I really do. But employers seem to have this aversion to actually hiring me for the jobs I actually qualify for, even when I have the experience necessary for the job itself. I can't explain why this is the case, I've certainly been trying to figure out why I get turned down for a job that's "Urgently Hiring", while other people seem to have no problem getting the job.

I know that there is one area where I have issues, and that's with the interview process. When it comes to scripted questions, like "Where do you see yourself in five years?" or things like that, I'm lost. But when it comes to an interview where the person I'm talking to treats it like a casual conversation, I tend to do much better. But oh so often, I fail to get the job.

Yes, I dress professionally. Yes, I'm properly showered and shaved. Yes I show up at the appropriate time and place. And yet, I'm passed over so many times for jobs I should be a shoo-in for, it's not even funny.

One thing I do know, is that part of this is due to various laws that are in place. If a minority is applying for the same position I am, and the company in question doesn't have 'enough' of them on the payroll, they have to hire them before me all other things being equal. NOTE. This is NOT a racist comment. This is a simple acknowledgement of the laws in place, and how they directly impact me.

I won't go into too many more details, as you guys have been around when jobs went south on me, but needless to say, I wish there were things I could do better to help me keep the jobs I do manage to get.

The Arts

This is where most of you know me. It's my artistic style, and subject matters that drew most of you guys in, and what kept you guys hanging around, even through the tough times. Right now, with everything being the way it is, my art's been pretty slow going, and I'm really sorry about that. But maybe soon, with my unemployment finally coming in, I can catch up on what I owe.

My style has certainly improved over the last 12 years though. I've gone from being very sketchy and crude, to images that are far more refined, as well as some more dynamic poses. I've worked with some great people, like FlyingFire, @Rikkoshaye, @andraconix, and so many others it's impossible to name everyone, and to all of you, I just say:
Thank you for the support over the years!


Now what?

Well, these days, I'm not really that sure. I want to have a decent job, one that covers all my bills and expenses, and allows me to live a decent life where I don't have to worry about much of anything. I want a social life where I am welcome by everyone present, and people want to do things with me. But just as importantly, I want to have a family of my own. I want to find that special woman who wants some of the same things I do.

These are all things I want, and I want them above all else. Am I asking too much? Am I trying to hard? I'm open to ideas.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. I really appreciate it. And again, please leave feedback below.

Tank out.

So, for starters, I am safe from all the riots and protests going on here in the Twin Cities area, although the whole mess has meant getting a job is a royal pain in the neck as our bus services are shut down until people cool down. That said, some have asked what my goal's are with the last journal, which I admit, I didn't make very clear.

The key goal is to buy time. If the rent is paid, the landlord cannot evict me. If the electric bill is paid, than the power company can't shut off the power, and so on. If I can buy enough time to get *a* job, than I think I'll be ok, especially if the outstanding balances are reduced to zero when I start a new job as that means I can use the time to scratch the money together to pay my bills going forward.

In the meantime, my work on commissions is progressing at a better rate than before, you may not see it, but several projects are being worked on right now, and will be uploaded sometime this week if all goes well. I know I don't stream my work all that much, but thanks to the efforts of @FlyingFire, I've been keeping on my work.

On the non-commission side of things, I am going to be doing something you guys might like this coming Friday. Some of you know me from way way back in the days before I was a fur, back in a time when I was a Command and Conquer player. Well, on Friday, the C&C Remastered Edition will be dropping onto my steam account, and I intend to stream it. I'll be doing the GDI Campaign, start to finish, and I really look forward to seeing ya'll there as I take a trip down memory lane in a much welcomed remastered game that is probably the biggest reason for my online presence, and even my own screen-name. I'll probably start around 5pm US Central time, and I'll be streaming it on Twitch.

Hopefully, things start to improve soon, and I'm able to get back on my feet to a point where I don't have to go through this again.

Also, for those that have helped me so far, and those wanting to help, THANK YOU. You've helped a lot, and I really wouldn't be on this path without you guys.

If you are on the fence, and want to help, the links below will help you out.

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Tank50us
Commission Store: https://dragon-digital-designs.square.site/
Tip Jar: https://dragon-digital-designs.squa.....ion/10?cs=true

Special items up for grabs:
YCH: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36466233/
Adoptables: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36466961/

I just got told by my landlord that I have 30 days to find the nearly $2,000 I owe them for rent in order to get current, or I'm to pack my bags and move out. And that's if I want to avoid having an eviction on my record. If I can't come up with that, they will file an eviction, and once the ban on evictions is lifeted, I'll be forced to leave. Obviously, this is something that I cannot have happen, and I'll explain why:

Shelters: I have too much to my name to stay in a shelter. On top of that, I also have Athena, and no shelter will allow me to keep a pet. On top of that, shelters have a limit on how many people can be in them, and if I don't get in line... well... I'm screwed.

Family: I can NOT go back to Arkansas. As much as my mother would love to have me back, I can not go back there. I was fortunate enough to get out of there in 2015, and losing this fight will erase all the work I've done here in Minnesota to be inedpendent. If I have to go back there, I'll be stuck in a flea, tick, and bedbug infested house with no job prospects, and limited, if any, means of getting around. Up here, I have mass transit, and if my folks will get off their asses, I'd have a vehicle as well. But if I go back, they'll have zero incentive to get it fixed, or help me look for meaningful work... not when they can have their free horse-slave back.

As for my dad... yeah chances are he won't help, not when the last time I talkd to him about it had him pointing out the other kids he has eating him out of house and home, and even if I could move back to PA, I may not be able to take Athena with me. In short, I cannot leave MN. My best chance of getting back on my feet, is here. My best chance of survival, is here. My best chance of anything, is right the heck here.

Friends: The few people I know here in MN aren't exactly in the best of positions to help, and those that are, don't want to, believing me to be some sort of creeper or something, and when I ask, I either get no reply at all or get something that me and FlyingFire just end up looking at eachother with complete confusion wondering if the person is actually serious.

I know it's a lot to ask of people, but I'm in serious need of the money to get this balance reduced to zero. I HATE having to beg for money, but at this point there isn't much of a choice. I need help or I'm sunk.

Am I asking for free money? No. I am willing to work for the money, and I will be working on your pieces as quickly as possible I have a new YCH, and a series of new adopts that you can get right now. I have a stock of 3D Printed Medallions that I can ship right away that are $25 each.

But that said... I hate asking for this sorta thing. I really do. But I don't know what else to do.

Posted using PostyBirb

So, for those that don't know, I am a part of Temrin s new online Convention called "Cozy Con". I am a vendor in this convention, and will be selling both my normal art, and my 3D Skills as well. Oh, and I'll be streaming from the CozyCon Discord throughout the convention, so please come in and join! I look forward to seeing you all there!

CozyCon: https://discord.gg/XgwnqBg

This past week has been.... let's just say... very strained. And I do mean very. It started on Saturday when I got news that MNs COVID-19s Stay-at-Home order, which was supposed to expire on Sunday, had been extended until May 4th. I had an interview scheduled with Pinnacle Logistics on Monday, but the Stay-at-Home order affects the bus service, and given my chronic cough that I've had for the better part of a decade, that effectively means that the Metro Transit System had the right to kick me off their buses if I so much as sniffled at the wrong moment. And with the MTS working with reduced capacity, one driver forcing me off may mean missing the interview entirely. As a result, I had to reschedule the interview until after the SAH order is lifted (if it ever gets lifted). That's my Sunday and Monday.

Tuesday saw yet another failure to get through the unemployment system, with numerous attempts at calling them, and logging into their site resulting in abysmal failure (I swear, FA has a better server then the MN Unemployment office). This will come in later.

Wednesday saw me getting the "Trump Check" as some people have called it, and while many have celebrated getting these checks, I partly dreaded it, not because "Hey! $1200!", but because I knew that I'd only have the money for a day before it all went into the account of the company who owns my building. There's also the small bit that I still need to find next months rent in 11 days, or face the penalties again (which is why that check poofed so quickly).

Thursday saw another attempt to get onto Unemployment, but this time I finally got through to the unemployment office phone... and sat on hold for two hours until someone was able to pick up. I then found out that the error is something on their end, and they'll be working on it, but with no timeline on how long that will take. But this isn't the worst news coming out of Thursday....

I called my mother to tell her what was going on, and told her that I need the Land Rover they've been fixing for me up here within two weeks or I'm going to be in deep trouble, towit she replied that it was impossible, and treated my situation as if it wasn't her problem at all. After some thinking, I messaged her back and told her that they have two weeks to get the car up here, or I'm going to sever ties. I'll explain more on this decision later, but first... the rest of the week...

Friday and Saturday were both dull for the most part, and saw that much of the things I wanted to do didn't pan out as intended, culminating in me flipping out at my guys over the stress. To you guys out there who I've flipped out at, I'm deeply sorry, and have no ill will towards you.

Now for the familial situation: You've all known me a long time, and I've been been battling my family ties for most of that. My father and mother split when I was two, and my father decided to toss me under the bus when I moved to Arkansas, and since leaving Arkansas in 2015, my mother's been trying to get me to come back. And back in 2018 she got me a Land Rover with the stated intent to get it fixed up, and brought up to MN. This has had me being a bit of a hold out for the vehicle as I lack the funds needed to get one myself, and my jobs haven't been able to pay me enough to get one on my own.

The problems started soon after when they couldn't the title, and they refused to work on it until they got the title specifically to avoid the risk of the previous owners from claiming it stolen or something. But after 6 months, they still never got it, and only then did they start thinking of contacting the AR DMV to get that taken care of. And almost a year after they bought the car, they finally got the title through the DMV, and only a couple weeks ago got it running. So after all of this, and having been down this road once before, I gave my mother the ultimatum: Get the car up here in two weeks, or I'm going to sever ties with them. Naturally I've been getting excuses as to why they can't work on it, ranging from weather to time, but at this point, I'm at the end of my rope with this. I've lost too many job opportunities to not having a car, I have no social life because I don't have it, and getting yet another "Well if you come here you can find work" from my mother broke the camels back, and I've had enough.

So, yeah. Harsh? potentially huge and irreparable mistake? Well, when you've heard this speech before, not once, not twice but three stinking times? Yeah, I'm not falling for it again. And if this is what it takes to make them understand that I will not be returning to that state, I will take that risk. I've talked it over with a few people, and they begrudgingly agree that it may be the right course of action, especially given that everyone else seems to operate on the idea that they would not have allowed it to continue this long.

Oh, and if that wasn't enough, I've been battling the art block from hell, and I'm gonna lose my phone in 24hrs, and soon after that internet and electricity, and soon after that, my home.

I don't know what more I can do folks. I really don't. If anyone has ideas, comment below.

Before anyone starts freaking out... no... I'm not infected with COVID-19.... although I'm annoyed as hell by the stupidity of people when it comes to this disease. I'll get into it a bit more later, but for now, just know that I'm not infected.

For starters... art... Yeah... this firing has really slammed me hard. Harder than all the previous job losses. I can't fully explain why, especially given the bullshit nature of it, but the art drive I enjoyed prior to getting fired just... evaporated. People keep telling me to 'just draw something!' like it's easy to break an art block... but seriously... it isn't. It's like "I know I have to draw, I know I have to get things done... But beating me over the head with it isn't gonna make me magically have the desire to draw appear again." I'm trying to work guys, I know it doesn't look like I am, but I am trying.

This comes to the next item on the docket. Job hunting.

I've been applying to places like crazy lately, trying to find work where I can. Unfortunately, thanks to this latest Chinese Import, the various Airport gigs I could do have all suspended their hiring for the next 30 days, which greatly limits my options. And since I can't collect unemployment, I'm in really deep trouble if I can't find something fast. The main issue I run into is that there are many jobs that don't pay enough per hour, or if they do, they don't give the hours I need. Right now, I need a job that pays a *minimum* of $14.00 per hour at 40 hours to keep my place, cover the bills, and afford groceries. And again, with no unemployment, there's no help coming from the state on this. I can't emphasize this enough. I NEED HELP. Spreading the word only partly helps the situation, and doesn't do a damn thing for my bills if no one sends money to pay the bills with. To repeat: I CAN NOT pay the bills with exposure. I need financial assistance, or I may have to return to a flea, tick, and bed bug infested room in Malvern Arkansas which will effectively erase the last five years of progress I've made. If you want to help me, use the links I'll be providing below. I have Patreon, a Square Tip Jar, and of course an open commission store. If you want to help me out, donating even a dollar goes a long way to helping me out in the long run. I have 17 days to find $980 or at least get close enough that the company can't evict me. Now for my two cents on COVID-19...

First off... For the love of all the gods people STOP. FUCKING. PANICKING. If you seriously need 120 rolls of freaking toilet paper to get through a 14-28 day suspension of normal services then you should've seen a doctor before the virus hit. You aren't helping anyone by just panic buying and hoarding things you don't need. Just be freaking rational, the disease isn't going to last more than the time it takes to go through two rolls, let alone twenty or more.

Second. Those of you who are legit scared for legit reasons (compromised immune systems for example), if you want to know what to do, go to the CDC or WHO websites. Don't go anywhere near the 'alternative' sites to look for those "Secret cures the government keeps secret", look into the steps for prevention. Which starts, and ends, with wash your dang hands. If for whatever reason you need to go to a hospital, just call ahead. Let them know you're coming, and that you believe you are infected. They will then give you instructions on what to do, where to go, and so on. Seriously, people... Doctors spend years of their lives studying to earn those PhDs, they know what they're talking about.

Now for those links I promised:
If you want to support me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Tank50us
If you want to give me a one-time donation: https://dragon-digital-designs.squa.....ion/10?cs=true
If you want to commission me: https://dragon-digital-designs.square.site/

Seriously. I need the help to get through the next month, or until I get hired. As much help as can be given will be appreciated. Adopts will be coming in short order, as will more YCHs.

Spread the word, but remember that sending some money will help.

Tank out.

Here's a new one for everyone.... Fired for doing your job correctly.

How exactly?

Simple, IDS for some reason requires that I use two hands to do tactile searches on CRJ-200s, instead just one. Some leads don't care if you use one hand, two, or eight, but others are so by the book they probably have the Kamasutra at hand when having sex with their wives. And I got stuck with one.

Now, most people would probably get off with a warning, or a one day suspension at worst. However, because of factors outside of my control (city buses being shut down, and calling in sick a couple times, or the buses running late), I accrued so many 'write ups', that they showed me the door faster than anyone could call out the stupidity.

Obviously, this means I'm now unemployed... and since I still owe the state $791, I can't collect unemployment until *THAT* is paid off... but without a job, that's not happening.

I don't know what to do now. I have things to sell, but no one wants to buy them. I have the skills to make things, and no one wants to commission me. I have some prospects for a new job, but it could take a couple weeks at best for me to get a new job.

Anyone got ideas?

Tank out.

PS: Special thanks to  Wooper for keeping me calm on my way home. I was in a very bad place when they took my badge from me, and didn't know what I was going to do, and she got my mind off of it just long enough for me to get home safe.

Well, as some of you already know, I'm still having to pay the state back for the 'over payment' on my unemployment, and my first payment isn't due until Feb 20th. A $791 debt to the state will not be easy to get rid of, but at least it's not something like several thousand dollars and a jail sentence, so there's that.

Sadly, another bad thing has come up... my Samsung Tab A Tablet that I bring with me to work for when things are dull, died a couple days ago. Somehow it ended up under the seat of the Deice truck I drive in such a way that it nearly got crushed in half. It's smashed, it's never going to be more than a paperweight, and to make matters worse, Sprint is basically going "Too bad so sad, you don't have insurance on the thing, ergo, you need to pay the thing off and pay us full price up front if you want a new one". Yeah, I'm not forking over another $500 to them just to have a tablet. Instead when I get some free change, I'll get one just as capable on Amazon and drop the old simcard into into it until the old tablet is paid off. After that, I'm not sure. My reasoning is simple: I can buy a new tablet from Amazon that's the same size and specs, for than 200 bucks, plus a three year warranty for another 40. Sure, I still have to pay off the other tablet, but six months of $19 payments is easier to swallow than one lump-sum of $110.50(ish).

On a side note, my World of Warships clan has started to evolve into a Furry Gaming Group of sorts. We're into military style games, like World of Warships, War Thunder, and now, Armed Assault (ArmA) 3. We're currently running (well, trying to anyway) a persistent campaign that takes place on some fictional islands between the Korean Peninsula and the Japanese Home Isles, where the KPA have managed to quietly invad the islands, completely take them over, and are now in a position to threaten Japan and South Korea. We, The StrayDogs PMC Group, have been tasked with assisting the Coalition Forces of the US, ROK, and JSDF, in liberating the islands. Right now, we're dealing with some early issues for a campaign and a new group, but otherwise, we're doing alright.

If you're interested in joining us, here's some quick info:
We use Discord for our communications: https://discord.gg/6ZkC6Gr
We use a series of mods that allow us to run the operation as it currently is. These mods can be found here: https://steamcommunity.com/id/Tank50us/myworkshopfiles/?section=collections&appid=107410
You do NOT need all of the expansions to play with us. The mods handle most this for you, so, at worst, you're only really out the $30 for the base game. We know this because at least two of our members only have the base game, so our campaign is planned around that.
Finally, You do not have to play every operation that we run. Obviously we encourage everyone to join the ones that they can, but we do understand that people have lives outside of a video game.
The campaign we are running currently is not the only one we will run. In the future, other campaigns, taking place in different regions and time periods will be run. But for now, this is the only one we have running at the moment.

What is ArmA you ask?

ArmA is a military simulator developed by Bohemia Interactive. It simulates most aspects of a modern military engagement, including bullet physics, ranges, weather, malfunctions, the works. It's designed around those people who want something more realistic than Call of Duty, without actually having to enlist in the armed forces of their homeland. The game can simulate epic-scale battles with thousands of troops on either side, or small-unit raids to blow something up with the only evidence of your existance being the crater you left behind. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in, ArmA 3 is available on steam, and does go on sale every now and then as well, so it's worth checking out.

Hopefully things are going well for everyone else, and that this years bad start isn't an indication of things to come. But we'll see.

Tank out.

So, while I won't be commenting on the things going on in the MidEast... I will be talking about things going on in my own life...

So, lately, I've been dealing with some pretty depressing things this year, we're only a few days in. For starters, my DeIcing job is a bit hit and miss on how the days actually go. On the days I've been sitting, I've been in a truck, which doesn't have a way to charge my laptop (just my phone), and that makes doing any art during the downtime a bit difficult. And coming home from those days when we're really rockin', doesn't leave much energy to draw when I get home.

This comes into play for the big issue I'm having. At the beginning of the job, I was still collecting unemployment since I was still in the training days where I wasn't getting much of a paycheck, and still needed the money from UeI to get to and from work and to eat off of until regular paychecks could come into play. However, the state decided that I was overpaid, and decided to force me to repay it, plus a penalty that comes out to a total $791.

Naturally, I appealed, and attempted to plead my case as to why I was still collecting, and why I wasn't really overpaid. However, the judge, and state didn't seem to care about any of my reasons, and have stuck to their guns on me repaying. While I can repay it over time, if there's so much as a penny left the next time I'm unemployed (which will happen by April), I will not get unemployment until it's fully repaid. I hate constantly reporting nothing but negativity here, but it really gets annoying that everything I do seems to be for nothing. I don't even know if I should ask for much help on this one simply because I know many people will roll their eyes... so... yeah...

If you want to help, just pop over to my store https://dragon-digital-designs.square.site/ and pick an option. You can also support my on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Tank50us for as little as a dollar per month. I don't expect anyone to pay my fine, but it would be nice if some of the pressure could be taken off of my shoulders.

Someone start praying for me... I could use all the help I could get :/

As some of you know, I've been going through some tough times. The job at WFS is over as of the other day, and frankly, I'm glad to be rid of it. 13hrs of each day were basically sunk into a job that could randomly send me home early with little warning, and which I was only really getting paid for 8hrs at most of it. I was promised 40hr weeks, but never saw more than about 32, which meant my finances were incredibly tight, requiring me to continue taking commissions in order to make the bills.

Unfortunately, this job also had another effect: it sucked the soul out of me. I've worked over-night positions in the past, and never felt the way I did at this job, and that sadly led to me not having much of a desire for really anything. Gaming, Art, even cleaning my own apartment.... I just had no will. I hated that job, and I really would not recommend it to anyone unless they were absolutely desperate. I've barely been able draw anything in the last month and a half, and I really apologize to anyone that's commissioned me in that time and hasn't seen anything. I will be working on your art as soon as I can find that drive again, but right now, the blows just haven't stopped.

Over the last couple of weeks, I was in talks with a gal that I really liked. No names, as per my usual shtick since I don't want anyone attacking her, but, it is someone I've known for some time, and I thought I had a chance. Sadly, that didn't pan out, and I crashed and burned. Ultimately, it's my own fault. I'm a very forward kind of person, and sometimes, I just can't stop myself from saying something completely stupid. I let my emotions take control, and I basically scared her off as a result. This has caused my moral to be at an all-time low, and yeah, I'm not feeling to great. Even with almost a week since it happened, I haven't been feeling 100%, and I don't know if I really ever will. But here's the scoop on me that I think everyone deserves to know.

For starters, if any of you were to run into me outside of FA, I will tell you right now, you will not see someone putting on a show for FA and being a completely different person in person. I don't play that game, and I'm as real as one can get. But aside from that, I will say stupid shit, I will firmly insert my own foot in my mouth, and I will be awkward. I spent the better part of a decade living in social isolation, and grew up being ostracized by my peers. Most guys in my age group have had multiple relationships, or are married with kids. I have a dog, I've had exactly 2 in-person relationships that went nowhere, 1 long-distance relationship that crashed hard, and a one-night-stand, and that's it. I'm not trying to use these as excuses, I'm saying these things to explain where I come from socially, and as an attempt to explain why I can be so awkward. I'm trying to work on it though, thanks to a couple of people in my life, I've made great strides in trying to get my act together, but it's not easy, and I'm still making mistakes that cost me friends.

I am single, I am looking, I want a girl in my life who can eventually become my wife and mother to our children. I don't want flings, I want someone who can be as loyal to me as I am to them, but sadly it seems like finding that is akin to looking for a needle in a haystack, and as a result, when I meet someone who I think might work... I mess it up.

I apologize to everyone that's been waiting for art. I really do. I've just been down in the dumps lately, and I don't know how to fix it.

On a more positive note however, I've managed to print out almost three dozen Medallions, that are ready for ordering, and I'm just waiting on the USPS to deliver the shipping boxes, so they may be going out sooner unless I get more orders that will cause me to make more. I've also landed a job with Integrated Deicing Services for the winter, and will be starting very soon. The hours remain to be seen, but the pay-rate is $17/hr, and with the MAC minimum wage going up to $15/hr, I may be able to land a job with another air servicer after the deicing seasons ends in April, but I'm not sure which one yet, so, we'll see how things go around that time.

I've also taken the recent heart break as an opportunity to re-design my main OC, Dakara. That ref sheet will be posted soon, and I think you guys will like the new features.

For now, I appreciate everyone who's tried to help in the past, and I do apologize that art's been slow-going for a while. I only ask that you all bare with me while I get my moral issues solved.

Tank out.

Yep, still kicking.... somehow.

So, yeah, no doubt, everyone's wondering where I've been. Well, the job's been kicking my ass, and not in a good way. The hours have been inconsistent, and the people I work with have been stressful as hell. The DHL part of it is fine, the people I work with there are as cool as ice cubes. But some are not, and I'm stuck with them through the Mail shift, and one in particular a self-entitled ass that thinks that because he is a 'lead', that he gets to just boss people around willy-nilly.

As a result of that, things have been slow going for art at best, but another thing has been slowing things down, and this one is at least good: I now have a Creality Ender 3Pro 3D Printer! I've been running a battery of tests with the thing trying to get it working right, and I'm finally getting everything perfect. Before this week is out, I'll be announcing a new project that you will all get to pre-order. For the first time in my art career, I will finally have physical merchandise to sell, and you will get to order them online, or buy them at any con that I attend. Details will be available when the advert is up, so be on the lookout for that.

Out side of that, there isn't much to report. So, with that, I'll go tip the Ferryman, and get back at it.

Tank out.

Geeze.... 33 years on this space marble. Where does the time go? Hell, just saying that makes me feel older than I am. I'm writing this now because on my birthday, my new job starts, and I'll be busy dying of boredom watching presentations about how to do the job.

Commissions are going alright, but once the new job progress will slow down quite a bit, especially since this is an overnight job instead of a day job. But, I do have plans that will allow me to work on some pieces while I'm at work, but obviously on SFW pieces only.

For those that don't know, I was at Furry Migration last weekend, and it went alright. I was lucky enough to get a table to sell art in, but unfortunately, I didn't make near the amount I needed to, although I was able to make enough to put something towards rent, so, combined with a post-con commission, and I was able to make rent. Fortunately, the new job will pay about the same as the TSA was, so at the very least I'll be ok in that regard.

As for cons, I have figured out what went wrong at this one, and why I didn't make as much as I could have, and I'll be working to remedy that while I'm working the new job, and maybe even squirreling away for a vehicle if my folks can't get that Land Rover fixed and up here.

What will I be doing?

Simple: First thing I'll be doing is getting a decent quality photo-printer that can handle most of my print work. After that, I'll be securing the cages for a display so that I can make myself a bit more visible. I also plan on reworking my brand a little, and that includes a new logo, new banner, and even a new stack of business cards. Those of you who've seen those things know how bad the old ones were.

As well as all of that, hopefully between now and next FM, I'll have Rogue Claw: Origin of a Crew finished, and ready to sell. This will be the first book in the series of Rogue Claw novels, and while it will likely be available for sale before the con, I plan on selling some copies there, and autographing them as well, so, there's that to look forward to. And hopefully by then, I'll have a 3D Printer, so I'll be able to make 3D Prints of the various models I've made, including the Claw herself.

Let me know what you guys think, and I'm actually serious about this, I really wanna know what ideas ya'll have.

Tank out!