like stuff couldnt be bad enough, now my tablet is broken.

It wont respond, and ive tried everything, from checking the connections, updating drivers, but the tablet is dead, no light whatsoever...

gaaah, this thing was old anyway, so i guess it was doomed to die soon.
Atleast i can just buy a new one... thank god for having a job...

And this is why traditional stuff is better... dont need to worry about 3000NOK tablet getting broke.
I need to cry:
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabuffet

no.. im too afraid to die, no matter how hard i try.

But im sorry for acting like such a whiny emo bitch yesterday... but i cant help but feel this intense pain in my chest where my heart is located, it hurt so much that it drives me crazy. I think its starting to get physical too.

Anyway, im gonna try and cure it today or atleast work on it... im gonna hang out with my best friends  witgard and his BF  caliztar and make beef and get drunk with them.
¨
it could help, its better than staying home alone just playing video games.

i cant take it anymore... somebody kill me... or else i should just do it myself... i dont care anymore...

i am not strong enough to take the pain anymore... its hopeless, i dont wanna live in pain forever...

ever wondered what the easiest and best ways to happiness is?
No its not about spending time with the loved one, since sometimes you dont have a loved one at all, you are alone and the only thing you got is your games and stuffed animals and movies.

What else can a guy or girl do? Go for a walk but its too rainy outside, what do you do then? Stay inside playing video games? yeah, i guess that works, thats one.
What is there else to do, will video games help against depression or heart break? I dont know, i can still feel the pain and I am playing video games like shit.
But Multiplayer games make you more sadder and depressed... so i guess the single player games are the best when you have depression.

Drawing porn? well i guess that could work, Maybe i should pay Martha visit with Rob's dick and let them have a good time. What better way to forget about your depression than making love with an imaginary girlfriend, since thats the closes thing you get to a girl? Fuck me... depressive.

Or get drunk on alcohol? Well, that has sometimes worked for me, but not always, most of the times its pain and misery, so fuck that.

oh well, what else is there?

to escape mental pain from my permanent broken heart....


there, i said it... but some of you guys already knew probably...

BANG BANG BANG!!!

it was not a gun, but it was a hammer... and bang...
fucking busted my hand...

yeah yeah, everybody is in love and being with the one they love, whoopde doo
instead of whining im just gonna say:

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

and here's a soviet T34 tank and some russians

http://www.scalemodelguide.com/wp-c...../07/T34-85.jpg

single and ready to mingle again...
if there are any...
someone shoot me....

My good friend Oneeyeddeer also known as "iRenia" is doing commissions, and trust me, she does very very good pictures!
I got a few from her and im very happy with them!

Anyway she is open for commissions so go get some from her!

SF: https://www.sofurry.com/view/652063

while you guys enjoy your Doctor who or how i met your mother or whatever you watch... im sitting here watching this increedible mini-series called:
​"Band of Brothers."​

seriously... this series is amazing, nothing can come close to it, its THE perfect war series.
​
​WHY THE FUCK ARENT WE MAKING MORE SERIES LIKE THIS ANYMORE!?
i know about that other series called: "The Pacific" i love it too.
​But I was thinking a "Band of Brothers" like series about either the eastern-front, or the Africa campaign.

Finally i got the driver's liscense 8D

now i can visit so many places, do certain stuff i always wanted to!

Im going on adventures !

​yeah now its a new year here in norway... first journal of the year and i start with this crap... huh
​im an idiot.

i dont know whats coming over me... but i feel so lonely and sad now that its just making me sick, i feel like i am in desperate need to talk to someone, but i dont have many to talk to... :(

i dont want my new years eve to be sad and depressive..

of 2013!

2013 for me can mostly be explained in games.

It all started with ascension of a god of war in greek mythology, God of war: Ascension.

Followed by revelation of a rather interesting furry game called Dust: an Elysian tail that made love a new type of fantasy music.

Then i returned to the Metros of Moscow where there was hope and a last light for the future of the metro and the inhabitants it contained. Although the surface was the best part of the entire game where the swamps were filled with the most valuable supplies but also contained with the worst of the creatures that mother nature could pervertedly create... even though they tasted good with beer.

After that, the russians was forced into a great patriotic war followed by an orchestra of all male choir that was Company of heroes 2, a game that made me realize how cool the russian faction is with their spirits, cool weapons and badass female tank drivers that make american soldiers and tankers sound like trigger happy teenager instead.

After that, I dove back into war as an american and russian, but facing a new faction and enemy that i also joined. The chinese. But this 4th battlefield brought us devestation like no others. Not just crashing servers, but also a huge skyscraper topling over aswell!

oh and then i sailed for the 7th seas while heeding the creed of assasination for the 4th time.

And now.. now the thunders of war are sounding, soon on land, soon on the sea. But for now... its happening in the skies!

This is how i remember 2013 as the gaming year.

i know its too early for you americans.
But it's Christmas here in Norway now ^^
So MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE AND HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR! 8D

im still alive... just still alive.
Death cant have me yet.. since i am too stuborn to die... i will not give in to death... never!

when the one you do art trade with doesnt make anything back or take too long to finish it!

Ive been waiting too long now.
I've made 2 art trades now and i havent recieved nothing back yet.

I just had to rant about it...

I wanna do some belly dancer commissions!

i wanna sell them for 10$ each

examples are here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11730614/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11776780/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11807677/


[1]:  rhazzazor DONE!!
[2]: Open
[3]:  lycanthris coloring in progress
[4]:  lycanthris not yet, first things first
[5]  wolfzy not yet, first things first.

I just cant stop thinking about her... even if she rejects me and it hurts like fucking hell... i just cant give up.. i cant... it hurts me. I wanna give up and let her go... but i just cant... im just so deeply and madly in love with her.... >.<

not because it hurted me, but because how it touched me emotionally and all the times it made me cry.

(advarsel i mean warning here be SPOILERS!!!)

I love the Mass Effect trilogy... i fucking love it, its the inspiration for most of my characters like Jenna, Tanya and of course Martha.
Jenna was inspired by the paragon meter in the game, the good and caring hero who is a nice person that forgives and understands and is just so kind that she gives a dangerous specie a chance to live and redeem themselves.
Tanya was inspired by the renegade meter about being a free spirited soul who likes to have fun and just be herself, even if it means to punch a reporter in the face.
Martha was inspired by female shepard: a brave strong woman who has a balance of the two things Paragon and Renegade. She can both teach, listen, fight and be a strong leader.

The game teached me about accepting people, learn about them, cooperate and fight together. In the beginning it shows humanity as that little shepard puppy that wants to play and be one of the big boys. And when the time comes, humanity stands up, barks and bites back at the bad hand that strikes the puppy and his friends. Later, that puppy shepard known as the humanity grows bigger and becomes fullgrown. But the bad hand is coming back and wants to strike everyone and take them to the kennel or pound... not for adoption not for survival, but for extirmination... But the puppy shepard, now full grown stands up and howls as it rallyies its friends and other races and species to stand united and drive the bad hand back!

Granted that's how i viewed the game.. or tried to speak it metaphorically, but you who played it will understand what i mean.

Yes of course, the ending sucked, it was horrible and just disappointing... but then again, does it matter about the destination? For me, it was the journey itself that mattered. The sacrifice of a beloved Salarian who liked art and music, who cured a genophage that plagued a noble and brave warrior specie. The loss of a fantastic spaceship, only to have it reborn more powerful like the mighty phoenix from the ashes. The claim of a homeworld that was once lost to a synthetic race built to help them. Or the epic space battle in the end when an entire galaxy is united to stand up against the most powerful enemy the galaxy has ever faced and could only dream about; The reapers. Breaking a deadly cycle that has been going on for millions of years.

And so on.. there are so much in mass effect that bascially makes me love it to the core and play it over and over as i want to experience the moments again and again.

Not to mention, the music too, the music that makes the entire journey and trilogy feel like a masterpiece of art and story telling that is just one of the best thing that has been created in the forms of art and story telling... but thats just my opinion ^^'

I hope you know what i meant and well... know and can share the experience of mass effect you had with your friends... like i desperatly am trying to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WE8Rhmy8v0E

just bleh... having a bad day.. very bad day, not good to start your day on...

Sigh... i dont know what to say, appearantly you cant say anything, or else there will be drama... silence is golden... but sometimes you commit the sin and break that silence, and then you start regret you did it.

yupp, its past midnight and i just filled 22
granted i at this time for 22 years ago i still havent crawled out of my mothers womb so i was just resting there for a while before i started my ascension to freedom.


so yay for being 22 and all and yadda yadda.
I hope i get pizza for today and lots of cake, since i love chocolate cake. Trayton or Nato wolf's fursona has already given his gift to me with a lovely blowjob that i could not refuse.

Also Marta is gonna pop up soon when i wake up in the morning and give me her present.

But anyway folks....

HOLY FUCKING SHIT BISCUITS I AM SO HYPED FOR THIS GAME OMG WTFF BBQ ANGJANGJAJGA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJIIgdSW6O4



so this is why i am not gonna kill myself, i am gonna live for this game!
So dont be suprised that art from me will be slow... because i am gonna destroy fucking skyscrapers 8D

yeah, my birthday is on the 29th august, 19 days later after this journal is updated.


So i am turning 22 then, and i am still just what ive been my entire life or a long time, but just changed.
Still a virgin, still single and still... well, i dont think i am gonna stay straight for a long time.

The constant looking for love and failing and being kept reminded that i am singel... yaay...

(somebody shoot me)

The changed thing being that it hurts in my chest alot these days because, well, pain and heartbreak that obviously wont go away so i just hide it asbest as i can.
My characters: Jenna and Rob Swiftclaw also has birthday too. I dont decide their birthday because of when i created them, but well, i decide when their birthday is. And its on the 29th, just like my age. I might go up in age, but they will forever stay 28 or 25 or... somehing, i decide, and their age stays 28 forever until i decide them to grow old and die.

Speaking of dying, well....

I dont have cancer or any other terminal diseases so i think im fine. I will survive, although lady-death has been a tempting mistress sometimes, but mostly she is a bitch.
So fuck her, she can go screw herself. I still have a mission to do.

1 year ago... my depression got the best of me and i almost tried to kill myself several times. It was when my depression got the best of me and i think i hurt myself a little. (like baning my head againt a concrete wall once... ouch)

i cant help but getting flashbacks to that event... 1 year ago... fuck it hurted. And here i am now, still alive and still rockin and kicking.

But perhaps a little angry... angry because i let the depression get the hold of me. So far, i can say that atleast now i... well, i dont know if its over. but ive been to a doctor and she says i will be fine and keep focusing on what i like to do and yadda yadda.

but atleast i am alive... maybe its hope driving me alive.. or most likely, its you guys, you, my friends and watchers that gives me inspiration to live and work and stay alive! &lt;3&lt;3

so thank you, thank you all for keeping me alive... i love you all... if it wasnt for you... the Swift47 would possibly not have been alive today...

you guys keep me alive... know that, that you keep me alive &lt;3

Martha is on facebook!
add her if you are interested to meet my favorite gray vixen ^^

https://www.facebook.com/martha.silverfur.9