So...

...it was brought to my attention by some... good friends of mine. Good friends that had the decency to tell me this... that I'm quite selfish. And... they're right.


To be a bit more specific, lately, I've been... stepping on the heads of the people closest to me to get these small things that mean little to me. This good, close friend of mine opened my eyes to what I'd really been doing. I never took anyone else's feelings into account. I just asked, demanded even, received and left.

Oooh, no. This doesn't apply to JUST art. I've mislead good friends of mine into doing things they'd rather not do, then neglect them for months. Art, webcam shows, stories, you name it. I've probably squeezed it out of someone and left them wondering what was in it for them. I admit I've done some... bad, horrible things to people.

Proud of it? Fuck off I am. I'm disgusted in myself. I feel... christ, I'd jump off a bridge if one of these people asked. ONE. I cannot even begin to express just how much I loathe what I've done to others with complete disrespect for them.

To a few, I'm an angel of love and generosity. But, unfortunately, to the other... fucked if I know but I'll say 90% of the other people I know, I'm a selfish prick. I don't mind the former, the latter bothers me.

Where the fuck do I begin? I pride myself on being a good friend only to have a good friend say I'm not. Ouch. Then, reveal to me that I've been a wanker to a majority of the people I've met. True. true. Lately, I've felt that and wanted to change it, so I've doodled a little and apologised.


But no. Nooooo. Nope. Sorry won't cut butter. Sorry is cutting nothing. What I have done a simple apology won't fix.

Why did I treat them the way I did? I don't know. I honestly, don't know. Just slowly turned into it I suppose. But that's not what matters. What matters is what I do now. What do I do now?


To ALL that I have used, to all I have hurt, to all that I've upset.

I want to make things right. I hurt you, I'll go to every length to show I'm sorry. To show I want things between us to be mutual. You want art? Name it. You want a story? Not my best medium but I'll try. Just want to talk and be friends? Let me know when you're on, give me your details and we can talk.

I am disgusted with myself. I have spent the past 3 hours crying. Right now, Nothing could stop my determination to make things right. My heart was shrouded in darkness, now it's ablaze. Enough sitting in silence and sorrow, it's time for action. Time for me to do something. No more will I pray people understand or hope everything works out. It's my time.

So I'm not going to sit about and wait for whoever to come to me and reply/note me, I'm searching for those I've hurt, for those I've mislead and deceived. I became the kind of person I've hated all the while being one. No more.



No. More.


PS. You can all say I'm wonderful and such. I could be an angel in your eyes, but it doesn't change what I've done. Makes me feel better, but I'm determined to make up for what I've done.

'Cause everyone else was doing it.


...what, this isn't a Meme? Oh. Okay. Well, turns out I have a birthday coming up anyway. 26th of January.


And there. Enjoy the notification.

Fantas-... what's that? Tablets broken to?


Well fuck me.


Sorry to those people I was going to draw for, especially Surge. I've gotten pretty damn ill, I can hardly remember who I'm talking to at the moment. And my Tablet decided to stop working too.

But, for all the people I was meant to stream for, I did use the good ol' pen to doodle. So, Surge does have birthday gifts, just not digitised. Everyone else already had stuff sketched so... yeah. Surge has presents waiting.

Oh yeah, happy birthday again Surge. Sent you a text last night, hope you got it.

Read the title. :\

Kinda wanna get everything out of the way, done and dusted. Before birthday's pop up and such. A few people have birthday's not far from now, one has theirs tomorrow, for me at least, thank christ for being a day ahead.

But yeah. If I seem to owe something, or you want something, please let me know. Now. Here.

So I've stopped streaming recently. To many people coming around and dragging me places.

Okay, so, anyway. Damien drew this. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4992290/
See the top there? With the kill(Nom) notifications and such? I was asked by Sefra during one of my streams to draw out that.

So I did start, then the power went out. And now I'm getting back into drawing this little comic that came to mind. I'm a team player, I'm a heavy team player. I'm the guy who'll rocket jump straight into the enemy team, run past them all just to kill one person harassing a friend. The medic that'll leave a team defending a point to heal a friend who's only being pestered.

...So what would Solid do seeing the icon saying his moogle's been eaten by some mumbling abomination(pyro) bunny? Rocket jump on him of course.


Now... I've had some ideas for more little TF2 based comics. New items, new class abilities, the possibilities are limited to my will to draw them out! So... expect maybe random cameos, and such.


This is what addictions do to you. :\

....soon.

Put your hand up if you want one. Then tell me what you want.

Yeah! Need some halp.

I'm planning on doing some work by hand, something different, maybe make a few models or just record my traditional artistic process as I work. Problem is, I don't have any program that I can use to record my webcam's feed and save it to my computer. Everytime I search for something, it comes up with "Programs to record someone elses webcam/streaming video"

Does not help me, to say the least. I need a program that records, and saves, what my webcam sees!

Can anyone help me out here? Anniewon?

T'is my last day of work for the year! Well, not really, I go back in Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday next week, but, there's only 4 other people coming in then, and all we're going to do is play games and then leave early.

So! I've put a few things on my agenda list, and they go as follows:
Get my TF2 Random Drop items for the week TONIGHT. Which reminds me, anyone need anything?
Add characters to my old group picture, turn it into a Christmas picture. People to be added: Vox, Victor, Damien and Sefra. Replace Mal' with Des, remove a few people.
Ink that picture.
Draw up the predators and their prey for my recent lil' voting thingo.
Buy some more things for people.


People on my steam friends list, be ware! Random gifts heading your way.


And Kiriban. Grab the 9999th and 10000th and I'll get you something when I either knuckle down and draw, or see you on steam.


See you in a few hours! Back to youtube for me!

...it's far to humid, I hate it. Air conditioner is on, nice and chilly, but still humid. I. Hate. This.


Okay! I think I'll stop the voting on that picture and hand the prize over to Tsumi. He won, right? I need to draw for him anyways, thanks for giving me an excuse! And it has been drawn, just gotta ink it up when I get home.

Also! The next lot of people to go in a belly, or somewhere in someone's body are the following:
Damien's Datsuba
Antman
Kipikipo
Taigon
Nitronick

They've all been drawn based on whatever the hell I wanted to base it on. It's a little upsetting for me, I have come to the conclusion that I really NEED to practice stomach shots more. Is upsetting to see many of the same thing over and over. Better POV's and such.


HOKAY! So, instead of posting each picture and having the votes there. Let's vote here instead.

Same as before. Give me a predator for the five prey listed above. Could be anyone you know, could be yourself - But not if you're the prey. So vote! Here, do this, example, go now!

Damien's Datsuba - Ludash
Antman - Ranger
Kipikipo - Pantra
Taigon - Charem
Nitronick - Scree

Just like that. That's all. And I want as many people to vote as possible. Okay? Not enough people read my journals or pay attention to me anymore, saddening as it is, I'm drawing for the people who actually comment on my stuff.

So go, go now while I ink! And by go, I mean Vote! Vote people vote!


CURRENT TALLY

Damien's Datsuba:
Taluthus - 2
Oro - 1
Garn - 1
Solid - 2

Antman:
Redburr - 1
Huttsy - 1
Ranger - 1

Kipikipo:
Pantra - 3
Redburr - 1
Eachom - 2

Taigon:
Flicker - 1
Kernac - 2

Nitronick:
Taluthus - 2
Scree - 3
Tabus - 1

NOTE: Please provide a link/Ref to the predator you're Nominating. -_-;

NOTE:: Stop voting for Surge. Okay? He's gotten enough art from me already and I'm not fond of doing stuff for him by request at the moment.

You know that picture I posted earlier? Ludash in... who?

I like this little game we're playing... let me explain to you how it works! I draw a picture of someone in a belly, then when I post that picture, everyone votes on who the predator is! And once the votes have been collected, I draw that pred enjoying his/her meal. :3

Easy, simple, yay.

Rules? You can only vote for one person once every two pictures. As an example with the way things are going, Tsumi's getting all the votes for this one, so it looks like he'll be enjoying a moogle next post. However, the next 'you decide' predator, votes towards Tsumi will not count. But then after that's all said and done, people can vote on him again. So, winner kinda skips a turn with nomming.


Aaaaand I guess we can use this for getting some preys to be featured. Post to nominate a character of yours to be featured in a belly!


Current list of Noms for this project:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4385375/ - Datsuba
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4689124/ - Antman
Scree - We all know Scree
Kipikipo - We don't know, so, ref plz?
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4749732/ - Nitronick

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

You know, I don't know if there's anything I have to confess, I'm open enough as it is. Is there anything I have hiding from you all? I don't think so. Is there anything that needs to be said? Anything that still needs to be revealed? Well, I suppose I'll give you all three things, since I'm not all to sure what'll count as a confession in your books.

1. Although it seems I'm being strong, I am constantly distressed about my situation with Surge. I'm trying to leave everything alone, but I fear I'm hurting him, so I try and do something and if I do, things might not be realised. I'm paranoid about him, obsessed, or both. I just want things to be normal and it's a fucking nightmare trying to get there because all I do is over think everything.

2. There is someone I am deeply in love with, but I don't know if my love is real. I've loved this person before, we've talked about things, but those were never the right times for either of us. My heart is closed as of recent events, and I've been through this before. I love this person, madly, I'd do stupid things for them and I have, but I just don't feel the love. I know it's there it just... I just can't feel it.

I guess... I'm desperate to be loved, to be special. I love meaning everything to some people, to one person in particular. That's not to say this person isn't amazing, which he is. Some people have said some pretty mean things to me about this person. But, seriously, he's wonderful.

3. I enjoy webcam shows. THOSE kind of shows, with close friends. I, LOVE them. 'Nuff said.


I guess number three would be my official Ten Day Meme #10, but I'm betting you're all going to hound me as to who the person in number two is. Not getting the answer to that. Not a chance.


Well, that was a good meme. I love some of the drama that came with it. Second Meme Bad Luck? Nope, just people complaining about not being on my list. It's hard to evaluate what someone means to you when they keep asking "Was I on? Put me on there?" even as a joke.

We'll see if I do any more in the future...

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


;~;
:S

I suppose this is kinda emo-ish but eh.


My life as of recent events has been going downhill. I've been feeling sad, lonely, and at times, down right depressed. Games have kept me occupied and taken my mind off of life and the dull pain it brings for a good while, but in turn, I've ignored some of my closest friends in favour of escaping misery with much more ease and significantly less effort.

Realising this, I decided to spend my time at work - since the school year has only... well, 7 days left - drawing for those close to me. I've been drawing either what first comes to mind, or what I feel in my heart. Har har, but really, some people make me feel that loved that my hand moves across the page and the ideas spawn midway through drawing it.

Some people may have problems with what I'm about to post, whether you have a personal problem with these people involved, or you're goign to be aggrovated that I haven't done something for you yet. I assure all of the people who have the latter of the two problems that your work will be done. I'm actively sketching things every day, and feel the urge to line things up.

There's a few things on the way, but don't be alarmed if there's a few, if not, a day or so inbetween a bunch of submissions. I don't want to clutter to many inboxes, and I still have a lot to line.

So, be prepared for much art I'm sure will just be removed from inboxes anyways, as will this journal... most likely... more than likely. Just plain likely.

Anyways, enjoy the arts! Pleaase do comment.


PS. Inkbunny account, incase the time comes: http://inkbunny.net/LudashMoogle

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


1. Vore
2. Roleplays
3. Sexual Thoughts


Is my mind not simplistic?

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


1. Icky Stuff
2. Rape
3. Death
4. Smug Preds/People


I'm not all to fond of rape. Why? ...are you kidding? Yeah, I could handle it if there were some change of events that lead the rapist to... I'unno, care for the person he raped. But no, not no fuck and leave. Just... no.

Smug people? Smug Preds? I'unno about those two really... lot of people I know are smug *Glares at a certain Raccoon* ...but in their case, they're not always, and more than often being dominated by me, so it's not that big a problem. Oh, but, Not saying he doesn't get the upper hand every now and then. All I'm saying is that even though he's a smug lil' rodent, it's not hard to turn things around, get revenge and such. Is fun, 'cause we turn the tables. Things always change. Is fun.

I have a problem with people who go with the "Yeah, nuh, not eating/domming me" approach, and then be a dick about it! I will not roleplay with someone who won't play fair AND be a wanker about it. Just a personal preference for things to be fair. Like... don't give yourself a 'pred only' label, then be smug about it. It's just... not right. To me, it's just like saying "lol I'm bending you to my will You're whipped over me lol you suck dicks"

...true as it may be that I suck dicks, but I don't like being insulted. And, yes, I do play with a few pred only people, but they are NICE. Now... let's see... fuckin' smug bastard... or nice, kind guy... <_<

...what?

No like, seriously, what? I'm up for random adding on MSN/AIM/Yahoo and what not but... what? One message for me to add someone else and gone?

...



...



What?

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


1. Russet
2. Zephyx
3. Pantra
4. Sira/Salty
5. Snake Wildlife

Don't dare assume I've left you because you don't mean a lot to me. Is not that, Some people are two close to others that I didn't feel right putting one up without the other three/four/five.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


So, in no particular order:

1. I wish I never became friends with some certain people.
2. I wish I didn't lie to him, lead him on just to hurt him with my own desires.
3. I wish I didn't break his heart.
4. Wish I'd never have talked to a certain someone.
5. Wish I could have simply ignored someone who's been lying to me.
6. Wish I never got into a relationship with Surge.


Now... #6. I honestly mean no trouble, but honestly, those relationships with Surge have really fucked with me. I'm not saying that I never had any good times, I'm trying to specifically targeting that fact. I'm fucked up. So very, very fucked up because I couldn't say no. Getting into a relationship with Surge, twice, isn't the mistake. Not being able to let them go is.

So, in retrospect, if I never said yes to him, twice, I'd be different, but all in all, we'd be living our lives the way we struggle so hard to do today with ease.


Let me make this abundantly clear. The only reason I regret getting into relationships with him is because it's fucked us both up to some degree, to a degree where I don't believe anything between him and I. I have had a lot of good, great, fantastic times with him. I mean, most the greatest memories I can still recollect revolve around that guy. The only regret I have is that we both got things so fuckin' wrong that it tears at me every day. So to have what I want so desperately now, I wish I'd never have gotten into a relationship with him.

Dare I try and make my point again? I don't like things being fucked up between us, caused by relationships with each other. Without them, I'm sure we'd be best friends, brothers even, but we aren't and that's what hurts.


So I'll leave on this! I'm being honest to you all, is good, no?

I don't care for it.

Sure, it's good to remove something negative to the sites funding, but... I really couldn't care less. o-o

Yeah, also, Lu's like... 14/15/16, something like that.
Oh, here's how much I care for cub art. What's the age for cubs? I'm assuming it just means underage, under 18 years of age. But... yeah... If that's the case, Lu's a cub. Uh... if I want cub art, I'd just ask someone to draw it and... well, not post it. o3o

Lu's an adorable mog, and I've been around other characters that are incredibly fun to play with but... y'know, usually the guy on the other end is 5 years older than me, so I don't care. Besides, Lu's my own character, and it's usually Solid doing things to Lu so... that's... shit, that's freaky ._. Regardless! I like seeing Lu' and some of my friends underage characters in pornographic situations, so, if the rules say I can't post that, then... I won't. o3o

Woot for Dropbox.

So... jeez, get over it everyone. Sure, you all have an ace up your sleeve in this arguement. Bottom line, you're arguing over something stupid and pissy. You can still get your art, you just won't see it here.


And if I'm wrong? Eh. I feel sorry for the people who are affected by this, and I'm not to pleased with how the people who agree with the new rules are acting. You got your way, no need to be cunts about it. It's a heavy blow for some people, some much more than others. Show some compassion and sympathy. After all, could have happened to something you love.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


1. Why don't you draw for me?
2. Oh god I love you.
3. I hope James isn't in today, I don't think I could handle him.
4. I hope [he'll] be online tonight.
5. I wonder if someone's sent me a note.
6. Shut up about minecraft already!
7. I wish someone was here to talk to me/hold me...


Yeah, this one? Probably not the best as I... I'unno really, just lacking a lot. A whole lot. :V

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


1. Be compassionate
2. Be understanding
3. Make me feel special
4. Be honest and straight up
5. I love romance, so be romantic
6. Take my side; I rarely get into serious problems without a legitimate reason.
7. Surprise me
8. When I'm anything but happy, hold me.


It's not hard to flatter me, make me swoon and such, but winning my heart will be much harder than I've portrayed here. Seriously, if you want me, every single moment we spend together will be like a test. I take love seriously.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


1. I have an incredibly low pain threshold.
2. My eyes are apparently very beautiful to look at.
3. I have a rather large (Soft) body build; I'm a great pillow.
4. I love sleeping.
5. I honestly can't stand seeing my friends humiliated, or their characters.
6. I hate posers/impostors/impersonators.
7. I can't hate people unless they're plain ol' hate able.
8. I'm to generous for my own good, often getting myself hurt or put in a bad mood, hiding it, and letting everyone else enjoy themselves.
9. I fucking love Oranges, Orange Juice, Orange Cake and, dear god, almost anything that tastes of Orange I'll put into my mouth and suck on/eat.

Simple enough, wish I could put more in there. Also wish I had some friggin' orange juice right now... the only thing I'll drink when I'm full, sick or going to die.

Thank for getting me interested in this. Suppose this is pretty cool so, let's do so here!

And, like, not sick anymore, and kinda taking requests amongst my gifts.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

1. Sweet Jesus fucking christ, your art is made of win, stop being so friggin'... annoying! If I could, I'd gladly swap what I can do for what you can. So STFU and love what you have. Okay?

2. To much hate in the world to really stay angry at you. As much as I've tried to hate you, I just, simply don't want to anymore. I can't still can't look at you all to much, or see things done for you, but I just, cannot, hate. I don't have it in me to keep this up.

3. You still owe me, though, not nearly as much as before. As wrong as it feels to say that, but that's how I feel. I don't expect anything, but I do feel there are still a few things that need to be... repaid, I suppose. Oh! Low Pressure System. >:3

4. Despite you constantly disproving yourself and being quite... uh... well, obvious, y'still a great guy. Witnessed you avoid me for everyone else, but you came back to make me feel better, and you always have come back. S'why you mean a lot to me, you put up with my shit, I put up with yours, then we be happy. :3

5. I fucking love you beyond anything I have ever loved. Even if we meet face to face, there's nothing I could ever do to fully express how much you mean to me to the exact extent. There for me every day, every night, every minute in between as I am for you.

6. Despite the fact that we hardly talk to each other, I don't feel we really have to. I mean, I really see us being able to simply do nothing for hours and be content. Just know that you're an awesome guy, I hope things are working out for you, and feel free to pester me at any given moment for any reason. You have my phone number, remember?

7. You, you... are... you mean a whole lot to me, and recently, when you told me you were going to... uh... cut yourself, that pissed me off beyond belief. You, are, a, fucking, awesome, amazing person. And sure, I play TF2 to much, I'm constantly distracted, doesn't mean I don't take in info. I listen to you, I've talked with you. You honestly, are like a brother to me, which is why I will show up on your doorstep should you ever let slip you've done stupid things like cut yourself or do drugs. I care about you, and don't want you to fuck your life up more than you already have, and I'd do anything to stop you from doing so.

8. For fuck sake, stop being so likeable. I hate it, 'cause I like you to. Just... frustrates me for some reason. Just... GAH! Fuck you, you... adorable... thing... fuck!

9. As hard as things get for you, you know I'm always here for you. So please talk to me when you feel you need/want to. But be blunt and straight forward damn it.

10. I wish I could be a lot more like you.

Yuh, Sick, can't do much. Stayed home from work and probably will for the next few days.

Probably do some drawings, finish those trades if I can wake up early enough.

Eh, number's cool I suppose.

Trades still up and ready to do.