Well, I'm currently seeing a psychologist about my conversion disorder. He seems to think that the primary cause of my seizures (which are the manifestation of the disorder) is that I repress my emotions. In all honesty, I can't argue with him. Years and years of bullying in grade school combined with being forced to grow up too early when I was homeless in Florida caused me to bottle up my emotions very deeply. The only ones I seem capable of showing with any regularity are irritation and impatience. I have no doubt that this is a major cause of the breakup between myself and  ablackflamey as well as the subsequent arguments. I'm also sure that it's a major reason that I'm so socially awkward. As  dusty-waber has said many times, I act like a robot and the usual expression on my face is o_o. So I'm currently undergoing therapy to try to break open the bomb shelter my feelings live in. This journal is actually a part of that therapy. By suppressing my emotions so completely, I didn't allow myself the ability to grieve over a ruined relationship and the alienation of my friends. Hopefully by doing so now, I can start the healing process and begin the slow process of becoming a semi-normal person once again.

As a side note, this therapy coupled with the stress of school, starting a new job, homework, my kidneys trying to convert themselves into rock quarries, and having a sever damper on my privacy and alone time brought about by  cty_lover moving in has caused me to be EXTREMELY scarce on skype. Hopefully when things level off for me a bit, which should be soon unless something else pops up, I'll be more available on skype.

It was interesting, but I saw far more bewbage today than I wanted to.

1. Have all the info on my new job. I'll be starting on 9/12 with a pay rate of $15.25/hr for the shift I'm most likely to work and $13.25/hr for the shift I'm less likely to work. Also, weekendz = $17.25/hr.

2. I'm increasing my collection of medical supplies slowly. I now have 3 sets of scrubs, 1 lab coat, 1 otoscope, 1 sphygmomanometer (BP cuff), and one stethoscope. I'm currently on the hunt for an affordable pulse oximeter and a tympanic or temporal thermometer.

3. 4 days left of Mod B at school. Mod C starts Monday the 22nd. Mod C is when I begin to learn venipuncture. Yays! *jab jab jab*

4. I just found out that when I graduate, I will have an official Medical Assisting Certificate and a Phlebotomy Certificate. More certifications means more options.

5. The courses I'm taking + the courses I've already taken will leave me 2 math credits shy of my Associates degree. Once I finish that, I can go for my BS degree. (That sounds so horrible)

6. A doctor with whom my mother worked has just opened his own practice, and is willing to hire me for $35/hr once I get my CMA.

Current status: going town to the kitchen table to homework.

That is all

I will still be working on the stories I've promised, but as of Friday,  cty_lover will be moving in with me. This is primarily because of severe douchebaggery on the part of his parents. Either way, I will be spending the next couple days preparing for his arrival, and likely a week or two thereafter getting him settled and attempting to square things away with a job and schooling for him. He may not have independent internet access for a bit, so if anyone needs to talk to him on skype, send me a note and I'll happily drag his ass online.

Well, I no longer need to try to hock commissions that nobody wants. Apparently my dispute with the Labor Board over Comcast's mistreatment was successful. I just got cut a check for $1,705. This makes me very, very happy. As such, I am closing commissions.

The announcement is that I will be writing gift stories for all the friends who have been supporting me emotionally over the past few months. For all those I am listing below, please contact me with a note or response to this journal with info on what you want in your story.

1:  cty_lover Val, I don't want you to contact me, because I already have a story in mind for you that I think you'll love.
2:  legnd_car1 and  Xinnova2 I've actually been wanting to write something for these lovebirds for a while.
3:  Breakdown101 Kinda nervous about this, because Breakie seems to love traumatizing me, but he deserves it.
4:  Jardenon Jardenon has been great over the past few months. Always very pleasant to talk to, and the gift he made me is incredible.
5:  Deshou My Caribbean chaser buddy. Not sure if he's into stories, but I'll write one if he wants it.
6:  Dark_Phyore The British lap-dragon. Yep, he gets one too
7:  draco-silverflame I assume he's gonna want a diaperfur story. No probs on that one.


As I said, please contact me with details on what you want me to write.

Well they just opened up pre-ordering for The Old Republic MMO, which I am drooling over. Go figure that they'd choose the first time in 4 years that I'm between jobs to do so. I'd like to get the collector's edition, which is $59.99, before they run out, which will probably be the day before I can afford it. Therefore, for the first time ever, I'm seeing if anyone will bite on commissions.

Now, for the terms:

The commissions will have a flat rate of $10 for a story a MINIMUM of 5 pages. (1.15 spacing, 12 font. No expand the area gimmicks here) If I really get into the story, it may well be more than that. The $10 rate is flat, you don't have to pay extra for more pages should I make them.

For payment, I will happily write up an outline prior to requesting payment to make sure everything is good with the plot and general storyline. Since I devote a lot of attention and brainpower to most of my stories, I will request payment before I start drafting. I will let you read the draft, and if you aren't satisfied with the progress and feel that I will be unable to bring it to a level you want, I will refund you 50% of the commission price, as well as giving you exclusive rights to post, modify, or use in any way you wish the draft I made.

I can write about pretty much anything, but there are a few will-nots:
-scat
-watersports
-death (in yiff. death is acceptable in clean stories such as action/adventure)
-hard vore (soft vore must not include death)
-tremendously fat furs (don't mind chubby, but I can't write about something with its own gravitational field)
-mutilation and/or torture (again, in yiff only)

There may be more, but it's all probably along the same lines as what's listed above. If I have an aversion to what you want me to write, I will inform you up front.

All works will be completed in a reasonable timeframe, but to better facilitate that, I will NOT be completing them in the order in which I receive them. They will be written with the ones I feel I can complete fastest first. Slower and more difficult stories will be completed last. Once all 6 commission slots are full, I will amend my list to show which order I plan to write them in. If I have some kind of inspirational surge on one story, it may be bumped up the list.

Finally, if anyone wants to pimp this journal to increase the odds of me getting some commissions, it would be appreciated. Right now, my expectations aren't grand considering that 1, they are stories, not purty pictures; 2, they cost money; 3, I'm not exactly the most-watched person around.

~Slots~
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Please respond to this journal or send a note to request a slot. Paypal is coreyb06@yahoo.com. Please send payments as gifts with an indication of what your FA username is.

It's been mostly because of school starting back up and this infection under my arm. I'm currently on 3 antibiotics and 2 pain meds. Needless to say, that many chemicals going into the body has some adverse effects. I may not be around much for the next week or so

Just found out that orientation for my new job is on 8/8 and 8/9. Soon...very soon. Happy dragon is happy

Well I was just in the hospital yet again, this time for an abscess under my arm. I'm on antibiotics right now, which will hopefully kill off the infection. If not, it'll have to be surgically removed. Now for some good news: I got another job. It'll be a good 6ish weeks before I start and another 2-3 weeks before I get my first check, but it's a $14/hr position, so it's well worth the wait.

Another kidney stone in less than a month. Pretty fucking annoying. The worst thing is that there's several more in my kidneys just waiting to come out and cause me misery. I have a urologist appt on Monday, and I intend to discuss possible options for preventing this problem. If it means getting another laser in the cock to get rid of them, so be it. I can't be missing school all this time because of these fucking things.

Well, I just got some promising news. Who Wants to be a Millionaire just sent me an email. They want me to go audition on July 21st. If I pass their test, I get a face-to-face meeting with the producers. If they like me, I can expect a call within a few weeks to a couple months to be on the show. Wish me luck, this might pave my way right through medical school.

Well I got fired today. Apparently my supervisor and manager didn't appreciate me constantly bothering them about the $261 that they shorted me over the course of 3 paychecks, so they called it harassment and fired me. How it's harassment when you don't curse, make threats, call people at home, follow anybody anywhere etc. is beyond me, but they say it was affecting my supervisor's ability to work. So now I'm without income, no insurance to cover my myriad medical issues, and severely aggravated. I may be a bit snappish to those who try to speak with me until I cool down. The one good thing is that I despised that job with such an overwhelming passion that I can't help but feel a bit of relief that I never have to go in again.

Well, this week has been pretty strange. First there was the kidney stone I passed on Sunday, then there was the sleep study last night, for which the conclusion was that I would indeed need CPAP, and finally, I was used as a pincushion by a Mod D class practicing venipuncture earlier today. The strangest thing is that I'm not too bothered by any of it. Either I'm entering a manic streak, or my mind's shellshocked. I'll probably know soon

The first few weeks were fast-paced, but things have really started picking up speed. Apparently of the five "modules" that the program is broken up into, the first one is now 2 weeks from being over. It seems to have gone by very quickly. After a one week break from July 10 - 16, We'll be starting in mod B, which is the beginning of clinical studies. Mod C and on are the ones I'm nervous about. Mod C is when we start with giving injections and drawing blood...and we practice on each other. Either way, if things continue at this pace, I'll be out of school and in the field in no time.

Just got out of the hospital after my third kidney stone in 1 year. They seem to pop up about once every 5-6 months. Apparently it's a hereditary thing I got from my mother. Thanks ma, you could have kept that gene to yourself. Anyways, I'm home and acting a bit loopy due to pain meds.

Well, as of last Monday I started a program to get a certification in medical assisting. It's pretty much an associates degree compressed into 7 months of classes and 180 hours of internship. After I complete the coursework and pass the certification exam, I'll be able to get a job that pays between $20 and $30 per hour and extremely good job security, which will be perfect to pay my way through med school. As of my first round of tests on Thursday, I'm officially top of the class with all perfect scores. If I can keep that up throughout the course of the program, I'll probably be able to start closer to the $30/hr end of the spectrum. The most important thing though is that I'll be doing something that I find interesting and exciting, as opposed to my current job which is so bad it almost causes physical pain to go in. So, the countdown has started. If all goes to plan, I should have my certification by March of 2012. 9 months to go...

Got bitten by a black widow. Feel like a bag of flaming shit in a garbage disposal. Thankfully, a single black widow bite isn't all that dangerous to healthy adults unless they're allergic...which I'm not, otherwise I'd be dead. Regardless, I will be feeling very shitty for the next few days until my immune system purges this neurotoxin from my system

They have fucked up my paycheck yet again. This isn't the first time. It isn't even the second...nor the third, fourth, fifth, or sixth. This is the SEVENTH fucking mistake they've made in less than 18 months. Now, because of their ineptitude, I'm getting a $108 paycheck when I have $222 in bills coming out just today...much less what will be coming out in the next 13 days until my next paycheck. I'm strongly STRONGLY considering quitting. I'm not getting paid anyways, so why the fuck not.

The results of my sleep study came back and it appears that I have sleep apnea... If true, I will need to sleep with an oxygen mask every night...hopefully the test was wrong. I don't relish the idea of having to put on some face mask every night.

Before doing so, I already know this will cause some controversy. Some may not like it, or think it's stupid...or even go and talk shit about me behind my back over it. Either way, it has given me peace of mind, so therefore I don't care about the opinions of others. And for those who do act immature over it, I can at least be happy in knowing that my low expectations were spot on and I was right yet again.

Anyways, on to the main event. I'm a hermaphrodite...at least in a psychological sense. Rather than explaining the reasoning yet again, I'll just copypasta from Skype, and just add in some additional details at the end.

Albeon: I have two separate and distinct personalities. One is a dominant male. He's loud, obnoxious, sex crazed, and doesn't like mushy stuff. Has a sarcastic sense of humor and a huge superiority complex. He's the type of personality all the masochistic little slave bottoms look for.

Albeon: The other is female. She's quiet and submissive and very much a bottom. She's patient and understanding and a good listener. She offers her opinion as opposed to throwing it in your face. She likes sex, but enjoys affection and cuddling. She loves kids, unlike the male who despises them, and actually wants to get pregnant and have some.

Albeon: The problem was that even though I knew they both existed, I treated them as different people in my head. I tried to bring each out when I wanted to. If I was single, and a dominant person struck my fancy, I tried to bring the female to the forefront to be his bitch...needless to say, the male did NOT approve. When there was a subby bottom that needed to be wooed, I used the male to dominate him into submission (bad pun, I know) until the female began to feel unloved and oversexed.

Albeon: So after several failed years of this, I did a lot of soul searching and self-exploration. The end result was a hermaphrodite. One who has aspects of both personalities. Neither is in control, neither is ignored. It's let me be more happy in the past month since I finally figured this out than at any other point in my life.

Those who know me know that I had the tendency to go through drastic mood swings. Sometimes I could be a full-on asshole and throw my "I'm better than you" attitude around constantly. Other times, I could listen well and give good advice without being judgemental. This is just one example, but it's part of the same thing. While I still have a little bit of swing back and forth depending on my stress level (see the rant at the top of this page) I have more control over myself and I seem to be better able to make and keep friends.

That's about all I had to say. Feel free to leave your opinions, be they compliment or constructive criticism. Any trollish comments will be removed promptly.

note: For those who I have purchased commissions from, continue as you were. This change will take effect upon future artwork

Update: Just wanted to apologize for the egregious use of improper terminology here. At the time I made this journal (over a decade ago now...damn) I wasn't aware that "non-binary" was a thing, much less the appropriate terminology for it. I'm leaving the journal up as a reference point to when I officially came out as non-binary, incorrect terms aside. I did want to come back and clarify things though, since being non-binary isn't just some fetishistic thing.

I now have a smartphone...mostly because my old one broke and they don't really sell anything else any more. Either way, I've spent several hours doodling with it and it doesn't seem all that bad. Touchscreen is more prone to typos than actual keys, but otherwise I see no difficulties

Just forwarding something from the journal of  massfurs and  brauner The more people who know of this, the less likely it'll be that anything will come of it.


Warning to folks.
Apparently the TV show "Taboo" from the national geographic channel is looking for furry fandom people to interview about "Their double life." Based on seeing the commercials for that show when it was around last year, stay far far away from them. Sexploitation shows looking for fetish stuff to sell commercials are never a good gamble. Hopefully this is not needed, but they only need a couple of suckers to film, then they can edit it to imply much more than there is actually is. Please don't be one of their dupes.


So no interviews for people who wanna make us all look bad, kay?

Just found out from work that they've been shorting me on my paychecks for months now. So I'm getting a check next week for $885 to pay back the money they owe me. Yeys ^^

A big thank you to everyone who wished me a happy hatchday. Also, thanks to everyone who watched/faved/commented on my new story. It's been up just over 24 hours and it's already gotten more response than any other story I've posted.