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Yikes...Been a long time, hasn't it?
Posted a year agoWell then...
Been a long time since I basically went dark here on FA, only checking back a few times a year.
So the reasons for my disappearance...pandemic and bad mental health issues. Even though none of those are actually past me/us, I finally got around to show some sign of life.
Anyway...uploaded some art pieces that I've been given since last.
// Saviena/Patchoui
Been a long time since I basically went dark here on FA, only checking back a few times a year.
So the reasons for my disappearance...pandemic and bad mental health issues. Even though none of those are actually past me/us, I finally got around to show some sign of life.
Anyway...uploaded some art pieces that I've been given since last.
// Saviena/Patchoui
Someone did this. I was bored. I did it too.
Posted 8 years agoA meme thinger
1.) Real Name: Love
2.) Nicknames: Savie, Hunnie, Gumman, "Du där" (By strangers :P )
3.) Zodiac Sign: Leo
4.) Male or Female: In a way both...but female
5.) Elementary School: Started in a school in the big city, moved in the middle of it, so to a smalltown school after that.
6.) Middle School: Same smalltown, different school, equally sucky
7.) High school: Huge city school, was okay but at the sametime not.
8.) Hair color: Blonde, Darker blonde, Purple, Teal, Blue, Green.
9.) Long or Short: Neither
10.) Loud or Quiet: Quiet...maybe too quitet
11.) Sweats or Jeans: Sort of neither
12.) Phone or Camera: Phone
13.) Health Freak: No
14.) Drink or Smoke: Almost no. Only drink a few glass in a year
15.) Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Nah
16.) Sexual Preference: Bisexual
17.) Piercings: Nope
18.) Tattoos: Nope
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN:
19.) Airplane: Yep
20.) Car Accident: Unfortuneatly yes.....I really liked that car
21.) Fist Fight: Nevahr
FIRSTS:
22.) First Piercing: None yet. Might get in the future
23.) First Best Friend: This guy Alexander that I went to elementary school with. we met up every day after school.
24.) First Instrument played: Flute
25.) First Award: Swimming competition
26.) First Crush: Her name was Anna, went to the same preschool and elementary as me.
27.) First Language: Swedish
28.) First Big Vacation: Family went to the Netherlands when I was small
LASTS:
29.) Last Person you talked to: The nurse at the healthcenter that stole my blood
30.) Last Person You Texted: My fiancée
31.) Last Person You Watched: Here on FA, FuzzAmorous
32.) Last Food You Ate: A piece of candy, or a chicken burrito yesterday evening
33.) Last Movie You Watched: Makkhi (Oh god that movie was weird)
34.) Last Song You Listened To: U2 - Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me
35.) Last Thing You Bought: Four cartons of milk
36.) Last Person You Hugged: Zolah and Sukeile in a grouphug
FAVORITES:
37.) Food: Sushi, Meatballs and taters, Burgers, Tacos, Noodle Wok, and much more, I love food
38.) Drink: Milk, Soda, Carbonated water
39.) Clothing: Hoodie and pants, or nothing at all
40.) Book: None. I dont read much
41.) Color: Purple
42.) Flower: Asian bleeding-heart
44.) Movie: Wall-E, Megamind, Home Alone, Samurai X, Interstella 5555
45.) Tv show: Deadliest Warrior, RuPauls Drag Race, Jamie at Home
46.) Subject: -
IN THE PAST YEAR I...
47.) [ ] Acted crazy in school
48.) [x] Celebrated New Years
49.) [ ] I got majorly bullied
50.) [ ] I broke an arm/leg
51.) [ ] My dog(s) / My cat(s) / Other pet(s) died
52.) [ ] Got a crossbow for hunting
53.) [ ] Cried myself to sleep about bullies
54.) [x] Saw the police
55.) [x] Done something you've Regretted
56.) [ ] Broke a Promise
57.) [x] Kept a Secret
58.) [x] Pretended To Be Happy
59.) [ ] Met Someone Who Changed Your Life
60.) [ ] Puked first day of school
61.) [x] Stayed locked in your room
62.) [ ] Tried something you normally wouldn't like, and liked it.
63.) [x] Cried Over The Silliest Things
64.) [ ] Ran the mile
65.) [x] Died inside
66.) [ ] Fainted
RIGHT NOW:
67.) Eating: No
68.) Drinking: No
69.) Getting Ready To: Getting mentally ready for an economy meeting. It's not going well
70.) Listening/watching: Listening to music
71.) Plans For Tomorrow/Today: No plans
72.) Waiting For: Time to pass?
YOUR FUTURE:
73.) Want Kids: Maybe, I think so
74.) Want To Get Married: I'm engaged so, yes
75.) Careers in mind: None at the moment
WHICH IS BETTER ON A GUY/GIRL?:
76.) Lips or Eyes: Lips
77.) Shorter or Taller: Either
78.) Romantic or Spontaneous: Spontaneously romantic
79.) Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: Both are equally good
80.) Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive
81.) Hook-up Or Relationship: Relationship
82.) Troublemaker or Hesitant: Hesitant to make trouble?
HAVE YOU EVER:
83.) Lost Glasses/Contacts: `Just this christmas I lost my glasses
84.) Ran Away From Home: No
85.) Held A Weapon, For Self Defense: No
86.) Killed Somebody: Oh god no!
87.) Broken Someone's Heart: I do not know. If it has happened, I have done so without knowing
88.) Been Arrested: Nope
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90.) Yourself: No
91.) Miracles: Not really
92.) Love at First Sight: I think so
93.) Heaven: No
94.) Santa Claus: No
96.) Magic: I would want to believe in it, but I can't
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97.) Someone you wanna be with right now?: My fiancée
98.) Are You Seriously Happy With Where You Are, In Life: Not yet
1.) Real Name: Love
2.) Nicknames: Savie, Hunnie, Gumman, "Du där" (By strangers :P )
3.) Zodiac Sign: Leo
4.) Male or Female: In a way both...but female
5.) Elementary School: Started in a school in the big city, moved in the middle of it, so to a smalltown school after that.
6.) Middle School: Same smalltown, different school, equally sucky
7.) High school: Huge city school, was okay but at the sametime not.
8.) Hair color: Blonde, Darker blonde, Purple, Teal, Blue, Green.
9.) Long or Short: Neither
10.) Loud or Quiet: Quiet...maybe too quitet
11.) Sweats or Jeans: Sort of neither
12.) Phone or Camera: Phone
13.) Health Freak: No
14.) Drink or Smoke: Almost no. Only drink a few glass in a year
15.) Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Nah
16.) Sexual Preference: Bisexual
17.) Piercings: Nope
18.) Tattoos: Nope
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN:
19.) Airplane: Yep
20.) Car Accident: Unfortuneatly yes.....I really liked that car
21.) Fist Fight: Nevahr
FIRSTS:
22.) First Piercing: None yet. Might get in the future
23.) First Best Friend: This guy Alexander that I went to elementary school with. we met up every day after school.
24.) First Instrument played: Flute
25.) First Award: Swimming competition
26.) First Crush: Her name was Anna, went to the same preschool and elementary as me.
27.) First Language: Swedish
28.) First Big Vacation: Family went to the Netherlands when I was small
LASTS:
29.) Last Person you talked to: The nurse at the healthcenter that stole my blood
30.) Last Person You Texted: My fiancée
31.) Last Person You Watched: Here on FA, FuzzAmorous
32.) Last Food You Ate: A piece of candy, or a chicken burrito yesterday evening
33.) Last Movie You Watched: Makkhi (Oh god that movie was weird)
34.) Last Song You Listened To: U2 - Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me
35.) Last Thing You Bought: Four cartons of milk
36.) Last Person You Hugged: Zolah and Sukeile in a grouphug
FAVORITES:
37.) Food: Sushi, Meatballs and taters, Burgers, Tacos, Noodle Wok, and much more, I love food
38.) Drink: Milk, Soda, Carbonated water
39.) Clothing: Hoodie and pants, or nothing at all
40.) Book: None. I dont read much
41.) Color: Purple
42.) Flower: Asian bleeding-heart
44.) Movie: Wall-E, Megamind, Home Alone, Samurai X, Interstella 5555
45.) Tv show: Deadliest Warrior, RuPauls Drag Race, Jamie at Home
46.) Subject: -
IN THE PAST YEAR I...
47.) [ ] Acted crazy in school
48.) [x] Celebrated New Years
49.) [ ] I got majorly bullied
50.) [ ] I broke an arm/leg
51.) [ ] My dog(s) / My cat(s) / Other pet(s) died
52.) [ ] Got a crossbow for hunting
53.) [ ] Cried myself to sleep about bullies
54.) [x] Saw the police
55.) [x] Done something you've Regretted
56.) [ ] Broke a Promise
57.) [x] Kept a Secret
58.) [x] Pretended To Be Happy
59.) [ ] Met Someone Who Changed Your Life
60.) [ ] Puked first day of school
61.) [x] Stayed locked in your room
62.) [ ] Tried something you normally wouldn't like, and liked it.
63.) [x] Cried Over The Silliest Things
64.) [ ] Ran the mile
65.) [x] Died inside
66.) [ ] Fainted
RIGHT NOW:
67.) Eating: No
68.) Drinking: No
69.) Getting Ready To: Getting mentally ready for an economy meeting. It's not going well
70.) Listening/watching: Listening to music
71.) Plans For Tomorrow/Today: No plans
72.) Waiting For: Time to pass?
YOUR FUTURE:
73.) Want Kids: Maybe, I think so
74.) Want To Get Married: I'm engaged so, yes
75.) Careers in mind: None at the moment
WHICH IS BETTER ON A GUY/GIRL?:
76.) Lips or Eyes: Lips
77.) Shorter or Taller: Either
78.) Romantic or Spontaneous: Spontaneously romantic
79.) Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: Both are equally good
80.) Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive
81.) Hook-up Or Relationship: Relationship
82.) Troublemaker or Hesitant: Hesitant to make trouble?
HAVE YOU EVER:
83.) Lost Glasses/Contacts: `Just this christmas I lost my glasses
84.) Ran Away From Home: No
85.) Held A Weapon, For Self Defense: No
86.) Killed Somebody: Oh god no!
87.) Broken Someone's Heart: I do not know. If it has happened, I have done so without knowing
88.) Been Arrested: Nope
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90.) Yourself: No
91.) Miracles: Not really
92.) Love at First Sight: I think so
93.) Heaven: No
94.) Santa Claus: No
96.) Magic: I would want to believe in it, but I can't
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97.) Someone you wanna be with right now?: My fiancée
98.) Are You Seriously Happy With Where You Are, In Life: Not yet
Why health!? Why you do this to me!?!?
Posted 8 years agoBlech!
So after being badly sick for a week some three weeks ago, I've gone and gotten sick again.
It suuuuucks!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09LTT0xwdfw
So after being badly sick for a week some three weeks ago, I've gone and gotten sick again.
It suuuuucks!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09LTT0xwdfw
Why I'm not showing signs of life
Posted 8 years agoHello my lovelies~
(I noticed after finishing writing this journal that it went all over the place and became quite confusing. I do apologise about that)
So what you guys have maybe noticed is that I have not done any kinds of updates here in a looooong time. No arts, no journal, barely contactable via other means like skype or steam and such.
So the reasons for this: This christmas me and my fiancée traveled down to the other side of the country where I have my all of my blood related family and my old friends. Both to spend the holidays with them, but more so for me to bring them some big news.
As some of you know, I have a few years ahead of me consisting on several kinds of gender reassignment treatments that will start any week now. I'm just waiting for the hospital to call me in to get started. Anyways, this is not something that I had come out to my family about yet for several reasons, one being that it is not the kind of news that you break to people over the phone in my mind, one other being that...I have simply been truly scared to come out to them.
I have grown up in a family where you didnt talk to eachother about things that were wrong, pretty much the same things with the circles of friends I had. Some examples, my mother knew nothing about the psychological abuse that me and my brother had to endure from our stepdad at the time, this was from the age of 6 to the age of 14. She got to hear some of it after I had turned 24 or something like that. She got the full story about it some year later after she got to read my medical journal after a examination of my neurological and mental health. The same for the rest of the family (Except for my brother). Though I'm realising that I'm ranting at the moment, sorry for that.
What I wanted to get to is that throughout my life I have had psychological problems of various kinds and no help to deal with this, no one to open up to, no one to talk to, no one to help me understand why I had the thoughts that I had. I have always have since before my teens had problems with myself and my selfimage and selfworth. I started to dislike who I was more and more, hate the way I looked, my body, my everything. I started to shy away from photographs cause I hated to see myself in them. I had often reacurring thoughts about how it would be like if I was born a girl instead and such. But these thought were locked back inside. There were after all no one to talk to about it, no one that talked about those kind of feeling, no one that educated about it. Sex-education in school did not cover anything like this...hell, they barely even touched the subject of homosexuallity. So how would you learn about transexuallity and gender dysphoria? One just had to deal with it, "you were born as a boy so that is what you are", kind of like that.
Sorry...ranting again.
So what happened thid christmas was that since I was about to start meeting doctors about the gender reassignment treatments, I needed to come out to everyone about how things were and what will happen in my life. My friends, my younger siblings, my dad...they all took it really well, no problems and so much support was given. Then...enter my mother and grandmother...let's just say that they didnt take it as well. Since the family way was to look away from problems, this to them came as a chock, like lightning from clear sky. According to them this couldnt be happening, how could this be the truth? The hadnt seen any signs of me being transsexual, and they thought that the psychiatric care needed to help me rediscover and come to terms with my masculinity, basically that I needed to be made to feel like a man again. "Maybe if you loose some of that overweight that you have, you would feel more comfortable with yourself again"...that was only one of the really stupid things that was said that evening. Next day, it was like nothing had happened, like they were in total denial about it all. And nothing was mentioned about it again during our visit. Afterwards, I didnt hear from my mother for about a month...I still havent heard from my grandmother.
Months before this even happened I had started falling back down into the land of depression. This visit was like a kick to the back pushing me over the edge sending me falling into the dark abyss. Dark thoughts took over once again, thoughts of selfloathing, the thought of selfdamaging behaviour, the thoughts of not wanting to exist. I was taken in for emergency medical treatment to help me get back on my feet again. i have not really recovered from it still and still cower away from social interactions more often then not. Social interaction over the internet taking the biggest blow. I think I could describe it as I'm almost scared of it. Like, if I start to talk to people, can I keep the conversation up, or will I just dissapoint people. I know that I dissapoint more by not trying to keep in touch, it just doesnt work.
So yeah...that was that about that.
(I noticed after finishing writing this journal that it went all over the place and became quite confusing. I do apologise about that)
So what you guys have maybe noticed is that I have not done any kinds of updates here in a looooong time. No arts, no journal, barely contactable via other means like skype or steam and such.
So the reasons for this: This christmas me and my fiancée traveled down to the other side of the country where I have my all of my blood related family and my old friends. Both to spend the holidays with them, but more so for me to bring them some big news.
As some of you know, I have a few years ahead of me consisting on several kinds of gender reassignment treatments that will start any week now. I'm just waiting for the hospital to call me in to get started. Anyways, this is not something that I had come out to my family about yet for several reasons, one being that it is not the kind of news that you break to people over the phone in my mind, one other being that...I have simply been truly scared to come out to them.
I have grown up in a family where you didnt talk to eachother about things that were wrong, pretty much the same things with the circles of friends I had. Some examples, my mother knew nothing about the psychological abuse that me and my brother had to endure from our stepdad at the time, this was from the age of 6 to the age of 14. She got to hear some of it after I had turned 24 or something like that. She got the full story about it some year later after she got to read my medical journal after a examination of my neurological and mental health. The same for the rest of the family (Except for my brother). Though I'm realising that I'm ranting at the moment, sorry for that.
What I wanted to get to is that throughout my life I have had psychological problems of various kinds and no help to deal with this, no one to open up to, no one to talk to, no one to help me understand why I had the thoughts that I had. I have always have since before my teens had problems with myself and my selfimage and selfworth. I started to dislike who I was more and more, hate the way I looked, my body, my everything. I started to shy away from photographs cause I hated to see myself in them. I had often reacurring thoughts about how it would be like if I was born a girl instead and such. But these thought were locked back inside. There were after all no one to talk to about it, no one that talked about those kind of feeling, no one that educated about it. Sex-education in school did not cover anything like this...hell, they barely even touched the subject of homosexuallity. So how would you learn about transexuallity and gender dysphoria? One just had to deal with it, "you were born as a boy so that is what you are", kind of like that.
Sorry...ranting again.
So what happened thid christmas was that since I was about to start meeting doctors about the gender reassignment treatments, I needed to come out to everyone about how things were and what will happen in my life. My friends, my younger siblings, my dad...they all took it really well, no problems and so much support was given. Then...enter my mother and grandmother...let's just say that they didnt take it as well. Since the family way was to look away from problems, this to them came as a chock, like lightning from clear sky. According to them this couldnt be happening, how could this be the truth? The hadnt seen any signs of me being transsexual, and they thought that the psychiatric care needed to help me rediscover and come to terms with my masculinity, basically that I needed to be made to feel like a man again. "Maybe if you loose some of that overweight that you have, you would feel more comfortable with yourself again"...that was only one of the really stupid things that was said that evening. Next day, it was like nothing had happened, like they were in total denial about it all. And nothing was mentioned about it again during our visit. Afterwards, I didnt hear from my mother for about a month...I still havent heard from my grandmother.
Months before this even happened I had started falling back down into the land of depression. This visit was like a kick to the back pushing me over the edge sending me falling into the dark abyss. Dark thoughts took over once again, thoughts of selfloathing, the thought of selfdamaging behaviour, the thoughts of not wanting to exist. I was taken in for emergency medical treatment to help me get back on my feet again. i have not really recovered from it still and still cower away from social interactions more often then not. Social interaction over the internet taking the biggest blow. I think I could describe it as I'm almost scared of it. Like, if I start to talk to people, can I keep the conversation up, or will I just dissapoint people. I know that I dissapoint more by not trying to keep in touch, it just doesnt work.
So yeah...that was that about that.
Alternative sites of activity
Posted 9 years agoSo yeah. Like many others, my faith and trust in FA is starting to fall quite rapidly. It is a shame cause I really have been liking this site and all the people that I have gotten in contact with here. Not sure that it will be as easy to do that over at the other sites.
But anyway...I have a Weasyl account since quite some time back that I am posting up my arts at. It's going slowly so far.
Here is the link for that: https://www.weasyl.com/~saviena
I also opened up a account this morning at FurryNetwork. Not sure about that site yet, but many are moving there it seems.
And a link for that: https://beta.furrynetwork.com/saviena/
I'm not sure what other places I can go as of now so those two are the ones.
And this here doesn not mean that I am going away from FA. There are too many good friends here for that.
But anyway...I have a Weasyl account since quite some time back that I am posting up my arts at. It's going slowly so far.
Here is the link for that: https://www.weasyl.com/~saviena
I also opened up a account this morning at FurryNetwork. Not sure about that site yet, but many are moving there it seems.
And a link for that: https://beta.furrynetwork.com/saviena/
I'm not sure what other places I can go as of now so those two are the ones.
And this here doesn not mean that I am going away from FA. There are too many good friends here for that.
Things are moving towards the better (Finally)
Posted 9 years agoI'm just going to use this journal to write off some stuff that has happened over the few months.
I have been really inactive here since the depression hit me the last time after new years. But the time that I got help then we just had to let the doctors know how everything was, put all cards on the table so to speak. So I finally was able to open up about my transexuallity to other people then my closest friends and people here. Since then things have taken the first steps towards change. This friday I got to meet with a psychologist for a first evaluation of the issue at hand. The result of that evaluation turned out really good and they will send a referral to the gender specialist center for another evaluation. If that goes well too, then...well...I will no longer have to be trapped with the gender that feels wrong, I will be able to be more right so to speak.
Now when I look back at my life, all those little things and the curiosity that can be seen as not generic, even such a thing that when I play videogames and have the chance to choose gender of the character, I have always chosen the opposite ov my biological, "because it feels mor right and like me". And that is a thing that I have felt basically all my life. And the last years here I have not been able to really drop the feelings and thought that I'm not as I should be and this transition that most certainly will happen (and hopefully sooner then later) will make my life so much better.
And so far, everyone that has gotten to know this have been so happy and supportive of it, and this has made me so happy and given me so much confidence. I'm not even sure if I would be writing this journal here if it wasnt for my dear dear friends.
I have been really inactive here since the depression hit me the last time after new years. But the time that I got help then we just had to let the doctors know how everything was, put all cards on the table so to speak. So I finally was able to open up about my transexuallity to other people then my closest friends and people here. Since then things have taken the first steps towards change. This friday I got to meet with a psychologist for a first evaluation of the issue at hand. The result of that evaluation turned out really good and they will send a referral to the gender specialist center for another evaluation. If that goes well too, then...well...I will no longer have to be trapped with the gender that feels wrong, I will be able to be more right so to speak.
Now when I look back at my life, all those little things and the curiosity that can be seen as not generic, even such a thing that when I play videogames and have the chance to choose gender of the character, I have always chosen the opposite ov my biological, "because it feels mor right and like me". And that is a thing that I have felt basically all my life. And the last years here I have not been able to really drop the feelings and thought that I'm not as I should be and this transition that most certainly will happen (and hopefully sooner then later) will make my life so much better.
And so far, everyone that has gotten to know this have been so happy and supportive of it, and this has made me so happy and given me so much confidence. I'm not even sure if I would be writing this journal here if it wasnt for my dear dear friends.
Still alive and breathing. Sorry for absence.
Posted 9 years agoSo it's been several weeks since ive done anything to be active here on FA (And the same for skype). So for you guys and gals that have any contact with me and have messaged me over the last weeks. I can only say that I'm very sorry that I havent gotten back to you. I'm just having alot of my mind that is quite complicated and hard for me to control, and it's giving me quite the bad social anxiety and I just feel that I want to crawl under a rock somewhere and dissapear for a while. And to say the stupid line "It's not your fault, it's mine.", but seriously, I dont like any of you any less then before, and it's just me that cant handle social interactions now.
Once again, sorry everyone.
Once again, sorry everyone.
Want tentacles? Then come this way~
Posted 9 years agoFriend of mine 
Uhvue wants to experiment with tentacles and is looking for victi...I mean, test sub...I mean, volunteers for said art.
They are PWYW minimum $10
Link here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7413555/
Uhvue wants to experiment with tentacles and is looking for victi...I mean, test sub...I mean, volunteers for said art.They are PWYW minimum $10
Link here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7413555/
Thanks for a lovely evening~
Posted 9 years agoJust got back home from the neighbouring town where we were at the premiere of the movie formerly known as Zootopia (Thought the name Zootopia sounded better then Zootropolis)
I just thought the movie was absolutely amazing. So many good laughs was had, the characters was just so loveable, and everything was basically perfect.
So thank you Zolah, Validuz, DontFapGirl, Jajna and Wyldstorm for sharing this evening with me~
I just thought the movie was absolutely amazing. So many good laughs was had, the characters was just so loveable, and everything was basically perfect.
So thank you Zolah, Validuz, DontFapGirl, Jajna and Wyldstorm for sharing this evening with me~
Lols, so close...again O.O
Posted 9 years agoI'm starting to wonder if the different watcher pots has some kind of limit, and if even there are watcher pots.
Cause for the third time, I have been at the magic number of 99 viewers. Then suddenly "A wild Watchers has appeared" celegratory battlemusic starts. I rush over look att the watchers in my jar...but...but...there is still 99. "Nooo, I was so close...again!!!" She screams, the viewer achivement ripped out of my arms...again.
So this odd thing has happened to me 3 times in a row. So either people unwatch me and an other one watch me very close upon eachother. Or my theory that they have jars for all this, and my jars capacitly is at 99, any more and someone else randomly falls out xD
But now it's late o clock in the night/morning. So off to bed! *Poofs away*
Cause for the third time, I have been at the magic number of 99 viewers. Then suddenly "A wild Watchers has appeared" celegratory battlemusic starts. I rush over look att the watchers in my jar...but...but...there is still 99. "Nooo, I was so close...again!!!" She screams, the viewer achivement ripped out of my arms...again.
So this odd thing has happened to me 3 times in a row. So either people unwatch me and an other one watch me very close upon eachother. Or my theory that they have jars for all this, and my jars capacitly is at 99, any more and someone else randomly falls out xD
But now it's late o clock in the night/morning. So off to bed! *Poofs away*
What the frick is wrong with me?!?
Posted 9 years agoLately I have been feeling like my concentration and memory had been getting worse and worse. And this morning it reached dangerous and could have become life threatening levels.
I was getting a bit hungry and thought "Hey, I'll cook up a packet of noodles". It's a good light snack when you dont have breakfast materials at home. So while that was heating up, I went into the living room, sat down and started to think away on how to continue on with my recent sewing project. I figured out how to proceed and sat down by the sewingmachine, not a single thought about the noodles on the stove. Some time later, 20-30 minutes or so, my project was complete. I tried it on, made sure everything was as supposed to be. Then a thought came to me, "Hmm, I'm a bit hungry. I should do something about it". So I made my way towards the kitchen and when I opened the door from the livingroom, I found a hallway and kitchen covered in thick smoke. And the only thing that went through my head was "Fuck!!!".
Luckily for me it had not gone to the point of any actual fire, so just filling up the pot with water ended the danger. But wow, do I feel like an idiot....and I kinda feel like I don't want to touch the kitchen again for quite some time, cause similar things with the oven and some pizzas at different moments have happened aswell.
I was getting a bit hungry and thought "Hey, I'll cook up a packet of noodles". It's a good light snack when you dont have breakfast materials at home. So while that was heating up, I went into the living room, sat down and started to think away on how to continue on with my recent sewing project. I figured out how to proceed and sat down by the sewingmachine, not a single thought about the noodles on the stove. Some time later, 20-30 minutes or so, my project was complete. I tried it on, made sure everything was as supposed to be. Then a thought came to me, "Hmm, I'm a bit hungry. I should do something about it". So I made my way towards the kitchen and when I opened the door from the livingroom, I found a hallway and kitchen covered in thick smoke. And the only thing that went through my head was "Fuck!!!".
Luckily for me it had not gone to the point of any actual fire, so just filling up the pot with water ended the danger. But wow, do I feel like an idiot....and I kinda feel like I don't want to touch the kitchen again for quite some time, cause similar things with the oven and some pizzas at different moments have happened aswell.
New Icon~ Yay~
Posted 10 years agoSuper cute icons was made for me and Zolah by 
Doripapaya
Thank you so much Dori~
DoripapayaThank you so much Dori~
Sleep deprevation and worries rant....
Posted 10 years agoTo be honest, I'm not sure why I'm writing a journal about this. It just felt like a good thing to do to keep me awake.
So I'm awake for the third night in a row tonight, First night was that I just couldnt sleep. Last night I had to stay up to be the doggie watch. This night, my precious little Dizzy is still not doing allright. Tonight is more calm though, I'm not about to panic or break down and cry like last night. Last night was purely awfull. I was so scared that she would be worse than she is, I barely knew what to do, or where to go.
So what is it that is wrong you might ask? Well, last evening I was away with a group of my friends, working on a 3d printer project together. And so I had to leave the dog at home for a few hours, no big deal really...or so I thought. When we got home later we found out that she had gotten into the garbage and gotten ahold of the leftover bones from the spareribs we had for dinner. So for those of you that dont know, cooked pork bones can do basically the same as chickenbones and shatter into sharp pieces. And since I've heard all different kinds of stories about it, all the way from "Everything went just fine" to "We needed to put the dog down", I started to freak out more and more the more the night progressed.
I called the vet in the morning when they opened and asked what we were going to do. And since everything seems to be fine now more then 24 hours later, it will most certainly stay that way. Even though it's allright, I still need to stay up to make sure that I can take her out every time that she needs to.
So now I'm just sitting here trying to come up with stuff to do so I can stay awake. Might maybe try to draw a bit, finish up some old thing I have laying around.
So I'm awake for the third night in a row tonight, First night was that I just couldnt sleep. Last night I had to stay up to be the doggie watch. This night, my precious little Dizzy is still not doing allright. Tonight is more calm though, I'm not about to panic or break down and cry like last night. Last night was purely awfull. I was so scared that she would be worse than she is, I barely knew what to do, or where to go.
So what is it that is wrong you might ask? Well, last evening I was away with a group of my friends, working on a 3d printer project together. And so I had to leave the dog at home for a few hours, no big deal really...or so I thought. When we got home later we found out that she had gotten into the garbage and gotten ahold of the leftover bones from the spareribs we had for dinner. So for those of you that dont know, cooked pork bones can do basically the same as chickenbones and shatter into sharp pieces. And since I've heard all different kinds of stories about it, all the way from "Everything went just fine" to "We needed to put the dog down", I started to freak out more and more the more the night progressed.
I called the vet in the morning when they opened and asked what we were going to do. And since everything seems to be fine now more then 24 hours later, it will most certainly stay that way. Even though it's allright, I still need to stay up to make sure that I can take her out every time that she needs to.
So now I'm just sitting here trying to come up with stuff to do so I can stay awake. Might maybe try to draw a bit, finish up some old thing I have laying around.
So, christmas...and stuff
Posted 10 years agoHello everyone~
So cristmas for us over here in Sweden is just over. I do really hope that you who celebrate it with us on the 24:th had a really great time and that it was filled with smiles and laughter and food and presents and all that other that comes with it. And for you crazy folks that celebrate on the 25th, yes I'm looking at you Mr.Murica, I wish you all the bestest of christmas and that you will have all the same that I hope that the ones that already celebrated had. (That became a weird sentence, I know)
So, me, Zolah and a bunch of friends from our artist chatgroup on skype, were doing a secret santa thing. We got a person at random and then we were to make a picture for him/her. Well everyone in it did such a good job on their images and I do so hope that everyone was happy with their present. I do hope that we'll make another secret santa next year.
On a sidenote now, I'm so very close now to getting 100 veiwers (As I write this the counter lays on 99) And as a sort of celebration or something, I (with much help of my lovely fiancée) will be holding a raffle. To explain the base idea of the image, two of you people will be invited by Savie to a "roast dinner". You get it~? "Roast"...as in...naah, you'll see when it comes~ x3
Sidenote two: The other raffle that was held a while back is close to done. So for you that is waiting to see it, it will show up quite soon I think.
For you that dont want to read, here's a short version: X-mas...Yay! Gifts...Yay! Raffle...Yay! =p
So cristmas for us over here in Sweden is just over. I do really hope that you who celebrate it with us on the 24:th had a really great time and that it was filled with smiles and laughter and food and presents and all that other that comes with it. And for you crazy folks that celebrate on the 25th, yes I'm looking at you Mr.Murica, I wish you all the bestest of christmas and that you will have all the same that I hope that the ones that already celebrated had. (That became a weird sentence, I know)
So, me, Zolah and a bunch of friends from our artist chatgroup on skype, were doing a secret santa thing. We got a person at random and then we were to make a picture for him/her. Well everyone in it did such a good job on their images and I do so hope that everyone was happy with their present. I do hope that we'll make another secret santa next year.
On a sidenote now, I'm so very close now to getting 100 veiwers (As I write this the counter lays on 99) And as a sort of celebration or something, I (with much help of my lovely fiancée) will be holding a raffle. To explain the base idea of the image, two of you people will be invited by Savie to a "roast dinner". You get it~? "Roast"...as in...naah, you'll see when it comes~ x3
Sidenote two: The other raffle that was held a while back is close to done. So for you that is waiting to see it, it will show up quite soon I think.
For you that dont want to read, here's a short version: X-mas...Yay! Gifts...Yay! Raffle...Yay! =p
Lend me your peener raffle ending soon
Posted 10 years agoI am closing the entries for the raffle in about two hours at 18:00 gmt+1 (Sweden time)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18393953/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18393953/
Would you be interested in some hardcore Deathclaw sexyness?
Posted 10 years agoMy fiancé is having a special sale to be able to buy Fallout 4 cause finances are a bit short.
See more in the link
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18199550/
See more in the link
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18199550/
WATCHER APPRECIATION RAFFLE (Planning stage)
Posted 10 years agoSo guys and gals, ladies and gentlemen, genitals and ladymen!
I have in my plans to arrange a watcher raffle when/if I reach 100 watchers. And with that maybe comming up in the hopefully near future, I'd like to check with all you lovely people what kind of raffle you think I should set up.
Should it be an win a night with Saviena ych kind of thing? Have multiple slots? What theme? If nsfw what fetish/fetishes would you like to see?
Every persons input on this would help me alot in planning this, so I thank you all beforehand for reading and answering~
I have in my plans to arrange a watcher raffle when/if I reach 100 watchers. And with that maybe comming up in the hopefully near future, I'd like to check with all you lovely people what kind of raffle you think I should set up.
Should it be an win a night with Saviena ych kind of thing? Have multiple slots? What theme? If nsfw what fetish/fetishes would you like to see?
Every persons input on this would help me alot in planning this, so I thank you all beforehand for reading and answering~
Artist meme thingamajiggers~ Cause everyone else is doing it
Posted 10 years agoI'm boooooored and feeling sick...so let's go pass some of my time and do what everyone and their mother have been doing recently and tell you guys about myself with premade topics.
Basics
Name: Love
Nickname: Saviena, Savie, Patchoui, Patches
Location: Nothern Sweden
Age: 27
Height: 177cm
Zodiac sign: Regular zodiac is Leo, chinese zodiac sign is dragon
Pets: One dog (Dizzy), two cats (Terror and Yasmine), one snake (Bartolomeus III of Ytterboda), and a pack of rats.
Favorite thing about yourself: I'm a really fast learner. If interested enough that is.
Worst habit: I~ gotta make things right~ Make it the way it's supposed to be~ It's my OCD~ (Quote from the song "My OCD" by Rhett and Link) =3
Fun fact: My name is actually what it says up above, but not pronounced like you would think. And everyone I know that has english as native language just can't learn pronounce it right. :P
Identity, Sexuality & Personality
Gender identity: Female
Sexual preference: Anything goes...sort of...
Romantic preference: Female, but open to males
"Kinsey Scale" score: 4
Relationship status: Engaged to
Zolah
Myers/Briggs type: ISTJ/ISFJ
Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw or maybe Hufflepuff...but the hat is the one to give the final placement
Routine
"Early Bird" or "Night Owl": Usually I'm a night owl. Though at the moment I can't say I'm either
First thought in the morning: DONT WANNA!!!
Last thought before falling asleep at night: Finally sweet sweet sleep...
School/Work
Do you work or are you a student: Work
What do you do well: Hesitate and and get indecisive. I'm really good at that...unfortuneatly.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: Hopefully I'll have a better job, better life standards, and free from depressions and moodswings.
Habits (Do you…?)
Drink: Very very seldom, and only if it tastes good.
Smoke: Nope, never, nuh-uh, NEJ!
Do Drugs: No way! Not a snowballs chance in hell that I would ever start or even try
Exercise: Not on my spare time. My work gives me some excersice
Have a go-to comfort food: For a quick comfort food fix it usually turns out to be burgers.
Have a nervous habit: Fine motoric hyperactivity starts to show really well.
What is your favorite…?
Physical quality (in yourself): I like my hair
In Others: I'm a sucker for nice curves and a friendly face
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): I'm a nice person, even if I don't want to be.
Food: Chicken marinated in soysauce then flour battered and fried, with some nice fluffy thai sticky rice on the side. I could eat that everyday of every week~
Drink: Milk
Animal: Reptiles
Colors: Purple, magenta and green
Artist/Band/Group: Rhapsody of fire
Author/Poet: I read way too little to answer that
Actor/Actress: There are just too many! Gaaahh!
Blogger: Don't read blogs
Basics
Name: Love
Nickname: Saviena, Savie, Patchoui, Patches
Location: Nothern Sweden
Age: 27
Height: 177cm
Zodiac sign: Regular zodiac is Leo, chinese zodiac sign is dragon
Pets: One dog (Dizzy), two cats (Terror and Yasmine), one snake (Bartolomeus III of Ytterboda), and a pack of rats.
Favorite thing about yourself: I'm a really fast learner. If interested enough that is.
Worst habit: I~ gotta make things right~ Make it the way it's supposed to be~ It's my OCD~ (Quote from the song "My OCD" by Rhett and Link) =3
Fun fact: My name is actually what it says up above, but not pronounced like you would think. And everyone I know that has english as native language just can't learn pronounce it right. :P
Identity, Sexuality & Personality
Gender identity: Female
Sexual preference: Anything goes...sort of...
Romantic preference: Female, but open to males
"Kinsey Scale" score: 4
Relationship status: Engaged to
ZolahMyers/Briggs type: ISTJ/ISFJ
Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw or maybe Hufflepuff...but the hat is the one to give the final placement
Routine
"Early Bird" or "Night Owl": Usually I'm a night owl. Though at the moment I can't say I'm either
First thought in the morning: DONT WANNA!!!
Last thought before falling asleep at night: Finally sweet sweet sleep...
School/Work
Do you work or are you a student: Work
What do you do well: Hesitate and and get indecisive. I'm really good at that...unfortuneatly.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: Hopefully I'll have a better job, better life standards, and free from depressions and moodswings.
Habits (Do you…?)
Drink: Very very seldom, and only if it tastes good.
Smoke: Nope, never, nuh-uh, NEJ!
Do Drugs: No way! Not a snowballs chance in hell that I would ever start or even try
Exercise: Not on my spare time. My work gives me some excersice
Have a go-to comfort food: For a quick comfort food fix it usually turns out to be burgers.
Have a nervous habit: Fine motoric hyperactivity starts to show really well.
What is your favorite…?
Physical quality (in yourself): I like my hair
In Others: I'm a sucker for nice curves and a friendly face
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): I'm a nice person, even if I don't want to be.
Food: Chicken marinated in soysauce then flour battered and fried, with some nice fluffy thai sticky rice on the side. I could eat that everyday of every week~
Drink: Milk
Animal: Reptiles
Colors: Purple, magenta and green
Artist/Band/Group: Rhapsody of fire
Author/Poet: I read way too little to answer that
Actor/Actress: There are just too many! Gaaahh!
Blogger: Don't read blogs
Vacation over. Back to the same old....w-wait a minute...
Posted 10 years agoSo yesterday was the last day of my cross-country vaccation. Though it's not going back to the same routine as before. See, I quit my job before I went for the long drive through Sweden, and today I'm starting up a new employment. So I'm a bit exited about that, but a buttload of nervousness struck me and made is so I couldn't sleep last night, and when I got to work my supervisor was late. So I was close to having a panic attack since I thought I was at the wrong place, or maybe that I had got the time wrong and the allready started, or that the sun was about to explode so there was no workday. What can I say...you don't think logically when you panic. ^^"
But so far everything has gone allright. Though my fear of people leaves me sitting alone in the corner of the breakroom writing this here instead of actually trying to get to know my co-workers. I wish strangers weren't so darn scary... >.>
On a different note. I really need to scan the pictures of my OC Lily that was made for me at Nordsken (Grand gaming convention) over a month ago.
And on a slightly different note from that. There should be more people from the furry community at events like that. It would be sooo fun to meet new furry friends =3Annivarsary!!!!!
Posted 10 years agoToday we have been celebrating Zolah and my fifth annivarsary off being together with eachother.
We have been having a nice time, eating cake, had dinner with newly smoked salmon and shrimps, we drove around and watched the nature, went down to the sea.
It was just a beautiful and lovely day.
No one makes me happier then you Zo and I look forward to seeing our ten-year annivarsary come by in a while <3Life update and a request for opinions
Posted 10 years agoSo yeah, don't you guys sometimes feel that the best you do is not good enough and as soon as something actually goes wrong you are deemed to be a horrible human being?
The thing that is is that half a year ago I got an employment at my current workplace after a half year long internship. This whole year I have been forced to hear the same things over and over again, "Everything that you do and the way you work is just perfect and we have no complaints with it...BUUUUT...you have quite a few sickdays every now and then."
So let me explaing a little to why this is a problem to hear. Ever since I was a kid, I've had problems with my psychological health, these problems got worse about 4 years ago and since then I've gone through periods of moderate to deep depressions where I've felt everything from "Meh, nothing is good so why care..." all the way to "I have nothing to live for, I should just end it all".
My employer knew all of this when I got hired and my doctor was asked to officially define about the risks with me and what they can expect can happen sometimes, that being that I will have more sickdays then the average person. What else with this is that my work supervisor constantly preach about how I have to take responsibilities for my work and how, I quote, "You should seriously consider if this is a job you can handle".
And all this stress and preassure that the put on me is just getting too much when I constantly feel that no matter what I do I don't get the respect that I deserve and is looked down on because I have my problems. So what I'm trying to get to here is that my job is not going to be my job for much longer now as I'm going to quit as soon as I'm reasured that my economy can handle me quiting to find a new one.
So at this point I really feel that I'm pretty much worthless for anyone to hire me, but the pain I get from staying is not worth it as it's pretty much ruining everything else in my life.
There! Enough ranting and self pittying!
So to get to the other point with this journal. I want to ask you guys for some opinions about my sona Saviena. I'm starting to feel that I have a need for some change in her design and wanted to ask what others think is good/bad about her design and also thought on what I could change or add to make her better.
So if you have some thoughts about it, pleaase do share them with me~
The thing that is is that half a year ago I got an employment at my current workplace after a half year long internship. This whole year I have been forced to hear the same things over and over again, "Everything that you do and the way you work is just perfect and we have no complaints with it...BUUUUT...you have quite a few sickdays every now and then."
So let me explaing a little to why this is a problem to hear. Ever since I was a kid, I've had problems with my psychological health, these problems got worse about 4 years ago and since then I've gone through periods of moderate to deep depressions where I've felt everything from "Meh, nothing is good so why care..." all the way to "I have nothing to live for, I should just end it all".
My employer knew all of this when I got hired and my doctor was asked to officially define about the risks with me and what they can expect can happen sometimes, that being that I will have more sickdays then the average person. What else with this is that my work supervisor constantly preach about how I have to take responsibilities for my work and how, I quote, "You should seriously consider if this is a job you can handle".
And all this stress and preassure that the put on me is just getting too much when I constantly feel that no matter what I do I don't get the respect that I deserve and is looked down on because I have my problems. So what I'm trying to get to here is that my job is not going to be my job for much longer now as I'm going to quit as soon as I'm reasured that my economy can handle me quiting to find a new one.
So at this point I really feel that I'm pretty much worthless for anyone to hire me, but the pain I get from staying is not worth it as it's pretty much ruining everything else in my life.
There! Enough ranting and self pittying!
So to get to the other point with this journal. I want to ask you guys for some opinions about my sona Saviena. I'm starting to feel that I have a need for some change in her design and wanted to ask what others think is good/bad about her design and also thought on what I could change or add to make her better.
So if you have some thoughts about it, pleaase do share them with me~
BDSM test thingamajig, cause...why not?
Posted 11 years agoWoooh! Jumping on the current meme-train~
I'm not sure that I'm all that surprised about the result. Though some brought a few questionmarks to my head.
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
85% Bondage Receiver
80% Experimentalist
63% Girl/Boy
60% Bondage Giver
58% Masochist
56% Brat
54% Submissive
49% Slave
44% Primal (Prey)
37% Brat Tamer
29% Daddy/Mommy
29% Dominant
29% Switch
25% Vanilla
23% Primal (Predator)
20% Voyeur
15% All-Rounder
9% Non-monogamist
4% Degradation Receiver
4% Exhibitionist
4% Sadist
0% Degradation Giver
0% Master/Mistress
0% Pervert
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=60265
I'm not sure that I'm all that surprised about the result. Though some brought a few questionmarks to my head.
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
85% Bondage Receiver
80% Experimentalist
63% Girl/Boy
60% Bondage Giver
58% Masochist
56% Brat
54% Submissive
49% Slave
44% Primal (Prey)
37% Brat Tamer
29% Daddy/Mommy
29% Dominant
29% Switch
25% Vanilla
23% Primal (Predator)
20% Voyeur
15% All-Rounder
9% Non-monogamist
4% Degradation Receiver
4% Exhibitionist
4% Sadist
0% Degradation Giver
0% Master/Mistress
0% Pervert
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=60265
I'm afraid of 21 out of 72 fears
Posted 11 years agoHavent done any of these things before and when I saw this one I thought "Eh, why not...?".
[x] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
Total so far: 4
[x] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] girlfriends/boyfriend's dad
[ ] girlfriends/boyfriend's mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
Total so far: 7
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[ ] falling
[x] clown
[x] dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
Total so far: 14
[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
Total so far: 19
[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets
Total: 21
If you wish to post this journal, it's been requested that you title it, "I'm afraid of __ out of 72 fears"
if you get more than 30, I highly suggest counseling
if you get more than 20, you're paranoid
if you get 10-20, you're normal.
*if you get 1-9, you're difficult to frighten.
*If you get 0, you're fearless.
Sooo...I guess i'm scared of quite many things. I'm not that surprised to be honest.
*Is a scaredy little draggy*
[x] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
Total so far: 4
[x] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] girlfriends/boyfriend's dad
[ ] girlfriends/boyfriend's mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
Total so far: 7
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[ ] falling
[x] clown
[x] dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
Total so far: 14
[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
Total so far: 19
[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets
Total: 21
If you wish to post this journal, it's been requested that you title it, "I'm afraid of __ out of 72 fears"
if you get more than 30, I highly suggest counseling
if you get more than 20, you're paranoid
if you get 10-20, you're normal.
*if you get 1-9, you're difficult to frighten.
*If you get 0, you're fearless.
Sooo...I guess i'm scared of quite many things. I'm not that surprised to be honest.
*Is a scaredy little draggy*
