I do adult stuff now here

 zhu

Also gonna do more concept art there too. It's become my main account combining my kinky life and real life interests.

I'm out of depression. I'm a new baby sorta in life, so things will be done, even though it will be slow. I believe in myself. I can do this.

Just a little update:

I've been battling sever depression for the past 3-4 years. I accepted a lot of commissions and I fell pretty deep. I didn't want to refund you guys because I would rather pay you with good art than money.

For those of you that have given me money without a complete product, feel free to note me, comment here. Let me know what's up. I owe you guys for your patience.

Right now I'm sketching 3 drawings a day traditionally. I'm teaching myself how to draw with discipline, not on fringe bursts that end up burning me out.

Animation school fucked me up. But that's no excuse to go silent.

I'm severely sorry for that.

Please, forgive me.

I will be there with  Stigmata in our own Dealer's Table! I'll be selling on-site sharpie commissions and off-site ones too! More details to come!

My mom is going to buy me a new laptop this week. This is like a gift from the heavens. So much is going to change from this! I'll be able to stream now without my laptop exploding. I can run multiple programs at once. I can save bigger files, meaning higher quality paintings. I don't have to wait minutes at a time to load a program. My work life is going to become so much easier from this.

To provide context, my current laptop is a 2007 MacBook Pro. It's grimy, scratched, warped in some places. I have a green streak of pixels running vertically through the middle of my laptop. The metal has corroded in two spots where I place my wrists. My battery lasts less than 5 minutes. It holds 120 GB, which is not much anymore. Just enough to run my programs, hold my music, and a few light Steam games. I have to clean out my files once every month to make sure it doesn't fill up. I have to usually close everything down and leave only one program open at a time. It's extortion.

I'm very excited to work. I've been taking Lorezepam to curb my anxiety attacks. I can focus now, no longer mulling 20 thoughts into my head at once. For the first time in a while, I feel like my old self is returning. I have a huge mountain of work though. It's going to take time. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to beat this, even if it takes a long time. I'm done regretting.

I'm going to try streaming again when I get my laptop. I'm thinking of using join.me for painting stuff, and Livestream for animation work, with Skype as a floor to chat with people off or in stream efficiently. I have a lot of ideas of how to manage my social online life and work life concurrently. Schedules are falling in to place, my sleep cycles are normalizing. I found out how to function with my depression.

As far as commissions go, I have a big pile of them I'm going over right now. Progress is slow, but it's being made. If I forgot about you, note me, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If you want one, I can arrange something, but I need to get my work done. I can't commit any promises just yet.

This is just the beginning. I'm excited to be back.

Note here for commissions:  Vet

Okay guys, I'm open for commissions. I'm going to get as much shit done as I can and add it to my pool of examples.

In due time, I'll make a submission file to illustrate what you'll be getting for your money. Right now I'm in a pinch, and just go through with this dry. Gotta pay that rent!


Busts - $30

Vet
Clementine
Cubi



Full Body - $50

Enydimon
Revan
Vet



+ Painted BG - $30

Fumon - [ROUGH]
Felix



These are kind of rough ideas of what I'll do. My expectations is they will all be in color, painted, and rendered nicely. If you pay extra for a background, I will make sure your character is composed in a really nice way, with a lot of thought put into the layout of the background painting. Some special effects can be worked in depending on how hard it is to draw. When I start finishing more commissions, I'll post them up here in F.A. and reference those as my examples. I will begin working on them immediately. Anyone who needs it urgently may leave me a note to see the progress of my commission.

If you want one, or have questions, leave a comment. I'll note you my Pay Pal when we get it all in order.

Please spread this journal around. Right now I have no cap as to how many folks want to commission me, and I'll be working at least 4 hours a day after my rent has been paid.

I have around $20 in my bank account to live off of, and I'm a month behind in rent ($325).

I have a review to see if I'm eligible to graduate in Wednesday. I don't know if I can prepare for that if I have to worry about supplying enough money for myself to eat food.

I'm going to update some old commissions as soon as possible. Then I'm going to open up for more via  Vet and here, to get the word going.

I need your guys' help.

I texted V and T about how I felt, and they apologized. Most of all I got to assert how they made me feel. They're buying me dinner tomorrow and we're playing the Wonderful 101 multi player. I'm making Choco-Flan today as my Birthday Cake.

I'm better now. I think we're cool.

All I wanted was to be acknowledged. I didn't want to be invisible. I think that's a fair request. So today I'm going back to work, and going to emotionally recover how I felt yesterday.

I had a pretty poop Birth Day.

Long story short, I went out of my way for my room mate's needs, when I assert my own they don't acknowledge them or they push for what they want more, until I give into what they want.

I spent $30 on a Birthday gift to one of my room mates today, he won $144 in the tournament and is not planning to share it.



I wanted to bake desserts, they wanted to play card games.

I wanted to eat a nice sit down meal, they wanted Sub Way.

I wanted to play The Wonderful 101, but instead I got smashed in You Don't Know Jack.



Gotta split the costs of $300 for moving my room mate's furniture into the apartment after driving there and back for 11 hours to give him a hand, because of the traveling costs. When it's his furniture. That we don't keep.


Next time, I'll do what I want, even if it means I do it alone.


I was really depressed and on the verge of crying, but I let out some steam with some trustworthy friends, and these feelings will pass. I gotta take something from this experience and improve myself and how to assert my wants and needs.

Shower me with hugs, presents, drawings, or love! Even a kind word would mean the world to me!


Updates:

Doing comissions tomorrow. I want to finish them up! I'm taking 20 units this semester. I'm also making a video game, on top of moving in and managing money.

Yesterday I rode and drove in a car and truck to pick up my room mate's furniture from Vegas. We drove back on the same day!

Today I'm in the middle of the Theros Pre-Release from Magic: The Gathering. I'm picking up pizza for the people playing right now. After that I'll be baking Lemon Squares and Choco Flan. Then I might squeeze in homework drawing, commissions , or fancy myself to playing The Wonderful 101.

Next weekend I'm driving to Sacramento for my birthday with family and also going to a dentist's appointment to schedule the removal of my wisdom teeth.

Really busy times! I'm so sorry for not updating as much! I will super soon. Sorry for all the waiting.

P.S. I'm typing this on my phone. Too nuts! My internet also was shut down for a bit but it's back up, if that explains my absence. I'm also broke after all the apartment bills and deposits. Being an adult with money makes me appreciate my blessings much more.

The apartment is finally clean. Also, yesterday the gal, S, was going to take out the modem so we wouldn't have internet until September 17th in the apartment, but I convinced her to keep it until I get rid of it with the new installation.

I need to tie up a few loose ends with the apartment, and then I'll be able to work much more on everything I need to get done. As time goes on, the space I'm living in is becoming more conducive for a healthy working environment. I'm going to take inspiration from  Stigmata's place and print out all my artistic inspirations and put them up on the wall.

That said, time to catch up on work! I'm going to finish commissions finally, get ready for school, and overall try to do as much as I can with the time I have.

If I keep this up, this is going to be one of the best recovery periods from my depression I'll ever have.


Thank you  whatinsomnia for talking to me so much on Skype about art related things and being overall such a huge emotional boost. Thanks to  Soba for the continuous support in telling me I'm worth it, in almost every journal. It means the world to me that you reassure me that my art is as valuable as you say it is. Thanks  nievelion for also commenting frequently on my journals with really nice long advice to help me feel better. Finally  Stigmata I'll call you. You know how fucking awesome you are.

I needed a break from being online. I've been going through a lot over the past month, dealing with a ton of literal garbage in the apartment, to trying to catch up working on the game which has gone in a full halt because I haven't been making new art for it. Right now my apartment and getting ready for school as well as financial troubles have been consuming my life. Family has also been contributing to this, such as the weekend where I went to the Dodger's game, helicopter ride, and Hearst castle, to driving to Modesto and back from Valencia to visit art friends like  Analon  cybill  djmixer :TimothyBH:  voln and more. Analon even flew in from Sweden!

The drive there and back has left me super broke for paying rent and tuition fees. I have to churn out the commissions when I get a working table and chairs, since this gal, S, as I'll call her, has picked all the furnishings she had for the apartment.

That, and the internet and electricity needs to be carried over to my ownership, or rather my room mates since I have no money. I might have no internet for a while if it's not installed soon, or even electricity in the apartment if nothing is done. On Tuesday, the landlord is going to be coming in to check for any damages and messes, of which I will mainly be responsible for, since the three girls who lived in the apartment previously have treated it like their storage pig-sty. (I even have photos of the evidence.)

It's nuts.

Too nuts. ( Ke can testify)




I'm going to finish the commissions once my life has stabilized. An upside is I pilfered a Cintiq from my friend for $60 after winning a bidding war between friends. It's going to be fantastic!

That, and I've been getting frequent phone calls from  Stigmata as well as online pep talks from  Bloodshot23,  Knuxlight,  toulouse, and more who have been giving me huge emotional boosts and coaching for my overall betterment as an artist.

Good things are happening. I'm rebuilding a lot of necessary emotional foundations to prepare myself for this last year of school before I graduate, as well as finishing my first professional job with you guys who bought my art.


Thank you so much for your patience, and I'm sorry for the silence!

My mouse wasn't able to click into anything, meaning I could only communicate with my stream people via Note Pad, and consequently couldn't draw. After shutting it down, turning it on, and shutting it down a few times, I've gotten my laptop back up to speed. I took a small break to play through a "Day" of Pikmin 3, then get back to work. I'm really sorry for those of you that came and saw very little, but I definitely appreciate your time and feedback. I always have so much fun seeing familiar and old faces all the like. I think my laptop is just getting old. I have plans to get a new one, and hopefully I can earn some auxiliary money over the next few months by kicking myself into gear with commissions or get a job.





In terms of current commissions think I've gotten most of the thumbnails done, so I'll be able to dispatch them tonight to everyone who has bought an Anthro Con commission.


COMMISSIONS:


Highlighter Sketches:

-  Cloak789 - [Thumbnails - NOT DONE]

-  aerys - [Thumbnails - NOT DONE]




Bust Commissions:

-  absolutenecessity - [COMMISSON - DONE]

-  Serizel - [Thumbnails - DONE]

- Literally Kanye West - [Thumbnails - DONE]

- Barks Internally [Thumbnails - NOT DONE]




Full Body Commisions:

-  anuv - [Thumbnails - DONE]

-  Fumon - [Thumbnails - DONE]




Painted:

-  krhainos - [Sketch - DONE]





If there are any concerns you guys have, please e-mail me at veter-n[at]live.com or drop me a note!

I lost my iPhone yesterday I think, my 3DS XL two weeks ago, and possibly my DS Lite, if the guy who I lent it to doesn't come back to California.

That put me in an uber slump today, like this nasty void inside of me. But now I'm better because I played Skyrim, slept, talked to my programmer (and room mate) about the game development for three hours, figuring out the structure of the game and story, then played cooperative Pikmin 3 with my room mate.

Now I feel better.


I have some plans for tonight/tomorrow to get a lot of work done for the game, and for commissions and portfolio work, which I'm very excited to do.

My life in general has been getting better and better. I'm figuring myself out. I'm taking the rest I need to recover mentally. I'm accepting certain truths about myself to make sure I can get the most out of my life. Above all, I'm accepting that I am more important alive than non-existent. I feel important to you guys, and the constant acknowledgement and compliments have only helped me more.

Thanks for that. Truly!

Front row seats to the Dodgers game yesterday, about to ride a helicopter today, kayaking tomorrow, and Hearst Castle/Pismo Beach Monday.


Thank you awesome parents! Wow. Holy shit.

I was planning to come home yesterday and get a lot of commission work out of the way, but my flight was delayed to tomorrow in the morning. I apparently came to my flight too late this morning despite showing them I'm on time with my ticket and phone, and was put on a later flight. I arrive at home at 6:50 P.M. in L.A.X. (Pacific Time).

Then my room mate drives me back home cor an hour.

Also there's a robotic voice from the empty walk-way informing me: "Caution: The moving walk-way is empty." Every twenty seconds. I'm going to put my headphones on and drown in Animal Crossing and sketches during the meantime.


Sorry for the wait guys. I'm getting my shit together I hope.




Questions:

- How do you cope with delays and little sleep?

- What are must haves for you to bring on any trip away from home?

- What would you name a cute, super ninja kitten that dry heaves for attention? Stigmata and I wanted it to be named Michaela, but his wife would rather her be named "Teen Spawn", since she is opposed to human names.

Here's the list of commissions I owe to people in Anthro Con 2013. If I've missed anything, or if you want me to add your username up on the list, please comment here!





Highlighter Sketches:

-  Cloak789

-  aerys



Bust Commissions:

-  absolutenecessity

-  Serizel

- Literally Kanye West

- Barks Internally




Full Body Commisions:

-  anuv

-  Fumon





Painted:

-  krhainos




Again, please let me know if this information sounds correct! If not, feel free to correct me. Anyone that wanted to commission me or talked to me at Anthro Con 2013 may still get their commissions at its discounted price!




Questions:

- What would you love a vendor to do with you when you see them at their table?

- Have you ever experienced anything that you wished could be improved upon with someone vending art?

- How would you like to be handled if the vendor is short on time and either has to decline an idea or has to shoo you away?

I'm hanging with Stigmata at his place until I leave for the airport in an hour or so. I'll be updating you folks on my Anthro Convention 2013 experience, along with listing all of the work I have to do for the people that commissioned me in the Artist's Alley table. To those of you waiting for commissions, thank you for your patience, and I'll be sure to tackle all of the busts, full bodies, and highlighter sketches as soon as possible!


Also, thank you for meeting with me, talking with me, and taking a general interest in my art. To all the new watchers, I expect to have a most consistent amount of work put up in this gallery. Welcome, and thanks for dropping by!





Questions:


- Did you go to Anthro Con 2013? If so, how was your experience?

- For those of you that did not, how was your week/weekend? Did you do anything that was of importance to you?

- What are some past experiences of yours that have inspired you immensely artistically?

I'm apparently making plans to go to my first Anthro Convention! Right now I'm making plans to stay with Stigmata July 2nd in Ohio, then drive up to the convention center on Thursday.

I will be potentially rooming with:

 stigmata toulouse bloodshot23 serizel knuxlight


I'm planning to leave on Monday morning/afternoon to catch my evening plane to head back to Los Angeles, then drive back home to Valencia, California. Pre-registration ends today, but I need to make hasty plans to get a dealer's table (which is probably sold out), or at least share one for the sake of my parents who will graciously be supporting my finances. Despite the funding, I really want to ease the cushion for the airplane tickets.

The round trip will be worth around $650! That's ludicrous! That, and about $100 for the room, $40 for airport parking, $50 - 150 for registration, uncovered food expenses.

It'll be a total of around $1,000. It's going to be a lot! So here's what I'm going to lay down for now:





[COMMISSION INFO]


BUSTS

Rough - $5

Inks - $10

Shaded - $20

Painted - $30



FULL BODY

Rough - $10

Inks - $20

Shaded - $30

Painted - $60



+ BACKGROUND

Rough - $5

Inks - $10

Shaded - $20

Painted - #30




[HOW TO GET ONE]

- For now, comment on this journal. If I respond, I'll ask you to note me your idea, and we'll try to work something out.

- Image reference not needed, but will be preferred for accuracy.

- An adequate description of what you want in your commission and a basic character personality description will always help!




[PAYMENT]

Being I have a shady track record with my commissions, I don't want to hold your money hostage.

I'll only ask for a money deposit (first half of payment) after you have chosen your favorite idea out of a batch of thumbnails I'll draw for you during the concept phase.

I'll respond to you via note with my PayPal account initially for you to keep track of. If I don't, I'll gladly send it to you again.




[CONTACT]

I have a full list of messenger usernames in my front page in addition to noting me if you want to reach me. I'm usually offline, but I am fastidious when I'm around and am able to talk to you one on one:


AIM - Veter_N
Yahoo - Veter_N
MSN - veter-n[at]live.com

Skype - Veter-N




I hope the slots fill up! After a little while of commissioning, I'll put up a full on example and commission page in my gallery to illustrate the type of quality you'll be receiving. For now, this is uncharted territory!





Questions:


- Ever been to a convention before?
- Have you ever been to Anthro Con before? If so, what is some good advice to give to me, being that I'm a rookie?
- Dealer's table suggestions or tips?
- If you're financially tight, how do you make ends meet with something you want to do very badly?

So I'm back in Sacramento for a little bit. It's been the first time I've ever driven over 5 hours in one go, which feels absolutely nuts. Tomorrow I'm going to wash my car, try to get its brakes fixed, renew my prescriptions, use my online receipt of my permanent residency renewal to lower the price of my summer school tuition, play Zelda: Oracle of Seasons, draw D & D stuff, and animate/stream while talking to you guys on Skype.


Also, I have a 3DS XL with Swap Note and Colors! 3D.

If you send me a friend request, I'll doodle you a fanart.

1246 - 8711 - 1124

My laptop streams at a really low resolution, and the audio I have on there is super fucked up, sadly. I spent a good hour or so on the stream trying to get things sorted out, but to no avail.

I think I might stick with join.me for drawing, perhaps, even though I know a lot of awesome artists set their streams up on Livestream. Maybe I can work out a bit of both here and there. If I get good enough to get back into finishing my commissions, I can buy myself a domain name for my join.me account. It will be $13 a month though, so I hope I can cover those expenses.


I don't know, what do you guys think with your experiences on my stream?

For those of you that did come, man, you guys are the best. I had such a good time with all of you. You're so bomb.

I got the internship! It's a week long, unpaid, and I'm doing backgrounds. It sounds shady since I'm not being paid, and the guy isn't an official studio, but hey, it's getting me out of my depression, it's a week long, and it'll show up on my resume.


So click here! Come join me in the process of working on backgrounds.

https://join.me/674-734-781


I will also be working on some animation work and do any tutorials for you guys during my breaks. Feel free to pop in at any time, I'll answer any questions you have hopefully!

I think I may have snagged an internship with this guy who works with James Franco.

I have also made a good amount of progress on the platforming game I was listed under, I drove an hour and a half on the L.A. network of freeways and back to meet the programmer/director of the game in Riverside and back. He schooled me in Smash Bros. Melee. I loved every bit of it, he's at tournament level right now. He was so flashy I couldn't even believe it, and he taught me some of the coolest techniques I would've never even known. Then I got into digital painting and drawing with my Copics for the first time in months. He loved the process, and we even worked on a really shitty run cycle, which he was then able to implement into the engine.

Yesterday I went into a sealed tournament for Magic: The Gathering's Dragon's Maze pre-release. I lost two games, won two games. The rares I got didn't contribute to my deck at all. It was semi grueling having to use and sift through the good commons to make a viable deck when competing against people that got all the stacked rares. I don't think I got any money rares either.

Then I went to another sealed event where it was called 2 heads, 1 body. My room mate got paired up with his friend, even though I would have loved to pair with him. I got paired with a random guy who uh, wasn't very synergetic with me. He wanted me to slap in all my money rares into my deck, and even though I knew it wouldn't inhibit my deck's function I did so for the hell of it, and we won 1 and lost 2 games. Again, I got rares that didn't contribute to my deck, sadly. 11 hours of playing cards, and it was a pretty bad experience. It was just luck based though with the cards, so it's not too too bad, I couldn't help it myself.

My roomie gave me his booster pack that he won with his bud in 3rd place, and I got a card I wanted at the end of the day. Good stuff! I still feel a little bummed, but overall I'm doing much better.

I'm going to fail most, if not all of my classes. I'm okay with that. Beating my depression is more important to me, I'm taking it one step at a time.







Questions:


- Ever played a game with certain expectations that weren't met? How do you handle that stress?

- What are you guys doing over the summer? How is school going for you?

- Would you guys be interesting in seeing me stream my animation and painting concepts?

I got a driver's license on Friday. I have a car now too. That means I can drive wherever I please with only gas money to limit me. This has relieved a huge amount of stress from me. I'm taking the things that have given me so much pain and working through them. One of them was cutting myself off from someone who was important to me but was causing me a lot of psychological harm. I'm starting to move on! I'm starting to see a little bit of progress in myself. I think I can get back on. I think I can come out of this.

Also, Disasterpeace's FZ: Side of F has been helping me immensely with pumping me up. I've been watching lots of speed runs and trying to set myself up in a comfortable working spot where I can inspire myself to make games and films.




Questions:

- If you had a car and free time, (and money) where would you go? Who would you see? What would you do?

- What types of music do you like? I lean more on ambient chiptune music, or 80s music with distinguished snares and synths. Or relatively easy listening like Imogen Heap, Enya, etc.

- Have you ever fallen so behind on something that you've dropped it and moved on?

- Have you ever cut yourself off from someone you cared for, and how has that gone if so?

Today is the first day in a very, very long time where I suddenly have the feeling of wanting to do things. I want to do work, and am in the positive mindset to feel good about doing it. We'll see how that turns out! I'm very excited about this!